


Your Last Breath

by VLCari



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, ylb, your last breath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-09 08:28:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 100
Words: 137,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VLCari/pseuds/VLCari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo falls ill after years of smoking, and is slowly wasting away. As Izaya observes from afar, he can't help but worry for his enemy. But is it from a desire to not lose his play toy? Or because of a fondness for the blonde he never knew he had?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Irritation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loonytwin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loonytwin/gifts).



> Kinkmeme Prompt: Shizuo/Izaya - sick!Shizuo, worried!Izaya
> 
> Shizuo gets sick from all those cigarettes he smokes (because we all know he goes through at least a pack a day from stress) and Izaya (though he won't admit it to himself) is worried about him (because they're totally in love).
> 
> Bonus for Shinra and Celty finally getting him to admit everything.
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> This is my first fic posted on here. It also happens to be one of my more popular fics over at Fanfiction.net. I decided to start off with something I'm proud of. Hopefully you enjoy as well. As I post, I might edit as I go along so there might be some differences from the version on FF.Net
> 
> Warnings: There are explicit sexual scenes not appropriate for all ages. There are also scenes of violence, but that's to be expected with a Shizaya fic. There is also a lot of cursing; once again, it's kind of expected in a Shizaya fic.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit…"

The same chant kept spewing from the blond debt collectors mouth as he clenched and unclenched his fists. Head low, eyes glued to the ground, Shizuo focused on anything other than that trembling excuse of a man he just had to deal with.

He could still hear Tom attempting to reason with the bastard who was trying to weasel his way out of payment. God, Shizuo hated those types of people. The type who lied, and cheated, and scammed to raise themselves up. Only to try and slip out of the problems they have caused. They just radiated an ignorance Shizuo couldn't stand. He grit his teeth and dug his heel into the ground, pushing his blue tinted sunglasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Fucking bastard…" he grumbled as he pulled out a cigarette from his chest pocket, slipping the stick into his mouth. He snarled and kicked a rock across the pavement as he flicked his lighter. The flame shot out angrily, lighting the end of the cigarette in a flash. In a way, it resembled the blond's temper.

Sudden. Hot. Angry.

Shizuo leaned against a wall, letting his head fall against the cold bricks as he took a deep drag. The soothing nicotine instantly flowed through him, calming his nerves as he let the world dissolve away. Closing his honey colored eyes, he released the smoke from his mouth slowly, imagining that he was also blowing away his rage.

"Hey Shizuo."

He glanced over, seeing his boss and longtime friend, Tom, coming back from the rundown apartment he had just broken the door down to.

"Yeah?"

Tom shrugged, gesturing over toward the broken door. "He paid up. It's all good now." Shizuo nodded in understanding, taking another drag. "Hey, you alright?" Tom asked as he stepped beside Shizuo, tapping the slight bulge in his pocket where the cigarettes were. "You've been smoking those a lot more lately."

"Huh? Oh yeah, just stress. I'm fine," Shizuo assured, smiling a bit as he blew out another puff of smoke before holding the cigarette loosely between his index and middle finger. "Do we have another job?"

"No, not today. Mr. Ohayashi was the last for the day."

"Ah, cool."

Shizuo sniffed, coughing a bit at the tickle in his throat. Tom raised his brow, but Shizuo just shook his head, covering his mouth with his fist as he started to walk towards Sunshine 60. He knew Tom worried about his habit, but there was really nothing to fuss about. He never got sick. His immune system was superb, according to Shinra who had done more tests than Shizuo felt comfortable with. He had to admit, the cigarettes calmed him down after a stressing day of work. He absentmindedly lifted his hand to his mouth, puffing at the cigarette as he stared ahead, keeping his gaze above the crowd. He licked his lips when he smelled something lingering in the air. Something other than his cologne and tobacco.

Something he really disliked.

"Hey Tom."

"Yeah?"

"You smell that?"

Tom stopped, sniffing the air slightly, and shook his head. "Nah, you sure you smell something?"

"Positive."

Shizuo stood up taller, his head easily going over the crowd as he looked around. A tight knot formed in his gut as the smell grew stronger. It wasn't exactly an odor per say. It was more like the essence of something. Something that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Now he remembered where he smelled it.

It was that sense of arrogance again. The type that emanated from shitty people who always dug themselves into something they shouldn't. Like that bastard he and Tom had to deal with. He grit his teeth and growled, biting into the filter of the cigarette that still stuck between his teeth. He took in a rushed breathe, needing another puff of tobacco to calm him down. He really didn't need to get into another fight with someone picked off the street, just because they seemed arrogant.

That's when he saw it; a flash of tan fur, the tips of raven colored hair, and the glint of devious carmine eyes.

"Iiiizaaayyyyaaaaaa….."

He spat out his cigarette, stepping on it roughly with his foot, grinding it into the dirt. Tom stiffened next to him, grabbing his shoulder to stop him, but the beast within Shizuo was already set off. His stormed through the crowd, heading toward the person he hated most with clenched fists.

 


	2. Arc 1: The Chase Begins

In Ikeburkuro, the streets are always bustling with people who work in the underground. Hidden amongst the naïve and innocent, gang members lurk in the darkest corners, plotting their next scheme.

Deep in one of the many alleyways, two people stood in the shadows. Two men; one a high school student, and the other a young man. The taller of the two smirked deviously, leaning against the dirty brick wall. Hands deep in his pockets, Izaya thumbed the dull edge of his blade as he and the blond boy in front of him stared each other down.

"I'm not going to help you," Kida growled as he clenched his fists next to him. His almond colored eyes narrowed as Izaya chuckled lowly under his breathe and pushed away from the wall, bending closer to the high school student.

"I still think that the price I've offered is more than enough to convince you," Izaya whispered into Kida's ear. Kida flinched as he could practically feel Izaya's smirk. Izaya snickered when Kida didn't react. He turned away, trailing the tip of his finger along Kida's jaw. A shiver ran down the blond's spine and he swallowed thickly as Izaya continued to walk away, his red eye gleaming. "Keep in touch. I'll give you more details later."

With a huff, Kida turned and dashed out of the alley, racing as fast as he could. He panted heavily as he weaved his way through the busy streets, dodging and ignoring every flash of yellow he saw on his way. He didn't want to go back to that life. But…he didn't want to be sucked into his life either.

However, none of Kida's concerns and worries mattered to Izaya. The informant knew that Kida would come back to him in time.

He stepped out of the alley, merging back into the flow of people. He smiled happily, taking a deep breath as he briskly walked at the same pace of his beloved humans. Being among them brought him a thrill nothing else could give him. He longed to get deeper in their heads, to understand what makes each one tick. They were all unique and different. It was stimulating.

He hopped his way across the crosswalk, stepping lightly on each thick white stripe as he hummed a small tune. Nothing could ruin this day.

Except a trashcan slamming a few feet in front of him, barely missing his face. He stopped to a halt, smirking with sinister glee as he glanced to his left in the direction of the projectile.

As predictable as ever, Shizuo was storming his way through the crowd, pushing people out of the way while muttering something under his breathe. Izaya stepped back, gripping the handle of his blade firmly; Shizuo broke through the crowd, standing at the edge of the crosswalk - safely away from any passing cars. Izaya stood still in front of the trash can that was half buried into the concrete.

"Izaya!"

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo's eyes gleamed with rage and violence as a toothy grin grew on his face, his pupils dilating as he set his focus on the flea a few feet from him.

"I thought I told you to never step foot in 'Bukuro again, ha?" he growled, taking his glasses off and folding them into his vest. Izaya smirked and shrugged, eyes lidded coyly as he stared at Shizuo.

"I must have missed that memo."

Shizuo clenched his fists and growled. "Memo my ass. Just get the fuck out of here before I fucking rip that smile from your god damn face!"

Izaya giggled and licked his lips. "And what if I don't?"

"Like I said, fucking rip your fucking smile off, flea!" Shizuo yelled as he twitched at the sadistic and slightly erotic gesture Izaya just pulled. It made his stomach twist with sickness.

"Tsk-tsk, watch your language. We are near young children you know," Izaya sang as he motioned toward the crowd around them. He smirked wider, taking one step back. "You really need to watch that tongue of yours."

"Fuck. You," Shizuo growled under his breath, his eye twitching as he felt his blood pressure rising immensely by the second, his heart racing and palms sweating.

"Nah, I'm not really that into you," Izaya purred with a wink.

"FUCK YOU!" Shizuo roared as he burst into a sprint, leaping over the cars that tried to drive past. Izaya jolted with excitement as he turned around and bounded over the trash can, diving into the throng of people and running down the street.

 


	3. Kryptonite

Izaya could hear the grunts and growls of Shizuo on his tail, as he threatened to throw yet another large and heavy object his way. He laughed giddily as he hopped over a bench, hearing it splinter and snap as a street lamp landed where he just was. He landed on the balls of his feet, twisting around to throw a spare blade at Shizuo. The blade skimmed past Shizuo, cutting a thin line across his cheek. Izaya ducked away and ran backwards across the street.

He stumbled back as a car sped by, nearly knocking the informant off his feet. He chuckled a bit and used this time to catch his breath and watch Shizuo run right into traffic.

Shizuo's eyes widened as the loud honking of a car horn startled him from his blind rage. He dug his heels into the gravel, skidding to a halt as he saw the car fly past in front of him. He lurched back, stepping onto the sidewalk. He coughed and sputtered as dirt and gravel kicked up around him in a thick cloud. Izaya stopped and smirked, catching his breath as he watched the ex-bartender pant and cough.

He tried to get a breath in, but couldn't seem to get a fresh take of air. He coughed harder, doubling over as his body trembled from the intense hacking. He rested his hand on his knee as he bent over, using his first to beat at his chest to try and get some air.

 _"W-what the hell?"_ he thought as he struggled to breathe. His vision was growing spotty and he felt dizzy.

Izaya narrowed his eyes and watched as Shizuo continued to cough the entire length of the light. Tilting his head to the side slightly, he walked back across the street, coming closer to Shizuo. He kept a firm grip on his flick blade in case this was a trick, but he was just too damn curious. He just had to know what was going on.

"So, the almighty Shizu-chan is rendered immobile from a few coughs?" Izaya sneered, dropping partway onto his knees as he peered up at Shizuo. His gaze flickered along Shizuo's smooth features; features he has never been this close to see for a prolonged period of time.

Shizuo's face was tinted red from the immense coughing and wheezing, and his saccharine eyes were screwed shut in sharp pain. His blond hair, which looked much softer up close, stuck to his forehead as small beads of sweat dripped down.

He actually looked…

_Human._

"Tch…you actually resemble one of the creatures I love when you're like this," he grumbled as he ran his hands along the dirty ground, playing with the dust and gravel as it fell through the spaces in his fingers. "So weak and helpless…like a lamb in a lion’s den."

He frowned for a moment when Shizuo remained silent; no longer coughing, but still breathing shallowly.

"Tell me, do you feel weak right now, Shizu-chan? Confused and frightened. Can't even muster the strength to take me out when I'm right in front of your face?" he purred, mocking Shizuo with a grin. Izaya laughed mirthfully and tilted his head, his carmine eyes glinting. He dragged a finger roughly into the asphalt and pressed it to Shizuo's jaw, dragging it along his face to leave a dirty smudge on his sharp features.

"Haha! You can't even stop me from touching your face! How pathetic." The informant stood back up when Shizuo was unable to answer, still gasping for air, even though the dust had settled. The wind blew around them, giving Shizuo some relief when he was able to take in a decent amount of fresh air.

"Fucking…Flea…" he rasped as he looked up at Izaya, his eyes red and bleary and his throat raw and scratched.

Izaya smiled viciously and shrugged, chuckling to himself. "Not so strong are you? Hmm? Seems like all I have to do to get rid of you is make you choke on some dirt."

Izaya swung his arm around, flinging dirt into Shizuo's face; laughing hysterically when Shizuo covered his mouth and nose and started coughing hard. He heard a growl and saw Shizuo's bloodshot eyes before the blond lunged forward, reaching for Izaya.

The brunet spun around, dodging the attack. "Ahh Shizu-chan, since I'm feeling nice today, I'll let you slide this once. Besides, I want to kill you when you're showing your true monstrous colors. Not this sad excuse."

Shizuo howled Izaya's name as the informant disappeared down the alley, heading off to who knows where. The blond coughed some more, leaning up against the brick wall of store, staring at the darkening sky.

_"What's happening to me?"_

 


	4. Doctor's Orders

"Shinra, what's wrong with me?"

Shizuo sat on Shinra's couch, foot tapping impatiently as he played with the gauze that was stuck to his inner elbow. After his extreme coughing fit and sudden lightheadedness, he headed straight to Shinra's. He knew that Shinra would be able to figure out what was wrong.

He glanced up to see the underground doctor walking back toward the couch, a clipboard filled with notes and test results. A frustrated frown was on his face as he paced in front of Shizuo.

"Well, I'm not sure. You said that you didn't eat anything different the past few days? No change in diet or exercise?"

"Tch…if you consider chasing the Flea around Ikebukuro exercise, then no, nothing has changed," Shizuo responded gruffly, leaning back into the couch with his arms crossed. 'I bet you that damn flea has something to do with this…"

"What on earth makes you think that?"

"Because he always has something to do with it!" Shizuo groaned, flailing his arms in a frustrated manner as he ran a hand through his hair. "Every time something happens to me, he's behind it."

"The chances of him somehow being involved in whatever is ailing you is very unlikely," Shinra chuckled as he shook his head as Shizuo sneered and started tapping his foot in irritation. "Your tests came back fine. Your vitals are fine; blood pressure is good, blood results are normal, although your blood sugar is a little high. Might want to cut out the sweets a bit more. Your reflexes are spot on. Only thing that raised any alarm was your breathing," Shinra continued as he read over his test results.

"My breathing?"

Shinra nodded and sat next to Shizuo, dropping his clipboard onto the coffee table with a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"When I checked your heart beat, your breathing seemed a little ragged. There isn't anything wrong I can conclude though. It could just be a cold. This was your first bout of bad coughing?"

"Yeah. First time that ever happened."

Shinra nodded and stood back up, reaching into his pocket to grab a small pad of paper, scribbling on it quickly. "Alright. For now, I'm going to prescribe yo-"

"Prescribe? Shinra I don't need medications!" Shizuo argued, standing up and taking the gauze off his arm, seeing the small prick of blood that dried where his blood was drawn.

"Well obviously something _is_ wrong, Shizuo!" Shinra glared at him behind his spectacles and sighed when Shizuo just glared back, hovering over him. He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "Listen, it's nothing too drastic. Just something for allergies and colds. That might be all this is."

The ill blond nodded and grabbed the paper from Shinra as he finished writing the prescription drug.

"I'm going to have you come back in a week. If the meds don't help with the coughing and lightheadedness, I'll do a few more tests. Just watch what you eat and see if anything irritates your lungs. That's all I can do for now."

"Alright. Thanks Shinra," Shizuo said as he stretched to leave. He shoved the prescription in his pants pocket and pulled out a cigarette from his vest. He placed it in his lips when Shinra reached over and grabbed it.

"Hey!"

"Try to cut back on the smoking too. See if that helps," Shinra warned as he gave the cigarette back to Shizuo. With a pissed off grunt, Shizuo put the cigarette away, and sulked out of the apartment.

No smoking and medication.

This week was going to be hell.


	5. Melt

Six days.

Fourteen hours.

Thirty-seven minutes.

Ten seconds.

That's how much time has passed since Izaya last saw Shizuo Heiwajima on the streets of Ikebukuro.

The info broker languidly strolled along the lively streets of the city he loved. He could feel the pulse of life under his feet and the static of energy surrounding him. He smiled, feeling at ease as he kept his red gaze alert for any blond headed monsters lurking in the shadows.

But alas, he didn't feel the twinge in his head, or the rise of the hair on the back of his neck. None of the normal sensations he gets when he feels those warm honey eyes harden like amber in the sun as they bore into his back. The only thing making his skin crawl was the dense humid air surrounding him; the clouds threatening to unload themselves all upon this glorious city Izaya couldn't bear to be aware from.  
In a way, he missed Shizu-chan and his presence; the desire to run, the buzz from the chase, and the pleasure from the cuts, bruises, and scratches, not to mention the way Shizuo growled and screamed his name in a desperate rage, as the brunet slipped through the blond's fingers yet again.

Izaya sighed and flipped open his phone, glancing at the messages. None. It seemed like no one needed his information today.

He frowned and close it again, slipping it back into his pants pocket. He felt the hard handle of his blade against his hand through the fabric of his jacket.

Ahh, his trusty blade. The one thing that make him feel completely in control and fearless. Without this sharpened edge, hand carved handle, and deadly strike: Izaya Orihara would be nothing more than the average informant. Half of his deadly reputation would diminish to nothing but a rumor that couldn't be fulfilled.

Perhaps he was jealous of Shizuo for that reason. The monster was born with his strength and rage; his reputation was a part of his DNA: something that could never falter. It made Izaya sick thinking about it.  
He dropped into an alleyway, slinking into the shadows as he crawled under a fire escape and pulled his jacket close to him. A raindrop fell from the sky, landing on Izaya's nose. He narrowed his carmine eyes and pulled his hood over his head, concealing his face from the world around him. The dark and dismal world that kept him coming back for more.  
A few more drops, and soon the heavens were crying; blankets of rain fell upon the lively concrete jungle.

"Run humans…run for shelter," Izaya murmured to himself as he glanced down the length of the alley, watching as his precious objects of wonder and amusement ran for cover.

"They say water makes the wicked melt," Izaya sighed as he stepped out from the alley, and into the now empty streets. He tilted his head back, letting the rain fall on his face. His eyes closed, a small blissful smile on his face as the rain dripped along the porcelain skin, matting his fur trimmed hood and inky locks to his face.

"Look like I'm not so evil after all…"

Izaya spun in a circle, letting the hood fall back as the rain beat at his head. The water dripped down his hair, clinging to his face and clothes as he was soaked to the bone, a smirk sprawled across his face as he laughed toward the sky.

He giggled and stopped, staring at the puddle forming beneath his feet. His reflection stared back at him, wavering and rippling; masking his features from the world.

"Tell me Shizu-chan…does water make a monster like you melt?" He narrowed his eyes and stomped in the puddle, creating a splash that destroyed the reflection of his more human self. He hissed and frowned, clenching his fist. "Or are you…just like the rest of us…?"

 

 

***

 

 

Shizuo sighed as he exhaled, a long stream of smoke puffing in front of his face. He leaned against the windowsill, staring outside at the rain. The soft patter of the roof being pelted with water was the only background noise that reverberated in the small apartment.

Shizuo loved the rain. It was the only thing that didn't anger him. It was calm. Soothing.

Everything he wished he could be.

With another puff of his cigarette, he ground the end of his cigarette into the ashtray on the windowsill. He stood up, stretching as he walked toward his bedroom. It was dingy; not exactly picture perfect, but it had all the things he needed. A bed, a nightstand, a closet. The wallpaper wasn't ripping or anything, but it sure wasn't up to date. Didn't matter that much though, Shizuo didn't mind.

He cleared his throat, covering his mouth with his fist as the slight movement caused a chain reaction of pain. His body heaved and convulsed as rib rattling coughs coursed through him. He bent over, coughing harder as he struggled for another breathe. His body trembled slightly as the tremors faded, allowing him to take a shallow breathe to clear his head.

He groaned and got up, walking toward the mattress he had only got out of an hour prior. It was still messy, pillows half falling off the side, and the blankets strewn about.

With another shuddered cough, he fell onto his bed, lying flat on his back with his arms spread. He closed his eyes as he coughed pitifully, feeling the bed rock underneath him.

He wheezed and placed a pillow over his head as he tried to ignore the threats of another coughing spell.

_"Dammit, I can't hide this from Shinra…"_

Shizuo rolled over onto his side, hugging the pillow to his face as he reached for his phone. He flipped it open and sent a hasty text to Celty, asking if she could pick him up. He really didn't feel like walking all the way there.

Half a heartbeat later, the phone buzzed in his hand, making him jump a bit as he flipped it open and squinted into the light.

**[I'm on my way.]**

Grunting as he forced himself off the bed, the blond staggered to his closet to pull on something less casual. He slid off the navy blue track pants he had been sleeping in for two days straight, and pulled on some nicer jeans. He struggled with the zipper, finding it hard to get strength in his fingers. It struck a chord with him and made him worry a bit.

"Definitely something I'll have to tell Shinra."

Rather than finding a shirt, he just slipped on a decent jacket, and headed to the front door, where he knew Celty would be waiting for him.  
He stepped outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air. He felt it tickle his throat and felt his abs clench as his body prepared for another coughing attack. Swallowing thickly, he forced himself to hold it back, as Celty silently pulled up beside him.

"Hey," he grunted as Celty created a helmet made of her black essence, wrapping around his head. Shizuo climbed on, finding it hard to balance as she sped off. He felt himself slip a bit, and wrapped his arms around Celty's waist as he clung for balance.

Although she wasn't able to vocalize her questioning, he could feel it as her body tensed up for a bit. She glanced back, and Shizuo could see his weary reflection in her visor.

"I'm fine. Just a bit off balance."

She nodded and sped forward, weaving in between traffic to get back to Shinra's as fast as she could. It was easy to tell that Shizuo was still feeling under the weather and needed help.


	6. Compromise

"So, you're trying to tell me that you've been doing everything I said?"

"Yep."

"Have you been keeping the same diet?"

"Yes."

"No other allergies?"

"None."

"Have you been smoking?"

"No."

"…You're lying to me."

"Am not!"

"You always twiddle your thumbs when you lie, Shizuo!"

Shizuo grunted, crossing his arms as he glanced away. Damn Shinra for being so perceptive.

Shizuo was currently under interrogation, laying on Shinra's couch as if he was at therapy. In a sense, he was. He was sipping at some water and had a damp towel over his forehead to help soothe his fever.  
"Okay, okay, I've been smoking. Do you seriously think that had anything to do with this?"

"As a matter of fact, I do!" Shinra huffed as he tapped his foot with annoyance. "Come on Shizuo, you gotta kick that habit. If you don't, this…this whatever is going on will only get worse!"

"Guys, I'm totally fine…okay, not totally fine!" he added after Shinra and Celty glared at him. "What I mean is, I don't think smoking is the big problem. I probably just have some bug or something. I'm a monster anyway, like the flea says."

"Shizuo, you do realize smoking damages the lungs immensely, right?"

The blond shrugged. "I didn't do too well in biology."

"SHIZUO! Be reasonable! You know that smoking is bad!"

"It hasn't killed me off yet!"

"But it might!"

"I doubt that."

Shinra groaned and began to pace. Shizuo stood up, wobbling slightly as he regained his balance. Shizuo and Shinra bantered back and forth, both too bull headed and stubborn to admit defeat.

Celty stood between them, her helmet turning back and forth between the two men as she watched with worry. Multiple times, she tried to type a response to break up the fight, but was not able to interject before another argument started. It was becoming all too much.

**'ENOUGH!'**

Shinra and Shizuo could feel the intense energy radiating from the Celtic fairy’s body. They glanced at the headless rider as her black tendrils of essence constricted around them.

When they were silent, she lifted her PDA and shoved it in Shizuo's face, her hand trembling with worry and anger.

**[Shizuo, we're trying to help. We want you to get better. So please just listen to him. I know he's not the most reliable, but he only wants the best for you!]**

Shizuo sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his palm, shaking his head with defeat.

"Fine…I'll try to kick the habit," he groaned.

"Good!" Shinra said, a smile beaming on his face. He felt completely relieved that Shizuo was going to just listen and get better.

"But you know it's not gonna be easy for me. I've been smoking for a long time. It's one of the few things that keeps me calm. Especially when that louse comes around. How do you expect me to keep my cool when he's there and I have nothing to settle my nerves?"

"I know it won't be easy. That's why…" Shinra tapered off into silence. Shizuo narrowed his eyes and glared at him.

"What is it?"

"I think…that maybe you should have someone to watch over you…"

"YOU MEAN LIKE SOME SORT OF BABYSITTER?"

Shinra flinched and nodded. "Yes. In a sense. A babysitter. Someone that can tolerate you and your habit. Someone who won't back down just because you get angry."

Shizuo burst out laughing, holding his sides until he started coughing too much to continue. Celty urged him to sit back down on the couch, and dabbed the cloth on his head. He continued to cough a bit more, laughing in between as he sat next to her. She patted his back, handing him his glass of water as Shinra shook his head. Shizuo soon calmed down and looked back up with a grin, taking a sip of the cool refreshment.

"And who the hell will be able to handle me, ha? The only people who could possibly contain me is my brother - who is abroad at the moment - you two, and the louse!"

Celty tapped Shizuo's shoulder, making him look over as she quickly typed on her PDA, and held it up for him to read.

**[I can help you out for a while. I can't always be there because of work, but I can come to check on you every once in a while. You just need to tell me the truth with anything I ask. ]**

"Yeah, that sounds fine. But how would you know if I'm telling the truth? I could just lie about the whole thing you know," Shizuo questioned, glancing back at Shinra. The spectacled brunet shrugged.  
"We trust you Shizuo. You're a good guy, and not one to lie. Especially not to friends. We assume you'll do the right thing and talk to us."

The blond sighed, knowing that his generally good manners would turn on him one day. He nodded and got up, swaying a bit on his feet from fatigue.

"Alright, but first, I need some food. Enough water, I feel like I'm gonna topple over if I don't get something in me."


	7. Curiosity Killed the Socipath

After a nice meal Shinra had kindly offered, Shizuo walked down the partially empty streets of Ikebukuro, looking down at the piece of paper in his hand. This small tab brought back many nostalgic memories of his childhood. With all the times he was in the hospital and how many pills he had to take, he had grown used to the doctor’s scrawl that was nearly impossible to read.

Shinra had written a very crude doctors note, making sure to circle the prescribed medication in a thick red marker, so Shizuo couldn’t miss it. The blond huffed and shoved the prescription in his jeans pocket, as he quickened his pace.

 _“Go straight to the drug store and pick up the medication. And don’t you dare buy any cigarettes,”_ “Yeah, yeah Shinra, I got it,” Shizuo grumbled under his breath.

He shivered a bit and pulled his jacket closer around him. He coughed a bit in the cold, but managed to hold back a bit after the cough syrup Shinra had force him to drink. Celty offered to give him a ride to the pharmacy, but Shizuo kindly declined. He had been feeling weak and lethargic that past few days. He felt like stretching his legs.

Deep in his pocket, his cellphone rang. He answered it quickly, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

“Yo.

 _“Shizuo, how are you feeling?”_ Tom asked from the restaurant he was currently sitting at. Shizuo smiled and looked up toward the night sky, watching the clouds move over the stars. The rain had stopped falling, but the sky was still cloudy.

“Hey Tom. Sorry I had to take a break from work.”

 _“No, no, don’t be sorry. You work hard anyways. You deserved a break,”_ Tom chuckled into the phone. Shizuo could hear the soft ting of a spoon against a glass, and imagined Tom sitting at a café, swirling a spoon in his coffee, mixing the milk and coffee blend into a light brown mixture.

“Anyways, I’m feeling better,” Shizuo said, a small grimace to his tone. It was only a white lie, he reminded himself. He was feeling better with the cough medicine…

_“That’s great! Although I do want you to take another few days off work. It’s been pretty slow anyways, and you should take a few days to rest up.”_

“Ahh, thanks Tom. I really need it. I’m actually heading toward the pharmacy to pick up some medication. I should be back to normal soon.”

 _“Whatever normal is for you,”_ Tom said lightheartedly as he sipped at his piping hot coffee. He could hear Shizuo’s throaty laugh on the other side of the line, a light cough following after. _“Just focus on getting better, alright?”_

“Yeah, I will. No worries.”

_“Alright, I’ll let you go then. See you when you get better.”_

“Will do,” Shizuo agreed as he crossed the street. He closed his phone with a snap, and dropped it into his pocket as he saw the bright neon sign of the drug store a few storefronts ahead.

He was hoping this dose would help him shake off this cough. It was a higher prescription, and was more focused on his lungs rather than allergies. He still doubted smoking made it any worse, but he promised Shinra that he would try to quit. His fingers twitched a bit as he physically remembered the sensation of a lit cigarette resting between them. He sighed a bit, looking down at his hand.

“Not gonna feel that anymore.”

“Feel what anymore?”

Shizuo froze in his spot and felt the hairs on his neck stand up. He turned, narrowing his eyes as the familiar silhouette came closer. Even though it was dark, and the moon was hidden behind clouds, Shizuo could still see the gleam of red peeking out from underneath that furred hood. More importantly, he could feel that condescending smirk on his face.

“Izaya.”

“Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo tried to ignore the way his heart rate sky rocketed and the way his fists clenched in reaction to simply seeing the flea’s face. He grit his teeth, feeling the vein in his head throb with anger as Izaya stood under the light of a street lamp; looking almost ethereal under its light, as his long shadows stretched out to greet Shizuo.

“Fuck off Louse,” he grunted after a short silence, and turned to continue walking toward his destination. _"Gotta keep focused. Can’t let him get to me again."_

Izaya blinked and raised his brow in fascination. Shizuo, turning around and leaving him be? Not even an enraged roar or a threat to kill him? The informant grinned curiously and followed the brute, stepping in his shadows with light feet.

“Neh, Shizu-chan. Finally able to control yourself around me?”

“I said fuck off.”

“What a potty mouth,” Izaya grumbled as he picked up his pace, edging himself to go further so he was skipping alongside Shizuo’s long and heavy strides. “I thought your mother would have taught you better.”

“I thought your mother would have raised you to not be a freakin’ psycho.” The blond growled as he kept his hard gaze ahead. He refused to acknowledge the fact that the flea was grating on his nerves.

Izaya laughed, causing Shizuo to flinch and reflexively clench his hand harder. “Oh Shizu-chan, I’m not a psycho. It’s called a sociopath.”

“I don’t care what the hell it is, just get away from me.”

Izaya frowned and made a small noise that sounded like a strange melody of disappointment and amusement. “You’re not being fun today. What gives?”

Shizuo stopped in front of the pharmacy and grabbed a hold of Izaya’s collar, dragging him off his feet so they were face to face, nose barely touching. He growled menacingly as he watched that satisfied grin grow on Izaya’s face. The neon red lights of the sign flickered, causing macabre shadows to form on their menacing faces. The red of the lights only enhanced the bloody color of Izaya’s eyes as they remained locked on Shizuo.

“You listen here louse,” Shizuo started with a raspy growl as he tightened his hold, “I told you to get the fuck away. I’m not in the mood to deal with you and your psycho sociology bullshit.”

Izaya merely clucked his tongue and shook his head. “So noble today. Not even attempting to beat my face in.”

“I’ve got better things to do with my time.”

He dropped Izaya to the ground, turning away quickly as he stalked into the pharmacy, leaving the informant to smooth out his shirt. Izaya tilted his head slightly as he watched the blond head through the window head back toward the medication aisle. He pulled his hood over his head and stepped back into the shadows.

“Unpredictable and interesting as always, Shizu-chan.”


	8. Insomnia

“I’m back!” Izaya’s voice rang happily through his empty apartment. He flicked on the lights, squinting as he was momentarily blinded. He stretched and slipped off his damp jacket, hanging it on the coat rack while he locked his door. He didn’t expect Namie to be returning any time soon.

He hummed thoughtfully to himself as he went over to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. He really needed to warm himself up after a long night in the rain. Izaya leaned against the clean counter-top as he watched the water boil. He yawned and stretched his neck as his red eyes fixated on the clock at the end of the hall. 

2:30 a.m.

“Hmm…I wonder what Shizu-chan was doing out so late at night…”

The entire scenario with Shizu-chan intrigued him. It had caught his interest from the first day he noticed that the blond monster was falling ill. He honestly didn’t think that he could even catch a cold, let alone something more serious. Izaya leaned his head back against the cabinet, closing his eyes and taking a deep breathe. He scowled a bit as he crossed his arms over his chest. He couldn’t begin to even explain why Shizuo’s sudden condition made him want to spend hours at his computer, searching for reasons why the brute would suddenly get sick. 

With a astonished laugh, he poured himself a cup of tea, and went to his desk. Clicking on both computers, Izaya sat in his swivel chair and leaned back, sipping at his tea as his computers logged on.

“Let’s see what can finally take down Shizu-chan.”

 

 

***

 

 

Shizuo hated pills.

Their medicinal taste. Their porous texture. Their huge size. Every single minuscule detail about them.

He groaned as he stared at the large white and blue pill lying in his palm. He remembered Shinra’s order on it clearly. Two a day. One every twelve hours. And of course, the essential hint to eat while taking the pill.

Shizuo bit back his growing nausea, and popped the pill into his mouth, instantly cringing at the taste it left on his tongue. He quickly filled a tall glass with water and started chugging, desperate to get the thing down. As he felt the pill lodge in his throat for a moment, before forcing itself down his esophagus, he remembered one time he tried taking pills as a child. The memory of him choking on a pain killer and shoving a finger down his throat to dislodge it overwhelmed him. He shivered as he continued to drink the water, making sure it was not going to get stuck. He took a deep breathe as he felt the strange sensation taking pills left In his throat.

“Shit…”

He coughed a bit, leaning over the sink as his body trembled. He fought back the oncoming fit, forcing himself to breathe slow and steady. After a few moments, he felt fine again and headed toward the refrigerator. He quickly reached inside and grabbed a carton of milk, chugging that down to replace the taste of the medicine.

Licking his lips with a smack, he tossed out the now empty carton and grabbed an apple. Shining it on his shirt, Shizuo headed toward the bedroom. He yawned as he took a large bite, falling onto his bed with a drained sigh.

“It’s been too long of a day,” he sighed as he glanced out his bedroom window. He could just see the sun starting to make the sky grow lighter and lighter. “Have I really been up all night?”

It seemed so. Another night lost of sleep, thanks to this growing problem. He finished his apple, setting it on the nightstand and rolled over, feeling his eyes grow heavy with exhaustion. Time for him to rest up so he’d be ready to fight his illness and addiction.


	9. Mystery Diagnosis

The morning sun rose over the horizon and covered the city with a reddish hue. Not a single cloud was in the sky. The buildings cast long black shadows along the concrete, and the streets were filled with taxis and cars as many residents drove to work. Walking fast along the streets, business men and high school students hurried to walk to their destinations, while all the local shops opened for the day.

Still sitting at his desk, Izaya typed away at his computer, fully absorbed in his business. Working diligently through the night, the informant scanned and scrolled through all his files, searching for leads and clues behind his greatest personal assignment. 

With a tired yawn, Izaya sipped from his fourth cup of tea, blinking his heavy eyes as he clicked out of one internet window, and pulled up another. He set his now empty mug heavily onto a coaster as he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

For someone as simple minded and brutish as Shizuo, his entire back story was filled with excitement, yet vague. The informant was easily able to get into Raira’s school records, and filtered back six years until he found Shizuo’s name among the files that were still stored deep within the Raijin files. He pulled up Shizuo’s school transcript, contact information, and most importantly, his medical files.

Izaya remembered doing this in the past, when he was still a student at Raijin. However, his endeavors were simply to tease and torture Shizuo, and he never committed to memorizing his personal information. It was nostalgic to be reminded of their high school days, as he meticulously scanned, memorized, and copied all the information. 

Just as he remembered, Shizuo wasn’t an all star student. Izaya had a good laugh while looking at the grades again. Although, the blonde did manage to pass with a C+ average. However, his transcript did nothing to help him. Shizuo never attended college, and started working right out of high school while Izaya was traveling abroad; but that didn’t really surprise Izaya much either.

What did surprise him was the contact list. He had never bothered to take a glance at this, due to the fact he had already managed to get Shizuo’s cell number. The blond's parents, both alive, were listed as the main sources of contact. Other than that, he had no other relatives. Izaya had called the number listed, but it was out of service. He traced Shizuo’s parents in Shibuya, but didn’t bother to call. For some reason, he didn’t think they would help much, but at least he knew where the blond’s parents were if he ever needed to have leverage over Shizuo’s head.

The medical records were surprising as well. There was hardly any information in the school files, claiming that they were “confidential." All he could pull up were things he already knew. Shizuo’s infirmary visits were always short. He was breaking less bones in high school, but had more cuts and knife wounds, thanks to yours truly. 

After studying and researching Shizuo’s school medical records - he had traced back to his primary school as well - he hacked the hospital records of the facility Shizuo attended most, and pulled up their files; reading more into depth about Shizuo’s bizarre medical history.

Izaya was well aware of the multiple injuries Shizuo had in high school, especially with him fighting with the blonde on a daily basis. However, he was pleased to see that he wasn’t the only one to cause Shizuo harm in the past. He was captivated at how Shizuo was even able to walk, with how many times he had broken his legs and arms. Let alone his spine, ribs, shoulder, collarbone and hips. He was like a walking crash dummy, which of course only made Izaya laugh more at the similarities. 

The raven haired man continued to read in depth, learning that Shizuo’s hospital visits as a child were always long and strenuous. However, as he grew older, his hospital stays grew shorter. His body was adapting to the numerous injuries and breaks, that his body was working in overdrive to heal him up. Izaya assumed all the strawberry milk Shizuo drank in high school, and most likely before then, was due to the fact that milk strengthens bones. It only made sense he would drink more during his bone breaking years.

He looked a little farther, and found a doctor’s evaluation, describing Shizuo’s strange abnormalities. Izaya eagerly read it with no hesitation. As one would assume, the brain restricts one's power by shutting down the muscles to prevent serious injury when in pain. Shizuo doesn't have this ability, and is capable of using his full strength at will. In short: he has complete access to his adrenaline power, and no limitations, and only gets stronger each time he uses it. 

This fact saddened Izaya; Shizuo didn’t seem to be a complete monster. In a sense, Izaya would have been happier not knowing what made Shizuo such a beast. Shaking his head and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm, He riffled through the information to focus on Shizuo’s internal structure.

Shizuo’s only fault in his respiratory system was when he was nine years old and a broken rib had punctured his lung. The hole has been a weak point ever since, but was not believed to cause any future damage. Of course, the doctor’s back then didn’t assume Shizuo would start smoking. Whether or not a post punctured lung combined with smoking would increase chances of illness was beyond Izaya. Not only was that, but Shizuo hardly got sick from natural causes. He had a strong immune system, and never caught colds or the flu except in his very early ages of elementary school. 

Growing tired of rereading the same information about his enemy, Izaya started googling about different respiratory diseases and infections, and searching up Shizuo’s obvious symptoms: the change in mood, the fatigue, and of course the coughing.

Izaya glanced out the window and scowled a bit. He had spent the entire night researching about Shizu-chan of all people. He was slightly disgusted with himself.

“Might as well roll with it," he sighed as he logged onto the dollars chat on his second computer, lurking quietly as he read the conversation. The room was empty due to the early morning, but the people logged on seemed lively enough. He narrowed his eyes and clucked his tongue with distaste as the current gossip had nothing to do with the blond. Wanting answers, he slipped into the conversation.

**[Hello everyone!]**

**“Hey Kanra”**

**//Hii there!! :')//**

**{Hello.}**

**(sup?)**

Izaya grinned and quickly typed his response, not bothering to greet the others in the chatroom.

**[Sooooo, has anyone heard about that one bartender?]**

**//Bartender? You mean Heiwajima Shizuo?//**

**(Isn’t he like that guy people say is the strongest man in Ikebukuro?))**

**[Yeah, I’ve heard he’s coming down with an illness. I wonder if it’ll make him less strong.]**

**“Now that you mention it…I saw him coughing a lot a few days ago! My friend said he looked like he had bronchitis or something!”**

**{No no, it’s gotta be something bigger than that to take Shizuo down!}**

**//Like what?//**

**{It’s gotta be something huge. Something that medication can’t fix, you know?}**

**[Interesting…]**

Izaya erased his previous searches, and stopped looking for colds, infections, and viruses. He narrowed his search down for more serious illnesses. Things that can’t be cured easily. He glanced back over toward the chatroom.

**//Allergies?//**

**(No way, that can be fixed.)**

**//Not fixed! Just…helped.//**

**(No no, it’s gotta be like…diabetes!)**

**“Diabetes? What the heck man, that has nothing to do with this!”**

**[I don’t think any of those would make him unable to chase that other guy all around.]**

**{Orihara Izaya?}**

**//Yeah, that’s the guy! The one with all the fur right?//**

**“What a fag.”**

Izaya’s pride was somewhat chipped at with the comment.

**[Gasp! How rude of you!]**

**“not my fault he’s got all that fur”**

**//Oh shut up!//**

**{Kanra’s got a point though.}**

**(Oh?)**

**{Yeah. Like…if he just had some cold, he could just take some medication and get better.}**

Ahh, that’s right. The medication. Izaya had forgotten to look that up. He swiveled in his chair, focusing on hacking into the records of the pharmacy Shizuo went to. He quickly pulled up his medication receipt. So Shinra gave him some pills for respiratory infection and…depression?

**{Yeah. I mean, what’s the one thing that can take us all down?}**

Izaya felt his throat tighten slightly. If the brute was depressed, there would be a lower chance at getting on his nerves. He printed out a copy of the receipt and the doctor’s note.

**//Uh…//**

**“No idea”**

The informant went back through his history, and started printing off all the pages of Shizuo’s history, pulling out a new file to place in his locked filing case. He titled in large black letters, SHIZU-CHAN.

**{Isn’t it obvious? I mean he smokes so much.}**

**(Spit it out man!)**

**{It’s gotta be…}**

Izaya shoved all his research into the folder and stowed it into his cabinet, locking it tightly before turning back toward the computer to close out of the medical tabs. He stared hard at the computer screen, feeling his stomach lurch as a astonished grin formed, his exhausted red eyes wide with wonder.

**“No way…”**

**{Cancer.}**


	10. Arc 2: A New Day

Shizuo awoke the next morning to his cell phone going off repeatedly. He groaned and rolled over, blurry vision trying to focus on the caller ID. He vaguely saw the same blinking as the vibrations shook his hand. He yawned and flipped open the phone, murmuring a croaky, “Hello?”

_“Hi nii-san.”_

“Hey, Kasuka.” Shizuo smiled warmly as he rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “What’s up?”

 _“I’m in Ikebukuro for the day. I wanted to see you,”_ Kasuka said on the other line. His voice was still monotone, but Shizuo could hear the happiness that was hidden.

Shizuo sat up and stretched, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, that’d be great. Do you want to meet up somewhere?”

_“Maybe at your place?”_

Shizuo frowned a bit, sighing. He really didn’t want Kasuka to see what type of place he lived in. It certainly could be better than the shabby apartment. _“How about in front of Sunshine 60? We can walk around there and maybe stop by Sunshine City Plaza. I need to get some more clothes,”_ Shizuo stammered a bit as he tried to think of another alternative.

 _“You don’t like the bartender outfits anymore?”_ Kasuka questioned.

“No, that’s not it! I just need some casual wear. And maybe we can…I don’t know, just window shop?” Shizuo started, worried that he had upset his brother. Although the soft chuckle on the other end of the line calmed his nerves a bit.

_“Alright. See you.”_

“Seeya.”

Shizuo dropped the phone on the bed and got up, rushing into the kitchen to pop some bread into his toaster. He stared at the orange pill bottle sitting on the counter and groaned. He opened the cap and poured out a pill, swiftly popping It into his mouth without giving himself a chance to think about it.

The taste instantly gagged him, but he quickly downed a bottle of milk from the fridge to wash it down as fast as he could. He shook his head and gasped, gagging a bit as he shuffled to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Shizuo glanced back toward his room and saw his bartender outfit hanging in the closet. Although he wasn’t working, He didn’t want to upset Kasuka, so he’d wear his uniform anyways.

Pulling on his black slacks and his white button up, he headed back into the kitchen to check on the toast. As he pulled his vest over his shirt to complete the ensemble, he grabbed the toast from the toaster, placing it in his mouth as he fumbled with his bowtie. He slipped his shoes on and rushed out the door, toast bobbing up and down lightly as he ran.

He skidded to a halt, remembering he left his phone in his house. He turned and ran back inside, grabbed his cell, before turning to leave once more. He bit into the toast, and small crumbs fell onto his chest. He huffed and coughed a little bit as the crumbs snuck their way down the windpipe. He stumbled forward, bending over as he opened his mouth to cough heavily. Tears stung his eyes as he coughed harder, resting his forehead against the doorframe of his bedroom. He swallowed and breathed heavily, blinking back the water In his eyes. He stared at the buttered toast that was now on the floor. He grit his teeth and clenched his hand, breaking the wood of the doorway.

“Gah…fuck.” 

Shizuo stifled another cough as he stepped into the bathroom, turning the cold dial on the sink to full blast. The icy water splashed against the porcelain and spattered onto his shirt as he bent down, shoving his mouth under the spout.

He tilted his head, trying to gulp down as much water as he could to soothe his raw throat. The frigid water coated his scratched and worn throat, and instantly brought relief. He pulled away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Shaking his head lightly, he shook the water droplets from his hair, where the water had drenched the tips. He dried off his slightly damp hair with a towel before leaving to head for the subway. 

It didn’t take long for Shizuo to make it from his apartment to Sunshine City, and the walk to the large skyscraper in the center of the city was quick. He glanced around, looking for the familiar face of his brother, and was disappointed to not find him there.

He sat on the stairs, pulling out a cigarette from his breast pocket and placed it between his lips. He folded his hands in his lap and groaned, itching to light the stick in his mouth. But he knew he couldn’t…but it helped a bit to have it just in his mouth.

He played with it a bit, but felt the hair on his neck prickle. He felt like he was being watched. Anxiously, he dropped his cigarette on the ground and snuffed it with the toe of his shoe, grinding it into the asphalt. He stared at the black smudge and licked his lips, letting out a tense breath.

The honk of a horn took Shizuo from his daydreaming, and made him look up. A large stretch limo pulled up to the curb, parking in front of the main doors. Shizuo stood up, as the driver got out of the car, and walked around to open up the back passenger side door. The driver bowed slightly, as Kasuka ducked out and brushed his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles.

Shizuo smiled a bit as Kasuka nodded for the driver to leave, and started walking up the steps, ignoring the whispers and squeals of the bystanders around them.

“Long time no see,” Shizuo said, shoving his hands in his pockets. Kasuka nodded and blinked slowly, his eyes fixated on Shizuo: his version of a smile.

“Yeah. Do you ever shop around here, Nii-san?”

The blond shook his head. “No, but I thought we could do a lot here. Spend the day together without getting bored.”

Kasuka nodded again and stepped closer to his brother, before the two left Sunshine 60 and started walking down the street. Shizuo glared at any fan girls who tried to get near Kasuka, keeping them at bay. He stayed close to his younger brother, nearly brushing shoulders with him.

“Kasuka, remember how we used to go to the aquarium every summer with mom and dad?” Shizuo asked after a few moments of silence. The young actor nodded.

“Lots of fun.”

“Wanna go back there? I’m sure there are different animals there now a days.”

Kasuka nodded again, blinking slowly and looking at Shizuo. Another smile. Shizuo patted Kasuka’s back and smiled, leading them toward the World Import Mart Building.

 

 

***

 

 

Hours before hand in Shinjuku, Izaya was lying in his bed with a pillow over his face. The windows were drawn shut, blocking out all light. The only noise was the light thrum of the fan in the ceiling. The informant sighed tiredly, still feeling drained even after a few hours of deep sleep.

His mind was still turning after the break through with Shizuo’s diagnosis. Or rather, suspected diagnosis. Never in his life had Izaya suspected that Shizuo could possibly develop such a deadly disease. But now his curiosity and interest in the situation was at it’s highest. He wanted to see how Shizuo dealt with this. Did the brute know? Was he aware he could potentially die? Could he die from something like this in the first place?

So many questions and theories buzzed in the informant head. Izaya rolled over onto his stomach, grabbing his cell phone from the night stand and scrolled through the contacts.

He itched to find the blond brute and watch him. Observe how he acted. See how much longer it was until this terminal disease finally took him. He wanted to see how much longer he could play.

Red eyes fixated in the name that was highlighted. The stolen number scrolled across the screen, with the name Heiwajima Shizuo bolded above it. He watched the number as contemplated calling, but the question that stopped him was why? Why bother call the brute? What good would that do?

With a lazy sigh, Izaya rolled back onto his back, head dangling off the edge of his bed. He didn’t like this feeling that was bubbling inside him. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Boredom? Cabin Fever? Anxiety? All he knew was it made him antsy and made him want to run. Run far away from this feeling.

And the perfect person who could make him run…was currently taking a sick day.

Rolling out of bed, Izaya decided to give himself a personal day off. A day without chases, or information. No one calling his cell phone or texting him with job offers. He needed to just let out pent up energy.

Slipping on his shoes, he didn’t bother to change out of pajamas, and left his apartment in his black gym shorts and gray fleece pull over. He pulled the hood over his head, and thumbed the flick blade he carried in the front pocket. He almost left without his cell, but decided to bring it in case something important came up. He knew he couldn’t just abandon his job.

Well, he could. But then Shiki-san might have his head. And Izaya liked his head. He thought it was beautiful; almost as beautiful as Celty’s. 

He slipped some dark shades over his eyes to mask his identity, giggling to himself about how he felt “Shizu-esque” from the mannerism, and glided down the streets of Shinjuku, heading straight to his favorite hot bed of humans.


	11. Crazy Hypothesis

Leisurely taking his time, Izaya crossed into Ikebukuro. Moving with the flow of the crowd, he hid under his hood. He didn’t want any Yakuza or gangs to recognize him. So he acted innocent. As if he had nothing to do with the underground world.

His plans succeeded for the most part. Although someone tried to pickpocket him like some naïve tourist, and he quickly turned on them and pressed his flick blade to their throat.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he purred menacingly, glaring at the thief through the dark lenses of his glasses. The amateur backed up, shaking slightly as he caught a glimpse of those deadly red tinted eyes staring daggers at him. He just backed off and slid into an alley way. Izaya grinned and chuckled a bit, turning to continue his stroll.

He kept his eyes searching for that familiar mop of blond hair. But it seemed that the brute was out today. It saddened Izaya; he was looking forward to observing Shizuo during this rough time. Maybe even mess with him; there was no real chance of being killed when he could hardly run without a coughing fit.

The familiar tone of Izaya’s cell rang loudly, causing people around him to falter their pace for a moment to glance at their phones. He groaned and glanced at the caller ID, reading his sister's name on the screen. Curious as to why she was calling, he fluidly flipped it open while walking, never breaking his stride.

“Mairu! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 _“Iza-nii! Guess who I just saw drive by heading to Sunshine 60!”_ Mairu cried, her voice bubbling with excitement. He could hear the soft mumble of Kururi in the background agreeing with her sister.

“Neh, do you really want this to be a guessing game?” He sighed, regretting he ever answered the call. On the other end of the call, a high pitched whine made him flinch.

 _“You’re no fun! Take a guess!”_ Mairu bargained. He could practically see her bouncing up and down on her feet, her braids bobbing up and down.

 _“(We could give a) hint,”_ Kururi murmured into the phone. 

Izaya rolled his eyes and stopped in front of a bakery, peering in the window to look at all the sweets. He sighed. “Alright, you can give me a hint.”

_“Ok! He’s only our most favorite actor!”_

_“(He’s really) cute.”_

_“And he’s super hot!”_

_“(And also seems to be) funny.”_

_“He’s totally our idol!”_

_“(It’s our) dream (to meet him).”_

Izaya shook his head and groaned. “That’s enough. It’s obviously Yuuhei Hanejima.” He stifled a yawn and rested his head against the window. “Why exactly did you need to inform me of this?”

 _“Because! You won’t believe who he’s going to see!”_ Mairu sang into the phone. Izaya narrowed his eyes a bit and pressed the phone closer to his ear.

“Mairu, I’m In no mood for games, spit it out.”

He could hear a scuffle on the other side of the phone; Mairu shrieking for Kururi to give back the phone, and soft refusals from the quieter twin.

 _“(It’s his) brother. (He posted it on) Twitter,”_ Kururi quickly said over Mairu’s complaining at “being too easy on Iza-nii!”

It took a moment for Izaya to let the information sink in, but then smiled and turned around, starting to walk toward Sunshine 60. “Enlighten me for a moment. Why would you call me to tell me this?”

_“We know you’d want to see Shizuo-kun!”_

_“(We know you) love (him a lot).”_

Izaya’s step faltered a bit before he bit his lip to try and stop smiling, but he couldn’t hold back the wide grin. He choked and started laughing hard, bending over as he continued to walk with beaded tears in his eyes. “God, you two never cease to amuse me! Bravo, you actually made me crack for a moment! I’m teaching you two to be quite convincing pranksters!”

_“(Stop) lying.”_

“Tch, hardly.”

_“Iza-nii! We know you totally love him! And that’s totally okay! We approve!”_

“Oh really? And why on earth would you like me and Shizu-chan to get together and be all lovey dovey, neh?

_“If you and Shizuo-kun get together, we’ll be related to Yuuhei!”_

_“Duh.”_

Izaya shook his head and sighed. “Well I can assure you that won’t happen any time soon. So I’m going to hang up now, okay? Thank you for the information and the lovely advice! Bye bye!”

He closed the phone shut with and sneer, despite his sisters pleas to not hang up. He turned off his phone in rebuttal, and continued on his way to Sunshine 60.

His sisters were crazy.


	12. Patience

Izaya strolled into Sunshine City with a renewed hope. If Kasuka was in town, there was a good chance Shizuo was following. The only problem he faced now was the size of the prefecture. It was no Ikebukuro or Shinjuku, but it was still big enough with enough tourist attractions to lead him awry. 

Still hiding under the hood of his pull over, he slid through the crowd, trying to find the best place to begin his search.

The most obvious place to begin his search was the infamous Sunshine 60 tower. He quickly made his way over and hopped up the stairs, climbing onto the nearest ledge. He balanced atop it easily and spun around, scanning over the crowd.

So far, the only blonds in the sea of black that caught his eyes were school girls and otakus. Definitely not the blond bartender Izaya was used to seeing. Although, at one point, he thought he saw Shizuo. But there was no way he’d ever wear pink, let alone walk with someone wearing a god awful gold crown on their head.

With a soft sigh, Izaya rocked back and forth on his heels, whistling a song to himself as he continued to observe the hustle and bustle of the city. He stood silently, like a gargoyle on top of an medieval castle, his red eyes fixated on every blond mopped head that came into his view. Silently and cautiously waiting for his prey to come. He only had to be patient.

Patience was a virtue, after all.

He merely scoffed at the concept.

After a half hour of waiting, he was starting to grow tired, and was about to leave when he saw another flash of blond. He immediately turned, and focused on the person. Blond hair; black vest; blue shades. The blond fortissimo was walking straight toward him, although he didn’t seem to notice him.

He smiled and hopped down from his post and landed on the ground, ducked low to the ground behind a bush as he watched Shizuo stroll past. He snorted at the fact that Shizuo didn’t even seem to notice him crouching in the shadows. The informant held his breathe as Shizuo stopped, and turned back around to sit on the steps in front of him.

Izaya watched as Shizuo minded his own business, and started to play around with his cigarettes. He seemed completely calm and at ease, albeit a tad uneasy. It was peculiar to see Shizuo smoking. With the fact he had a terminal disease, one would think he’d try and quit. Maybe he didn’t know? Maybe he didn’t care.

Izaya sniffed the air and raised his brow. _"No smoke?"_ he thought as he watched carefully. If Shizuo didn't light it, then what on earth was he doing?

Shizuo stiffened, and turned his head a bit. Izaya hunkered down lower and backed up against the wall, under the bushes more. Did Shizuo know he was here?

It didn’t seem like it. He simply dropped his unlit cigarette, and stomped his foot on it. Izaya shook his head with dismay. What a waste of a perfect moment to repeatedly stomp and laugh while destroying something.

The honk of the limo’s horn made Izaya jump and yelp slightly, and he quickly glanced at Shizuo from behind his shades to see if the blond heard him. It didn’t seem he had, since the horn startled him too.

Izaya peered out from around the bush, and watched Shizuo stand up to go greet his brother. He tried to eavesdrop, but their conversation was quiet, and he could barely pick up any words. Soon after, they walked off, heading to who knows where. Izaya waited a few heartbeats before slipping back onto the streets to follow the Heiwajima’s, his plan finally put into action.


	13. Swim with the Fishes

Shizuo and Kasuka walked down the street, idly talking about simple things that came to mind. Did Kasuka enjoy working? Was Shizuo earning enough money? Did Kasuka still like the same kinds of music? Was Izaya still causing trouble? Did they miss each other? They responded happily, and simply enjoyed spending time with each other, as they came upon the World Import Mart Building.

Izaya stalked behind them, nearly gagging at the immensely “kawaii desu” moment that should appear in a shojo manga. He shivered at the thought of spending times like these with his sisters again.

He had enough “tea time” dressed up “all pretty” with his sisters for three lifetimes.

He shook himself out of his daze and quickly followed them inside, making sure he was a few meters behind Shizuo and Kasuka to be sure they wouldn’t see him.

Although, there was no reason to worry. Shizuo was extremely happy to be with his brother for the day, and didn’t bother looking around for Izaya. There wasn’t much that could ruin his day.

Except for the constant tickle in his throat and the seizing in his chest when he denied the natural reflex to cough. Shizuo covered his mouth, turning away a bit as he cleared his throat. He noticed Kasuka glance over, but was relieved when he didn’t question. He felt a bit better at that.

“Hey, it’s over here," Kasuka murmured as he walked into the aquarium. Shizuo offered to pay for their admission, but Kasuka paid for them. It unsettled Shizuo a bit. He wanted to be able to pay for him and his little brother, b  
ut Kasuka insisted that it was his pleasure to pay for the day.

They walked in, and got their tickets stamped, before starting to head toward the many large fish tanks.

Izaya waited for a moment, before getting in line to pay, and rushed inside. He scowled and hissed under his breathe when he was surrounded by many of his beloved humans. However, they were not the focus of his plans today, and he struggled to find the blond again. He almost lost sight of him, but noticed Kasuka just as they turned the corner. He ran after them, his shoes tapping lightly on the tiled floor.

Shizuo and Kasuka stepped on a ledge, staring into a large fish tank. They silently watched the various multicolored fish swim about in schools. A large angelfish, it’s scales shimmering black and white, hovered in front of their face for a while before swimming off.

“Hey nii-san…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what type of fish that is?” Kasuka pointed toward a large fish as It swam past. It was reddish in color, with white and black stripes, a large spikes jutting out from every angle. Shizuo furrowed his brow and shrugged.

“No idea.”

“I think it’s called a lion fish.”

“That’s dumb, it looks nothing like a lion.”

In the background, leaning against a blue painted wall, Izaya shook his head. The urge to face palm was intense. Shizuo’s blatant lack of knowledge made Izaya sick to his stomach.

This continued on for another half hour. Shizuo and Kasuka walking slowly along the halls, gazing up at the tropical fish and talking about them as they read about each and every fish. Izaya was practically asleep by the time they went into the shark tunnel.

Yawning, Izaya decided to at least enjoy his trip here. So he followed, and looked around. He smiled as he ran his hand along the side of the glass, pretending to pet the large nurse shark that swam along the bottom of the tank.

It truly was amazing, to think that hundreds of gallons of water and deadly sharks were being held back by a piece of glass. Sharks swam over their heads, as everyone in the tunnel looked up in awe. Shizuo looked up and couldn’t help but smile and point toward the large great white that was practically brushing against his finger tips.

Kasuka walked ahead, following the movements of a hammerhead that was trailing behind some fish. Shizuo went to follow, but lost him in the dense crowd. He sighed, and turned his attention back toward the sharks, and stared at the ceiling as he continued to walk in the general direction of the exit.

Without watching where he was going, Shizuo walked directly into a mother and her kids. He hastily apologized and backed up, only to bump into another person, who was less kind than the woman.

“Watch where you’re going!” the teen barked, glaring at Shizuo who backed up and clenched his fists, trying to remain calm. He couldn’t allow himself to cause a scene. Not when Kasuka was here. He didn’t want to ruin their day.

“Piss off…”

He turned and walked away, weaving in and out of the crowds as he forced his way to the exit. He shoved a thin man in an oversized hoodie out of the way, grumbling a bitter “excuse me” as he passed.


	14. Comfortable Liar

Izaya stumbled forward and glared at Shizuo was he watched the brute force his way through the crowd. He longed to whip out his blade and just hassle Shizuo; make him lose his temper and blow up. But he was still intrigued on how Shizuo acted when not raging like a wild animal.

He followed after Shizuo, pushing his way out of the tunnel and into the open court. He spun around, looking for the actor or the debt collector, but found himself lost in the throng of people. 

Gritting his teeth, Izaya risked taking off his shades and pulled down his hood, jumping up and down so he could look over the crowd. He peered through the glass tanks, trying to see past the kelp, coral, rays, and jellies. _“Where the hell…?”_

“IZAYAAA!”

The brunet spun around, and saw Shizuo standing stiffly on the other side of the room. The blond’s honey eyes were wide, and the vein in his head was throbbing. His teeth were gritting together with rage and his fists were clenched to try and contain it.

Adrenaline pumped through their bodies. Izaya straightened his back, and sauntered forward, as if caught off guard.“Ahh, Shizu-chan! Fancy meeting you here!” he sang. 

People parted for him, as if he were a king. It boosted his ego, even though he knew it was simply because people realized that two of the most dangerous people were confined in a tight space.

Surrounded by glass, water, and dangerous animals.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Shizuo roared, making his way over as Izaya completely encompassed his thoughts. He stormed further, until they were only a few feet from each other. Izaya; hand gripped tight around his blade, ready to attack. Shizuo; hands clenched into tight fists, ready to defend. They stood in a stalemate, neither offering to make the first move.

Shizuo wondered when Izaya would attack.

Izaya wondered if Shizuo would even fight back.

Izaya stepped closer, a small frown on his lips in a mocking manner. It instantly made Shizuo tense up with anger. _Perfect._

“I just decided to take a visit to the aquarium, that’s all. Is that such a crime?” Izaya cooed, baiting the blond into a fit of anger.

“Like hell. You’re here only to fuck with me!”

Izaya giggled and spun around in a showy manner. "My my! Once again with the "fucking." I've already declined your offer, because I definitely wouldn't want to top such a monster. But, if you insist."

Shizuo jolted and growled loud enough for the crowd around them to hear. "YOU SICK PERVERT! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Izaya merely laughed louder, unable to control his amusement. "Oh, but isn't it? Poor little sex-deprived Shizu-chan wants to fool around with something he can't kill?"

"I'll just show you how easy I can kill you!" Shizuo yelled as he reflexively reached out to grab the nearest stop sign. But all his hand met was empty air. He glanced around and took in the surroundings. He had forgotten he was indoors...

"You've been saying that for so long, I'm starting to begin thinking that all this "kill" talk is just your beastly way of flirting with me. Ahh, so brazen!"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" Shizuo roared as he trembled, trying to hold in his anger. He just couldn't let himself fight in here. He'd hurt someone beside the flea. "Just...just leave me alone for once!"

“Ahh…always convinced I have an agenda with you.”

Shizuo growled and stepped forward, watching as Izaya crouched back a bit. He saw the gleam of the edge of the blade as it peeked out of his pocket. _“Would he really attack me here?”_

“Nii-san.”

Honey and ruby eyes flickered over, focusing on Kasuka as he stepped into the clearing. He walked up between them, completely unafraid of the two strong forces. He faced Shizuo and gestured with his head toward the door.

“You said we could go shopping.”

Shizuo blinked and looked back and forth between Izaya and his brother. 

“Oh right…”

He shook his head and unclenched his fists, taking a deep breath. He nodded and turned part way, never letting his peripheral vision leave Izaya, as he talked to his brother.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.”

Kasuka walked out the front doors as people parted for him. Shizuo followed, hands in his pockets as he craved for a smoke. Izaya watched them leave, partially disappointed. He never realized how much he missed their daily chases. It was amazing to Izaya, how Kasuka was able to easily tame the beast that lurked within his brother. 

How could someone as apathetic as him control such a strong brute? Was it the lack of care? Or was there a deep amount of compassion that only Shizuo could see?

Perhaps, Shizuo’s greatest weakness…was the compassion he received from others.


	15. The Truth

Shizuo and Kasuka walked quickly away from the aquarium, making their way out onto the main streets as they headed for one of the local shopping malls. Shizuo sulked quietly as Kasuka took the lead. He hung his head low as he thought about the past few minutes.

He had let that flea get to him again. Izaya was able to mess with him.

Shizuo grit his teeth and pulled out a cigarette, shoving it forcefully into his mouth. He fumbled with the lighter and flicked it a few times, watching the flame.

If he had gotten out of control, he could have hurt so many innocent people. He could just imagine his fist slamming into the glass. The strength of the impact shattering it. Large cracks crawling up the side, like a spider web, and the water leaking out before it blew apart from the pressure. Glass flying out at the dozens of innocent people, as the water rushed out in giant tidal waves. Sharks, poisonous fish, and sharp coral spewing out and littering the tile floor.

He shivered and reflexively lit his cigarette, taking a deep drag of the tobacco as he tried to calm and clear his head.

He could have killed someone.

“Nii-san, it’s ok.”

Shizuo glanced over at his younger brother, who didn’t show any sign of fear on his face. His slender eyes were calm and clear. Shizuo blew out the smoke, instantly feeling relieved.

“Yeah…sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” Kasuka reminded, stopping for a moment to stand in front of his taller brother. He looked up at the blond, reaching out to hold his hand in a tender and comforting manner. “Izaya-san always makes you angry. You just need to practice not getting angry.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Shizuo sighed, as he glanced away at a nearby lamp post.

“You know…venting always helps.”

“Ha?”

“Venting,” Kasuka replied as he followed Shizuo’s gaze. They stared off into space, watching as the clouds slowly covered the sun to bathe them all in cooling shadows. The wind softly blew around them, blowing away the scent of the smoke that lingered. “Venting is when you talk about your feelings. You do that with the headless rider, yes?”

“Oh…yeah. I talk to her from time to time,” Shizuo agreed, as he felt his chest constrict and spasm. He quickly threw his cigarette onto the ground and snuffed it with his heel, as he held back the urge to cough. But it was too strong, and he quickly covered his mouth as strong and heavy coughs rattled his chest. 

Bending forward a bit, he tried to fight it back, but was drowning in his own heaves and coughs. Tears stung his eyes as he trembled and tried to regain his breath. He was vaguely aware of Kasuka rubbing his back, just as he had done to his younger sibling when he developed pneumonia. 

After a moment, Shizuo took a ragged breath, and managed to control the tremors. Kasuka continued to rub his back in a soothing manner, as Shizuo caught his breath.

“Better?”

“Y-yeah…”

Kasuka grabbed Shizuo’s hand, and led him toward a bench. He sat him down and folded his hands in his lap, watching the blond recover. “Are you alright?”

“…No, not really.”

“What’s wrong?”

Shizuo was quiet for a moment, but grudgingly explained his predicament to Kasuka. He could sense the worry and distress in Kasuka’s eyes as he watched Shizuo wipe off some sweat from his brow. “Please, don’t worry too much about me, okay? I probably just have a chest cold. I’ll be okay.”

“I could help you. I could pay your medi-”

“NO!”

Kasuka blinked as Shizuo barked at him; the blond’s grip tight on his knee. 

Shizuo stared at him long and hard. “Please…don’t. I want to be able to take care of myself. I can afford this.” It was a lie, but he didn’t want to have Kasuka worry and waste his hard earned money on him. After a long silence, Kasuka nodded and stood up.

“Nii-san, you should probably go to your friend and vent. And then go home and rest. You really shouldn’t be out and smoking if your having problems with your chest," Kasuka decided as he called his driver to come pick them up. The black limo pulled out from the parking structure and made it’s way over toward them.

“Alright.”

The driver pulled up next to the curb, and walked out to open the door for Kasuka. The actor looked over at his brother, and nodded a bit. 

“Get well,” he whispered before he crawled into the limo and shut the door. 

Shizuo waved sullenly and watched as the limo pulled away.

“Dammit…Izaya just had to ruin everything.”

Across the street, watching from the inside of a local coffee shop, Izaya watched Shizuo stand alone on the street, as the sun broke through the clouds.


	16. Vent

Shizuo shoved his hands in his pockets, and started walking back toward his apartment. He sighed, upset that his day with Kasuka ended off on such a bad note. After walking halfway to his apartment, while stopping at a local store to buy a bottle of milk to nurse on the quick trip home, he thought over what his brother had said.

It had slightly bothered him how Kasuka seemed so detached, but he had always been like that; not too open about his emotions and thoughts. Deep down, he knew Kasuka did care about his well being. He wouldn’t have offered to pay for his expenses that were piling up the more Shizuo was off work.

Shizuo sipped at his milk, stopping to lean against the side of a building to watch the cars drive by. He concluded that he would prefer not getting Kasuka involved. He wouldn’t be able to pay him back, and he didn’t want that. He knew that Kasuka was sending him small amounts of money every month to help him out, and that was already more than he thought he deserved. 

Sighing, Shizuo gulped down the rest of his drink, and tossed the bottle into a nearby garbage can that was in the alley next to the shop. He decided he would follow Kasuka’s advice, and call Celty. It would be best to keep his mind clear and rant about the things that bothered him. He wrote a text, slowly due to his issues with his phone, and walked to the park where he would wait for her.

 

 

***

 

 

The macabre bellow of a horse echoed through the late evening. As the sun slowly set, and the stars began to peek out in the darkness, Shizuo sat silently underneath the light of a street lamp, waiting for Celty.

The headless rider whipped around the corner like a shadow, dark and silent except for the periodic whinny of her horse. The blond watched as she pulled up to the curb, and walked toward him. She hopped up onto the ledge he was leaning against and swiftly typed on her PDA.

 **[Sorry it took so long. The job took longer than expected,]** she apologized quickly. Shizuo shrugged a bit and smiled. “It’s fine. I don’t mind sitting out here.” 

**[You needed me?]**

He nodded and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He reflexively moved to grab a cigarette, but Celty’s shadows wrapped around it and yanked them away before he could grab them.

**[You’re not supposed to be smoking.]**

“I know, just habit,” Shizuo grunted as he sat on the ledge next to Celty. “Anyways, I was with Kasuka earlier. He said I should come talk to you.”

**[About what?]**

The blond shrugged. “Everything. This entire situation I guess.” Celty nodded and sat quietly, waiting for him to continue. Shizuo leaned back a bit and stared up at the pink and blue cotton candy sky, watching as a plane flew over head. It left a white trail of exhaust in it’s wake. He collected his thoughts for a moment. “I guess I’m just stressed out about all this. I mean…It’s kinda scary I guess to get sick like this. I’ve never gotten really sick before. Injured yeah, but not like this.”

The black clad woman tilted her helmet a bit, questioning his logic. He furrowed his brow a bit, trying to reword everything.

“When I get angry, or when the flea is around, it’s scary cause I don’t know who I’ll hurt. But I know I can control myself, even just a little bit. Like when that group of freaks with the knives were fighting us. I managed to stop myself.”

Celty shuddered, and her shadow wavered a bit. She also remembered that haunting night. All those innocent people, possessed and deadly.

“Yeah…scary, right? But I knew it’d be okay. And if I got hurt, it’s no big deal. Not like a few cuts could really kill me. And besides, it wouldn’t be scary after, cause I know what caused it. That’s what makes this whole thing scary,” he breathed, feeling a bit less tense as he let his thoughts wander.

Celty typed on her PDA and held it out for him to take. Shizuo took the PDA and read, **[Because you don’t know what’s making you hurt. That’s why it’s scary.]**

He nodded. “Yeah. That’s exactly why.”

She rested her hand on his knee, and watched him as he continued to stare up at the sky. They sat in silence, living through the calm moment. Neither had anything to say or add. After a few minutes, Shizuo started to cough a bit, covering his mouth with his fist. Celty jerked upright and patted his back, the shadows around them flickering in a panic. 

Chuckling, Shizuo waved his hand and shook his head. “Celty, it’s okay. These don’t hurt much. Just a cough.”

**[Have you been smoking recently? Shinra wants to know.]**

Shizuo shook his head. “No. I do admit though, I sometimes hold a cigarette in my lips for nostalgia.” He decided to not tell her of the one cigarette he had just had. Celty squeezed her hand around his. Shizuo understood the gesture. “I don’t think that holding a cigarette in my lips will make my breathing worse. I think it has to be lit. But I’ll try my best to not do that either, okay? I don’t want you to worry.”

If Celty could smile, she would have. She patted his knee and bit and hopped off the edge, typing swiftly on her PDA. **[Anything else?]**

Shizuo thought for a moment, before frowning. “Yeah. Something small to do with Kasuka.”

Celty tilted her head a bit in a questioning manner. Shizuo sighed and looked up toward the sky in thought. “He told me to come to you. I’m not sure why really. I mean, yeah, talking to you calms me down and such. But I don’t know why he didn’t want to talk more about it. I know he cares and stuff but…I wonder sometimes.”

Celty rubbed Shizuo’s back silently before balancing her PDA on he knee, and typing a response with her free hand. She picked it up and held it for Shizuo to read. **[Kasuka knows you really well. He knows that you don’t like to be seen as weak, and would rather take care if yourself.]** Shizuo nodded with understanding as she erased her reply and typed a new one. **[He probably suggested me, because even though you are close to him, he knows you open up better to me. Because as much as he cares, he can’t vocalize it. It’s better to have someone who can listen and respond rather than someone who can’t.]**

“When you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense. Why he’d leave without really asking more on the subject.” Shizuo smiled a bit, before growling with anger. “But none of this would have happened if the louse didn’t butt in…” he grunted.

**[What did Izaya do this time?]**

Just thinking about it made Shizuo’s skin crawl. He grit his teeth and stood up stiffly, pacing back and forth next to Celty and her horse. “The shitty louse followed me and Kasuka to the aquarium. And then he starts pissing me off like always and next thing I know I’m ready to punch his face inwards!”

Celty rubbed her hand on Shizuo’s back, urging him to calm down. He clenched and unclenched his fist, desperate for a smoke. He growled again and spun to dig his fingers into the concrete ledge. He bent forward and growled loudly, crushing the stone beneath his hands. Celty stiffened as she watched him tear chunks from the ledge, letting them crumble between his fingers.

He let out a tense breathe and stood up, staring at the mess of dirt, rocks, and dust around him. Sighing, Shizuo turned away and wiped his hands on his pants, glancing toward Celty. “Thanks for listening…but I think I should just go home and get an early nights sleep.”

She nodded and sat back on her horse. She tilted her helmet toward the road. **[Need a lift?]**

Shizuo shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, but I‘d rather walk. Some exercise would probably do my body good.” With a curt nod, she sped off into the evening as her horse neighed hauntingly, leaving Shizuo to walk back to his home, feeling a little bit better than he had before.


	17. Monster

Barely looking away from the road, Celty pulled out her PDA and started typing as she weaved around two cars. Her shadow trembled and lashed out against the asphalt, as she raced into Shinjuku.

Only seconds after she sent the text, she got her reply from Shinra.

**_[Don’t hurt him too much…he’s no use dead.]_ **

It only took her fifteen minutes to reach the prefecture, and park in an alley between the apartment complexes. She lingered in the shadows, as she watched the remaining city dwellers pass. She soon caught sight of her target, although she would have almost missed him if Shizuo hadn’t ranted about his attire. Celty stepped out, holding up her hand to stop Izaya as he walked toward his apartment.

He smiled and walked over, hands in his pockets. “Ahh, Celty. It’s a pleasure to see you so early in the night. What brings you out here?”

****[Cut the crap and explain.]** **

Izaya blinked in confusion, but shrugged it off. “I have no idea what your talking about.”

The darkness around them rippled. ****[You know exactly what I’m talking about! What’s your problem with Shizuo?!]**** she demanded, her hand shaking slightly as she held her PDA tightly in her grip.

“Shizu-chan?” Izaya feigned a giggle fit. “Aww, did he come running to you for support?”

If Celty could sigh with exasperation, she would have. She just shook her head and typed into her PDA again before thrusting it directly into Izaya’s face. ** ** ****[Listen. He’s going through tough times. I know you hate him, but just back off for bit, okay?]**** ** **

“Ahh, Celty. I can’t do that.” Izaya shrugged and walked around her, patting her arm lightly as he passed. “With Shizu-chan’s growing condition, it’s impossible for me to not observe him as he grows weaker in such a thriving environment. I wonder if he will survive!” He grinned as he bent forward to whisper close to her helmet; the close contact making Celty shiver with dislike. “Haven’t you always wondered what it would take to finally take him down?”

Celty swung her arm around to slap Izaya across the face, but his reflexes were too sharp from years of avoiding Shizuo's strikes. He easily dodged her and grinned, his eyes narrowing in a deadly gaze. ** ** ** ****[Don’t you dare talk about him that way!]********** she trembled.

If Izaya could hear her voice, he imagined it would be quivering with rage, and slight apprehension. “You can’t deny the fact that even you are bewildered and astounded by this chance of fate. I know for a fact Shinra is having a field day; finally able to dissect and prod at Shizu-chan like the lab rat he ought to be. Ohh, how scared Shizu-chan must be.”

Celty clenched her fist and turned away a bit. She didn’t need to use her PDA for Izaya to know what she was thinking. That he was the real rat around here. He couldn’t really refute her statement.

The informant shrugged. “Only telling my opinion, Celty.”

 ************[You’re opinion is flawed]************ , she lashed out.

“Opinions can neither be correct or wrong. They are simply what people think, and not everyone has to agree,” Izaya crooned as he hopped up onto a small ledge and walked along it, arms outspread as if he really needed help with balance. “Humor me for a moment, and listen to my logic; as twisted and insane as it may seem. Can you do that?“ He looked to see if Celty reacted, but she remained stoic and silent. The informant smirked and took it as a sign to continue.

“My fascination with humans is obvious. And I’m sure you can understand that someone like me has many judgments on my lovely creatures and their environment. For example, the way they are so predictable! Humans cannot survive without the essentials, otherwise they just fade away like the ashes of burning paper; never to be remembered by society. And the way that humans look at their environment changes their way they live their lives. This is why I find them so amusing, because I have the ability to manipulate their world to make them crumble; because of the fact they are so predictable.

“Humans are nothing more than sheep. They do the same things every day, following the same routine until the day they finally die. They don’t strive to change their lives; they don‘t crave excitement. That’s why I’m so kind to throw drama into their paths, to make their living world more interesting! See, I’m so generous!”

**************[You’re rambling.]** ** ** ** ** ** **

“Let me ramble, it allows me to think more clearly.”

Celty scoffed and shook her head, turning to go back toward her horse. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with Izaya’s mind games. He scowled and hopped off the ledge, landing in front of her. She stopped and glared at him, figuratively of course.

“This is why we are different. You, me, and even that blond imbecile. We are different than the rest of the world. We lurk in shadows, and harbor deep, dark fears and desires no simple human could understand. We are lonely and crave attention, and do anything to get it. Do you see where I’m going with this?

“Hahaha! Of course not! No one can follow my logic. It’s far too complex. To make it simple, we are monsters. Creatures hated and loathed by society. Destined to be alone and feared for the rest of our days.

“Big or small, hidden or out in the open, we bring fear into the normal lives of the citizens of this great city. Rumors can make even the bravest of men tremble. Tell me Celty, what are you biggest fears?”

Izaya turned to face Celty, a placid yet dangerous smile gracing his lips. _"What will her reaction be?"_

Celty stiffened, as the terrifying thoughts of otherworldly creatures came into her head. She shivered a bit, and typed into her PDA. ** ** ** ** ** ** ****[Stop going off subject and just get back to the point.]**** ** ** ** ** ** **

Izaya beamed and threw his hands in the air. “There is no point! That’s the beauty of it! I did say to humor me, yes? And you have! Bravo!”

Celty sighed and turned around to head back to her horse, no longer wanting to deal with Izaya’s nonsense.

Scowling a bit, Izaya stepped toward her and grabbed her wrist, causing her to stop and her shadows to recoil. “Although, in the end, there is a final conclusion. Humans and Monsters alike are consumed with fears that make them change their lives to try to run away from their phobias. Some may be as small as spiders and rats, or as frightening as heights and confined spaces! And most importantly death. Ahh, and aliens of course.”

Celty cringed and clenched her fist, the shadows surrounding her slowly climbing up Izaya’s legs in a threatening manner. He didn’t even flinch.

“Shizu-chan may seem gentle and kind, but he’s still a monster just like us. He still has fears. Fears he’ll run from, or more likely fight against. He has something deeply hidden within him that could easily kill a person. Just like you and me. He’s violence personified. And you’re no different, Miss Dullahan; celtic fairy of death.”

******************[So where exactly do you fit into all of this?]** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

“I’m a parasite, of course. Bloodsucking and unwelcome to every household on this earth. Except for the flea circus; they love people like me!” Izaya spun in a circle and laughed. “By being a parasite, I can cling and thrive on others rather then hide from my own fears. And the best way for me to be a flea, is to be all over that monstrous rat I lovingly call Shizu-chan.”

Celty grabbed Izaya by the back of his hood and dragged him back, making him choke and stumble a bit as she firmly held him by her side. Her shadows wrapped around him; the sharp edges threatening to cut into his skin.

******************[Enough. This isn’t about us monsters in the real world, or about us running from our fears. This is about you messing with Shizuo. Leave him alone, or else I will make you stop. I don’t care what Shinra said about protecting you. I will hurt you and make you regret harming Shizuo.]** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

“Ahh, so Shinra wants to protect me, neh?”

******************[Leave Shizuo alone, Izaya.]** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

“Monsters were never good with promises, dear courier.”

Celty let Izaya go forcefully, shoving him toward his apartment as she went back into the alley to hop on her horse, trying to ignore the headache he had caused with all his stupid rambling. She sometimes wondered if he was right in the head. She reared back on her bike, and rushed back to Ikebukuro without giving Izaya the satisfaction of confusing her.


	18. Arc 3: The Lover's Door

“Iza-nii!”

“(Wake) up.”

“Come on let’s gooooo!”

Izaya groaned and sat up on the couch, staring at the front door through crust covered eyes. The pounding and muffled screaming from the other side had woken him from a rough nights sleep. He grunted, feeling his body creak as he stretched. He hated falling asleep on the couch; it was bad for his perfect posture and stride.

He shuffled over and unlocked the door just as he heard the door starting to be pick locked open; most likely by Mairu.

He opened it abruptly, causing the twins to fall flat on their faces. They scrambled onto their knees and rushed forward, grabbing Izaya by his hands.

“Come on! You said you’d take us!” Mairu whined as she got to her feet and bounded around her older brother, making him slightly dizzy as he tried to blink the dizzy sleepiness from his eyes.

“Take you where exactly?” He grumbled as he retched his arm away, and headed toward the kitchen to get something to eat. He glanced at the clock and saw the time; 10:23 a.m. Damn…

“(Yuuhei’s) new movie. (You) promised,” Kururi whispered as she sat on the floor, fixing her crumpled skirt.

Ah…right. He had promised them absentmindedly while working a few months ago when the commercials started playing on tv. Izaya never planned on taking them, but if he went back on his “promise” now, he’d never hear the end of it. Besides, he really needed to get out of the house.

The past four days, Izaya had been holed up in apartment, working on a new lead for the Awakusu-Kai. Shiki had informed him that an underground gang was selling a new medication in their territory. It was rumored that this new drug had extreme healing properties, and was rumored to cure hard diseases such as HIV, Leukemia, Parkinson’s, and some early strains of bacterial meningitis.

Shiki was mostly worried that the company was selling a cheap medication, and selling it for a higher price, claiming it was some miracle pill. A placebo as strong as this would most likely work for those desperate enough to try an illegal underground drug.

To be honest, Izaya didn’t look forward for such a wishy-washy lead. But, it would pay the bills, so he grudgingly took the odder. It took Izaya almost a full 90 hours of research to discover only this much. He was exhausted, running on hardly any sleep or food. The last thing he wanted to do was go to some show with his sisters. But at least it’d get him out of the house. And he could possibly sneak in a nap during the movie.

“Aye aye, I’ll take you. Just be quiet. I have a headache,” he grumbled as he popped two ibuprofen dry. He reached into his cupboards to grab a box of cereal, and also ate that dry as he stumbled around his house in a tired daze. His sisters bounced around him, humming the theme song from the movie that they already learned from the commercials, as they waited for him to finish in the bathroom and get dressed.

Izaya leaned against the marble sink, staring into the mirror with a frown. He had bags under his eyes, and his hair was a mess.

“Tch…hardly looking like a sex God today, are you?” he sighed as he washed his face and ran a wet hand through his hair, causing it to stick up on end a bit. He shook the slightly damp hair, not willing to take a shower: too tired to deal with it. He lazily brushed his teeth, pulled on some jeans and a shirt, and hung his jacket on him; using his head like a coat rack for the hood.

“Alright pipsqueaks, lets get moving," he sang as he grabbed their hands, allowing them to drag him out of his apartment and into the elevator. Mairu eagerly button mashed the “main floor” button, and proceeded to bounce up and down as the doors closed, causing the entire elevator to shake. Izaya instinctively grabbed tightly onto the railing by the wall, glaring at Mairu, who had convinced Kururi to start jumping as well.

“Quit it," he growled through tight teeth. Mairu snickered and made a huge leap toward Izaya, causing the floor to rumble beneath him. He clung tighter to the metal railing, turning his knuckles white.

“What’s the matter, Iza-nii? We’re just jumping!” Mairu sang as she and Kururi bounced in circles.

“You’re going to snap the cable and kill us,” the informant grunted as he pulled his hood over his head, covering his paling face. _"And I'm not ready to die just yet."_

“We will not die!” Mairu groaned as she stopped bouncing. Kururi followed her example immediately and murmured.

“Built (to hold a lot of weight. We can’t) break it.”

Izaya shook his head and chuckled. “Ahh, but you never know that! What if some rats got in the elevator shaft and chewed at the wires. One bounce too many and down we go like body bag in Tokyo Bay!” Izaya wiggled his fingers and made a slit throat gesture to emphasize his theory.

“Bullshit.”

“Oh no, it’s true! Didn’t you hear? There was a group of kids in an elevator, and they were bouncing around and whoooooosh, down they fell to the bottom of the pit!”

“You’re just trying to freak us out!” Mairu argued, as Kururi glanced around a bit, suddenly unsure about the safety of the elevator.

Izaya grinned and winked. “Is it working?” He earned a few good slaps on the arms and chest for that, and proceeded to hold them by their hoods to keep them away. The trio laughed as the elevator came to a halt, and opened the doors.

Kururi and Mairu grabbed Izaya’s hands tightly, and dragged him out of the apartment building, and into the streets, running as fast as they could to the nearest cinema; pushing and shoving their way through the crowd with the VIP passes, to make it to the front of the line, through the main doors, and straight to the candy counter to stock up on snacks.

Izaya gave them some cash and told them to find him in the theater when they were done splurging. He didn’t think they heard him.

Yawning as he walked, Izaya went into the theater, glancing at his ticket to read the title of the movie he was about to see.

_“The Lovers Door.”_

“Sounds like a chick flick…great…" He stepped inside, ignoring all the raving fan girls that were crowding the seats closest to the center of the theater. He slowly worked his way up, hidden under his hood, until he reached the top row, and hid in the corner of the theater.

He sunk into the chair, pulling his knees up close as he closed his eyes, yawning again as he rested his head against the wall. He pulled his hood over his eyes, blocking out the light, and shoved some ear plugs in his ears to muffle the screams. He soon fell asleep, as the theatre darkened, and the screaming subsided for the loud opening music of the movie.


	19. Ditched

Blinking his eyes open, Izaya yawned and shifted in his seat, curling against the wall again. He heard a slight muffle beside him, and felt something press against his shoulder. He grit his teeth and looked toward the annoyance, to find two young woman with worried expressions on their face.

“Is he dead?”

“No, he’s not dead. Just asleep.”

Izaya grunted and sat up, stretching as his back popped and cracked. He pulled the hood back a bit and pulled out the ear plugs so he could hear the two women better. “May I help you?” he croaked, voice not perfect from just waking up. The girls shook their heads, clinging to their purses a bit.

“Oh no, it’s just…you were there when the movie started, and never moved. We thought you were hurt or something," the taller one said, her strawberry blond hair frizzing around her face.

Izaya laughed. “I am not homeless or hurt. I was just resting during the movie while my sisters enjoyed.” He glanced around, looking at the crowd filing out of the cinema. “Speaking of sisters…”

“No one was with you when we came in," the short brunet said. She fixed her glasses a bit, and looked at her watch. “Maybe you slept though the first showing as well.”

“First showing?”

“Yeah, it’s almost four. The third show must be starting soon.”

Izaya bolted up and pulled out his ticket, forcing his blurry eyes to focus on the numbers. His ticket said his show was from 11:30 until 1:00. That meant…

“THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS.”

The girls squeaked and stepped back as Izaya bolted out of his chair and cursed loudly. He bowed a bit, smiling as he thanked the ladies for waking him up, before leaping over the seat and bounding down the aisles to the exit.

He pushed his way past people leaving and coming into the theater, making his way out into the lobby, where he frantically looked for his sisters. “I bet Mairu did this. _'Let’s go ditch Iza-nii and go out into the city by ourselves!'_ Dammit Mairu!”

Izaya rushed through the lobby, twisting around bystanders as he ran through the entire building. Shakily, he called their cells repeatedly, getting nothing but answering services. He sent multiple texts, with no replies. He was getting frustrated, and angry. The informant was reminded of his childhood, when the twins would escape him, and constantly get him into trouble for not keeping an eye on them.

“Dammit…” he grunted as he broke into a sprint, rushing out of the theater and onto the busy afternoon streets of Shinjuku. The streets were littered with humans during rush hour. He glanced both way down the street, panting a bit as he tried to focus.

_“If I were them, where would I go…?”_

“Tch, the only place they ever go," he scoffed, as he rushed toward the subways that would take him into Ikebukuro.


	20. Destination Unknown

Bouncing along the main road of Ikebukuro, two pint sized girls skipped along the sidewalk. The shorter of the two wore a white skirt and a black jacket, while the duplicate wore opposite colored clothes of the same style. Both jackets were opened to reveal a t-shirt with two women embracing, with a sunset in the background; the words “The Lover’s Door” scrawled in cursive along the side.

Mairu hummed the ending theme as she took her sister’s hand and led her to a destination only Mairu knew. Her pigtailed braids sprung up and down as she skipped, and Kururi was tempted to reach out and grab one to use like a rein on a horse’s bridle.

“Slow (down, Mairu)!” Kururi squeaked as her sister dragged her through the crowded streets.

“No no, we have to go faster!” she panted as she picked up the pace. Kururi groaned and tried to run faster, unable to keep up with Mairu.

“Why?”

Mairu stopped, panting heavily with a big grin on her face. “Because! Iza-nii won’t sleep forever! And this is fun, isn’t it? Making him chase us around the city! It’s like when we played tag when we were little!”

“But (it was on in the) yard. Not (over the entire) city!” Kururi whined.

Mairu pouted and let go, crossing her arms over her chest as she glanced around. They had managed to run all the way back toward the edge of Ikebukuro. Not much further, they would reach the subways, and they could really have Izaya on a wild goose chase.

However, Mairu couldn’t do much when her sister was unable to run. Sighing, she sat down next to her sister. She kicked her feet lightly as Kururi began to breathe again and stopped clutching her side. “You okay?”

“Hurts…”

Mairu frowned and hugged Kururi tightly, resting her chin on her sister’s shoulder. “Sorry I got carried away. You know I love to mess with Iza-nii.”

Kururi nodded and hugged Mairu back. “I know. It's fun.” The smaller of the twins stood up, dragging the other to her feet. “Come (on, let’s go) farther (so Nii-san) won’t find (us),” she murmured. Kururi dragged Mairu behind her, running as fast as she could, deeper into Ikebukuro.

The twins skipped down the steps into the subway, and halted at the ticket booth. Kururi frowned, winded from their sprint “No money…” she squeaked, reaching into her empty pockets.

Mairu grinned and pulled out a wallet; black and red and slightly damaged around the edges. "No problem!"

Kururi’s eyes widened. “That’s nii-san’s!”

“Indeed it is! Swiped it off him when he was sleeping. Did you ever notice Iza-nii looks like a sleeping kitty? So cute, huh?” Mairu sang as she pulled out Izaya’s metro card and swiped it to let herself through. She then handed it over for Kururi, who hesitated a bit before doing the same. Mairu took the card and the wallet and slid it back into her hoodie pocket, before dragging her sister onto the train. “Next stop, anywhere!”


	21. Pick Pocket

Skipping steps, Izaya bounded into the underground subway, elegantly twirling around people so he got to the gates as fast as he could. He reached into his pocket to grab his wallet.

Which wasn’t there.

Izaya frantically checked his other pockets before growling with anger. _"Those damn kids!"_

He turned around, looking for an easy target. He noticed a young man standing off to the side, talking violently on the phone. He was dressed in a business suit, tapping his foot impatiently as he checked the watch on his wrist; still screaming into the phone at the person on the other end.

Izaya skipped over, grabbing a map of the subways from the ticket booth, and opened it up. He waited until the man was off the phone, before walking up to him; an innocent and confused look on his face. “Excuse me Sir, but can you help me?”

The gruff man stared at Izaya for a moment, reading his face. Izaya had put on the perfect act of naïve and shy. He even butchered the way he spoke to make it seem like he was foreign; utilizing his ability to speak fluent Russian to get a perfect accent. Put on wide eyes, and a closed posture, you’ve got the image of a lost and confused young man just trying to get by. Not even the hardest of men could turn down such a face.

Sighing, the business man rolled his eyes and grabbed the map. “Where are you heading?”

“I-Ike-’borkow”

“Ikebukuro?”

Izaya nodded. The man proceeded to tell him what trains to take at what times, and to listen closely to know when to get off at his stop. During this time, Izaya was leaning close, pretending he didn’t understand the map. It annoyed the business man, but he continued to help anyways.

“Alright, got it?”

“Yes, thank you so much!” Izaya beamed, bowing dramatically. A perfect way to end his foreign act. He skipped away toward the ticket line, and pulled out the metro card from the wallet he swiped. “Ahh, thank you Mr. Sasaki. It was a pleasure doing business with you,” he hummed as he slid the card through the slot and pushed his way onto the platform.

Bouncing on his heels, he waited for the train to come, glancing back toward the man he had pick pocketed. The business man didn’t seem to realize anything odd had happened…yet.

Izaya looked down the dark empty tunnel, and contemplated simply running as fast as he could along the tracks. But pushed the thought aside as he heard the distinct rumble of a train coming. Stepping behind the yellow line, he watched as the train sped past, causing his jacket to ruffle around him.

It slowed to a stop, and the doors opened to let people on and off. He forcefully shoved his way on, and stepped to the side, staying close to the door as he stood stiffly, holding onto the rail. People piled in, squishing him against the wall uncomfortably. He glanced at the map on the wall, trying to figure out where to get off first. He wasn’t really sure of where to start looking. All he knew was he had to find his sisters as fast as possible; potentially punishing them for pulling such a dirty prank. After a minute, the doors closed, and the train sped off toward Ikebukuro.


	22. Meetups

Riding on a train deep into the city, Kururi and Mairu sat quietly in their seats, staring out the window at the dingy walls that sped past. The train was loud with the chit chat of the passengers, and Mairu and Kururi didn’t bother adding to the noise.

Kururi leaned her head on Mairu’s shoulder, resting her eyes as Mairu rubbed her back. The mischievous of the two kept her eyes open, watching and observing everyone that was on board. Any sign of their big brother, and they’d get off on the next stop. Whatever that stop was.

The train skidded to a halt, the doors opening to let on new passengers. Mairu watched the doors carefully, making sure no one in fur got too close. She hunkered low, hiding under her hoodie so no one would recognize her.

“You two…”

Kururi looked up, eyes wide. Mairu held her close and glared at the man coming toward them. They instantly recognized him and bounced up to run toward him.

“Shizuo-kun!” Mairu squealed as she hugged the taller man around the middle. Kururi followed suit, hugging Mairu as she tried to wrap her arms around Shizuo.

The blond stumbled back a bit, gripping the pole to keep them steady as the doors closed, and the train sped off again. “What are you two doing here?” he grumbled, glancing around for the flea. They grinned and clung to him, as if he was the pole to keep them from falling.

“Were running away!” Mairu cheered, causing some of the people sitting near them to glance over with wide eyes.

“What?!”

“Nii-san (fell asleep at the) movies. (Now we are) running away (from him.)” Kururi smiled, beaming up at Shizuo. Mairu nodded and pulled away, thrusting her arms into the air as she twirled a bit.

“Yeah, what Kuru said! Iza-nii took us to the movies and fell asleep! And now we are running away! That way he’ll have to chase us all over the city! Isn’t that funny?”

Shizuo paled a bit and sighed, shaking his head. “You two are cruel. Making him chase you like that.”

“Neh, who cares?! For all we know, he just went home to leave us here!” Mairu pouted, leaning against the blond and crossing her arms. “He used to ditch us all the time as kids.” Kururi nodded in agreement.

“It’s not all that surprising. Your brother is a bastard,” Shizuo grumbled, wrapping one arm around Mairu so she wouldn’t stumble.

Mairu nodded, laughing. “You can say that again! Mom and Dad weren’t even married yet when Iza-nii was born!”

“Huh?!”

“(We) don't know (that for sure. It’s just a) rumor,” Kururi squeaked.

Mairu shrugged. “I think my theory is brilliant!” she huffed.

Shizuo sighed, exasperated, and watched the two twins bicker over whether or not Izaya was a literal bastard or not. Sometimes he wondered how Izaya could live with these two. Living with Kasuka was easy compared to these whirlwinds. He glanced at the blinking map on the wall and cleared his throat. “Guys, this is my stop. You have to let go now.”

“No way!”

“(We wanna) stay!”

Shizuo stiffened, eyes widening slightly. He pushed them off gently, heading toward the doors as the train stopped. “Guys, enough. I gotta go!”

“Let us come with you!” Mairu demanded, following Shizuo off the train and onto the platform. Kururi ran up to Shizuo, grabbing his hand in hers and looking up at the blond with wide eyes. “Please?”

He groaned, still walking but not letting go of their hands. He already knew that they won this battle. “I’m busy today guys…”

“No you’re not! Iza-nii says your sick! And you aren’t working right now!” Mairu chirped, bouncing next to Shizuo as they walked along the platform and back up the stairs onto the streets.

Shizuo coughed and choked a bit. “W-what?! What did you just…what?!”

Mairu nodded. “Yeah, Iza-nii has all these files on his computer. We hacked into it while he was getting ready to take us to the movie. He doesn’t realize how good we are at it!”

“F-files?!” the blond yelped, his voice raising an octave as his fists clenched, his blood pressure sky rocketing.

“Yeah, lots (of files about you),” Kururi added.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter! All that matters is that we know you aren’t doing anything, so we can hang out, right?!” Mairu piped up, stepping in front of Shizuo on her tip toes to look him in the face. “We can just stay and walk around? And you can protect us from Iza-nii if he happens to find us?”

Shizuo looked quickly between Mairu and Kururi before rubbing his temples and sighing. “Fine. Just…don’t be too bothersome, alright? We can hang out and stuff. But I am here for a reason, so let me finish up my business first. Then we can…do whatever you guys wanna do…or something.”

“Yay!”


	23. An Alternative

The trio walked down the main strip; the twins bouncing along and holding Shizuo’s hands, while he tried to block out their annoying singing. Their constant chirping made his head hurt, but he knew that he couldn’t do anything about it. It’s not like he’d hit them, even if they were related to that bastard Izaya.

“Neh, Shizuo-kun!” Mairu sang as she tugged on the cuff of his sleeve, breaking him out of his daydreaming.

“What is it?”

“Where are we going?” she whined, lolling her head from side to side as she began to drag her feet. Shizuo’s brow ticked slightly as he looked ahead.

“We’re going to pick up my paycheck,” he grumbled, dragging her along. Mairu tilted her head and picked up the pace a bit to jog along side Shizuo’s long strides.

“But you are on vacation.”

“Paid vacation.”

“You can get paid for doing nothing?” Mairu squealed, her eyes a light with giddy wonder.

Shizuo chuckled and shook his head. “If you work diligently before your vacation, yeah sometimes. It’s not like I chose to go off work. I guess they are just being nice.”

“Good.” Kururi smiled as she hugged Shizuo’s other arm, walking at a normal pace beside him.

Shizuo raised his brow lightly at the gesture, and glanced back at Mairu, who had let go to stray off toward a candy store. Shizuo grabbed her by the hood and pulled her back. “Oi! No wanderin’ off. You guys chose to follow me, so you’re sticking with me, got it?” Shizuo grunted as Mairu squirmed to get away.

“But they have candy there!” she whined, pulling her arms into her hoodie so slip off the jacket.

However, Shizuo had learned from Izaya using the same move to get away. He quickly grabbed Mairu by the waist as she slipped free, throwing her over his shoulder and holding tight. “We’ll get something on the way back.”

“Wahhh, Shizuo-kun! No fair!” Mairu whined as she beat against his broad back and kicked her legs. She gave up after a few moments and crossed her arms and pouted. Kururi giggled a bit at Mairu’s fit, and continued to hold Shizuo’s hand as they walked up to Tom’s debt collection agency.

“Why are your fingers twitching?” she asked shyly, squeezing his hand softly.

Shizuo looked down at Kururi and glanced at his hand, which was gently trembling. “I’m trying to quit smoking,” he simply stated, stepping inside the building without slowing down. He headed straight for a side room where Tom’s office was attached. The entire time, he avoided Kururi’s curious glance, and Mairu’s sudden onslaught of questions.

“Why are you quitting? Is that why you’re sick? Is it hard to quit?”

He grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut.

_"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"_

He set Mairu down stiffly, and placed her on a chair. Kururi followed the action and sat next to her sister. Shizuo took off his sunglasses and placed them in his in the pocket inside his vest and crossed his arms. “Now, you’re gonna sit here and keep quiet. No running away and shit, I won’t come looking for you. You’re not my problem.”

“Shizuo-kun, so mean!” Mairu moaned, a small smile on her lips as Kururi nodded.

“(You would) abandon (us)?”

The blond sighed. “No, I wouldn’t abandon. It’s just that if you two cause trouble, I’m not gonna waste my time trying to track you down. Besides, you’re the flea’s problem. Not mine. Now, you promise to behave for the few minutes I’m in the office?” They nodded eagerly and beamed. Shizuo curtly nodded and walked into the office. “Alright, stay put.”

Shizuo closed the door behind him and noticed Tom turning in his chair to face his guest. Tom smiled widely and stood up, walking over to Shizuo to pat him roughly on the back.

“Hey, long time no see Shizuo,” he grinned, leading Shizuo over toward the desk. The blond smiled and shrugged a bit, chuckling.

“Yeah, it’s been too long.”

“Have a seat. Would you like anything to drink?”

Shizuo shook his head, sitting heavily into the seat and leaning back, hands folded in his lap leisurely. Tom fell into his chair and kicked his feet up onto his desk before taking a sip from the water on his desk.

“So, how are you feeling? I’ve been keeping up with Shinra to make sure you were okay. But he’s been so uptight about everything being confidential,” Tom grumbled, causing Shizuo to laugh. It felt good to laugh without having a coughing fit.

“I’ve been a bit better since I quit smoking. Still having some fits, but nothing too bad. I wanna get back to work soon.”

“Ahh, so you quit, huh? Good job!” Tom praised, clapping his hand a bit. “This calls for celebration, huh?”

“No, no!” Shizuo laughed, shaking his head. “I mean I’ve only quit a week ago. Go throw a party after it’s been like…a year or something. If it even lasts that long.”

“Ahh, yeah. Smoking is a hard habit to kick. You gonna be okay?” Tom questioned, leaning on the desk and bit toward Shizuo; his brow furrowed with concern.

Shizuo nodded a bit. “I should be. Although Shinra did tell me on my last visit that the longer I go without a smoke, the more irritable I might become. Or more violent, dammit.”

Tom shook his head and sighed. “That’s what I figured. That’s why I have some suggestions for you.”

“Suggestions?” Shizuo asked, slightly confused and concerned.

Tom reached into a drawer and pulled out a white box. He tossed it to Shizuo, who caught it with slightly shaky hands.

Shizuo grit his teeth at the action; his finger’s haven’t been able to stop twitching the past few days. He turned over the box in his hands and narrowed his eyes, recognizing the box from the front desk of the pharmacy. “Nicotine patches?”

Tom nodded. “Yeah. It might help kill the craving. Then that way, we can bring you back to work.”

Shizuo stiffened slightly and scowled. “So, I’m not getting my job back unless I wear these…these things?”

“Unfortunately, the higher ups won’t let me unless you do. They don’t want you destroying more property. They are figuring out that I’m paying half of the damage charges we get. They don’t like it.”

“I told you that I can pay for the charges.”

“Shizuo, you know you can’t. With the wage your getting right now, you couldn’t pay half of all the charges stacked up.” Tom argued. Shizuo’s eyes widened a bit and he slacked his posture, sighing. He didn’t realize how much damage he had caused.

Shizuo grunted and rolled up his sleeve, ripping a nicotine patch open with his teeth and slapping it on his arm. Tom flinched a bit at the rigid gesture. Shizuo rolled his sleeve back down and slid the rest of the patches into his pocket next to his sun glasses. “So, I can work now?”

“Not yet. They want to make sure it works. And you’ve still got those pills Shinra prescribed you. Let’s just wait until we see how the mix affects you, okay?”

Shizuo grunted and stood up, pacing back and forth a bit as he grit his teeth. This wasn’t fucking fair. He shouldn’t have to be held back like this. He could control himself. Tom knew that! Why the hell couldn’t he just work again?!

Tom stood up, grabbing a check from his desk and placing it in Shizuo’s hand. The blond reflexively crushed it in his palm. Tom sighed. “See? This is why they wanna wait. With your twitchy fingers, withdrawls, temper, and now a new medication and treatment, you’re kinda like a bomb waiting to go off. You need to have some time to relax.”

“I AM RELAXED.”

Tom and Shizuo stared at each other for a long moment. Shizuo’s eyes softened a bit as he sighed, sagging his shoulders.

“Yeah…I get it,” Shizuo mumbled.

Tom patted Shizuo’s back and led him to the door. “I know it’s rough. I want you back too. But you’re health is more important than my ties in this business. Get better, and things can get back to normal.”

Shizuo nodded and smiled. “Thanks Tom…for everything.”

“Anytime.”


	24. Pipsqueaks

Shizuo stepped out of the office to find Kururi and Mairu sitting in the same spot, looking up at him with wide smiles. He narrowed his eyes and looked them over. “What’s with the look?”

“We know what we wanna do today!” Mairu exclaimed as she bounced up out of her seat and leaping onto the debt collector. He stumbled back as she wrapped her legs around him and hugged his chest. Kururi bounded up and hugged Shizuo’s waist, burying her face into his hip.

“W-what the hell guys? Off!”

Mairu leaned back a bit, arms still wrapped around Shizuo’s neck. “Let’s go to the arcade!” she squealed, causing Shizuo to flinch at the high pitched sound. He grabbed them by the back of their hoods and lifted them off, holding them a few inches off the ground as he peeled them off. He observed them for a moment, before sighing and dropping them onto the ground.

“Alright. Lets go pipsqueaks,” he grumbled as he put his hands back into his pockets and shuffled out of the debt collection agency, the twins right on his heels.

Mairu giggled loudly and brushed her shoulder against Shizuo’s arm, bumping him a bit. “Shizuo-kun! Iza-nii calls us the same thing!”

“Huh?”

“Pipsqueak,” Mairu answered.

Shizuo groaned and rubbed his temples. “Just great. That’s exactly what I need. Some sort of similarity with that ass.”

Mairu burst into laughter, and even Kururi giggled a bit to herself. “Yeah, Iza-nii is a big ass. Kinda of a creeper too!”

Shizuo growled under his breath. “Don’t get me started on that part. With the way he’s always watching people. He’s like some stalker.” He stiffened a bit as he remembered what Mairu had slipped up earlier. “And you even said he has files on me!”

“Mmhmm! He has files on everyone. But your’s was the deepest, from what I could tell,” Mairu giggled as she skipped ahead, her eyes set on the arcade coming up on the street.

Shizuo blinked and glanced over at Kururui beside him. “Deepest?”

She nodded. “Lots (of information) on you. Way (back into the) past (until the) present.”

Shizuo squirmed a bit and walked a bit faster to catch up to Mairu, who was skipping faster into the flow of people. “That’s a little…”

“Creepy?”

“OBSESSIVE!” Mairu screamed from ahead of the pack. People around her flinched and glanced her way, but didn’t question her outburst. Shizuo even jerked a bit at the abrasive word.

“Yeah, obsessive is a good word for it I guess,” he muttered.

Mairu suddenly stopped and squealed, bouncing up and down. “The arcade! I can see it! Come on lets go kick some virtual ass!“ She dashed through the crowd, disappearing in the sea of bodies.

“W-whoa, Mairu! Wait!” Shizuo called out, grabbing Kururi’s hand and running into the crowd, unable to catch up to her.

Kururi struggled to keep up with Shizuo’s pace, and tugged on his hand to slow down as they forced their way through the crowd. “Shizuo-san! Slow down, please!” she panted, causing Shizuo to skid to a halt. He waited for her to catch her breathe a bit.

“You just…”

“I…what?”

“You didn’t break your sentence.” he stated, slightly baffled at the fact she said a complete sentence, even if it wasn’t the most literate, but who was he to criticize.

Kururi just shrugged. “You can’t…read me…like Mairu. Need to…talk more," she gasped as she struggled to force more words out of her mouth and catch her breath.

Shizuo noticed her face was red from running, and from her innate shyness. The blond smiled a bit as she tried hard to talk to him. He wondered if she talked openly around Izaya.

“Shoulders.”

“Huh?” Shizuo stuttered as she pulled him from his daydreams.

The petite girl point to his shoulders. “Shoulders. See over crowd…for Mairu.”

“Oh!” Shizuo nodded and bent down a bit, letting the Kururi hop onto his back. She scrambled up onto his shoulders and perched delicately on him, looking over the crowd. Shizuo walked slowly through the crowd. He held onto her legs tightly, nervous that he might drop the lightweight girl, nut she held firm on his shoulders and bounced lightly when she caught sight of her sister dashing into the arcade.

“Up! Arcade!”

“Awesome job, Kururi!” Shizuo praised, jogging a bit as she wrapped her legs around his shoulders tighter and rested her hands on his head, using his dyed hair as reigns. They ran up to the arcade. Shizuo stooped down as they entered so Kururi wouldn’t hit her head. He stood back up straight, lifting Kururi easily off his shoulders and back onto her feet. “Do you want to split up to look for her?”

Kururi shook her head. “I know,” she mumbled as she grabbed Shizuo’s hand and led him toward the back left corner of the arcade. There, Shizuo could see lots of kids around the same age as the twins, hooting and hollering as they swarmed around one machine. Kururi let go of Shizuo and ducked into the crowd, crawling under the mass of kids feet.


	25. Zombie Brains

Shizuo looked up over the crowd and saw Mairu holding what looked like a plastic gun. There was a boy next to her standing on his own platform, holding something that resembled a baseball bat. The two were aiming at the screen, swinging and shooting at the virtual zombies that were running at them. The blond watched silently as the cheering grew louder, as Mairu took down more zombies than the boy next to her; winning the game and getting on the highs score list.

“Ha, take that zombie ass! I totally kicked butt!” she cheered as Kururi ran up next to her, smiling widely to congratulate her. Others were slapping her on the back and fist bumping her. The boy who had lost was getting teased by his circle of friends. Mairu turned and saw Shizuo, waving him over. “Shizuo-kun! Come on, play me!”

“W-what?” Shizuo started, shaking his head. “No thanks, I don’t play arcade games.”

“You’re kidding me! You have got to play this! It’s the newest game out! Come on!” Mairu called as she waved him over. The kids around Shizuo pushed him, jeering him until he stepped onto the platform next to Mairu.

“Mairu…I really don’t-”

“Stop being such a puss. Now, all you do it take one of these…” she said as she threw him one of the various controllers.

He caught it in his hand and squeezed his hand gently around the plastic handle. A…crowbar? 

“...And then when the zombies on your screen come at you, you swing! But make sure you hold on tight! Don’t want that to fly through the screen. But aim good, cause you’ll get attacked if you don’t hit them in the head or neck,” Mairu explained, wiping the sweat off her brow and rocking back and forth between her feet. She licked her lips and popped in two more quarters before curling and uncurling her fingers around the pistol shaped controller. “Ready?”

“No, not really…”

“GO!”

“W-what?!”

On the screen, a hoard of zombies rushed forward; much faster than in the movies. At least, the movies Shizuo had seen. He shakily swung his crowbar controller and held it vibrate in his hand; he managed to hit one. But two more had come from the side and tackled his character. The vision on the screen tumbled to the side, and flashed red. His controller shook uncontrollably.

Shizuo grunted and flailed the crowbar around wildly, trying to shake off the virtual zombies from his character. He could practically feel them crawling over him, and he almost side stepped off the platform. He wobbled to regain balance, and glanced over to Mairu.

She moved back and forward on the platform; the character on the screen moving in time with her. She kept her aim firm as she rapidly hit the release button on her controller and continued to get headshot after headshot. A wide smirk was on her face, and Shizuo could see the glint of sadistic glee in her eyes as she killed off the zombies.

He saw Izaya in that gaze.

Growling under his breathe and gritting his teeth, he felt the crowbar continuing to shake in his grip. Although, the screen to the side of his gaze was flashing GAME OVER. He glanced at his hand, seeing it was his fist shaking.

Mairu was cheering again and high fiving people in the crowd as she made her rounds. “Hell yes! New highscore! Try and beat that guys! Haha, I kicked Shizuo-kun‘s ass!”

“Flea…” he hissed, eyes narrowing toward Mairu.

She turned and tilted her head. “Huh?”

Shizuo blinked out of his red haze and watched as she looked him over with concerned eyes. He shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose, setting the crowbar down on the floor. He reached into his pocket and pulled out two more quarters, slipping them into the slot. “I’m not done yet. Hand me the sickle.”

Mairu beamed and handed Shizuo the sickle shaped controller. The screen flashed, and more zombies rushed at him. This time, Shizuo was ready. He slashed and swung, taking out more zombies than the first time, although Mairu - who had switched from a pistol to the crowbar- was still taking more down than him.

This continued for another half hour, as the crowd roared, and the zombies fell to the virtual ground. Each round, Shizuo paid another fifty cents, and both tried a new weapon. Each time, Mairu would win, but Shizuo would be slowly catching up in numbers. And every time, Mairu would have that gleam in her eye, which only reminded Shizuo of the person she was related to. It only made him fight off cyber zombies harder.

GAME OVER flashed in front of their faces, and both players leaned forward, panting to try and catch their breath. The young girl smirked and nudged Shizuo in the arm, winking. “Nice game play. Not too shabby.”

“Heh…thanks. I got a lot better with these…” Shizuo grunted as he lifted his hand to show off the white glove. Using his fist was much easier than using the light weight plastic shit.

Mairu grinned and handed over her chainsaw to another kid, and hopped off the platform. “Let’s bounce. We’ve been hogging this game forever, and although we were total bad asses while doing it, I think it’s time to move on.”

Shizuo nodded and slipped off the gloves, handing them over to the next kid in line before following the twins toward the tables near the bar.

“Shizu-kun! Lets get a pizza!” Mairu cheered, falling into a chair and resting her head back. Kururi nodded and hopped up into a chair, sitting with perfect posture.

Shizuo chuckled and shrugged. “Sure, why not. I think I’ve got a few more bucks on me we can order.” He walked up to the counter and waited for the cashier to come over to place his order. He was growing impatient, when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He glanced over to see Kururi pulling hard on his arm, eyes wide. “What is it? Don’t want pepperoni?”

“Nii-san.”

“Huh?”

“IZA-NII, RED ALERT!” Mairu screamed, hopping off her chair and running toward Shizuo and Kururi.

Shizuo turned to see the familiar face of Izaya rounding the corner; red eyes now locked on his own. With a quick jerk to his hand, Shizuo stumbled around the corner and was running down the corridor leading to the back door. Led by two devious girls, he ran with them, out of the arcade and into the streets.


	26. Caught Up To Speed

Izaya had ran out of the subway as fast as he could, bursting into the bright daylight. He squinted and pulled his hood over his eyes as he quickly stumbled past people and sprinted down the streets of Ikebukuro, looking in every direction. He ducked into stores, running a quick scan with his eyes, before rushing back out and crossing the street to look in another shop.

He saw the familiar glint of blond hair and skidded to a halt, staring at the head bob in the crowd. Two more heads with black hair bobbed beside him, as they walked down the street. Izaya grit his teeth and ran toward them, fists clenched as he skidded around them and stopped in front of the trio. A plastic smile graced his lips as he bowed quickly.

“Kida.”

“Izaya.”

The two stared at each other with icy glares for a moment before Izaya stood back up and sighed.

“I was wondering if you could do that favor for me I had mentioned a few weeks ago, neh?”

Kida groaned. “Why now? Can’t you see I’m busy with people more important?” Mikado flinched and tapped Kida’s arm, trying to tell him to not be so rude. Anri, who stood on his left side, glanced away. However, she kept her eyes on Izaya, glowing red with the threat of unleashing her cursed blade on the informant.

“Ahh, Mikado. No need to hush him. He has every reason to be bitter toward me. But I can assure you, this has nothing to do with his past. This encounter I have planned has only to do with my benefits.”

“Tch…planned encounter. You snake,” Kida spat, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning back on his heels. Izaya’s brow ticked slightly; Kida knew that Izaya had merely bumped into them, a move he would normally never make.

“Either way. I need you Kida. And you’re friends here can help as well,” he bargained, sliding his gaze over the teens as they stared back at him.

“Why should we?”

“Because I’m in search of someone. Actually, two people,” he declared. He went to reach for his wallet, before remembering that the twins had confiscated it. He fluidly rest his hand in his pocket, and smiled. “So, what do you say?”

The trio silently glanced at each other, none of them knowing what they should do. The look on Anri’s face clearly said that they shouldn’t help someone like Izaya. Although, Mikado’s gaze told Kida that they should help; because it was the nice thing to do. Torn between two friends, Kida huffed and shifted his gaze to the floor.

“What is it?”

Izaya smiled, knowing he won this argument. He stepped forward, waving his hand in the air as he spoke. “Something simple really. I just need a few more pairs of eyes than I normally need.”

“To look for what?” Mikado asked, his voice stronger as Izaya stepped closer. The informant smiled pleasantly.

“I’m looking for my sisters; Mairu and Kururi. You may have known about them.”

Kida scoffed. “Those twins who just transferred to Raira a few months ago? They are constantly pulling pranks and nearly killing us with their tricks. Why would we help search for…wait…”

“They are your sisters?’ Anri asked, slightly surprised. Izaya sighed, a small frown on his face.

“Aye, they are. And as much as I’d rather not, I am responsible for them. So I need to find them. They ran off on one of their adventures, and I’d like to get them back to a place where I can lock them up,” Izaya stated simply. Kida tried to read Izaya’s facial expression, but wasn’t able to read his real motives. He sighed and turned around, waving his hand.

“I’m only helping because they are cute, and the one has huge tits. Is that all?”

“Aye, that is all,” Izaya grinned, turning to walk in the opposite direction. “This will count as your final service.”

“What?” Kida stammered, glancing back at Izaya with wide eyes. “This is really it? But…wouldn’t you want it to be…”

“Darker? Mm, that would be best. However, you’ve been faithful; if not hard to handle. I’ll let you slide with this task. Besides, I’m tired of seeing your face. Reminds me too much of a certain monster with the same color fur.”

 

 

***

 

 

Izaya didn’t have to wait too long before Kida sent him the text saying he saw “the chick with the flat chest and the braids” run by him while heading toward the arcade. Mikado and Anri had left Kida alone as they went to search the park together. Kida didn’t complain, knowing it was also their excuse to just be together.

**[Ahh, thank you Kida, for your good efforts. You’ll be paid generously for your help.]**

**/Paid generously? What’s the catch./**

**[No catch. Not this time. You may not realize, but this was a very important task I just had you complete.]**

**/Yeah, whatever. She just ran into the arcade. And I think I saw the other sitting on someone’s shoulders following her. Happy now?/**

**[Sitting on someone’s shoulders?]**

**/Yeah. Couldn’t tell who. Oooh, might be a rapist! Is scary nii-san going to save them?!/**

**[Thank you.]**

The final text from Izaya even shocked Kida, as he saw the flash of tan fur rush down an alley across the street from him, heading toward the arcade.

Izaya didn’t care that he had lost one of his most faithful, albeit annoying and frustrating, minions. All that mattered was that he could get his sisters out of this damn city, and away from whoever just took them.

He felt the heavy handle of the switchblade in his pocket, and was prepared to start a bloody battle in the arcade if things were to get serious.

Nobody would hurt his sisters. _Ever._

Izaya stepped into the arcade, his plastic and lucid smile still on his face. His half lidded eyes scanned the crowded building for familiar faces. Half of the people here he did recognize, due to his extensive research on various humans in Ikebukuro. However, no one of importance.

He wove through the crowd like water, barely noticed by bystanders as he slid his way toward the back. He checked all the regular games that the twins talked about, and found neither of them at any.

When he heard the familiar squeal of Mairu winning at another challnge, he spun on his heels and darted toward the sound, heading to the back corner. He pushed his way into the separate room, looking over the head of the mass of teenagers. Neither of his sisters were there. He growled under his breathe, and pushed his way through, grunting as he let his anger take over a bit. He didn’t even care that the teens yelled at him or shoved him a bit.

That’s when he stepped out and heard the very distinct voice of Mairu, screaming, “Iza-nii! Red Alert!”

 _"You‘re damn right, “red alert" , you rotten little tw-"_ Izaya's thoughts stopped half way when he caught sight of his sworn enemy standing between Mairu and Kururi, their eyes wide and locked on each other. 

“Shizu-chan?”

Mairu had grabbed Shizuo’s hand and yanked him away and around the corner with Kururi hot on their heels. Izaya stood dumbfounded for a moment, before chasing after them, ignoring the burn in his legs as he forced himself to run faster to try and catch up.

But they were already out the back hall, and into Ikebukuro once again.

“God DAMMIT!”

 


	27. Sweet Tooth

Shizuo wasn’t sure how long they were running, but soon the trio was far away from the arcade, and panting against the side of a building near the edge of the city.

The look on their faces when they noticed the flea, was something short of shock and…something else he couldn’t read. It made him wonder why they were running. Did Izaya do something to them? Was he really that cruel to harm his sisters? The idea of the twins being hurt by their older brother made Shizuo seethe.

His hands clenched around the edge of the building, and crushed the concrete into rubble in his hands. He heard two bursts of laughter beside him, and blinked out of his rage and watched the twins as they slid to the floor. Clutching their sides, they bent over in hysterical laughter, leaning against each other for support. Shizuo dropped the rubble in his hands and sat down next to them, waiting until they caught their breathe.

“N-neh neh, Shi-Shizuo-kun! Did you see the look on his face?! So priceless!” Mairu choked out, tears wet with tears as she gasped for air. Kururi nodded, a wide smile on her face as she laughed quietly; her shoulders quivering with every breath taking laugh.

“Nii-san…surprised,” the quieter twin gasped, still chuckling a bit.

“So you guys aren’t running from Izaya because of something he did?” Shizuo questioned as he lent out his hands for them to grab onto. He pulled them up to their feet.

“Nii-san….do something?” Kururi asked, completely confused. Mairu laughed again and shook her head.

“No way. Izaya might be a pain in the neck, and he might be a tight ass. But he’s a good brother. He always looks out for us. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have found us,” Mairu stated as walked toward a small shop tucked away between another building and an alley.

“So…that’s why you kept running? Even after he found you guys?” Shizuo questioned as he stood up from the sidewalk, following behind the bubbly girls.

“Mmhmm! Because we like to know that he really does care. Because we care about him too! And if he went missing, and we though he could probably get hurt; we’d look for him too.” She turned and grinned widely, arms behind her back. “Unless it was against you! We always cheer you on! Oh! And if we had to choose between Iza-nii and Yuuhei. We’d always choose Yuuhei!”

“Love…Nii-san. But…Yuuhei…and Shizuo-kun…better,” Kururi agreed, skipping ahead to walk side by side with her sister.

Shizuo couldn’t help but feel relieved, knowing that the flea wasn’t somehow causing them pain. And it kinda flustered him knowing that they would so easily choose one of the Heiwajima’s over their own brother. But, knowing that these two, mostly innocent, girls weren’t in some sort of family abuse due to Izaya’s antics made him happier. The more he thought about it, the more strange it seemed; Izaya caring for his sisters so much. It seemed out of character, and it completely baffled Shizuo.

Maybe Izaya had a softer side?

He laughed and shook his head. “No way.”

“Shizuooo-kuuun!” Mairu sang, stopping in front of the shop.

“Icecream?” Kururi asked, pointing to the sign. Shizuo walked over, hands in his pockets and read the sign: "Buy one get on half off."

The blond shrugged. “Sure, why not. I’ll pay, you guys just go and choose what you want.”

The twins cheered and pushed open the door, causing the small bell to ding softly to announce their presence. They ran inside, quickly rushing up to the counter and looking at all the flavors, while Shizuo slowly followed, glancing at the menu.

“A strawberry swirl sure sounds good…”

Shizuo reached into his pockets and pulled out the cash in his hand. He frowned when he saw that he didn’t have enough for three cones, but he should have enough for two. He smiled and bit and shrugged; more for the girls.

He walked up behind them, handing the rest of his money over the counter to the woman behind the register, as another worker piled up ice cream on two cones for the twins. The giggled softly to themselves, murmuring whatever girls like to murmur about as the got their cones.

Mairu and Kururi skipped over to a small table in the back, sitting on the tall barstools and kicking their feet lightly. Mairu took to spinning back and forth on the stool as she languidly licked her vanilla cone. Kururi spent more time slowly flicking off the sprinkles and letting each one melt in her mouth, hardly paying attention to the dripping chocolate on her fingers.

Shizuo sat on the third stool, closest to the wall and leaned back; arms crossed over his chest as he watched the twins enjoy their sweets. He couldn’t help but smile a bit as he looked around the familiar ice cream shop. He and Kasuka came here from time to time; Shizuo ordering a strawberry swirl, and Kasuka a caramel cone.

He missed being a kid; living day by day without any problems. Taking care of his younger brother when things got tough. Being with the twins helped him remember those good moments. Of course, these were Orihara’s he was dealing with. And as much fun as they may seem, there is always a catch.

“Hey, Mairu.”

“Hmm?” she mewled, sucking on the tip of her ice cream with a small smile. Shizuo was slightly…confused by the look on her face. She sometimes resembled her older brother perfectly, and other times seemed like she had nothing to do with him.

“Earlier you said that the flea had some files or something.”

She immediately perked up and nodded. “Oh, those! Yep, he’s got files on everyone he runs into and finds interesting. I’m sure he even has files on Kuru and I! But we haven’t been able to find them yet. I’m sure he’s hid those super deep in his system.”

“So why was mine so easy to find?” Shizuo wondered, tapping his fingers along the table top as he thought. Mairu giggled, causing Shizuo to glance back up at her.

“That’s cause your file was the one that was recently edited and saved.”

“Yesterday (he must have added) more information (on you),” Kururi added, finally realizing that her hands were slowly being covered with sticky ice cream, and started to lick at the sides in a frantic manner to clean her mess.

“What the hell type of stuff could he add, if he already knows everything about my life…at least, that’s what you said,” Shizuo added briefly, feeling his skin crawl at the idea of the flea knowing every detail about his personal life.

Mairu shrugged. “It was mostly stuff about what happened a few weeks ago. The whole thing about that incident where he kicked dirt in your face and laughed.” Shizuo twitched a bit and growled at that fact. “Actually, Iza-nii wrote it in great detail. He’s pretty good with how he words things. It sounded more like a novel than a file on someone.”

The blond sighed. “The flea always got high grades in those classes. He used to rub them in my face to piss me off. I’m not surprised he’d continue doing that.”

Both of the twins glanced at each other for a moment, and giggled. Shizuo blinked and stared at them as they stopped again and took another lick of their cones.

“Anyways, the newest stuff he just added was about you being sick. It worries us too. We don’t want you to die or anything; we like you too much for you to die,” Mairu stiffly said, staring hard at the melting ice cream. Kururi nodded solemnly as well, her doe eyes slightly glistening.

Shizuo swallowed the lump forming in his throat and reached over, resting his hands on their arms. He smiled reassuringly when they glanced up. “I’m not going anywhere. This…thing I have isn’t gonna kill me.”

“But it’s so hard to get past cancer!” Mairu cried out, squeezing her cone tightly, crushing the sugar cone and forcing the ice cream to ooze out of the cracks. Kururi flinched and glanced back at her cone, taking another tentative lick.

Shizuo froze, eyes widening. His hands trembled slightly, and he was sure the twins could feel his surprise.

“C-cancer? He had…cancer on the file?” he whispered, staring at them for answers. Neither looked him in the eyes, but they did shift their gaze toward him a bit. It frustrated Shizuo, that they wouldn’t talk.

“Mairu! Kururi! What did that file say?!”

He didn’t mean to sound so harsh, so to make them flinch with his sudden ferocity. He didn’t want to frighten them, but most of all, he didn’t want to become a monster.

With a sigh, he pulled his hand away and rubbed his forehead. “Guys, I’m sorry. I just wanna know. What was on that file?”

Mairu and Kururi glanced at each other for a moment, before hopping off their barstools to throw out the rest of their ice cream. They no longer felt very hungry. They hopped back onto their chairs and swung their legs back and forth during the moment of silence. Soon, Kururi broke the silence.

“Nii-san…wrote…theories,” she forced out, her small voice hardly noticeable beyond the small ding of the bell on the front door, and the idle chatting between customers and employees.

“Yeah…he rambled a lot. He actually made a typo or two, as if he was shaky. He went on like ‘I never knew a monster like Shizu-chan would get such a deadly disease’ and ‘If he survives this, I’ll be amazed’. He also mentioned stuff how he really couldn’t believe you could get it. Or that it would affect you. But he can’t think of anything else that could be wrong. Said he checked up on site and researched. Nothing seemed to make sense. But he also mentioned that ‘after hours of searching, he was too tired to continue one, and doubted he would find much else. But he couldn’t stop yet’.”

Shizuo swallowed and shivered a bit, as he hunched over and rested his head in his hands. Cancer. He couldn’t believe it. He just _could not_ accept that fate. He shook his head and groaned a bit, and felt a light touch on his arm from Kururi.

“H-hey Shizuo-kun…he…Iza-nii did say that he could be wrong. That it is only a theory,” Mairu tried to offer. Seeing Shizuo so visible distraught…it was eerie and neither of the twins liked it.

He shook his head and glanced up, his honey eyes looking more tired than before. The weight of this…plausible diagnosis was crushing his spirits of getting better.

“Izaya…he’s smart. I’m sure that he’s right. He’s always right, isn’t he? Hell, he’s even right about me being a monster…”

“You’re not a monster!” Kururi yelled, slamming her fists on the table. Both Shizuo and Mairu jolted up and stared at her outburst, as Kururi’s glazy eyes hardened and shined with determination.

“You’re…you’re better…not a monster.” She paused and took a deep breathe. “You won’t go away.”

Mairu nodded and smiled. “Yeah! You’re too strong to let anything take you down! And too cool too! I’m sure Iza-nii was just being stupid. He does have his moments. Besides, we would rather him have the cancer than you, right Kuru?”

Kururi chuckled softly and nodded. The ill blond blinked a bit, surprised by their blatant dislike for their brother. Their views on the informant seemed to fluctuate depending on the mood of the conversation. Either way, seeing that they cared so openly about Shizuo…it warmed his heart and raised his spirits.

“Hey.”

Two pairs of brown eyes peered up at him as he smiled, reaching out to ruffle their heads.

“Thanks for following me around. You two aren‘t so bad after all.”

The two girls were stunned for a moment, before grinning widely from ear to ear. Shizuo laughed along with them, his deep baritone voice disrupting their soft laughs.

Until a bitter voice interrupted them. “Oh, what a touching moment. The sweetness of it all is going to make me vomit.”


	28. Advance or Abscond

Shizuo whipped his head around to see the black clad informant leaning against the counter, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. The blond clenched his fist and stood up abruptly, as the twins hopped out with a look of distress on their face. He walked out from around the table, growling slightly as Izaya smiled and shrugged, chuckling.

“Oh, did I ruin a moment?" the informant teased. "Like I would care much if you’re getting so soft. You really should stop, your becoming to human. And you know if you were human, that means I’d have to love you. And that’s just _icky._ ”

Izaya found it humorous to find his sisters clinging to the beast of Ikebukuro, and it was _hilarious_ that the so called beast was warming up to be a soft puppy toward them. It made his stomach twist and his heart clench in a sickening way. Of course, he wouldn’t dare think of it being signs of anything else but hatred and humor. There was no way he could be jealous.

Oh fuck it, he can’t deny even _that_. He really couldn’t help it, and he knew it. He may not be human, but he still had emotions - despite common belief. He had just spent the entire day running around his beloved city, searching for probably two of the most important people in his life. The informant wouldn’t openly admit this, but his sisters were the only ones that could understand. Understand him.

It’s not like he had a terrible childhood. His parents were decent. Sure, they weren’t around all the time, but at least they didn’t beat him like some other kids he grew up talking to on the internet. The only problem in his life was the loneliness. Growing up alone, he talked to himself and the people he watched around him. He became friends with information, and found security in knowing things others wouldn’t know. He was outgoing, yet shy. Alone, yet always around others. He was brilliant, yet too timid to speak.

It all changed when the twins were born.

Suddenly, his parents were around more often. They would spend more time with the family. Not Izaya personally, but with everyone in the same room together. It was forced, and awkward. Izaya disliked it, and spent most of those times just observing. He decided that he would tolerate these knew humans in his life, and would grow up with them and teach them how to survive when his parents got bored and moved on. Because they always did.

So he cared for them. Raised them. Protected them. Not always in front of them; no, his pride was ego was too big for that. He had a reputation to uphold of course. So, when they were threatened, he would stick up for them. But whenever they were around him, he’d act indifferent. He was also sure that his…strange views on life had rubbed off on them too. In a sense, he created a double headed monster, with the way they acted as one being. A being he couldn’t control.

Kind of like Shizu-chan.

Izaya inwardly sighed, as he blocked out Shizuo’s hateful ramblings. He glanced over at his sisters for a moment, and saw that they had a look of disappointment on their faces.

 _"Ahh. That's why I feel this way,"_ he thought. It's because they preferred the brute over him. They loved the monster more than their kin; but, it made sense that monsters would love a monster.

Regardless, it rubbed Izaya the wrong way and ticked him off. The fact that Shizu-chan was so precious. And catching the tail end of that conversation made him even sicker. How dare that imbecile be so kind and so thoughtful toward them. How dare he protect them. After all the years he has done that.

He sighed openly and shook his head, pushing himself off the counter and gliding toward Shizuo with a lucid smile on his face. “Ahh, Shizu-chan, I’m not here to pick a fight. I’m here to pick up the two pests you got caught on you. Now, if you’d please move, I’ll take them away and leave.”

“Tch, like hell you’ll leave. You’re gonna grab ‘em and then do something to piss me off. Like you always do!” Shizuo yelled. Everyone surrounding them in the shop froze, or slowly made their way to the door. No one wanted to be near Shizuo and Izaya.

The informant laughed. “I hardly have to do anything to make you angry, Shizu-chan. That’s what’s so fun about you! Besides, I already said I’m not here for you.”

“Bullshit! You try to piss me off 99.99% of the time whenever you even catch a glance! This time won‘t be any different, except now you have to deal with your sisters too!” Shizuo barked.

“Why don’t you try to believe in that .01%, hmm? Wouldn’t that be interesting?”

“Fuck off.”

Izaya ignored Shizuo and looked at his sisters, narrowing his eyes to let them know the authority of the situation. “Mairu, take your sister and leave. I have a feeling Shizu-chan won’t be able to control himself, and I don’t think you’d like to be hurt much, would you?”

There was no argument. Only little hesitation stopped Mairu from taking Kururi by the hand, and walking past them and out the door. They glanced back at Shizuo, and smiled a bit, giving the blond a thumbs up - a gesture in which they hoped Shizuo won the battle with Izaya.

Shizuo visibly trembled as he grit his teeth and tried to suppress his anger. He was only vaguely aware of the employee’s and customers frozen with fear. He swallowed and forced himself to take a calming breath. “Mairu and Kururi were having fun, and you just had to ruin everything.”

“You don’t know my relationship with them,” Izaya stated firmly, venom dripping from his voice as he stepped closer.

Shizuo followed his movements, fists clenched. “I know enough! You don’t give a shit, and you just like to fuck with their lives. Just leave them alone and let them be kids! They don‘t have to grow up to be as sick as you!”

Izaya whipped out his blade and pressed it against Shizuo’s throat, red eyes gleaming deadly in the fluorescent lights. Shizuo growled, feeling the sharp blade digging into his skin and chaffing it a bit. Not enough to cut, but enough to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

“You don’t fucking know anything, Shizuo. You have no idea what I do for them. And you have no right to be with them.”

“Then why did they run, huh? Doesn‘t seem like they want to spend time with you,” Shizuo sneered. He only had a split second to lurch back as Izaya pounced, slashing his blade in the air where Shizuo’s neck was.

With a hiss, Izaya flung his blade at Shizuo, lodging it deep into the wall next to his head. Shizuo felt his temper snap as he growled and threatened to lift up the bolted table from the ground. However, Izaya was ready and jumped on the table, tackling the weaker blond to the floor, ripping out a new blade from his pocket and holding it above Shizuo’s face.

Izaya panted and growled, his eyes set on Shizuo’s forehead as his hand trembled from his tight grip. Shizuo even was frozen for a moment, staring up at the blade that would arc downwards and cut deep between his eyes.

He faltered when his grip on Shizuo’s neck forced the blond to cough. Izaya’s eyes widened for a moment before he remembered. Remembered why he was here. Why Shizuo was weak. Why Kururi and Mairu were upset and why they wanted to be with Shizuo so bad.

Everything happened in only a second, but in that short moment of time; Izaya decided to do something he never would have thought of before.

He let go of the blond, stood up shakily, and fled.


	29. Make Damn Sure

Shizuo was stunned to see the flea run out without any hesitation, following his sisters out the front doors. He sat up, gently rubbing his throat with his hand as bystanders stared at him warily. Grunting softly, he stood up, marching out of the ice cream shop without taking a look back.

“Fuckin’ flea…if he thinks he can just run away, he’s crazy,” he grumbled under his breath as he looked down the street, seeing the distant ruffle of tan fur disappear. The blond broke into a sprint, dashing down the street to try and catch up, when a black web of shadows whipped in front of his face and held him back.

“Celty!” he growled as the headless rider ran up to him. He struggled against her black tendrils, only making her hold on tighter.

**[Shizuo! Wait, don’t bother!]** she quickly typed on her PDA. She tightened the ropes around him until he stopped struggling, and slowly released him from his shadowy confinements.

“Why the hell should I?” Shizuo barked, fists clenched again. He knew the reason why though, and Celty confirmed his suspicions.

**[You shouldn’t be chasing after him anyways. You’re lungs aren’t exactly ready to handle long sprints.]**

He sighed. “Yeah I know. It’s just…I want to fucking kill that bastard…”

Celty tapped his shoulder, and forced him to look at her PDA.  **[We have more important things to talk about, Shizuo.** ] She pulled the PDA back and typed frantically before Shizuo could say anything else.  **[Shinra just got his hands on something that could diagnose what you have. He wants you to-]**

 

“I already have an Idea of what I have…” Shizuo mumbled, as he felt her shadows urging him to follow her. He walked almost mechanically, not really thinking about where he was going.

She gave him a questioning tilt of her helmet as she wrapped a black helmet around Shizuo. She could only see his sad golden eyes through the empty darkness of the shadows around him.

“I…uh…I have a feeling it’s something that might not be curable…” he muttered as he sat on the motorcycle, slouching foreword a bit as Celty climbed on. He rubbed his arm soothingly before peeling away from the curb.

 

 

***

 

 

_"What the hell was that? You are such a pussy. Why’d you run?"_

Izaya lied on his back, staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. He traced shapes and figures with his eyes as they followed the shadows that crawled on the walls. He sighed and grabbed his flick blade, running his finger along the edge gently.

_"You could have finished him. You actually had the chance."_

Snarling to himself, he pressed his thumb deeper until the blade cut open the skin and a small bead of blood oozed from the wound. He squeezed his thumb, forcing more of the candy red color from the cut. It bubbled up into a bead, before sliding down the length of his thumb slowly. Carmine eyes watched the ruby droplet stain ivory skin.

_"He wasn’t even prepared. You blew it. You fucked up your chances."_

He brought his thumb to his lips and licked away the blood, before he dropped his arm to his side. Still gripping onto his blade, he rolled over onto his side, and watched as the gleam of the sunlight filtering through the shades reflected off.

_"What held you back this time? Why did you stop? Why did you run?"_

Questions continued to spiral in his head. The memories of the day haunted him, refused to leave him alone as everything in his damned home reminded him of the brute.

_"Were you afraid of actually ending him? That the past eight years of the chase would be over?"_

The twin had found him and scolded him. Had told them that they wished Shizuo got rid of him, because they were having fun. He kept his cool, of course; only yelling at them when they started talking at once.

_"Were you afraid you’d miss the thrill of chase?"_

But the look on their faces…he knew he could read them perfectly, no matter how hard they tried to hide it. They had fun, running from Izaya. They wouldn’t mind playing cat and mouse again. And honestly, he didn’t mind. It was a pain, but he loved the hunt. The only reason why this time got under his skin was…because of him.

_"The bruises and the cuts?"_

It made him sick to his stomach. He sat up and breathed deeply, as a strange wave of nausea rolled over him. Trembling, he closed his eyes and focused on something still. Something to soothe his nerves. Dammit, if only he had stuck the final blow. Rather than pussying out. If only he had finished it. If only he had killed-

_"Him?"_

The informant lashed out and threw his blade blindly, shaking as he stared angrily toward his target. The sharpened blade drove deep into the edge of his dresser. He took heavy breathes as he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fists. Curling in on himself, he pushed his head between his knees and tugged at his hair.

“Dammit Izaya, you know exactly why, you fuckass. You’re not ready for him to die yet. You want to kill him off when he’s at his strongest. Otherwise it’s not a fair fight. You want to slay the strongest beast, not a weak…human.”

With a tired sigh, he fell back onto his bed. His head hit the pillow with a light thump, and he closed his heavy eyes as the soothing whir of the fan above him lulled him.

“I shouldn’t be this interested in Shizu-chan. I shouldn’t want to find out what’s wrong. It’s borderline worrying. I shouldn‘t want to save him. He‘s a monster. A fool. Everything I hate in the world. Why do I want him to get through this? Why am I starting to care?”

He drifted deeper into sleep, needing a good rest after the tedious chase he had done today. He needed to clear his head, and get ready for the next chapter that would begin tomorrow.


	30. Check Up

The soft tick of a clock in the hall and a dull thrum from Shizuo rapping his fingers along the side table was the only sound in the room. Celty stood in the corner, watching silently as prepared to examine Shizuo. A scrap of the pen on paper, another tap from strong fingers, and another tick tock from the wall clock. It was monotonous and lengthy, and no one wanted to speak up. Not yet.

Shinra bent down and pulled up Shizuo’s sleeve. “I’m going to take your blood pressure first. See if that’s alright first,” the brunet muttered softly as he wrapped a sphygmomanometer around his bicep. “You know what to do.”

“Yeah yeah, I know. Keep calm and don’t think of anything that will piss me off. I’ve got it,” Shizuo grumbled as the device grew tighter and tighter. Shinra nodded silently, writing down data on his Shizuo’s medical chart.

“126 over 82. Not too bad, but could be a bit better. Probably just cause of the pills. I should put you on blood pressure medication to help with that.”

“More pills? God dammit Shinra, is that the only answer you can give me?” Shizuo grunted with frustration. Shinra glanced up at him and sighed, grabbing a light pen and pushing Shizuo’s head back.

“For now, yes. Now, eyes wide.”

Shizuo complied and Shinra shone the light in each honey colored eye, checking to see if autonomic reflexes were working correctly. He nodded, wrote on his file again, and grabbed a percussor and tapped Shizuo’s knees.

“Reflexes are fine. Though you did say Izaya was able to catch you off guard?” Shinra questioned. Shizuo nodded and Shinra hummed with thought. “Most likely due to you being slower than normal because of your illness. Nothing wrong with reflexes; however, you did mention that you felt weaker?”

“Yeah,” Shizuo agreed, crossing his arms as Shinra wrote more on his clipboard. “Not like something drastic. I just kinda noticed that when the Flea was on me…HEY, DON’T SNICKER LIKE THAT.” Shinra bit back the smile creeping on his face and waved his hand for Shizuo to continue. “As I was saying, when he pinned me, for a second he was heavier. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to lift him. But before I could try, he ran like some pissy coward.”

“Izaya is a pissy coward,” Shinra sighed as he picked up the stethoscope and placed it in his ears. “Lift up your shirt, I’m going to check your heart rate and breathing.”

Shizuo unbuttoned the simple dress shirt he was wearing and flinched a bit as the cold metal of the stethoscope stung his hot skin. He tired to speak, but Shinra lifted his hand to silence him. “Just breathe deeply.”

It was difficult. Each release of air was shaky, and he couldn’t gather a deep breathe. Shinra furrowed his brow and shook his head. “Seems like your breathing is still pretty…”

“Fucked up?”

“More like…declining into a state I’d rather not have you fall into,” Shinra said with a more hopeful tone. He stood up and grabbed his clipboard and flipped a few pages to write a new prescription. “Okay, along with the pills your already taking, you’re gonna take a blood pressure pill. As well as a multi vitamin to try and boost your immune system. See if your strong body can fight off this ailment without any need for more medication…well, besides this of course.”

Shizuo groaned. “Why so many pills? They make me choke.”

Shinra glanced at him and raised his brow, smiling a bit. “Aww, would you like a syrup to drink instead?”

“Fuck no! Tastes even worse!”

“And that’s why I’m prescribing pills,” Shinra said decisively as he ripped the prescription and handed it to Shizuo. “Now, don’t lose this slip. This will allow you to get refills when you need it. Start off with one pill. Best to take both at night. Don’t change your schedule with the other medication, and keep using the patches Tom gave you if your cravings get really strong. Let’s see if we can shake this off, hmm?”

Shizuo nodded and stood up, buttoning his shirt back up. “Alright. This had better work Shinra. I can’t keep paying for all these bills when I don’t have a job.”

“Tom and I already discussed that he would pay for your costs.”

“No. I don’t want anyone paying for my own problems.”

Shinra sighed, knowing that Shizuo’s bull headed nature wouldn’t allow any form of reasoning. “Fine fine. But the moment you can’t afford it, Tom or I will pay. Deal?”

“…Deal.”

The boys shook hands in agreement, and Celty stepped forward to walk Shizuo out.  **[I’ll walk you home, okay?]**

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks Celty,” Shizuo said with a smile.“And thanks Shinra, for helping out.”

“Anything to help out a friend in need, Shizuo!” the doctor beamed as the two left his apartment. He frowned and walked over toward the window, watching as Celty drove away with Shizuo on the back of her bike. He flipped open his cell and pressed the speed dial, waiting for the other line to pick up.

 _“Shinra, is there any special reason why you’re calling me?”_ The voice on the other side of the line rasped.

“I’ve got my reasons,” Shinra stated sullenly, closing the blinds to the window; shrouding the room with darkness. Only the light of his phone and the light on the computer cast an eerie glow across the room.

_“Do tell. I‘m curious.”_

“You’re always curious,” Shinra sighed as he took off his glasses and folded them in his hand. He slumped into the chair and let his arm lie limp over the edge as his head fell back, eyes closed. “I need a favor.”

_“It’ll cost you, you know. My services don’t come cheap.”_

“Not even a discount for a friend?”

“You’re lucky I’m fond of you.”

Shinra chuckled. “Yeah yeah. Anyways, my services include you’re hard earned cash.”

_“…Pardon?”_

The underground doctor sighed, and blearily stared at the ceiling in a blind daze. “I need you to pay for some medication…”


	31. Arc 4: Kawaiiyaoiboi69

Glaring at the sterile white pills bottles on the counter, Shizuo fought back the urge to throw the medication out the window. He really didn’t want to have to swallow a handful of these things every night.

He sighed, rubbing his temples as he ripped open the caps, and poured the pills into his open palm. He grimaced at the large tablets in his hand, and took a deep breathe to calm himself.

“I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this,” he grumbled, as he tilted his head back and popped the pills in. He chugged down a glass of milk as fast as he could to get the bitter medicinal taste out of his mouth, and force the un-chewable tablets down his gullet. He coughed and rubbed his tongue with a rag, groaning.

He had this new routine he had to do. For the past few weeks, he has been taking these pills and refilling the bottles one by one as the dosages continued to slowly increase.

Shinra had said it might happen, but Shizuo was hoping that it wouldn’t. But with his intriguing immune system, he was growing a tolerance to the medications, and soon had to double up the dosage. Now instead of the original four pills a day, he was almost to ten pills.

The muffled ringing of his cell phone broke though the silence. Haphazardly tossing the bottles into the cupboard, Shizuo rubbed his face with his hand and slouched back into the living room, falling onto the sofa with a soft plop. He dug his hands in between the cushions, listening for the ringtone as he searched for his phone. Once he finally found the yellow device hiding underneath a pillow, he answered.

“Yo.”

_“Heyyyy Shizuo!!”_

Oh, he recognized that chipper voice; high pitched and slightly muffled as another squeaky voice cut in, saying, _“Shizuo! How are ya?”_

“Hey Erika, Walker. What‘s up?” He chuckled as he heard Togusa cursing in the background about traffic. “Stuck in traffic?”

 _“Oh yeah, we’ve been sitting here forever! Togusa is getting soo angry, but Erika and I have been fine. More time to read our manga!”_ Walker exclaimed. Shizuo could practically see the smile on the blond’s face as he spoke.

Shizuo glanced at his phone, reading the caller name, and laughed. “Did you steal Kadota’s phone?

 _“Noooo. He lent it to us! We’re calling to cheer you up!”_ Erika squealed as she took the phone again from Walker. _“Dota-chin had talked with Tom earlier and had heard you weren’t feeling well. We’re all worried about you!”_

“Guys…” Shizuo started, groaning slightly as he smiled. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

_“Yep, we know! You’re the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro!”_

“The…what?”

_“Nevermind! But anyways, Walker and I have a question!”_

“Shoot.”

At this moment, Walker grabbed the phone, and turned it onto speaker phone. _“We’re drawing you a doujin! Now, would you like yaoi, yuri, or the standard hentai?”_ Erika giggled in the background.

Shizuo’s face flushed red as he sat up straight. “Guys! Don’t!”

 _“I think Shizuo would like yaoi the most! Doesn’t he seem like such a seme?”_ Walker snickered as Erika was heard squealing.

_“Yeah, yeah, Walker! Cause he know he totally loves Iza-”_

_“Guys! That’s enough, hand me the phone!”_

_“But Dota-chiiiiiin.”_

_“Give it!”_

_“Stop goofing around! You’re gonna mess up the seats!”_

_“Oh hush, Togusa!”_

_“Give me the phone!!”_

Shizuo laughed to himself at the humorous brawl inside the van. The voices of the four passengers all swirled together. Eventually the number of people yelling got quiet, and he heard Kadota’s familiar voice through the receiver.

_“Sorry about those two. They are so desperate to draw you something.”_

“It’s fine. I would just rather not have anything yaoi or yuri in my place,” Shizuo chuckled sheepishly.

 _“…You know what that means?”_ Kadota asked, slightly bewildered. He laughed. _“Dude, you need to get out more if you’re learning what those words mean.”_

“Yeah, I know.” Shizuo laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. It was true he wasn’t doing much lately. Just lounging around the house. He was enjoying having time off, but he was becoming antsy, and missed the company of people.

He heard a shout on the phone, and another scuffle before Erika’s voice came back on. _“Shizuo! We have a solution for the cabin fever!”_

“Oh, what exactly is that, ha?” Shizuo asked amused.

 _“ONLINE DATING!”_ Walker and Erika sang into the phone. The blond bartender choked a bit and laughed.

“Are you serious guys? No way.”

_“Yes way! We even made you an account on a popular dating site! We’ll text you the information so you can log on and start talking to all the sexy ladies”_

_“Or guys!”_

_“Yeah, or guys! What ever team you play for is totally okay by us!”_

The two started rambling again, and Shizuo had to yell into the phone to catch their attention. “Guys, guys! I’m not gonna go online for some stupid dating thing!”

_“Aww, why not? It’s not gonna hurt you! We didn’t use your real name or anything. It’s just a chat name.”_

“I don’t wanna.”

_“But it’ll kill the boredom!”_

“It’ll be awkward.”

_“No one will know it’s you!”_

This argument went on for another half hour, until Shizuo found himself staring at his phone in the silent privacy of his home. The username and password were on his cell screen, and he was sitting in front of his desktop computer, staring at the black website log on screen.

He couldn’t believe he was actually this desperate for something to do with his time.


	32. Psychedelic Dreams

With a sigh, Shizuo typed in his user name that Erika and Walker had created. _Kawaiiyaoiboi._ Dear God, what is wrong with those two...but he couldn’t change it now. He just had to deal with it.

He logged onto the sickeningly bubblegum pink colored site, and went to his profile, to fill in basic info. His age, gender, occupation - which he left blank for the moment. He kept the preference box unchecked as well, he really didn’t care much about gender. He also left his name blank. He didn’t want anyone to find out he was doing this.

After filling his profile, and pulling up a default profile picture of some ocean waves, he logged onto the chatroom, where he was paired up with “an eager partner.” It made him shudder.

_\--Kawaiiyaoiboi69 has logged in--_  
 _\--loading an eager partner--_  
 _\--partner loaded--_  
 _\--Psychedelic Dreams has logged in--_

**[Psychedelic Dreams] hello!**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Uh…hi.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] ur name is…funny. hehe….**

Shizuo felt himself blush and slink in his chair a bit.

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I..I didn’t come up with it! My friend did!**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] hahaha, it’s okay! it’s cute! :D**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Uh…okay.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] what’s ur name?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Umm…uh…**

Shizuo froze for a moment. He hadn’t thought of a name yet. He never thought he would have to come up with one so fast. Scrambling to come up with a name, he typed the first thing he thought.

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Um…just, call my Tsugaru.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] that’s so cute! I’m gonna call u Tsu-chan!**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] No! That’s too girly and familiar, just Tsugaru is fine…**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] but I like Tsu-chan better ;n;**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Fine fine, you can call me Tsu-chan…just…don’t start that teary eye stuff. It makes me think you’re crying or something.**

**Psychedelic Dreams] yay! Tsu-chan! <3 my name is Psyche, but u can call me Psyche-chan if u want! hehe :D**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I’d rather call you Psyche.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] okies!**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] where are u from, Tsu-chan?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Ikebukuro.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] so cool! i live there 2! isn’t that neat?!**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Wow, really?**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] yeah, isn’t that awesome?!**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Yeah.**

Shizuo sat silent at his computer, staring at the screen as his finger’s froze over the keys. He didn’t really know what to say next. He felt extremely stupid for starting up a conversation with a stranger, and then not saying anything.

He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting at the computer like a complete idiot, before the dings of the chat box shook him from his daydreaming.

**[Psychedelic Dreams] ur not very talkative, are you? hehe.**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I feel kinda awkward, just talking to a stranger.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] oh don’t worry, I won’t bite…2 hard! hehehe! (:**

Shizuo groaned a bit and felt himself getting uncomfortable. He felt like he was talking to a wall. A happy, hyperactive, and almost bipolar wall.

**[Psychedelic Dreams] So, AS?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] What?**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] AS. it’s normally ASL, but u already answered the L part. so AS? age? sex?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] S-sex?!**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] hahaha, no no! like gender silly!**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Oh... I’m 23 and I’m a guy.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] me 2! i’m actually 21, and I’m also a guy. :3**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Oh, awesome.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] that’s not a turn off, right? ;~;**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  W-what? N-no! It doesn‘t mean I‘m not happy to meet  you or anything...**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] yay! i’m happy 2 meet u 2! <3**

It made Shizuo shiver a bit. He wasn’t turned off by guys…he just didn’t prefer them; and the fact he was talking to a guy first made him feel a bit awkward. In fact, this entire situation was awkward.

**[Psychedelic Dreams] what’s ur favorite color?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  oh um, I kinda like the color blue.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] that’s a pretty color <3 i like pink hehe**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Pink? Hahahaha.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] hey hey! it’s not funny! i think it’s pretty!**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Pretty girly if you ask me!**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] heyyyyyy!**

Shizuo found himself laughing along with Psyche, relieved that after breaking the ice with the small questions, it was a lot easier to talk. The two chatted to each other about petty things: the music they liked, where they went to relax, and what types of foods they liked. He found that they enjoyed similar things. Before he knew it, four hours have passed, and the sun was starting to set.

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Oh wow, a lot of time has passed.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] yeah! i have to go. :c**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Alright. It was nice talking to u**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] hey! lets talk tomorrow, okay? :D**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Sure!  
**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] awesome! i’ll send you my profile information! night night Tsu-chan! <333**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69]  Hahaha, night Psyche.**

_\--Psychedelic Dreams has logged out--_

_\--Kawaiiyaoiboi69 has logged in--_

Shizuo didn’t bother trying to look for another “eager partner” to talk to. He just logged off with a smile on his face, and headed to his bed for an early night’s sleep.

Maybe Erika and Walker were onto something.

Across the city, the raven haired informant logged off the same dating site he used for trolling. He found that the conversation he had just had with “Tsugaru” had turned to a more friendly chat. Normally he just tried to piss people off, but the chance of possibly making Tsugaru fall in love with “Psyche,” and breaking his heart also pleased him.

He stepped away from his computer, and pulled on his jacket. He stepped out of his apartment, turning the lights off and locking the door as he went out to prowl the late evening. 


	33. Tsugaru's Identity Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: A question/comment I received a lot on FF.net was why the online chats ended so quickly, so I figured I would make a note about it on here as well. 
> 
> The reason why was to avoid repetition. The timeline of the story says that the chatting lasted for a week. However, writing out a week's worth of chats would have gotten boring fast. To avoid that, I just jumped ahead to the next subplot. The chats were merely a bridge, and we've crossed it.
> 
> Also, thank you for reading for this long. I really appreciate it, and it makes me happy to hear readers enjoying it.

_DING DONG._

Groaning, Shizuo blinked his eyes open and squinted. He blearily sat up, rubbing his back as he cleared his throat. His sinuses were plugged, and his eyes were crusty from a deep night’s sleep. He could vaguely hear the sound of footsteps leaving his front door.

Coughing heavily into his fist, he shuffled from his bedroom and across his flat. He unlocked the door and opened it to find a package lying at the foot of his door.

He bent down and slipped the small package under his arm, yawning as he closed his door. He lazily dropped the box on his counter and went to his fridge to get his daily glass of milk.

He wasn’t all too surprised by the package. He had been receiving them every Saturday for the past month. Inside the package was a refill of his medication. The receipt had no purchaser name on it, and no return address.

At first, Shizuo had called Shinra demanding why he was paying for his medication, especially when he still had some left over money to pay for another month’s worth of pills. But the doctor had claimed he knew nothing of what was going on, and joked that maybe he had some secret admirer who cared for him.

He simply hung up after that.

However, still concerned that someone was paying for his expenses, he called Tom, Kadota, Kasuka, and even texted Celty to see if she knew what was going on. However, no one was paying, and everyone was just as confused.

It was then that Shizuo thought of Psyche.

He hadn’t mentioned much to his internet “partner” over the past week. Just simple stuff, things that the bubbly character couldn't have used to find his medical records. Sure, he had mentioned he had a cold, and was feeling under the weather a lot. That’s when Psyche had sent some funny videos from the internet to cheer him up.

He even offered to make some cupcakes and deliver them to Shizuo. As delicious and tempting as homemade cupcakes were, there was no way he was going to tell Psyche where he lived after only knowing him for a few days.

But he was enjoying the boy’s company. Staying at home a lot wasn’t bothering him as much. Especially when he spent most of his night talking online.

As he finished his glass of milk and put some slices of bread in the toaster, he glanced over toward the old desktop computer in the corner.

He wondered if Psyche somehow figured out who he was. Or if he knew Shinra, and the underground doctor had let it slip. He wouldn’t be surprised Psyche knew Shinra. At times, the bubbly man could turn a bit dark; in a way that made Shizuo wonder if he was some sociopath…or a yandere, or whatever Erika and Walker had called it.

He forgot about his pills and toast and strode right to the computer. He fell into his chair and turned on the tower, listening to it hum to life as the monitor blinked on. Mouth drying up slightly, he found his finger’s shaking from anxiety and yet another day of withdrawals. Damn, he craved a cigarette badly.

The moment the computer loaded up, he pulled up the internet and logged onto the chat site. Tapping his foot nervously, he pulled up his contact list, which was filled with only one name: Psyche.

_Psyche : offline._

“Dammit," he groaned. Acting without any thoughts, he pulled open a new chat and sent a message for Psyche to receive when he logged back online.

“Hey Psyche.”

He froze.

How could he possibly ask Psyche about this? What could he possibly say? _“Oh hey, I keep getting packages sent to my house fill with medication. Are they from you?”_

No, that wouldn’t work.

He thought for a moment, before hesitantly writing again. Only to delete it and start over after a few seconds.

It took him about fifteen minutes to finally come up with something that didn‘t sound ridiculous and was half way decent. Sighing, he sent the message and closed out. He leaned back in his chair and looked at the blank desktop, wondering if he just made some stupid move. The smell of burnt toast shook him from his thoughts and made him scramble to rush back into the kitchen; slipping on the floor as he skidded around the corner to blow away the smoke and toss out the blackened piece of toast.

 

 

 

***

 

 

Later that night, Shizuo logged back on, hoping that the other man would be online. Luckily, he was. The feeling he got in his stomach at the thought of the other being on made him swallow thickly. He tapped his fingers against the keyboard lightly as he waited for a response. He reread his message, slowly starting to doubt himself.

_“Hey Psyche. Um…I feel kinda stupid asking this. But, I find myself trusting you with this. Anyways, remember I told you I was wasn‘t feeling well? Well, I think someone is paying for my medication, and…wow, this is really dumb. Uh, you said you were in Ikebukuro, so I’m sure you probably know about Shinra Kishitani. And if not, well, then that might be better off for you. Now I’m rambling. Ugh, shit. Anyways. I’m just wondering if maybe…you knew anything about it? If not that’s okay, I’m just curious. So, message me back when you get this. -Tsugaru”_

He felt that the message was dumb. He wished he could delete it and start over. Hell, he wished he didn’t even write it. Because…well…because he kinda liked Psyche. He had a weird way of making him happy and keeping him calm. And…he didn’t want the other to worry if it turned out Psyche wasn‘t the one paying for the medication; which was more plausible. Of course, he wouldn’t want Psyche to pay if it was him. It was his own problem, and he didn’t want-

_\--Psychedelic Dreams has logged in--_

“Psyche!” Shizuo blurted as he spun in his chair and quickly glued his eyes onto the screen, heart beating just a bit faster than it was before.

**[Psychedelic Dreams] are u getting sicker?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] No, not really. Although, I haven’t been taking my meds for a few days.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] WHY? ;A;**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Just haven’t been thinking about it. Been busy with other stuff.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] that’s no good. u need 2 take care of urself.**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Yeah yeah, I know. Shut up.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] ahahaha! make me xP**

Shizuo rolled his eyes and chuckled a bit. He couldn’t help but smile a bit at Psyche’s playful tone.

**[Psychedelic Dreams] anyways…yeah, i know Shinra.**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] You do?**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] mmhmm. but he hasn’t said anything to me about stuff like that. i mean, he does talk about his work from time to time when we get in touch.**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] that’s good I guess.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] although…**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Although?**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] he did ask me to pay for some medication he couldn’t afford. something about not getting enough house calls to pay 4 extra stuff. we’re close friends, so i didn’t mind.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] Tsu-chan?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] …**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] why…is it u?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I…I’m not sure.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] u said u had a cold. but i know i haven’t been paying 4 cold medication. if u want i can tell u the receipt i have. see if it matches up.**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Sure, that’d be good. All I know is that it has something to do with my chest. I can’t smoke because of it, which sucks. Cause I’m craving really hard.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] …you smoke?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Yeah. I used to smoke a lot.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] I know this might sound weird but…do u like milk?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Yeah, I drink it every morning.**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] Are you friends with Dota-chin?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Kadota? Yeah, but what does he have to do with anything?**

Shizuo felt himself getting on edge, and glanced out his window. He felt like he was being watched. He hated that feeling. He reread Psyche’s messages, and noticed something odd…

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] …W-why are you typing differently?**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] Are you blond?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] …**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Psyche…?**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] Do you get into fights often? Anger issues? Do you know an Izaya Orihara?**

Shizuo’s stomach flipped and a shiver crawled up his spine. With trembling hands, he quickly typed back.

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] What’s with all the questions?! What does that flea have to do with anything? Do you know him?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Psyche?**

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Psyche! Answer me!**

**[Psychedelic Dreams] i have to go.**

_\--Psychedelic Dreams has logged out--_

**[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Psyche, wait!**

_\--Psychedelic Dreams is not online and cannot receive your message at this time. He will receive it when he logs in--_

“Dammit!” Shizuo slammed his fists onto the desk, creating a small crater and shoving some splinters into his fist. “Dammit, dammit, dammit…”


	34. Trolled

For being a top notch internet troll, Izaya felt like he just got kicked in the gut from how hard he was just trolled. For fuck’s sake, Shizu-chan, being on a dating site? It was preposterous. Crazy. Impossible. Yet, here he was. Sitting in front of his computer and staring at the profile for Tsugaru.

The profile for…Shizuo.

Izaya screamed with anger and confusion, and threw his cordless keyboard at the wall. He threw a spare flick blade at the wall and kicked the chair over; ignoring the crash of glass on the hardwood floor when the chair spiraled into a lamp. He couldn’t believe it. _He couldn’t fucking believe it._

Grabbing his jacket, he stormed out of his office, not bothering to lock the door behind him; let alone close it. He sprinted down the stairwell, rather than dealing with the elevators, and ran out a back entrance to his apartment complex and into the streets. He broke into a sprint, and never stopped.

He couldn’t stop. His instincts were telling him to never stop. To keep running until his lungs and legs refused to carry him further. Until his heart stopped beating. He had to run. Had to get away from the sick truth.

But why? Why was he so angry? So scared? Why was he so hurt? What was he running from? A computer? A man that didn’t even realize it was him?

He knew what his heart was screaming at him. That there was an underlying emotion that he swore to never dig up. He buried that feeling long ago. His mind demanded that it was something else. Anything else. Just not _that._

Stumbling over a crack in the street, Izaya toppled face first into the asphalt. He sputtered and coughed up the dirt and grit and rubbed the gravel from his face. His hands and cheek were scrapped and bleeding slightly, and stung. He forced himself to his knees, as he panted to catch his breath; chest aching and throat burning as cold autumn air was sucked into his lungs.

Glancing up, he noticed he had run straight into Ikebukuro; ironically toward the place he thought he was running from. No more than a mile away from the blond’s home, Izaya lie collapsed on the street. Shaking with a new fear that he couldn’t understand or explain, he forced himself up to his tired feet, and managed to continue to walk. With a practiced grace, and a strong will, he walked past that frightening place, and continued on. A new destination filled his head, and with new vigor, he jogged the rest of the way.

By the time he reached the place of his desire, he barely managed to make it up the stairs. He sluggishly made his way to the front door and forced himself to put on a confident smile. Straightening his back, he rapped the door lightly, and waited.

Seconds passed by, and then the soft click of locks was heard. The door opened, and the familiar grace of black shadows welcomed him. Or rather, questioned his arrival.

“Celty, it’s nice to see you again.”

She shut the door in his face, and she could hear footsteps leaving. Not too long after, the door opened again. Shinra greeted Izaya with a wide smile. “Izaya! What are you doing here so late at night?” he questioned as he opened the door wider for Izaya to come in.

The brunet forced himself to walk in with a decent stride, but he lagged a bit and sat immediately on the couch. “Nehh, stress and work. Needed to go for a walk, and somehow ended up here.”

“Ended up here? Sounds like your subconscious led you here,” Shinra joked, although Izaya doubted it was merely for humor.

“Don’t go suggesting that some deep rooted memory or emotion led me here for a night time chat. I’m just here cause my legs got tired and I’m hungry. Got any ootoro?” he prattled.

Shinra fell into the seat next to Izaya and sighed. “Nope, nothing like that here tonight. If I had known you were coming…actually, I wouldn’t have prepared anything fancy. Oh well!” He grinned. However, that grin fell when he got a better look at Izaya. “What happened?”


	35. Losing Control

“Hmm?” Izaya glanced at him with tired eyes. Shinra poked his cheek, and the brunet hissed as his wound stung.

“What did you do? Get in a scuffle with Shizuo?”

Izaya chuckled. “I guess you could say that.”

“You know you shouldn’t be messing with him,” Shinra scolded, getting up to grab a medical kit.

Izaya shrugged turned to lie on his back, head dangling off the end of the couch. “There was no physical connection, Shinra, so don’t worry. I’m not chasing him around the city. Just like you asked.”

Shinra walked back over and sat on the ground next to Izaya‘s head, working on the wound with a cotton ball damp with alcohol. “Then how did you get the scrape?”

“I fell.”

“Fell?”

“More like tripped, but everyone has their off days.”

Shinra eyed Izaya, before continuing to clean the wound. It wasn’t a large scrape, and wouldn’t need a band-aid. “Any more cuts?”

Izaya held up his hands. Shinra reached over and started to work on those wounds as well. Izaya was vaguely aware of Celty lurking in the corner as she watched. He grinned placidly toward her. “Come now, Celty. No need to be shy and hide.” She shrugged silently, as if saying that she wasn’t really interested. Izaya yawned and closed his eyes, thinking silently to himself as he mulled over what he wanted to say. He did have a reason for coming here. He just…found it hard to bring it up. “Shinra.”

“Hmm?”

“I have a question.”

Shinra laughed. “You? Have a question?”

Izaya grinned a bit. “As I said before, everyone has their off days.” He glanced over to Shinra. “Will you be sure to tell me the truth?”

Shinra’s expression darkened a bit with seriousness. “Depends.”

With a grunt, Izaya sat up and crossed his legs and placed his hands in his lap. “Who was I buying medication for?” The paling look on the doctor’s face grimly confirmed Izaya’s suspicions. “I was buying medication for Shizu-chan, wasn’t I?”

Shinra remained silent, and Izaya noticed Celty flinch; she obviously wasn’t aware that Shinra had asked Izaya this favor.

The informant found himself getting angry again. He clenched his hand and bobbed his foot up and down with annoyance. “I’m assuming you conveniently left out that slice of information because you were afraid I would decline?” Izaya chuckled, shaking his head. “Neh, you’d be right.”

“Izaya…” Shinra started; but the informant lifted his hand to silence the doctor.

“Why am I buying his medications?”

“…Because I think it’s the best thing-”

“The best thing? You think this is the best thing! For who?!” Izaya blurted out. He flushed slightly at his outburst.

Shinra blinked and narrowed his eyes. “Best for you and Shizuo.”

“Tch…you’re crazy, Shinra. Absolutely crazy.” Izaya sighed and he tried to calm himself down. He glared at Celty’s shadows that flickered ominously on the floor, focusing his pent up frustration on that. She seemed to pick up the bad aura and stepped over to stand behind him.

“Listen, Izaya. I do have a reason why I asked you to pay for that,” Shinra explained as he cleaned up his supplies.

Izaya glanced over at him, narrows his carmine eyes. “Then start talking. Because I’m getting pissed off.”

Shinra sighed, and fixed his glasses before sitting on his table to face Izaya. “I asked you to buy the medication for a number of reasons. The first is quite obvious: Shizuo just can’t afford all the medication he needs. He knows it. But he’s too stubborn to receive help from those he cares about. He denied my offer, Tom’s offer, Kadota’s offer, and his brother’s offer. This leads to the second reason: he would never suspect you. Of all the people on this entire planet to do a nice deed, he would never expect you. Especially to help him. That’s why you were the perfect person to buy the medication.Third reason is the fact I know you can afford it. To you, the sixty dollars every month is nothing. Just a sliver of your paycheck. But to Shizuo, that’s a day’s worth of expenses: groceries, bills, rent, a pack of cigarettes. Each dollar he earns goes to his living. Now that he’s not working, he can’t even dream of affording the medical bills that are piling up. I know you’re smart Izaya, so you know what I’m saying is right. This is the best way to keep him alive. And it‘s best if he never finds out.”

Izaya stared hard at the ground as the information sunk into him. He hated the fact that the doctor had done his research. He knew the best option, and had went that route. It annoyed Izaya; it made him seethe with bitternessHe hissed with disdain. “Your brilliant plan is flawed. He already found out.”

Shinra was taken aback. “What? How?”

Izaya sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “He asked me if I was paying. I was using a pseudo name, but he figure out that someone with a lot of money was paying for him. Not a random person off the street. Besides, I let my typing quirk slip.”

Celty cut through and dropped her PDA into Izaya’s lap. He picked it up and skimmed over the words, **[Typing quirk?]**

“Aye, we were chatting online on a dating site-”

“Dating site?!” Shinra sputtered. He burst into laughter, and Izaya kicked him roughly in the shin.

Celty grabbed her PDA and shakily typed more.  **[What were you doing on a dating site together?!]**

Izaya groaned. “I go on it to troll, and I had met him through it. I didn’t realize it was him until tonight, actually. Either way, he’s figuring it out. So think of a new plan, Shinra! I’m not paying for him anymore!”

Shinra stopped laughing and grabbed Izaya’s knee. “You have to. If you don’t he won’t take medication and may get sicker.”

“He’s already not taking it. He said that he hadn’t been thinking about it.”

“Dammit, Shizuo! I need to head over and make sure he takes a normal dose. Knowing him, he may try to double or triple to make up for what he forgot,” Shinra exclaimed as he jumped up to grab a box from behind the chair. “Might as well test out this new equipment I got. See if it solves this medical mystery. Celty, can you help?”

Celty nodded and wrapped her shadows around the box and carried it behind her.

Izaya jumped up and followed Shinra as the doctor headed for the door. “You are not going to leave until you swear on your life that you will not bring it up to him and that you will find someone else to pay for his pills.”

“I can’t promise that Izaya. You have to keep-”

“I’m not going to save him!” Izaya shouted with a raging temper. “I hate him! I refuse to help in any way!”

The three stood in awkward silence as the tension in the air stirred. It was heavy, and made Izaya sick to his stomach. Shinra stared at Izaya for a long time, before a small smirk graced his lips.

“Izaya…”

“What?”

“Sounds like you’re in denial.”

Izaya stepped back and hissed, clenching his fist in his coat pocket, only to remember that his flick blade was at home in the wall. “Are you fucking with me? I am not in denial about anything, you sick fuck!”

Shinra chuckled. “Even in middle school you swore more when you were upset and people were reading you better.”

“You don’t know anything, Shinra," the informant growled.  


“I know you’re in denial about your feelings toward Shizuo.”

“I am not in denial at all! I hate him! I hate him and I hope he dies! And that’s why I won’t help him!” Izaya repeated, as he forced his way past Shinra and out the door. The couple followed Izaya out the door, causing the raven haired man to shiver with annoyance. He spun and hissed at them. “Why are you following me? I already told you I’m not doing it anymore!”

Celty held up her PDA, which had a pre-typed message on it due to her predicting Izaya’s outbursts; he was acting very…strange and predictable.  **[We need to head this way to go visit Shizuo.]**

Izaya paused and then growled with anger. “Shut up!” He didn’t care that he was acting like a child. He just didn’t care. They were suggesting he had some fondness toward the blond. Some deep feeling that he knew wasn’t even possible. It pissed him off to no end.

“Izaya, no need to yell. She’s not doing anything wrong you know. You’re the one who won’t come to term with your emotions.”

“I don‘t have anything to come to terms with. I loathe the brute, and would love to see him die. And that‘s why I‘m done helping you” Izaya grunted as he sprinted away from the couple. That feeling of fight or flight had taken over, and caused his legs to take him away from the conflict. It looked cowardly. It looked like they were right.

But they weren’t. He was running cause that’s what instinct told him. He wasn’t running from some hidden truth. That wasn’t even a possibility.


	36. Spirometry

_“Hey.”_

“Yo.”

Their conversations always started like this. Whenever Kasuka would call Shizuo, they started off with the brief greetings, and then sat in silence for a moment as they got used to each other’s voices. It was strangely soothing, this unique and constant routine they had. It wasn’t often they talked, but when it did, there was no tension or awkwardness. Every pause and every word was deliberate and gentle, and completely natural.

 _“How are you feeling?”_ Kasuka asked softly on the other end of the line.

Shizuo smiled and leaned against the counter of his kitchen and swirled a vanilla cookie in the milk he just poured into the glass. “I’ve been better. But I’m doing good right now,” he responded as he glanced toward the computer he hadn’t touched since the last conversation he had with Psyche. He frowned a bit. “Not much else has happened since you left.”

 _“That’s good. That nothing is wrong,”_ Kasuka murmured. _“Are you still sick?”_

Shizuo nodded, only half aware that his brother couldn’t see him. But he assumed that the younger sibling could sense the action. “Yeah. I’ve been taking some medicine for it.”

_“Mmm…”_

Silence followed after as Shizuo popped the cookie into his mouth and sipped at the milk. He could heard the soft and constant thrum of the engine in the limo Kasuka was in.

_“I’m sorry I can’t do much else.”_

“Don’t say sorry. I told you I don’t want you to pay for my medication. It’s okay, I’ll be fine.” Shizuo paused for a moment, feeling a bit awkward as the silence built up. “Uh, how has the movie been?”

 _“Good. Going to shoot another scene right now.”_ Shizuo could barely hear the voice of someone else in the limousine, and heard his brother respond softly. _“I have to go. We’re almost there.”_

“Ah, okay. Talk to you later then.” Shizuo sighed, a bit sad that their conversation was cut short.

_“Nii-san?”_

“Hmm?”

Shizuo could barely hear Kasuka’s voice on the other end as he whispered, _“I’m scared.”_

Shizuo knew exactly what his brother meant.

“Yeah, I’m kinda scared too," he confessed quietly as he slumped against the wall, head hung. The line cut off, and Shizuo groaned to himself a bit as he set his cellphone on the counter next to his empty glass. He sighed deeply, and a small tickle rose in his throat. He tried to clear it before the coughs got worse. But it didn’t help.

Unable to stop the rising heaves, he coughed hard into his hand, feeling the sting in his throat. Deep in his windpipe, something shifted, and caused Shizuo to cough harder. Rushing to the bathroom, he leaned over the sink and coughed harder, slamming his hand into his chest. Fumbling with the faucet, he turned the water on full blast. He hissed as the pain in his chest grew. He continued to hack and cough until he heard the soft plop of something falling into the sink.

With bleary eyes, he watched the ball of phlegm roll in the sink before it was swept away down the drain. Trembling, he drank some water from the tap to soothe his burning throat. He swallowed again and turned off the sink, sitting on the floor as he tried to take shallow breaths so another coughing fit wouldn’t stir up.

“Damn…I really shouldn’t skip those pills,” he grunted as he heard the sound of a knock at his door.

Pulling himself into his feet, he stumbled to the door and unlocked it. He pulled it open and saw a large black sphere floating in his door. He blinked as it floated past him, with Celty following behind. She nodded to him as Shinra stepped in.

“Shizuo! I came to check up on you. How have you been feeling?” Shinra said almost too pleasantly. Shizuo shrugged and close the door.

“Like hell. Just hacked up a lung and some yellowish shit," he rasped as he went to clean up the small mess of cookies on the counter. Shinra blinked and hummed to himself in thought.

“Most likely phlegm from a chest cold settling in your lungs. Shizuo, have you been taking your medication daily?” Shinra asked, although he already knew the answer. Shizuo shrugged and muttered under his breath that is hadn’t been on his mind. Shinra tsked softly. “That wouldn’t happen if you didn’t forget to take the medication. Keep skipping and this can turn into pneumonia.”

Celty unwrapped the machine from her shadows and set it on the table. Shizuo looked over confused at the contraption.

“What the fuck is that?”

“New equipment I ordered. I think that this might solve our little medical mystery. It’s very simple, but I’d like you to take your pills before we start on your check up. But take a normal dose,” the brunet ordered as he went about to setting up the machine.

Shizuo groaned and forced himself to take the normal dose of pills. Fighting back the urge to gag, he drank directly from the tap to get the medication down. “Okay, now what?” he grunted as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and sat next to Shinra.

“It’s actually quite simple. Just sit down and relax, and blow into this as hard as you can for as long as you can,” Shinra explained as he handed Shizuo a small device that looked was shaped like a T. On the end was a small mouth piece, and a USB cord extended from the end and hooked up into the laptop that Shinra was turning on.

“What is this thing? What’s it gonna do?” Shizuo questioned, turning the portable device in his hand.

“It’s a spirometer. It’ll measure the current breathing capacity of your lungs. If I get the results I think I’m going to get, I might be able to diagnose your condition, and be able to treat it.”

Shizuo nodded, and placed the spirometer to his lips. “Mmmkk, whnn doo I blww?” he mumbled around the plastic machine. Shinra leaned over and place a soft plastic nose clip on Shizuo’s nose.

“This will ensure you breathe only through your mouth. Now, take a deep breathe and blow,” Shinra said as he pulled up his file on Shizuo.

Shizuo took a deep breath, feeling his throat tickle a bit as the dusty air of his apartment filled his lungs. Forcing himself to not cough, he swallowed and blew as hard as he could into the end of the machine. He felt his lungs spasm and constrict, and after only 7 seconds of blowing, Shizuo had to let go and wheeze until he could get a big enough breathe. Celty sat beside him and rubbed his back as he struggled to get a solid gasp of air. He cleared his throat, wincing at the sharp pains that clawed at his throat. He glared at the device in his hand and dropped it onto the couch cushion.

“Is that good enough?” he wheezed, slowly getting his breath back. Shinra nodded, silent as he collected the data and processed it. The trio was silent, save for the soft grunts and “mmhmm’s” that Shinra mumbled from time to time. After a half hour, and two more spitometry tests for “accuracy”, Shinra pulled away from his laptop and faced Shizuo.

“Alright. I think I have a diagnosis.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s nothing extremely serious. Damaging, but you won’t die from it. That is, if you quit smoking,” he explained with a sigh of relief.

“So you’re saying that it’s not cancer or anything?” Shizuo asked, leaning forward a bit.

Shinra shook his head and waved his hands. “Oh God no! Not at all! It could possibly turn into that later on, but right now you don’t have to worry. Luckily, this all started up soon enough for us to catch it. Cancer can be prevented, although I can’t say that it will not be a possibility,” Shinra clarified.

Shizuo leaned back, a comforted smile on his face. He laughed heartily, thankful that this wasn’t something so terminal. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“Mmm, but there are some things we need to talk about.” Shinra reached over and turned his laptop around to show Shizuo the various graphs and stats that were on the screen. “Compared to your body height, weight, and age, your lungs should be able to hold 100% to 80% of oxygen, as well as have the capacity and strength to let it out during high exercise.” The doctor pulled up another graph, one that was substantially smaller. “This is your lung capacity right now. You’re able to hold a capacity of 65%. Not terrible, but not good either. You have mild COPD.” Shinra noticed the confused look on the blond’s face. “Ahh, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease…which basically means that all the smoking and stress you’ve put on your lungs are causing them to deteriorate and break down. Which means that the more you smoke, and the more strenuous exercise you do, the weaker they will get.”

Shizuo nodded and cleared his throat. “So, what exactly do I have to do to fix it.”

Shinra frowned and shook his head. "It’s…not a curable disease.”

“WHAT?!” Shizuo yelled as he stood up, his knee knocking the table and shaking the computer. Celty wrapped her shadows around it to keep the expensive equipment steady as Shizuo slammed his fist down. “You’re telling me I’m stuck like this?!”

“More or less.” Shirna flailed when Shizuo’s face turned red. “But it can be managed! You just have to do a few things!”

Shizuo clenched his fists and sat back down, tapping his foot with annoyance as he tried to calm down. “Alright, what do I gotta do?”

“Well first, no more smoking.”

“I thought you said that was temporary!”

“Not anymore. You’ve been sober from smoking for a month or two now. Smoking will only damage your lungs further, and might make cancerous cells begin to form. We want to prevent that. So don’t smoke anymore. Toss out any cigarettes you have lying around and try to find something else to focus on,” Shinra suggested, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a lollipop. “Like candy!”

“Shinra, that’s fucking stupid. I won’t be able to just stop smoking by eating candy,” Shizuo groaned, running a hand through his stiff hair.

“Actually-”

“I don’t wanna know. What else do I gotta do?” Shizuo asked impatiently. Shinra sighed and unwrapped the sucker, popping it into his mouth as he started packing his equipment.

“Don’t go chasing after Izaya. I know that will be even harder than not smoking, but if you keep chasing him, you’re just going to wear yourself down. Give your lungs more time to relax. And start exercising at a slow pace to regain strength.”

“Alright. Anything else?”

“Yeah, try to find a job.”

The blond furrowed his brow. “What?”

“Find a job,” Shinra stated as he stood up." The person who was paying for your medical bills won’t be able to anymore. So I would like you to find a new job; something easy and less hard on your system. That way you can get out of the house, and exercise a bit while making some money to pay for the medication I’m going to prescribe.” Shinra pulled out his notepad, and started writing a new prescription for Shizuo. He ripped the paper and handed it to the blond. “Finish up the dose you have now. Then you can stop taking the bronchitis pills, since that’s not the issue. Just focus on the vitamins and you should be okay. But no more smoking, and light exercise. Then we can check up on your improvement, and take an x-ray of your chest. That way we can see if your lungs are in a decent condition or not. If it’s bad, we might have to perform surgery to remove the most damaged parts of your lungs.”

“Alright. I‘ll do that,” Shizuo said as he stood up. Celty followed suit and lifted the equipment in her shadows again. She rubbed Shizuo’s shoulder silently, giving him support as she typed.

**[Is there anything else you need?]**

He smiled. “Nah, I’m okay. I’m just tired and wanna sleep.”

She nodded and left the room. Shinra followed her out, glancing over his shoulder toward Shizuo, who was already walking toward his room.

“Shizuo!”

The blond looked up and faced the underground doctor that stood in his doorway.

“Another wise thing to do would be to look for someone who wouldn’t mind checking up on you daily. Just to make sure things are going well. Knowing that someone is checking on you every day may be good reinforcement to not let yourself slip up and start smoking. I would offer to, but I‘ve been getting more calls lately. But I will check in on you every week.”

Shizuo groaned. “Yeah, yeah. That sounds smart…I’ll start look for someone to help out.” He smiled a bit, “I have someone in mind, actually.”

“Great!“ Shinra smiled, although it was laced with worry. “But if anything happens…”

“I promise that if things come up, I’ll go to you guys. Don’t worry,” Shizuo promised. Shinra smiled and nodded. Shizuo waved as he turned and walked into his room. “Be sure to lock the door behind you.”


	37. Bitter Sweet

Why did he log back on? What did he think would come out of it? Ease of mind? Sick satisfaction? Did he honestly believe that the idiot wouldn’t bother him? Hell no. All it did was allow the brute on the other end of the internet to continue spamming him with messages.

Izaya groaned and paced as the beeping from his computer never ceased. Honestly, did the brute ever give up?

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Izaya stepped into the kitchen and filled a tea kettle with water and placed it on the stove. Heavy eyes glided over toward his desk, where he could see the blinking tab on his desktop announcing that he had a message. By now, he was sure it was over thirty.

He hoisted himself up onto the counter, and leaned back so his head and shoulders rested against the cabinets. He languidly kicked his feet back and forth and closed his eyes, trying to focus on the sound of the water slowly coming to a boil, instead of that annoying and constant tinging.

“Izaya!”

He groaned as he heard the clacking of heels storming into his kitchen. “What is it, Namie?” he droned as he fiddled with the edge of the kettle.

The secretary crossed her arms and tilted her head toward the computer swiftly. “Answer those damn messages. It’s annoying to have to listen to that noise all day.”

He squinted at her and shrugged. “I don’t want to answer.”

“Deal with it,” she hissed, but her voice was blocked out by the whistle that now filled the room. She huffed and marched forward, grabbing a coffee cup and pouring herself a cup of the water. Izaya held up a prepared tea bag and dropped it in her cup, splashing her with hot water and making her hiss. “Asshole,” she grumbled as she sipped at the beverage, gagging at the taste. “It’s bitter!”

“Just like your personality,” Izaya hummed to a small tune as he poured himself his own cup and gently dunked a tea bag inside and swirled it around. He smiled widely as she glared at him, dumping sugar into her cup before walking off into her makeshift office.

“Just answer him.”

He sighed, scooting off the edge and landing lightly on his feet. Sipping at his tea, which he preferred bitter thank you very much, and watched as the message count slowly rose. _33...34...35..._  The informant sighed, slipping into his chair and setting his mug aside. He opened the message box on the dating site and skimmed lazily over the messages.

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Psyche, are you there?_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Hey, I’m sorry about last time._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Please answer me._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Hello, are you there?_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Psyche, I wanna ask you a question._

Biting back the urge to log off, he forced his fingers to move; grudgingly slipping into character.

_[Psychedelic Dreams] ahh, Tsu-chan! I’m sooooo sorry! i was busy with a client and couldnt check the messages!!! 4give me!! ;A;_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] It’s okay! You don’t need to apologize. I understand._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] so, u said u had something 2 ask?_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Yeah, um. Shinra came over to give me a new test._

Izaya swallowed another large gulp of his tea, wincing as the scalding drink burned his throat.

_[Psychedelic Dreams] oh? what did he say?_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] He says I have something called CARP or something._

The informant snorted and laughed to himself. _"Oh God, Shizu-chan really is as dumb as a rock when it came to medical terms. Or rather, when it came to scientific terms."_

_[Psychedelic Dreams] u mean COPD?_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Yeah that._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] It just means I can’t smoke anymore. Which is hard._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Like…really hard._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] It’s driving me crazy actually, knowing I can’t ever do it again._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] mm, well i guess that’s a good thing. now you wont get lung cancer or anything._

Ahh, right. Izaya was also positive the brute had cancer. Apparently his calculations were off. He scowled a bit, and shrugged off the strange sense of relief he felt.

_[Psychedelic Dreams] yay Tsu-chan can live!! :D_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Actually, that’s where I need help._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] huh?_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Shinra said I should have someone visit and check up on me, so I don’t smoke. Said it’d be good to have that as reassurance._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] So I was wondering…_

Izaya froze and stared wide eyed at the screen. “Shizu-chan you big oaf, don’t you dare…”

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] If you wouldn’t mind it…_

“Shizu-chan, I mean it. Stop writing and think for a second.”

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I mean, we already know each other a bit, and you’re a nice guy and all._

“Shizu-chan, don’t say it!” Izaya screamed at his computer, slamming his hands on the desk and knocking over his tea. He shouted out with annoyance and moved all his paperwork away from the spill and ran to the kitchen to grab a cloth. He hurried back and quickly mopped up the mess, only glancing at the screen and feeling his stomach flip.

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Maybe you wouldn’t mind meeting up with me and maybe checking in on me?_

_[Psychedelic Dreams] uh…im not sure…_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Please? You’re the only one I could think of to help._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] Tsu-chan, i really don’t think im good for that._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Please Psyche. I trust you more than anyone right now._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] d..dont say that…_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] But it’s true._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] Tsugaru, I cant._

Izaya banging his head on the desk, groaning as he stared at the screen. “Dammit, Shizu-chan! Just give up! I don’t want to help! I won’t help you!” he whined softly to himself as he watched the “partner is typing” symbol moving.

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Why not?_

“Shit…” Izaya bit his lip and tried to think. He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged a bit, huffing as he tried to think of a plan to shake the blond off him. “God dammit Shizu-chan, you’re like a fucking puppy that won’t go away.” With trembling fingers, Izaya struggled to stay in character - all he wanted was to scream at Shizuo to go die.

_[Psychedelic Dreams] Tsugaru, I cant. I really can’t…_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Why not?_

_[Psychedelic Dreams] Because…you would hate my true self._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I don’t think that._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] You would._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] You don’t know that._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] I’m not like this in real life. I’m not chipper and bubbly. I’m darker than this. I don’t want you to see that side of me._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] I don’t care. You’re still Psyche, the same person I’ve--_

_[Psychedelic Dreams] Tsugaru! Stop it! You’re falling for a façade. Do us both a favor and forget about me!_

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Then prove it. Meet me at the bottom of Sunshine 60, and prove to me you aren’t the same person you were when we first met._

This was a waste of his time. The entire conversation was going no where. That damn monster was as bull headed as he was strong, and it was pissing Izaya off. Throwing in the towel, Izaya finally caved in, determined to break Shizuo completely.

_[Psychedelic Dreams] Alright. I’ll meet you there._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Really?! That’s great!_

_[Psychedelic Dreams] But I’m going to be myself. I’m not going to act like how I did._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] That’s okay. I know it’s still you regardless._

_[Psychedelic Dreams] You’re hopeless._

_[Kawaiiyaoiboi69] Shut up, Psyche. I’ll see you there._

_\--Kawaiiyaoiboi69 has logged out--_

_\--Psychedelic Dreams has logged out--_

The informant sighed. “Shizu-chan, you’re too much to handle.” He didn’t bother to reach for his coat. He simply walked out of his apartment, leaving a note on the desk for Namie if she cared to learn where he had left to.


	38. An Uncalled For Meeting

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”

“Sorry!”

“Whoa, not so fast!”

“Excuse me!”

“Shi-zu-o! You want Sushi?”

“No thanks!”

Shizuo ran as fast as he could through the streets of Ikebukuro, heading straight for Sunshine 60. Pushing his way past people, he wasted no time getting there. Most people moved out of the way when they saw his lumbering form barreling down the streets. Many looked around, expecting to see him chasing Izaya. Others didn’t bother taking the chance, and just ran away when they saw him. A small few didn’t move, and just yelled before they realized what had happened.

It was quite a strange sight to see the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro to be chasing after…no one, and apologizing for getting in the way. But the blond didn’t care. All that mattered was that he made it to…

“There!”

In his line of sight, the tall 50 story tower loomed over the city, casting its long shadow over the street. Shizuo felt his heart race faster as he ran across the street, nearly getting hit by a car, and collapsed onto the stairs in front of the building. He sat on the cold steps, bending over as he sucked in air, coughing as he tried to slow down his heart rate. He had forgotten about not running around. Oh well, it was worth it.

He looked up with unfocused eyes once he could breathe. He looked around, and watched as people walked by. He wondered what Psyche would look like. If he would be feminine, like his name implied. Was Psyche his real name? Or just a fake name like Shizuo had used? If it was fake, what was his real name? He wondered if it suited him, unlike his own name did.

Leaning back on his hands, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He enjoyed the way the cool autumn air swirled around him and kicked up the leaves from the cement. He crunched on under the toe of his shoe, and felt a slight pang of addiction. The movement reminded him of snuffing out cigarettes. He groaned, rubbing his face with his hand, hoping that Psyche would show up soon and give him some advice.

However, the more time that passed, the more anxious Shizuo got. He started tapping his foot, and glancing at his watch. His skin was crawling, and his stomach was flipping and twisting; similar to how it would when he would see a girl he liked in high school. But, he didn’t actually like Psyche like that…did he?

He shook his head and took a deep breathe. Now was not the time to think of that! He had to focus on finding this anonymous person he’s grown to…kinda like.

He glared through his blue tinted shades, observing each person that walked by. Anyone who captured his gaze made his stomach flip, but they soon walked away and left him alone. No one seemed to be heading this way. And anyone who did head toward him continued on by. Disappointment sunk in his chest as time continued to pass, leaving him alone on the steps with no one coming. He started to wonder if he had been led into some sick stunt.

“Aww, what’s a poor little mutt like you doing all alone in the big bad city?”

Shizuo lurched forward and stood up, spinning around and clenching his fists. Of all the people in the world, he had to show up and ruin this meeting. The sound of his smooth and sinister voice echoed in his head as he stared hard into those scrutinizing crimson eyes. 

“Izaya…” he growled, gritting his teeth as the informant skipped down the last few steps. He perched himself gingerly on the step above Shizuo’s, smiling as his shoulders quivered up and down with laughter.

“Ahh, Shizu-chan, always ready to start a fight?”

“Shut up, like you aren’t?”

Izaya smiled again, making Shizuo growl lowly in his chest; it came out somewhat gargled.

“Still ill, I see. Tsk tsk, what a shame. I’ve been craving a good old fashioned chase,” Izaya cooed. He tiled his head a bit, covering his face with his inky black locks as he watched Shizuo’s eyes dilate with adrenaline. “You’ve been craving it too, hmm?”

Shizuo twitched a bit and swallowed. Damn that flea, he was twisting words around to make it sound like he was referring to his addictions. “I said shut up.”

“Oooh, touchy.”

Shizuo snarled and stepped jumped up the steps and land next to Izaya, reaching to grab for his jacket. The flea stepped down, twirling around Shizuo as the blond tried to grab him. The two seemed to dance on the steps as Izaya sang out more insults, and Shizuo lashed out.

“Have I hit a sore spot, Shizu-chan?”

“You damn louse!”

“Someone sure is sensitive after a few days without a good smoke.”

“Shut up!”

“Wouldn’t you just love to get a hold of one of these?” the informant grinned and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, waving it lightly in front of him. Shizuo skidded to a halt and stared at the package, a low rumble growing in his chest.

“Izayaaaa…”

Izaya grinned and opened the package, pulling out a stick and placing it between his lips. Shizuo watched with hungry eyes, as Izaya rolled the cancer stick between his teeth.

“Tempting, isn’t it?”

Shizuo thrust his arm forward, slamming into Izaya neck and pinning him into the wall. The cigarette fell from his open mouth and hit the ground softly, rolling by Shizuo’s feet. The blond smashed the familiar stick under the heel of his foot and dug it into the concrete. He pressed his forehead against Izaya’s and growled lowly. “You’re gonna fuckin throw those things away, and get out of my sight. I’m not gonna fall into your games today. I’ve got plans, and you’re not gonna mess with them.”

“Ooh, dangerous. Would you talk like that to your little boyfriend?” Izaya toyed. He watched in fascinationg as Shizuo’s eyes widened and his grip slackened. Red eyes flashed with mischief and the grin the smaller man's face grew. “Are you waiting for someone, Shizu-chan?” He wrapped his thin fingers around Shizuo’s hand, prying them from his neck. “What if I told you he wasn’t coming?”

Shizuo released his hand, allowing Izaya to drop to the ground. He crouched over, rubbing his neck and chuckling softly as Shizuo stepped back and bit, fingers twitching. _“What did you do?”_ he whispered.

The informant grinned and shrugged. “I did noth-”

“BULLSHIT!”

Izaya blinked at Shizuo’s outburst and sat crosslegged on the step, looking up at Shizuo. He sighed and shook his head a bit, still smiling. “Shizu-chan, I can assure you that Psyche isn’t harmed in any way. He just won’t come.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am I?”

Shizuo grit his teeth and shook his head and bit, rubbing his temple as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up…” he grumbled as he turned around to try and calm down. He took deep breathes, and managed to keep his coughs under control. Nonetheless, his body trembled as he struggled to contain his rage. “If you did anything to harm him…”

Izaya burst into laughter, unable to hold back the hilarity that consumed him. This outcome was just far too funny! “Oh Shizu-chan, you really are funny. It’s quite cute to see you getting all worked up at the fact you just got your ass dumped by a stranger you met on the internet. For all you knew, it was a sixty year old virgin wanting to get in your pants!”

“Psyche wasn’t…” the blond muttered, shoulder sagging slightly. Izaya leaned back on his hands and tilted his head.

“Hmm?”

“He…was too nice. He wouldn’t stand me up.”

A strange feeling overcame the informant; a weird tugging in his chest and a tingling crawled on his skin. He suddenly felt like he was being brushed with feathers, and all he wanted was to move. Claustrophobia was kicking in, despite being in an open space.

“You don’t know that for sure. Like I said, he could ha-”

“Izaya, just shut up,” Shizuo commanded, a surge of energy and strength in his voice.

Izaya blinked and felt a shiver of disgust run through him. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You actually have a crush on that…that idiot?! Hahaha, awww, you have a little crush! You don‘t like me talking bad about your little lover? Who knew Shizu-chan had such a warm fluffy heart!” Izaya mocked as he forced out an incredulous laugh. Deep down, he was disturbed that he had managed to win over the monster’s heart, and he didn’t even want it.

Shizuo stiffened a bit and shoved his hands in his pockets. He seemed to curl in on himself slightly, embarrassed a bit at the statement. “…I’m not sure yet. It‘s… different with him.”

“…Different?”

“The feeling I get.”

He couldn’t handle it anymore. Everything was getting too personal. He felt more trapped then ever, and he wasn’t even in Shizuo’s grasp or in a tight spot. Izaya stood up and brushed off his jacket a bit, hopping down the steps past Shizuo. It bothered Izaya that the blond didn’t even try to make a move at him as he passed by, their arms nearly brushing. The informant didn’t stop walking. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t, not at those honey eyes hiding behind navy lenses. Those lonely and hopeful eyes that kept crying out for Psyche to show up. He had planned on breaking Shizuo’s world by revealing his internet identity. But now…he felt like he was the one who’s world would crumble if that information were to leak out.

Shizuo watched as Izaya left without another word, curious as to why the flea would just simply leave him alone. At least it was quieter without the louse hovering around him and breathing over his neck. Although, it felt a bit too lonely. Standing here as the sun moved behind the building and covering him in shadows. People passing him by as if he were merely a statue. No one to talk to, no one to listen to him.

He waited for Psyche, but the man never showed up.


	39. Return to Sender

Six days passed since Shizuo’s failed meeting with Psyche. The days dragged by slowly, each one blurring into the next as the blond sunk deeper into a gloomy depression. His friends had called to check up on him, but he brushed them off with a false sense of happiness. He didn’t want them to worry. Especially not over something so childish.

Shizuo has had his heart broken in the past. He had tried to ask girls out in high school, and had been rejected and dumped quite a few times. He had given up on that route, and was getting used to a single life. But then Psyche had to show up and steal his heart, and then let it fall until it crashed onto the concrete.

He wasn’t sure why he was so smitten. He had never even seen the man’s face, let alone talk in person. For all he knew, Izaya was right. It could have been a total stranger, or someone he despised. Hell, it could have even been a friend of his. He shuddered at the thought.

Shizuo had tried to log on from time to time, and sent lone messages, but Psyche was never online when he was and the stranger never replied to his messages. Shizuo was just about to give up on chasing when he received the letter in the mail.

He assumed that it would be another mystery supply of medication. If it was, he would have thought of it as a farewell gift from Psyche. Afterall, that is the reason why the man never met him at Sunshine 60. To break off…whatever they had. If they even had anything to begin with. Shizuo liked to think so.

But when all that arrived in the mail was a sealed and anonymous letter, his curiosity spiked a bit. His sour mood didn’t get better, but a small flicker of hope sparked deep in him.

As he turned the letter over, with no stamps or marks on it, the small spark seemed to quiver to life; into a small flame that was slowly starting to grow.

Shizuo fell into his couch, sinking into the worn cushions and he ripped the envelope open with his teeth. He spat out the remains in his mouth and pulled out the coarse parchment that was folded neatly inside.

Written with neat penmanship in pink ink was the name “Tsu-chan.”

His heart skipped a beat, and he swiveled his head around as if he were making sure no one was watching. He opened the letter carefully with trembling hands, and read the words that were neatly scrawled across the paper.

_“Tsu-chan,_

_I’m sorry I didn’t meet up with you. Things got in the way, and I couldn’t make it. And to be quite honest, I don’t think we should try to meet up again. Things would be too hard. We wouldn’t get along._

_I know who you are, Tsugaru. You’re real identity. I know more about you than you can even imagine. And I know for a fact that if you knew me, you would hate me. You weren’t meant to become infatuated over someone like me. I’m not kind. I’m not loving. I’m not someone you want. I just can’t let you see me for who I really am. I don‘t want you to see that side of me._

_So I deleted my account on that site. And I’m not going to pay for your medication anymore. I’m breaking all ties with you. I know it hurts, but it’s for the better if we stay apart. So forget me, Tsu-chan. Forget I ever existed._

_-Psyche”_

He didn’t even realize that his vision was getting blurry until his nose got stuffed and his eyes began to overflow. With a frustrated sigh, he tossed the letter on his sofa and bent forward to rest his head in his hands. Running his fingers through his hair, Shizuo stared at the letter with a frown.

It was ridiculous that he would get so attached so soon. That this would actually hurt him. He had spent six years of his life building a wall around himself so no one could get to his heart. That no one could build him up and then bring him crashing down again. He was over relationships and broken hearts. Yet here he was, sitting in his apartment, trying to not shed a tear for a faceless man.

A man Shizuo knew he wasn’t done fighting for yet.


	40. Revelations

He wasn’t sure what compelled him to head back. What had drawn him to walk to the city that he despised, simply because it was home to a itch he couldn’t scratch. An nuisance in his life that he wanted to get rid of. However, this tick on his pelt might be the only one who can give him answers.

Staring up at the apartment complex, his eyes grazed along the large window of the penthouse on the higher floors. He groaned, fixing his shades and shoving his hands into his pocket as he pushed his way through the front door. The rhythmic click of his shoes echoed through the lobby as Shizuo headed towards the elevators. He passed by the front desk, not bothering to stop to ask which floor he needed. Shinra had told him earlier that day when he called. The doctor had asked why Shizuo wanted to know, but the blond hung up before he was asked any more questions.

He stepped into the elevator, pressing the button he needed, and leaned against the wall as the doors closed. Closing his eyes, he felt his stomach flip from the initial lift of the elevator, and perhaps something else bubbling in his gut. It was odd, not being driven by anger or bitterness. His questions and concerns were the driving forces that lead him to this place. Reaching into his pocket, Shizuo felt the thin leather wallet that dug into his hip. He breathed a steady breath as the elevator shot up, shaking slightly from the speed.

Months ago, he would have thought this was crazy. That even considering coming here for any reason other than a plot to squash the flea was stupid. But now, with time ticking away so fast, he had nothing to lose.

What did he have left?

Pride?

Strength?

Nothing, really. All he had left were questions he demanded to have answers to.

The blond opened his eyes and watched the numbers on the wall climb up as the elevator slowly came to a stop, and the doors opened. With a strong posture, he steps out and smoothly strides down the hall. It didn’t take long for him to be standing in front of the informant door. He had walked to this spot many times in the past. Most times, Izaya was never home. He learned that the hard way when he first decided to pay the informant an unpleasant visit. He had kicked down the door and stormed in, to be greeted by an alarm and security dragging him away.

This time, he didn’t just barge in. But he didn’t knock either. Of course, what was he supposed to do? Knock and say “Honey, I’m home!” Izaya would never open up the doors to him anyways. And Shizuo was sure that pest had security cameras around the place. He was sure that Izaya already was aware he was here.

So he just stood there awkwardly, not really sure what to do next. Barge in? Knock? Pound on the door demanding Izaya open up? It was weird visiting your enemy when you were about to ask for his services.

The lock clicked, and the knob jiggled a bit, causing Shizuo to step back. The door opened, and a woman was standing in the doorway. The blond blinked a bit as the woman glared at him, eyes glazed over with bitterness.

“Ah…”

“Shizuo Heiwajima.”

Shizuo coughed. “Uh, yeah. How’d-”

“Doesn’t matter how I know your name,” the woman hissed as she waved her hand in the air before crossing her arms over her rather large chest. “If you’re here for an appointment, just go inside. Of course, I know you’re not. If you had arranged one, I would have spoken with you over the phone. But I was expecting you to come regardless.”

Was this woman like Izaya? And informant?

They stared at each other silently, before she stepped out and pushed past him. “He’s preoccupied at the moment. Go in and have a seat. If he asks where I’m at, I’m on my break.”

Shizuo watched as she stormed down the hall, her long black hair flowing behind her like a cape as she turned the corner and disappeared.

The door remained open, and Shizuo was sure he heard a shower running in the background as he hesitantly stepped inside. It was strange walking past the threshold in a calm state of mind. Normally, his vision was clouded by red, and he didn’t pay attention to the details. But now that he was relatively peaceful, he took in the environment around him.

It was very clean, something Shizuo would have expected. Everything seemed to be put in it’s place. Dust was nearly nonexistent, and there were no dishes or papers lying about. As he stepped further inside, the only thing Shizuo noticed was “messy”, was Izaya’s desk; papers were strewn about, and a half full tea mug was sitting on the edge near the keyboard. He walked over to the two computers, only slightly surprised that Izaya owned two desktop computers, and a laptop; all alive and buzzing with information. One was opened up to the Dollars chatroom; which shocked Shizuo. To think that he and Izaya were a part of the same gang…

Shizuo shook his head; Izaya must be a part of it just to cause trouble. That’s the only explanation.

The other two computers were opened up to internet browsers, with many tabs opened on each one. Shizuo vaguely scanned over the tabs, reading article titles and e-mail accounts. Things that didn’t interest Shizuo, let alone seem important. One tab did catch his eye. It made his throat close up and his stomach churn as he bent closer to read the small print on the familiar webpage. He took the mouse and scrolled it over the tab, pulling it open so he could read it clearly...and felt his heart drop into his stomach.

The sound of water slowed until it was a steady drip of water from the tap, but Shizuo didn't hear it. All he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears as he stared at the screen.

Meanwhile, Izaya stepped out of the shower. Instead of reaching for a towel, he stood quietly on the cold tiled floor, shivering slightly as water dripped down his body and pooled at his feet. He stared at the fogged reflection of himself in the mirror, examining every blurred curve of his thin frame. Wiping his hand across the glass, streaked droplets of steam smeared away in a stripe the size of his palm. Two red, scrutinizing eyes stared back at him, covered by black hair that clung to his face like ink on canvas. He smiled a bit, and grabbed his towel, wrapping it around his thin waist as he shook out his hair.

He heard the front door close, and snorted as he glanced at the cell phone on the sink counter. “Always right on time for her break. Tch.”

Stepping out of the bathroom, and hissing as the colder air from the hall blew past him, Izaya slipped in ear buds. He listened to a soft song as he walked down the hall, and went into his bedroom. Stretching a bit as a shiver rippled down his spine, he let the towel fall, and pulled on a fresh pair of boxers and a new pair of jeans.

He hummed slightly to himself as he grabbed a red v-neck shirt and tugged it over his still damp hair. His stomach grumbled a bit, making him groan. He had forgotten to eat a lunch with all the work he had. Sighing, he jogged from his room and skipped down the stairs, tugging at the shirt as it clung to his body. On the last step, an ear bud wiggled free, and he heard the shuffling coming from his desk. He halted and instinctively reached for his jean’s pocket, expecting his trusty flick blade to be there. However, he knew that it was in his coat pocket. Still, his hand clenched as if he was gripping the hilt, while he and Shizuo stared down each other.

“Izaya I-”

“Breaking and entering is against the law you know. This time I won’t have to frame you to put you into jail.”

Shizuo walked away from the desk, hands in his pockets and a strange red tint on his cheeks. If Izaya didn’t know any better, he would think that Shizuo was flustered, but he knew it was because the brute felt guilty for being caught. “That lady let me in. The one with the long hair.”

“Tch…dammit Namie. Never listens to me.”

 _"Oh, so that was her name,"_ Shizuo thought.

“Get out of my house,” Izaya sneered, as he pulled the ear buds from his ears and hung them around his neck. Shizuo shook his head, sighing as he took off his glasses and folded them into his breast pocket.

“I have a reason why I’m-”

“I know. And I refuse to help the likes of you. Out.”

“Izaya, won’t you li-”

“You weren’t invited, nor did you have an appointment.”

Shizuo growled under his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose and Izaya continued to shoot him down and cut him off. “God dammit Flea, I came to actually…” he choked a bit as the words got stuck in his throat.

Izaya laughed, sauntering over smoothly toward his desk, picking up the cold coffee mug and a few stray papers from his desk, reading over them quickly. “Came to do what, exactly? Kill me? You’re not too hard to predict, Shizu-chan.”

“I came to pay for your services.”

The informant blinked slowly as the words sunk in. He smile graced his lips and he laughed again, waving the hand holding the coffee cup in small circles. “Ahh, Sorry Shizu-chan. But I don’t work in that field. Despite contrary belief, I don’t try to get involved with hookers.”

Shizuo coughed and slammed his hand on the desk. “Not like that! You fuckin' sick bastard.”

Izaya chuckled a bit and gestured toward the door as he passed Shizuo into the kitchen. “Then, please leave. The door is right there. Or would you rather crawl back under the bed like the monster inside you wants, hmm?”

Shizuo grunted and pulled out his wallet, throwing the flimsy leather at Izaya. It hit the informant in the chest, and fell to the ground with a pitiful plop. Izaya stared at it, brow raised incredulously. “You're really serious about this?” He scoffed and shook his head, kicking the wallet away from him. “You couldn’t even afford ten minutes talking to me.”

Shizuo shrugged, and looked away, feeling smaller than he already felt. “I know. But this is important. Besides, I have more questions now.”

“After snooping in my personal space?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Izaya clucked his tongue and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Spit it out. But one question. That’s it.” He bent down and pulled out the cash from Shizuo’s wallet, stuffing the few bills into his back pocket. “Then, you leave.”

Shizuo groaned, and ran his fingers through his hair as he thought hard about what he wanted to ask. He knew what he wanted to blurt out, but knowing Izaya, he would answer vaguely and then kick him out. He wasn’t going to risk that. He glanced back at Izaya’s desk, staring at the glowing reflection on the windows that showed what was on the screen. That same web page he had grown so used to staring at for hours on end the past month. The blond took a deep, shaky breath, and slowly and carefully chose his words.

“I noticed that you were logged onto a website that I was familiar with, and you had said you knew who Psyche was. I’m wondering why you were associated with him, where he went, and why he sent me that letter.”

Izaya narrowed his eyes, and crossed his arms. “That’s three questions.”

“No. That was one question with three parts. You never put a placement on how many parts there were to the question.”

“Tch…stop trying to play mind games with me.”

“Then fucking answer my question and I won’t have to!”

Izaya grit his teeth and turned around to open the front door, standing still with his back toward Shizuo as he held the door open. “That is a question I cannot answer.”

Shizuo felt rage bubble up in him, forcing him to stomp forward the grab Izaya by the shoulder roughly and slam him into the wall. The force reverberated against the wall, causing the few pictures on the wall to rattle. Izaya’s head slammed against the wall, causing him to bite his tongue as he regained a cool composure.

Shizuo growled and bent forward the pin the informant between his arms. “Fucking flea, you’re gonna answer me.”

Izaya grinned deviously, looking up at Shizuo through his bands that still dripped water into his eyes. One might think the informant was crying. Only a fool would think that though. “What if I told you I didn’t want to answer your questions?”

“Like that would fucking matter? Not like you respect what other’s want, why should I respect what you want?”

Izaya shrugged a bit. “Because it’s a topic I’m no longer interested in.” He smiled and ran a fingertip along Shizuo’s arm, chuckling. “Although, seeing you so desperate for answers is satisfying, so I’ll be nice. Just this once. Because it’ll be so amusing to see your little heart shattering when you learn the truth.”

Shizuo squeezed harder, creating a mark on the brunet’s thin and pale shoulder. “Then start talking.”

“I know more about your affair with him than you can even imagine. I know every detail of your relationship. And I know that he isn’t as kind and loving as you thought. That he is someone you would hate and want to destroy if you knew him better.” Izaya felt his pride boost up when the grip on his shoulder loosened a bit, and Shizuo’s eyes flickered with disgust.

“I knew him better than you.”

“That’s what you think, Shizu-chan. But I know his true face. I know his true heart. I know you would hate him if you knew who he was. It‘s probably best if don‘t keep searching for him.”

“Flea. Stop skipping around the answer. Tell me right now, where is Psyche?”

Izaya sighed. “You weren’t meant to become infatuated with him.”

The words rung in Shizuo’s ears, and a slow feeling of understanding started to crawl into his heart. He didn't want to believe what Izaya was suggesting, but he knew that Izaya had no reason to life. A sick twisting in his stomach made his grip loosen completely, allowing the informant to land lightly onto the floor. "Flea..."

“So I broke all ties between you two. I won’t lie when I say I’m glad it hurts. But it’s for the better, right? Of course, with him not paying for your medication anymore, you might just die faster now.”

Shizuo trembled and squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth. “Shut up.”

Izaya grinned with satisfaction and leaned forward, slipping out from Shizuo’s grip. He stepped closer, pressing his lips close to Shizuo’s ear as he whispered, “I just can’t let you see me for who I really am. I don‘t want you to see that side of me. _Forget me, Tsu-chan.”_


	41. Rehab

A heavy silence filled the room, engulfing them with awkward tension. Shizuo tried to stop himself from trembling, as Izaya soaked in the glory that is breaking Shizuo down. The blond could feel the grin on Izaya’s face as the informant slipped past him. Normally, he would follow; chase after the flea until he was back in his grasp. But no matter how hard he tried, his feet were stuck to the floor; frozen in place as his brain tried to catch up to his commands.

“How…?” he muttered, able to finally move his lips and choke something coherent out. Izaya didn’t answer him, so Shizuo yelled out louder. “HOW?”

“Hmm?” Izaya glanced back as he sat on his couch and fiddled with the chess pieces on his game board. “How’d I what? Manage to fool you? Well, it’s quite simple really. First of all, your prehistoric pea sized brain really was no match for my superior intellect, and-”

“That’s not what I mean! How! Why! Just…” Shizuo grit his teeth and tugged at his hair from the roots, shaking his head. “Everything!”

The informant’s face remained stoic as Shizuo finally managed to turn around to stare at Izaya with confused and hurt eyes. “That’s a very vague question, Shizu-chan.”

“How did you find me on that site?” he barked, fists clenching tightly until the knuckles turned white. “Why did you start talking to me?”

Izaya shrugged. “Why should I tell you? You never believe me anyways.”

“I believed what you said just now, didn’t I? That you were Psyche all along.”

“I actually never said those exact words.”

“Close enough. Now answer me! Why did you track me down on there?” Shizuo demanded as he stormed over and kicked the table leg, knocking a few pieces over. Izaya frowned and clucked his tongue.

“You messed up the board.”

“I’m gonna mess you up unless you start talking!”

The informant sighed, leaning over to pick up the black rook that had rolled off the table. “So violent. Just like a monster.”

“Izayaaaa…”

“Patience, Shizu-chan. I’ll fill you in on the details soon,” he cooed as he rearranged his board, moving a black king one spot to the right, putting the white king into check. “Lets be civil, hmm?”

Shizuo grumbled to himself and sat down on the couch, grunting a bit as he bounced back a bit. He was used to sinking into his couch, not being supported. He crossed his legs and rested his arms on the back of the couch. He was having another “if this was two months ago, this would have never happened” moment. “There. I’m sitting, like a normal person wanting to talk. Now answer and stop beating around the bush.”

Izaya checked his game, before sitting back in his heat and folding his hands neatly in his lap. He smiled. “Alright. I didn’t go on the site to find you. In fact, I wasn’t aware that Tsugaru was you until a week after talking.”

Shizuo narrowed his eyes and huffed. “So, what were you doing on a dating site anyways? Don’t you get around enough to not have to deal with that?”

Izaya sucked in a breath and feigned a pout in mock offense. “Shizu-chan, that’s quite an accusation to make! And to hurt my pride and my libido in such a way, tsk tsk.” He chuckled a bit and shook his head. “No, I don’t go whoring myself out for pleasure. Sometimes for information, but that’s strictly business.”

“Disgusting.”

“Isn’t it?” The brunet cleared his throat. “Either way, I go onto random sites for mere trolling pleasure. To kill time between appointments, and when I can’t sleep. Seem reasonable enough for you?”

Shizuo frowned and crossed his arms, glancing away a bit. It was annoying that Izaya had a point. “Yeah. I guess. So why Psyche? He’s nothing like you.”

“That’s exactly why, Shizu-chan. Act as a completely different person, and no one would expect me.”

Shizuo peeked back up at Izaya, squinting his eyes as he examined Izaya. Plastic smile. seemingly kind, yet dangerous eyes. Confidence and intelligence the oozed off him. “Sure came easy to you.”

Izaya shrugged. “I suppose. All great actors know how to become the character as if it was truly them.”

“Kinda like reach inside them and find that person?”

“So to speak.”

A thought crossed Shizuo’s head, and it made him scoff a bit at himself. The concept was completely ridiculous. Yet…part of him wanted to believe that the small thought in his head could be true, and another part - the more rational part - wanted nothing else than to destroy the idea and walk away from this. His heart and his head fought mercilessly with each other, pulling Shizuo back and forth as he tried to think of what to say next. Take a chance, and go with what his heart was whispering? Or do the logical thing, and put this whole event behind him?

Izaya noticed Shizuo’s silence, and stood up, stretching. “Now, if that’ll be all, I think it’d be best for you to le-”

“I’d like to meet Psyche.”

“…Excuse me?”

“I would still like to meet Psyche.”

Izaya froze in his spot, rigid and caught off guard from the statement. His mouth pursed into a thin line, and his eyes turned into gleaming red slits. “Psyche is dead.”

“No he’s not,” Shizuo insisted, with a strange tone of confidence and calm. He looked up at Izaya from hi spot on the couch, determination dwelling deep in his eyes. A shiver ran up Izaya’s spine, and he shook his head stiffly.

“Psyche was never real. He was an imaginary persona created on the internet.”

“One that you made up.”

“Exactly. Made up. Not real. He was an act. End of story.”

Shizuo stood up, and stepped forward toward Izaya. The informant took a step back, and mentally berated himself for reacting in such a way. “Izaya, you even said that actors have to pull out a personality from deep within to make it look real.”

"Stop twisting my words.”

“I’m not twisting anything. You said that actors can do that. So if you could act him out so well, that means deep down, Psyche’s personality is in there. And you could bring him out again.”

“I refuse to act anything like that disgusting creature ever again! And definitely not for you, Shizuo!” Izaya snapped, reaching once again for his blade, only to densely remember that it was upstairs. Shizuo reached forward, and grabbed Izaya’s thin arm, holding him down tightly.

“Then prove it.”

“Pardon?”

“Prove that you can’t act like him. It’s easy to act on the internet. But it’s harder in front of someone. Especially in front of someone you hate so much. So prove that you can’t do it. Show me that you can’t be Psyche. And I’ll leave you alone.” Shizuo bargained, ignoring his head’s desires, and focusing on what his heart was telling him.

Izaya twitched and tugged his arm, trying to get away, but Shizuo kept his grip firm. Despite his decreasing strength, Izaya still couldn’t escape Shizuo’s grasp. “Tch…and how exactly am I going to do that, neh? It’s irrelevant to try and prove something that can’t be done.”

Shizuo smiled. “Be my rehab partner.”

“What?!”

“Be my partner.” Shizuo let go of Izaya, casually pulling out his glasses and placing them back over his eyes. “Shinra said I need to have motivation to not smoke. Someone to check up on my daily. So be my rehab partner. If in a month’s time, you haven’t warmed up or shown any hint of Psyche, then I’ll let you go and drop the subject.” He shrugged and placed his hands in his pockets. “Besides, you were already paying for my medication anyways.”

Izaya rubbed his wrist, trying to scrub away the warm tingling feeling that Shizuo’s grip left on him. He sneered in disgust, nose wrinkling. “I didn’t do it for you. I did it for myself.”

Shizuo questioned how paying for Shizuo’s medication benefit Izaya in the end, but decided to not ask now. There were more important matters he had to finalize. “So, what do you say? You come check on me, pay my medical bills, and try to piss me off all you want. In a months time, if nothing has changed, I won’t bring up Psyche again.”

Izaya stared at Shizuo silently, trying to weigh his options. He knew that he had taken his Psyche persona too far with Shizuo. Or perhaps, too far with Tsugaru. Either way, there was only two ways this situation could go; he agrees to help despite the repulsion of the idea, or he denies and Shizuo continues to chase after him to try and get Psyche back. Whichever choice he makes, Izaya won’t be able to get away from the brute.

With a sigh, Izaya turns around and shakes his head. “Fine. Anything to get you out of my house.”

Shizuo grinned a bit with triumph and headed toward the door. “See you tomorrow, Psyche.” Shizuo marked one point for him against Izaya when he noticed the informant flinch at the nickname.

Now all he had to do was prove that Psyche was real. But what benefit would that have in the end?


	42. Arc 5: Time for a Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Sorry for the long absence. I've had a lot of school and work piling up on me for a while, and then my laptop died and I had to buy a new one and recover all my files. Hopefully I'll be able to start updating this again. Thank you for being so patient and sticking with it. I appreciate it. As a reminder, YLB is also on FF.net if you want to skip the waiting and read it. This one will be updated grammatically.

Izaya sat on Shizuo's sofa, shifting a bit as he sunk uncomfortably into the couch. Shizuo leaned against the wall, just watching him; amused at no matter how hard he shifted, Izaya just couldn’t get comfortable. He eventually just slumped into the cushions and crossed his arms, letting the couch swallow him up. 

“I still can’t believe you’re actually going through with this," Shizuo grumbled.

“I can’t believe it either, Shizu-chan, but I have my reasons.”

Shizuo yawned, waiting for Izaya to stop looking at him with those calculating eyes. If Izaya has planned on staring at him forever, Shizuo would have decided to still be sleeping. Izaya had demanded that he come over at 10 a.m. Shizuo had some trouble getting up so early, but Izaya explained that he had appointments he couldn’t miss during the day. When Izaya had finally arrived, right on schedule of course, Shizuo was still groggy from lack of sleep. He almost forgot to move aside to let the flea in, until Izaya had irritably chided for him to move. Then he had the nerve to quietly scold Shizuo for the quality of his home, saying, "It's so messy. Even a monster like you should clean up every once in a while." Shizuo ignored the comment, holding back an annoyed growl.

Izaya cleared his throat and attempted to shift. “Alright, first things first. I refilled your prescription. Everything is filled to last you a month. Since that’s the amount of time I’m going to be around. Once it runs out, you need to get your own. Deal?”

Shizuo shrugged. “Yeah, sounds fine to me.” He walked over to the table and picked up the bag of medication, and tossed it onto the kitchen counter. Izaya raised his brow and looked at Shizuo, who stared back and him, snarling. He felt like he was being degraded, and he didn’t want Izaya to watch. He quietly popped them in all at once, turning on the faucet to full blast and drank straight from the tap. To his relief, it was getting easier and easier to take his medication, but it still left a terrible tang in his mouth. He looked up from the sink and saw Izaya staring at him. “What?”

“I would assume that someone who is ill and has medication would actually take their dose,” Izaya sneered. 

Shizuo sighed and groaned inwardly, opening the bottles roughly and pouring out the correct blend of pills. He walked over to the sink, turning his back toward Izaya. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t feel comfortable popping pills in front of the informant. 

“Animal,” Izaya muttered under his breath.

Shizuo ignored the comment. He just cleaned up the mess of bottles and went into the kitchen to see what he had to eat. “You hungry?” he yawned, causing Izaya to glance back at him with a frown.

“You have the courtesy to ask?”

“Shut up. I’m asking ‘cause it’s polite. Are you hungry?”

“Ahh, I don’t think I’d be fond of any of your food.”

“Why is that? Food is food.”

Izaya rolled his eyes. “Food isn’t simply food. A good meal must be prepared correctly, and must be nutritious.” He stood up, struggling a bit to pry himself away from the suffocating cushions that didn’t want to let him go, and eased himself over to the kitchen. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and stared into the fridge. “Besides, all you have are eggs, leftover whatever it is you eat for dinner, and milk. So much milk.”

“What’s wrong with milk?” Shizuo snapped, grabbing a bottle and popping off the cap. Izaya curled his lip with disgust and looked away.

“First of all, it’s strawberry flavored.”

“It’s better than normal milk.”

“Too sweet for my tastes.” Izaya stepped forward and slipped under Shizuo’s arm that was still holding the refrigerator door open. He peered inside, and poked around a bit, sighing. “Mm, nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing?! The fridge is half full!”

“Filled with stuff I don’t like.” Izaya stood up and turned abruptly so he faced Shizuo. The blond stepped back a bit, blinking at how close they had gotten. Izaya seemed to show no emotion whatsoever on the lack of personal space. 

“I’m heading out to get food. Preferably Ootoro.”

“Ootoro? Don’t you think it’s a bit early for that?” Shizuo frowned, stepping aside as Izaya walked past, pulling up his hood over his head. 

Izaya turned and grinned. “It’s never too early for ootoro.” The informant skipped out of the apartment, waving his fingers in a simple gesture of goodbye, and promised he’d be back in a few hours to check on Shizuo. 

Shizuo grunted to himself. “So God damn picky…” He shook his head, as he started to cook breakfast for himself.

He finished his meal after an hour, and stared out his window groggily as the time slowly passed. It wasn’t even noon, and he was already bored out of his mind. Being unable to work for Tom, he didn’t have any real reason to go outside. But being stuck indoors all day was wearing down on him.

He glanced over at his computer, frowning a bit. During times like this, he would chat with Psyche. Now that escape from reality was gone.

Sighing, Shizuo walked into his bedroom, opening the dresser to stare at the small collection of clothes. He pulled out a random shirt, giving it a look-over before placing it back. He needed new clothes. Or at least, more variety. Half of his clothes were multiple copies of bartending uniform. The other half was comprised of three pairs of jeans, a blue button up shirt, some t-shirts, socks, underwear, and pajamas. And deep in his empty closet was a single tuxedo his brother got him for a wedding he attended a few years back. 

His wardrobe was lacking, to say the least. Maybe he could go out and buy a few more pants. Maybe a new pair of shoes? He did only have the pair he wore with his uniform, and they were starting to wear down.

Of course, the only issue with this plan was the lack of money he had. He had just spent most of his cash paying Izaya for information. The rest of his money were his savings, and he wasn’t going to dip into that yet. However, he did have a bit stored in his sock drawer for emergencies.

Yawning again, he pulled out one of the pairs of jeans he had, and a newer t-shirt. He softly padded into the bathroom, pulling off his pajama shirt over his head as he closed and locked the door behind him. 

He glanced at himself in the mirror, and tilted his head a bit. He could notice a slight difference in his body. His abs were less defined, and his skin looked paler. Maybe it was the lighting, but he had bags under his eyes as well. A shiver rolled down the blond’s spine when he realized that not only did he feel like shit, but he looked like it.

He stripped down the rest of the way, piling his dirty clothes into the corner of the bathroom, and turned on the water on full blast, playing with the temperature dial so he could get the perfect temperature. 

Shizuo glanced back at the mirror and tilted his head forward, trying to get a good view at the roots of his hair. He wrinkled his nose and blew the overlong strands of hair that feel in front of his face.

“Damn, starting to get brown again.” 

Making a mental note to re-dye his hair, he stepped into the shower. The hot water scalded him as he stepped under the spray, but he didn’t flinch. The steady beat of the water on his skin soothed him, slowly relaxing his muscles. He sniffled a bit as the steam cleared his sinuses, leaning against the tile wall as he just let the water fall on him.

As he began to pour fruit scented shampoo into his palm and lather his scalp, he thought about the last month in review. 

This sickness had apparently been slowly growing over the years, but only started getting worse recently. He was getting weaker, and was more tired than before. He lost his job, although he was sure Tom would let him have it back once he could protect him.

He could feel the soft touch of his natural hair as he scrubbed away the coarse dye from the roots. Shizuo dunked his head under the spray from the shower head and watched the soap run down the drain, and wondered if he should dye is hair again. 

“Maybe I can find enough money to get a hair cut too,” he muttered as he took the bar of soap and started to scrub himself down, longing to get clean again. Being so close to the flea so often was making him feel dirty.

After fifteen minutes, he finished his shower and got dressed into some casual clothes. He brushes his teeth as he shook his head, trying to dry out the long blond locks that clung to his face. He spit out the remnants of toothpaste, and swished mouth wash in his mouth before grabbing a few bills from his sock drawer. Might as well use it now. 

He flicked open his cell phone, and dialed the number he had memorized over the years. He waited for a moment before the cheery voice of the secretary answered. Grabbing his house keys, he locked the door behind him and headed toward the salon, while rambling off the information he needed to give for his cut and dye appointment.


	43. Sushi Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally, the conversation in Russian was actually written in Russian, but some readers were frustrated or angry by it, so I decided to edit it to be written in English. Hopefully this is better.

The scent of fresh made sushi made Izaya mouth water. He glided into the familiar restaurant, drinking in the sights as he surveyed the area quickly.

“Iza-ya! Long time no see!” Simon greeted as he walked toward the informant. 

Smiling easily, Izaya nodded toward the sushi chef and rubbed his hands together. “Ahh, Simon! Just the person I wanted to see. I’m here to pick up an order of ootoro.”

“Yes, yes. We have it waiting for you.” Simon beamed as he patted Izaya’s shoulder firmly and led him toward the cashier. “You ordered a large amount this time. You have friends over?”

Izaya laughed, shrugging. “I simply have a client who has yet to try such a delicacy.” Simon walked around the counter, grabbing the take out box of sushi and handed it to Izaya. The brunet reached into his pocket and pulled out a debit card to hand to Simon.

The scent of the fresh ootoro made Izaya’s stomach grumble, and it took all of his will power to not eat a piece at that moment. Instead, he focused on something else, like the way Simon had to get some help with the register.

“Izaya.”

Izaya blinked and looked at Simon, who was staring at him with concentrated eyes. ”Yes, Simon? You feel the need to talk privately?” he asked, tilting his head a bit.

Simon‘s eyes flitted toward the front doors for a second, before resting on Izaya again. ”I'm sure you've noticed Shizuo has not been around lately,” he said lowly in Russian.

”It's hard not to notice that brute missing from this city,” the informant scoffed with a snide grin, not bothering to reply in Simon's native tongue..

However, Simon wasn't in the mood for speaking Japanese. “Would you happen to know where he is?”

”What makes you think I would have any idea?” Izaya replied back in Russian.

“It’s your job.”

Izaya laughed and waved his hands. ”Ahh, as much as that is true, I have no idea. I don't waste my time tracking down monsters like him. I'm not a ghost buster.” He wiggled his fingers to emphasize his point.

Simon leaned forward to hand Izaya back his debit card, holding it firmly so the smaller man couldn‘t pull it out of his grasp. ”That's a white lie, and you know it.”

“Perhaps. But my job is full of lies and twisted truths...” Izaya murmured darkly, eyes slitting slightly with intimidation. Simon didn’t seem to be affected.

“Be sure he eats well.”

Izaya chuckled. ”I can't force him to do anything, Simon.” He tugged the card, hinting for Simon to let go. The man did, and Izaya slipped it securely into his pocket. He slipped the box under his arm and turned to walk off, waving his hand. “Chao!” he called as he slipped out of the restaurant and into the streets.

Shivering as a gust of cold wind hit him, he pushed his way past people; weaving in and out of the crowd as he headed back towards Shinjuku. He would have loved to dig into his dinner, but he had more important matters.

Holding the box close to him, he broke into a quick jog, hoping to get back to his place before his appointment. He glanced at a clock inside of a store as he dashed past, scowling a bit. It was already 11:17! Gritting his teeth, he ran faster; ignoring the burn in his lungs and legs as he continued to sprint past his lovely humans and into Shinjuku. If he didn’t get home soon, he would be late for his appointment.

After another ten minutes, he was running into his apartment complex and shoving his way through the door to the stairwell. He didn’t have the time to fuck around and wait for an elevator.

His legs trembled and his heart slammed into his chest, but he kept running up the flights of stairs. He felt his balance giving in a few times, and wondered how Shizuo never noticed him stumble after a long chase. The brute was probably too blind by rage to notice Izaya’s falters; he preferred it that way.

Izaya stopped on his floor, using his body weight to swing the heavy metal door open. He stumbled a bit as his legs burned after a long run. He fumbled for his house keys and let himself inside, not bothering to call out to see if Namie was in. He glanced at the wall clock as he opened his fridge, and put the ootoro inside for safe keeping. 11:28. Good, he still had two minutes to kill. 

Grinning a bit, he knelt down and opened the white box, licking his lips as his eyes glued onto the perfectly sliced and seasoned sushi. “I deserve a little bit. I’m sure Shizu-chan won’t mind.” He picked a juicy morsel up and popped it into his mouth, mewling a bit to himself at the fresh flavors and succulent texture. 

Closing the lid and sliding the box toward the very back, he closed the door and stretched. He pulled his jacket a bit closer to him, fighting off a random shiver. Ready to use one of his many masks, he put on a serene and confident smirk, and left his apartment again to meet up with his next appointment.


	44. Renewed Cravings

Shizuo left the salon feeling renewed. He ran his fingers through his newly dyed hair, and smiled a bit. It was time for a change.

He slipped off his blue shades and slipped them into his pocket. Sliding his hands into his pockets, he glanced around a bit and watched as people walked by him. It was weird, having no one glance at you with frightened or wary eyes. For once, he didn’t feel like an outcast, someone to be afraid of, or someone to avoid. He was just another guy on the street. Another average citizen of the city with no reputation to uphold.

It was nice.

With a contented smile, the ex-blond took a deep breathe of air. Not even a tickle plagued him as the scents of the city enveloped him.

The delicious smell emanating from the restaurants.

The soft scent of the perfumes and cologne’s that lingered as business men and women walked past.

The bitter and soothing scent of ciga-

…Shit.

Shizuo reflexively covered his mouth and nose, as the scent slowly worked it’s way into his system. He backed up, eyes flicking about as he tried to trace the scent.

 _"Ahh! There!"_

A man was smoking at the street corner, and the direction of the wind was blowing it toward Shizuo’s direction.

His mouth started to salivate, and his throat closed up with need. He coughed to clear his throat, but only felt more drawn toward the scent.

He took a tentative step. After all, the flea wasn’t near him. Hell, he didn’t look the same as before. He could probably ask the stranger if he had an extra…

_"NO!"_

Shaking his head, he forced himself to turn away, breaking into a sprint. He had to get away, had to find something else to focus on. But with the familiar and comforting smell still lingering in his nose, his cravings were slowly growing. His fingers twitched slightly at the thought of flicking the lighter. Of holding the stick between his fingers. The texture of the cigarette as he rolled it between his finger tips. The action of bringing it up to his lips…

“God dammit!” He yelled, angry for letting his thoughts sink so far down. Shit, he never thought that this whole quitting thing would be so hard! Now it was all he could think of! He couldn’t get a grip on his own thoughts!

He stopped running as he lost his breath, leaning against a shop’s wall as he tried to breathe regularly again. Head leaning against the brick wall, he tiredly peered up at the shop sign.

His eyes widened when he realized where he was.

“Fuck! No!” he yelled as he pushed himself away from the wall as if it would give him the plague. He had subconsciously run toward the tobacco shop.

Racing as fast as he could without sparking a coughing spell, he fled from the shop, and headed toward his apartment. He shoved people out of the way, and took short cuts and back alleys. Anything is took to just get home, into a smoking free environment.

He chuckled a bit at the thought. His home as a smoking free environment. He never thought he would say that.

After a ten minute run, burning lungs, and aching legs, Shizuo stumbled into his apartment and collapsed onto the sofa. He groaned as the craving continued to slowly get stronger. He suddenly could smell the nicotine and tobacco in every corner of his house. It lingered in the walls, in the cushions, in his clothes. He couldn’t seem to get away from that addictive scent.

He dragged his palms over his face, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. He remembered Shinra saying something vaguely about trying to ignore the craving. But damn, how the hell were you supposed to do that when it was so fucking hard to ignore it! 

Shizuo rolled off his couch, falling heavily onto the floor so he lied on his back and stared at the ceiling. That ceiling that mocked him; told him that he wasn’t strong enough to fight back this disease and this craving. Despite his physical strength, his mental will power was nothing.

Huffing, he rolled onto his stomach and buried his head into his crossed arms. Closing his eyes, he begged to some higher power to just let him sleep. He could get through this if he could just sleep.


	45. Chocolate and Vanilla

Izaya stepped out from his employers office, a smile on his face as he fiddled with the generous amount of money that sat heavily in his pocket. He could already imagine the screaming that would soon ensue do to his information.

Really, couldn’t cheating couples really learn to not leave evidence? It just made his job easier.

Shoving the thoughts of his previous assignment from his head, he pulled out his wad of bills and thumbed through it. He felt like splurging a bit and treating himself to something, rather than putting it into savings. He didn't have as much as he did after working with shady people, but it would pay for something small.

That’s when he smelled a strangely delectable scent in the air. He cocked his head to the side and glanced across the street to the source of the smell. On the other side of the road was a small shop; freshly painted and new to the strip. Coming from the open window was the sweet aroma of freshly baked sweets and confectioneries.

Normally, Izaya wouldn’t be drawn to such a sickly sweet scent, but the strange underlying tones of bitterness drew him closer to the shop. He was curious how the harsh flavors he craved could be mingled in with sugar and sweets.

Peering in the window, he saw various treats sitting in the glass case. The expected treats were lined up perfectly; cookies, cakes, chocolate dipped fruits, and donuts. All traps for those with a sweet tooth.

However, none of those made his mouth water. Except for the one treat sitting along the edge. A row of freshly made and chilled truffles were placed delicately on wax paper. Drizzled in what seemed to be a white chocolate glaze, the dark dollops caught Izaya’s eyes immediately.

Curiosity leading him, he stepped into the store and took in a deep breath. Spices of all kinds attacked his nose, surprising him. To think he was smelling cinnamon, basil, and…was that cayenne?

“Oh, hello there!”

Izaya glanced up to see a young woman prance up to the counter. Her strawberry blond hair was pulled back into a bun, her glasses were slightly askew on her face, and there was a hint of batter on his cheek. 

Pulling out mask number eight, Izaya smiled. “Hello. I was curious as to why I was smelling some strong spices coming from the shop.”

The woman smiled. “Because it’s fun to have different spices in baking! Would you like to try some?”

Izaya grimaced a bit, but didn’t show it much. He didn't want to try anything per say, he just was interested in the ingredients, more or less. However, he was vaguely reminded of Shizuo, and thought that the brute might need something to crave other than those disgusting cancer sticks. “Ahh…what exactly do you have?”

Her eyes beamed as she leaned over the counter to point to each treat with enthusiasm. “Here, we have our variety of ice creams. We have everything from vanilla to moose tracks, but our surprise flavors are lime basil and apple rosemary.”

“…Eh, I’ll pass.”

“Hmm, okay. How about our hot chocolate cake? It has chocolate batter and chocolate drizzle, with a bit of cayenne pepper in the cake to give it an extra kick!”

Izaya tapped his finger to his lip a bit, in feigned contemplation. “No no, my fr-" He choked for a moment. To think he was slipping into a character that would consider Shizuo a “friend”. He cleared his throat. “My roommate doesn’t like spicy foods. He prefers things that are extremely sweet.”

“We definitely have some sweet sweets! We have a deep chocolate cake with a strawberry icing and whip!” The shopkeeper beamed, gesturing toward the chocolate cake that practically looked black.

Izaya shook his head, remembering the files stored away in his computer, and remembering the contents in Shizuo’s fridge. “Vanilla. Anything vanilla.”

“I have some thing perfect! A vanilla bean cupcake filled with a raspberry jam and topped with a tangy cream cheese frosting.”

Izaya nodded. “Yes, that’ll be fine. I’ll take five of those.”

“Would you like anything, sir?”

Normally he wouldn’t bother tasting something like this, but his curiosity was peaking. “Something bitter, if you have anything.”

“Oh yes! We have these truffles.” She clapped her hands and smiled widely. “They are called bittersweet truffles. It’s my mothers secret recipe, so I can’t say what’s inside. Unless you have any allergies.”

“None that I’m aware of,” Izaya chuckled. He watched her as she reached in and grabbed one of the truffles he had been looking at prior. She handed it to Izaya, who tentatively grabbed the sweet. He bit in gently, rolling the bite in his mouth as he savored the flavor.

His eyes widened with natural surprise. She was right, it was bittersweet. The flavors of the dense dark chocolate and the mystery bitter ingredient - which he assumed was almond - mingled well with the soft coconut and mint that were laced in the crumbled cookie center.

It was pretty good. He took another bite.

Scratch that previous thought. It was addictive.

“So…? Do you like it?” she pestered, watching as he took another bite. He nodded quietly. “Would you like some to take home?”

Izaya pondered for a moment, before nodding. “Yes, I’ll take a dozen.” Although deep down he had a feeling a dozen wouldn’t be enough.

He finished his truffle and licked his fingers as she rung up the price and neatly packaged twelve of the little morsels into a carry out box. Izaya absentmindedly gave her the money, and walked out eating another truffle very slowly, so he could continue to savor the unique taste.

Shizu-chan could eat all the cupcakes he wanted, but he wasn’t allowed to touch the truffles.


	46. Coping Mechanism

A steady thumping confounded Izaya as he walked up to Shizuo’s door. If he allowed his mind to think perverted thoughts, he would shoot them down with the fact that Shizuo could never get laid. His rational thoughts did however make him wonder why he was banging on something repeatedly. Was it a body? Ooh, that would be interesting.

Izaya grabbed the doorknob, turning it easily and opening the door. He frowned. “That idiot never locks his door.” He stepped inside, setting the box of treats on the table and kicked the door closed behind him. “Oh Shizu-chan!~ I’m home!~”

“This. Isn’t. Your. Home.” The muffled grumble from Shizuo was broken between repeated bangs. Izaya peeked around the corner to find Shizuo lying on the floor behind the couch, banging his head against the ground stiffly. 

Izaya stood for a moment, watching the blon-

Wait.

“Shizu-chan, what did you do?”

“What.” Bang. “Do.” Bang. “You.” Bang. “Mean?” Bang.

“Your hair.”

Shizuo groaned and looked up a bit, brow twitching as he growled. “What the fuck about it, flea?”

Izaya shrugged. “It’s not blond anymore.”

“No duh, dipshit.”

Izaya frowned a bit. “Aww, too bad. You looked more like a monster that way.”

“MAYBE I DON’T WANT IT TO BE BLOND ANYMORE.”

The informant chuckled softly. “Someone is having withdrawals. So moody. Like a chick on her period. Or since you’re a monster I should say a bitch in heat.”

“Izayaaaa...”

“Calm now, Shizu-chan. As much as I like to annoy you, I happened to think of you kindly today and decided I would help,” Izaya said as he grabbed the box and pulled out a cupcake. He dropped to the floor, scooting on his stomach to hold the dessert in front of Shizuo’s face. The ex-blond raised a brow, and glanced at Izaya.

“Thought you liked bitter stuff.”

“Aye, I do. This is for you.”

“Huh? Why did you buy…?”

“Open wide! Here comes the choo-choo train!”

Izaya shoved the cupcake into Shizuo’s face, somehow mashing the sweet into his partially opened mouth. The rest smeared over his cheeks and nose. Shizuo sat up sputtering, coughing out little crumbs of cupcake as Izaya pulled out a truffle from the box to pop into his mouth; sliding it into his cheek like a chipmunk as he sucked off the chocolate.

“Neh, good hmm?”

Shizuo scowled as swallowed the cupcake thickly, rubbing off the frosting with his thumb before licking it clean. “Mmm, yeah. Really good. What’s this for anyways?”

Izaya rested his head in his hands and kicked his feet back and forth, chewing slowly on the truffle in his mouth; his voice slightly muffled by the treat. “Have you ever heard of oral fixation, Shizu-chan?”

“Oral what?!”

“Fixation. Get your head out of the gutter.” Izaya grinned, pushing himself up onto his knees as he pulled out another cupcake from the box. He held it up in the palm of his hand as if it was on display, “Oral fixation is getting yourself hooked on something else going into your mouth rather than a cigarette. Aka, sweets. You love sweets, so this should be simple. Try to crave something else.”

Shizuo tilted his head a bit and grabbed the cupcake, peeling away the wrapper gently, “Yeah. Okay that makes sense.” He took a bite into the cupcake, mouth watering at the overly sweet and tart taste that he savored. He rubbed his forehead that had grown red from the constant banging and licked the crumbs from his lips.

Izaya sat up onto his knees, leaning on his hands a bit as he watched Shizuo. “So, what exactly were you banging your head for?” he questioned. 

Shizuo shrugged a bit. “I was craving really bad. So I thought banging my head would help or something. Distract me or knock the thoughts out of my head.”

“Tch, so brutal and stupid.” Izaya handed Shizuo the box and stood up, stretching. “Just eat some sweets, or gum, or gum. Anything will work really. Just give your mouth something to do when you’re craving.”

“What’s this?” Shizuo asked as he held up a truffle. Izaya quickly snatched it from his hands and popped it into his mouth, grabbing the rest of the truffles from the box and holding them under his jacket.

“I got something for myself.”

“You said you didn-”

“I don’t like sweets. These aren’t sweet. They are bitter.”

Shizuo laughed a bit, holding up his hands. “Okay okay, don’t get all upset. You’re acting like a cat that got sprayed with a hose. I won’t touch them, geez.”

Izaya rolled his eyes and turned to walk out of the house. “Same time tomorrow. Don’t eat those all at once. You’ll get fat.”

“Says the one who's hogging all the truffles.”

Izaya glared back at Shizuo for a moment, before smirking a bit. “Touché, Shizu-chan.”


	47. Test of Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://giveortake.deviantart.com/art/A-Quiet-Moment-268011335
> 
> My friend drew some art for this chapter. :)

Over the next week, Shizuo had eaten more cupcakes, lollipops, and chewing gum than he had in three months. He swore that he was gaining a few pounds from lack of exercise and an increase of sweets. However, it was helping his cravings. A lot.

He sat reclined on his couch, staring at the ceiling as he sucked on a sucker; twirling it around in his mouth as Shinra checked over him.

“Looking good Shizuo! You said you thought you were gaining weight, but it’s not much more than three pounds. You have a fast metabolism, so even with all the extra sugar you‘re consuming, you’ll burn them off at a decent rate.”

“Shinra, you’re saying things I never cared about in school.”

“Ahh sorry. Right. I’m saying you won’t gain a lot of weight.” The doctor tapped his chin a bit in thought. “Although, exercise would be a good thing to start easing into your daily life. It’s been a while now, so your lungs should be well rested and healing a bit. You should be able to manage mild exercise.”

Shizuo bit off the cherry candy, and pulled out the worn stick to play in between his fingers; it was more soothing to hold the stick like a cigarette than it was to occupy his mouth with candy. “So I can chase the flea again?”

“Ahh, Shizu-chan, as much fun as that would be, I don’t think that you could keep up with me,” Izaya said as he walked into the apartment.

“Oh! Hello Izaya! You’re here late. I was sure you wouldn’t show up!” Shinra said.

“Shinra, you have no faith in me. I may run late, but I never skip out on appointments," the raven haired man mused with a grin.

Shizuo sighed as the informant fell onto the couch next to him, crossing his legs and smiling smugly at Shizuo. Possessed by a childish desire to annoy Shizuo during his checkup, Izaya jabbed the taller man beside him with his elbow.

The brute only made a grunt, and glared at Izaya from the corner of his eyes. Shinra didn’t bother to look up as Izaya continued to jab at Shizuo in random places of his body. When Izaya managed to get Shizuo under the rib, the ex-blond jumped a bit, kneeing Shinra in the stomach as he turned to grab Izaya by the collar of his shirt.

“Fucking flea!” he growled. Izaya laughed, hugging his sides as Shinra rubbed his stomach.

“Guys, quit it. I’m trying to do my job here.”

“Tell the pest to quit poking me!”

“I’m not poking you, Shizu-chan.”

“Don’t fuckin lie!”

Izaya wiggled out of his grasp and crossed his arms, smiling a bit as Shizuo growled like an angry dog, and went back to staying still for Shinra to continue his check up.

Wiggling his fingers around Shizuo’s side, Izaya continued to pester Shizuo until he could see the annoyed twitch in his brow and the grit in his teeth. The sucker stick snapped in half in his teeth, and Shizuo whipped his head around to glare at Izaya.

“Quit. It. Flea.”

“But I’m not touching you,” Izaya sneered, “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you,” he continued to sing as Shizuo continued to growl at him.

Shinra sighed and shook his head, glaring at both of them. “You two act like children.”

Shizuo flushed a bit and crossed his arms, facing the other way, while Izaya grinned and snickered under his breathe.

Shinra finished up with his check up and packed away his things. “Alright Shizuo, you’re looking pretty good. Keep up with what you’re doing. The suckers are helping with the cravings?”

He nodded.

“Good. Then just add in exercise and a healthy diet, and you’re on the right track to getting well again!”

“But not perfect.”

“Shizu-chan was never perfect.”

“Shut up, Flea!”

The two continued to banter until Shinra left with a headache. Leaving the enemies in the same room didn’t help with the tension. Izaya soon gave up pestering Shizuo when the bodyguard had decided to ignore him. He shrugged off his jacket and paced the room, hands in his pockets as he examined the space around him. The apartment wasn't as dirty was it was before. Shizuo was cleaning the house more now that he had free time. He smiled to himself as he thought about how this whole COPD business was making Shizuo a cleanlier monster.

Izaya spun on his heels and clicked his shoes together, causing Shizuo’s honey eyes to peer up for a moment, before staring out the window.

“Shizu-chan. I think it’s time for you to have your test.”

“Test?” Shizuo asked, raising his brow a bit, “What the hell do you mean?”

Izaya grinned and licked his lips a bit, “Before we start getting you all fit, we have to make sure you won’t be tempted to cheat.” He walked over this his jacket and pulled a box out of his pocket. He opened it, watching Shizuo carefully as he pulled out the heavy ceramic item. Shizuo froze and watched nervously as Izaya set the ash tray on the table.

“What the hell are you--oomph! Oi, get off me!”

Izaya had succeeded in plopping down into Shizuo's lap. He shoved Shizuo onto his back before laying across him. Izaya loved the way he could feel the power trapped beneath him. Despite his illness, Shizuo still harnessed a great strength that rippled with every muscle twitch and breathe. Izaya smiled as Shizuo flinched and physically tried to back away from the close contact.

_"He totally despises me. Good."_

Izaya reached into his back pocket, eyeing Shizuo carefully as he watched those honey eyes focus on the item in his hand. It was satisfying to see those narrow eyes widen with surprise and fear as he pulled out a new package of cigarettes and held it in front of Shizuo. The look of horror on the brute's face instantly made Izaya’s heart flutter with joy.

Shizuo simply stared at the pack in alarm. His throat closed up and his heart started racing. He was sure the flea could feel it hammering in his chest as he started to salivate. His skin tingled and a bead of sweat started to form on his forehead.

“Izaya…what are you…”

“This is your test, Shizu-chan,” Izaya mused as he ripped the plastic away and opened the box. The scent of fresh cigarettes made Shizuo groan and close his eyes. Izaya knew what was happening physically; endorphins were starting to release and making Shizuo want to smoke. Psychologically, he knew Shizuo was battling himself.

He continued to pull out a cigarette, tossing the package onto the table. He held the cigarette in between his fingers, touching the filter to his lips as he grinned. “Before we can get you back to your normal self, we need to make sure this won’t be an issue anymore. Ikebukuro isn’t a smoking free city. You need to be able to walk away from temptations such as this.”

Shizuo audibly swallowed as his eyes trailed along the end of the cigarette, down to Izaya’s lips, and back up to his carmine eyes. He nodded stiffly, understanding Izaya’s motives, but wishing that he didn’t have to deal with it.

“Exposure therapy. Let’s see if this works, neh?” Izaya stated firmly as he leaned over to place the cigarette in one of the grooves of the ash tray. He then settled back on Shizuo’s chest, and watched.

Shizuo shivered a bit as he stared at the unlit cigarette. His breathing had quickened and his heart continued to skip a beat as the flashes of his past enveloped him. He shook his head, trembling slightly as the memories broke up in his mind. He couldn’t dwell on the thoughts. Squeezing his golden eyes tight, he rested his head back on the pillow and took a deep breath. His hands clenched reflexively as the desire to grab the cigarette, lit or not, grew with every passing second.

After what felt like hours of waiting in silent agony, he felt a slight shift on him, as Izaya settled into a comfortable position. The flea had rested his head, digging his chin into Shizuo's chest as he watched the ex-blond quietly suffer. Shizuo peeked at Izaya, hoping the informant was growing bored of the silence.

Instead, the informant had caught interest in something else. With uncertain fingers, Izaya unbuttoned Shizuo’s shirt, watching as his skin rippled and trembled with every tight breath and shaking desire.

Shizuo normally would have smacked Izaya away, but it took all of his control and thought to keep still.

Izaya tilted his head a bit, eyes narrowing as he focused on the muscles that quivered. He gently ran his fingertips along his chest and down his abs, feeling them jump at the soft touch.

Shizuo made a soft grunt and shifted, obviously uncomfortable with the gentle touches.

“So interesting,” Izaya murmured, resting his head on Shizuo’s chest to hear his heartbeat, which had grown a bit quicker if it was at all possible. “When looking from this perspective, one could confuse you for a human.” He frowned a bit. “You even respond like one.”

Shizuo remained silent as Izaya closed his eyes, resting comfortably on him. The informant continued to listen to his heartbeat and feel his body’s responses. Feeling naked underneath Izaya, although only his shirt was open, he felt his stress levels going up. He wanted a smoke more than ever.

He refused to move at all, and only shifted when we thought that Izaya had fallen asleep on him. The informant was still, and his breathing was steady. Shizuo pulled out his arm from his side, letting it hover over the gap between the table and the couch. He reached slowly for the cigarette, commands telling him to grab it. To throw it away, despite his bodies urges to light it.

Izaya’s hand reached out, grabbing his hand softly but firmly. He jolted a bit, glancing down to look at Izaya, who peered up at him through his inky bangs.

“Don’t reach for it. If you touch it, you’ll just fuel your cravings. It’ll be harder to resist.” Izaya closed his eyes again, still holding onto Shizuo’s hand. He listened as Shizuo’s heartbeat, which had grown steady, jumped back up after being caught. “Think of something else.” After a few moments, it started to beat slower again. His skin stopped trembling underneath him, and he felt Shizuo let out a deep breath.

Shizuo closed his eyes and pulled his arm back, setting it on his chest near Izaya’s face. Izaya glanced up toward Shizuo, tilting his head to get a better view. “Why did you dye your hair?”

“Hmm?”

“I know you were a natural brunet, but why the sudden change?”

Shizuo blinked. “Um, well…it’s kinda stupid I guess.”

“You’ve always been stupid.”

Shizuo glared at him and huffed. “Fine. I dyed it cause I wanted change. I dyed my hair around the same time I started smoking. Since I’m quitting that, might as well change my appearance to match. Kinda like a permanent reminder of what I’m trying to do.”

Izaya was quiet for a moment, before chuckling. “You’re too philosophical sometimes.”

“And you aren’t?”

The informant grinned, “Mmm, very true. Ten points to you.”

Izaya grew silent, closing his eyes and shifting a bit to get comfortable. He didn’t let go of Shizuo’s hand, knowing that if he fell asleep, the motions of Shizuo moving his hand would wake him. Shizuo, who was growing comfortable with the warm weight of Izaya on him found himself growing tired after a long battle with his cravings. They were still there, but he found himself focusing on something else.

He watched as Izaya slowly stilled, and his breathing was steady. He remained like this for fifteen minutes, just watching Izaya as he fell asleep. That’s when he saw it.

It was so subtle. So quick. If he wasn’t watching at that moment, he would have missed it.

A small smile flashed across the raven’s lips. Soothing and content. It reminded Shizuo of the reason why Izaya was here. He was here to prove a point, and Shizuo just found his evidence to support his side of the argument.

Even someone as cold, and cruel, and annoying as the flea could have a soft side. He could see Psyche in that smile. A genuine and comfortable smile that lasted only a moment, before another mask covered it. Even in his sleep, Izaya was hiding himself. Shizuo wondered if Izaya even realized this.

Shizuo smiled a bit to himself, and closed his eyes, wrapping an arm around the informant before he lulled into sleep; no longer finding it hard to ignore the promised warmth, security and calm the cigarette would give him. He had those qualities hidden deep within something else.


	48. Thank You

_It’s warm…_

_Like…being wrapped in sunshine. Or something cheesy like that._

_What’s this pressure…holding me down?_

_It feels nice. Safe…_

_So…comfortable here. I don’t want to move._

_It feels like…the earth is breathing. I don’t remember the ground being so soft…_

_Where am I anyways…?_

Flecks of light shot through the darkness, and Izaya shifted and groaned a bit as the warmth of the rays enveloped him. Blinking, more blinding light began to stream in. He squinted and scowled, wrinkling his nose as he buried his face into the closest object.

Strong arms wrapped around him, holding him close, and he sighed contentedly as the feeling of security enfolded around him. He breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of cheap cologne. It was soothing, and warm. He smiled a bit at that and nuzzled his face into the soft skin.

_Wait…_

Izaya peeked up, blinking the blurriness from his vision, and stared up at the two honey eyes that cracked open a bit; slightly puffy and glazed over with sleep.

Sitting up abruptly, Izaya pulled himself out of Shizuo’s grasp and sat stiffly on his knees. He rubbed his eyes fast with the heel of his palm and watched Shizuo stretch and grunt as he woke from his nap.

“Mornin’ flea…” he grumbled with a yawn, running his fingers through his stiff hair.

Izaya’s lips thinned into a line and he glanced away. “It’s not morning.”

“Tch, whatever. Just tryin’ to be polite.” Shizuo sat up, long legs trapping Izaya in his place. The two stared at each other; eyes squinted and tired, and hair disheveled and sticking up in places. Izaya scowled and crawled off, stumbling to his feet as he stretched.

“I can’t believe I slept on such a filthy creature.”

“You seemed pretty comfortable to me.” Shizuo chuckled as he stood up, leaning to crack his stiff back. “You sleep like a cat. All curled up in a ball and wiggling your face into whatever it’s pressing up against.” The bartender grinned. “Kinda like how I would imagine Psyche to sleep.”

“…Shut up. Stop harboring on fantasies,” Izaya hissed as he walked toward the chair where his jacket was draped. “Focus on your health. Not on my subconscious personalities that you believe exist.”

Shizuo laughed, feeling much better than how he did before he rested. He glanced at the cigarette still lying on the ash tray, and found it easy to shrug off. “Yeah, speaking of that. Now that we rested, when can we start building up my strength again? I actually kinda miss being able to throw trashcans at you.”

Izaya chuckled and shook his head. “Always so violent.” He turned toward Shizuo and pulled his jacket around his shoulders, wrapping the arms into a knot around his neck to drape it over his back like a cape. “We can start your training to become a healthy beast tomorrow. I think we spent enough time together today.”

Shizuo nodded. “Yeah. So, when do I start chasing you around ‘Bukuro again?”

“As tempting as that is, you wouldn’t be able to keep up,” Izaya sneered, curling in closer to his jacket as he padded toward the front door to slip on his shoes. “Lets just go for brisk walks, neh?”

“In public?”

“Of course not you protozoan. At night.” Izaya scoffed, rolling his eyes at Shizuo’s stupidity. “If people were to see us walking around all buddy buddy, chaos would ensue, and as much as I adore discord and calamity, I cannot deal with the erratic tendencies humans have toward disruptions in daily life.”

Shizuo glared at Izaya, crossing his arms. “Quit spewing out words I don’t understand. It pisses me off and makes me feel stupid.”

“That’s exactly why I’m doing it, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo growled and stormed to the front door, opening it roughly. “Get out.”

Izaya grinned and skipped out. “Gladly! But I’ll be back tomorrow, unfortunately. I’ll head over after dinner. That way we can start our late night walking routines.”

Shizuo closed the door behind Izaya, and started to walk back toward the kitchen when he saw a half full bag of desserts on the counter. Izaya had brought him more cupcakes to eat.

He sighed, turning around to open the door and step out. “Hey!” he called, watching as Izaya stopped on a dime and turned part way to face Shizuo. “You know…you didn’t have to help me.”

Izaya chuckled. “Ahh, but if I didn’t, you would have never let me live it down, hmm?”

Oh right…Shizuo had made that bet with the flea. Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck. “I know, but still. Never stopped you from doing what you want before.”

The informant shrugged. “Mmm, I felt like being a good Samaritan.” He turned to leave again, waving his hand quickly in the air in a half hearted goodbye.

“Wait!”

With a sigh, Izaya turned. “What is it, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo scuffed his foot against the ground, rubbing his neck with his hand again. He shrugged his shoulder closest to his door and looked back up. “You…wanna stay for dinner? As thanks for helping me out?”

Izaya stared back at Shizuo for a moment, thrown off by his offer. For someone who hates his guts, Shizuo sure was acting generous. His stomach growled a bit, and he moved his arm a bit closer to his stomach to try and block the sound. A flash of worry spread across his face as he thought Shizuo might have heard his stomach answer for him. But when Shizuo simply stood there, foot kicking at the ground and hand rubbing his neck, Izaya was sure Shizuo had no idea what had just happened.

He cleared his throat a bit, and put on a confident smirk. One he knew that would make Shizuo‘s blood boil. “As kind of a gesture as that is, I’ll have to pass. I’d rather not get poisoned,” Izaya sang as he turned again to skip down the stairwell. “Tata for now!”

Shizuo watched Izaya leave with a frown of disappointment, and waited a few moments in silence before going back into his house and locking the door behind him. Rubbing his eyes with his hands, he walked over toward the table to stare at the pack of cigarettes and the unlit cigarette in the ash tray.

_“Don’t reach for it.”_

As much as he hated the flea, and wanted to not listen to his advice, he knew the man was right. Shizuo turned away quickly and walked into his bedroom, closing the door behind him; shutting himself away from the temptation that called to him.

He was almost certain Izaya had left it there as one more test to see if Shizuo could refrain from touching the item of his desires.

He only hoped he could pass the test.


	49. Hipster's First

Pulling his jacket over him, Shizuo buttoned up the front and wrapped a cream colored scarf around his neck. He wasn’t used to feeling so cold, but he guessed illness could make him feel a bit chilly. Plus, it was comforting to have something wrapped around him.

He heard the quick, impatient raps on his front door, and poked his head out of his bedroom. “It’s open.”

He listened carefully to he light footfalls on his carpeted floor; the familiar pattern of steps telling him that Izaya was heading toward the bedroom. The annoying voice that followed only confirmed his thoughts.

“Shizzy-chan, what’s taking so long?” Izaya moaned with annoyance as he pushed the bedroom door open more to retrieve Shizuo. He leaned against the door frame and looked Shizuo up and down. He chuckled a bit. "A new outfit I see. Did your brother send you more stuff? How cute~”

“Shut up, pest.” Shizuo grunted as he sat on his bed to pull on an older pair of walking shoes. “It was a birthday gift from him a few years ago. I never needed to use it, but I’ve been cold lately.” After tying his laces, Shizuo stood up and faced Izaya, trying to hold back a laugh. “What the hell is on your head?”

“Hmm?” Izaya glanced in the mirror and frowned. “I see nothing wrong with my head. Are your eyes going bad now too?”

“That’s a ridiculous hat you’re wearing.”

“Ahhh, no wonder you think it’s silly. You have absolutely no cultural intelligence.” The informant twirled his finger as he rattled on about cultures across the world, and certain articles of clothing that were “all the rage” in other countries.

“Just shut up for once…” Shizuo grumbled as he shoved past Izaya and grabbed his cell phone from the dresser. He slid it into his pocket and looked over his shoulder at Izaya who was following him out of the room. He snickered and pressed firmly on the brim of Izaya’s strange hat, pushing it over his carmine eyes; earning a distressed squeak in return.

“Shizu-chan!”

“Quit talking about your hat.”

“It’s a fedora. And it’s very popular in North American culture right now,” Izaya grumbled, shoving his hands into his jacket.

“That’s a stupid name.”

“Your name is stupid.”

Shizuo sighed and rolled his shoulders. “Do you always have to bite back with childish terms? I mean geez, I haven’t heard comebacks like that since grade school.”

Izaya grinned, skipping next to Shizuo. “That’s why I retort like that. You’re still stuck in pre-school.”

“Flea!”

Izaya laughed and hopped out of the apartment, twirling around in the hall as he waited for Shizuo to lock up. The taller male made sure his home was secure, before walking up to Izaya. 

“What’s with the rest of your outfit?”

Izaya threw his arms outwards a bit and stepped back, grinning. “This is what is currently popular in N.A. remember? That’s what I said before~” 

Shizuo raked his eyes over Izaya with slight confusion. Seeing Izaya in anything other than his trademark jacket was…odd. Especially since the outfit he was currently in was very awkward for his personality. A graphic tee, black leather jacket, red plaid scarf dangling around his neck, skinny jeans, and slip on shoes. Not to mention the weird glasses he was wearing. It made him look like some stupid high school kid.

“That’s…popular?”

Izaya shrugged. “Apparently being a hipster is in right now. Anyways, there is a reason why I’m wearing this ridiculous thing.”

“And that is?”

“For disguise, of course!” the informant chirped a bit too excitedly. He waved his hands around as he spun in circles. “I can’t have anyone recognizing me walking late at night with you! People might think we’re on a romantic late night hate-date. That would be terrible, neh?”

Shizuo shrugged, the scarf bundling up on his shoulders and covering part of his face. He tugged at it so he could breathe. “I guess. Not like people would recognize me anyways. I dyed my hair.”

“Yet you still wear those ridiculous bartender uniforms.”

“Everything else was dirty!”

Izaya tsked. “You need to go shopping. Now stop complaining. I’m wearing what I’m wearing, and we’re gonna walk. Now, ladies first,” Izaya sneered as he bent down dramatically and opened the stairwell door to let Shizuo out. 

The ex-blond smirked and grabbed Izaya by the back of the jacket, lifting him and shoving him over the threshold. “Yeah. Ladies first.”


	50. If I Never Met You

At first, Izaya forced Shizuo to walk five meters in front of him. Far enough to not be associated with him, but close enough to watch over him and have idle chat if Shizuo felt it was too quiet. Of course, that didn’t mean that Izaya responded.

At one point, Shizuo had grabbed a pole and threatened to rip it from the ground unless Izaya spoke up. The information broker had kicked a pebble at him and walked on, telling him to watch his temper.

This routine repeated every Thursday night. Izaya would show up at Shizuo’s apartment, wearing another odd outfit as a disguise. He would shove Shizuo a paper bag filled with clothes for a new outfit, telling him to wear it. Once Shizuo grudgingly wore whatever outfit Izaya had brought him, and thankfully it wasn’t completely awful.

They would walk silently through the streets of Ikebukuro, pausing occasionally to allow Shizuo to catch his breath and recover from the small coughing spells that occurred from time to time.

Soon, the late November nights turned into December. Snow started to fall occasionally during their brisk hourly walks. Despite the cold weather, Izaya still showed up at Shizuo’s door, covered in bulky clothing and fur. When Shizuo would complain, Izaya would insist that the cold air would help strengthen his lungs.

By the third week of their chilly strolls, Shizuo had grown annoyed at the silence and stopped abruptly. Izaya instantly froze in his spot, still exactly five meters away from Shizuo. The edges of his long black coat and the vibrant red scarf wrapped around his neck fluttered in the wind around him.

“What?” Izaya asked.

“I feel like an idiot.”

The raven haired man raised his brow. “Hmm?”

Shizuo scuffed at the ground his the toe of his boot and shrugged. “I feel ridiculous walking around every week at night talking to no one,” he grumbled. Izaya smiled a bit at that and pressed a hand up to his ear, bending at the waist as he turned his ear closer to Shizuo.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of the crowd.”

“There is no fucking crowd! It’s god damn midnight!” Shizuo yelled, causing the only other human walking the street to look at them. Shizuo sneered and clenched his fist, shoving his hands in the pockets of his new jacket. “I said I feel stupid and it’s too god damn quite! Plus it looks suspicious with you following me! So just walk closer!”

Izaya feigned a pout. “But Shizu-chaaaan-”

“Flea! Now!” the ex-blond barked.

Izaya huffed and sidled over, closing the gap by two meters. He hunched forward a bit, staring at the ground as Shizuo nodded.

“Good. This is the pace we’ll walk at.”

“So picky,” Izaya hummed as the two began their walk again, pushing against the icy breeze and the flakes of snow that fluttered around them.

As much as Izaya detested having to walk to blatantly close to Shizuo, he didn’t mind listening to Shizuo ramble. He never replied or threw in his own opinions. He just paid attention quietly as Shizuo talked about whatever was on his mind.

One week, Shizuo had rambled on about Kasuka; how he missed his brother, and how he hoped the younger sibling was doing well. He talked aimlessly about their childhood, and how he used to get so angry at Kasuka for stupid things. Yet his brother never seemed to get scared. He liked that a lot.

Another week, Shizuo had rambled on about some guy in the store that had pissed him off, and how he really badly wanted to take that guy down and teach him a lesson. But he somehow managed to calm himself long enough to walk away.

It was always interesting to listen in on Shizuo’s thoughts. For someone as simple minded and brutish, he was actually a gentle person who was moral and calm inside his head. He really couldn’t help those violent urges.

It reminded Izaya of Tsugaru.

But Izaya forced the thought of his mind, shaking his head as he walked. He squeezed his eyes shut. _"No. I am not going to think of Tsugaru. He doesn’t exist. Neither does Psyche. They were never real. Do not let Shizu-chan win this bet."_

Shizuo stopped walking, causing Izaya to bump into him.

“Oomph…Hey, why’d you stop walking?!” Izaya hissed as he glared up at Shizuo, who was staring up at the sky. Izaya followed his gaze and watched as the dark sky lightened with heavy snow clouds that softly released its precious and delicate creations.

“I really like the winter…” Shizuo mumbled calmly. Calmer than Izaya had ever heard him speak before. It shocked him to the core, to hear such soft sounds come from that rough mouth. It effected Izaya stronger than he could have ever imagined possible.

“I was never all that fond of the cold…” Izaya choked out, struggling to keep his voice from dropping to a whisper. It felt almost wrong to speak loudly, but he didn’t dare hush his voice.

“Mm, I don’t like it either. But I like the snow. It’s comforting.”

“It reminds me of death.”

“It reminds me of a new beginning.”

Izaya stepped forward to stand beside Shizuo, staring up as the snow fell onto his face. He curiously looked at Shizuo, to find him smiling slightly as he too gazed up at the night sky.

All was silent. The only sounds that could be heard were the whistling of the wind and the rustling of tree branches. Izaya shivered a bit and sidestepped closer to Shizuo. Dammit, he knew the brute was warmer than the air around him. But his pride wouldn’t let him come closer. At least not in public. He hissed to himself. He shouldn’t even get that close in private! Dammit, he’s thinking too much…

“Oi, Flea.”

“Mm?”

“You know. If I never met you-”

“Don’t start getting sentimental on me, Shizu-chan.”

“I’m not.” Shizuo chuckled, shrugging a bit as he glanced down at Izaya. “Just thinking aloud.”

The smaller man sighed. “Go on then.”

Shizuo smiled and looked back up at the sky, “If I never met you, I wouldn’t have started smoking.” Izaya blinked and narrowed his eyes, glancing at Shizuo. The ex-blond continued, “You always caused so many problems. So much stress. Just in the first year, you managed to frame me for many things, got me stuck in detention on multiple occasions, and somehow nearly got me to flunk all my classes. With all the bullshit you pulled, I turned to smoking as a way to cope. It kept me calm. Made it easy to shrug off whatever you planned on doing that day and keep pushing on. And when I was able to get angry enough and fight you, I was able to cool down with a nice, long drag." Shizuo paused to laugh lightly under his breath. "It’s funny. That if I never met you, I wouldn’t be here. I would have probably never started smoking. Sure, I still wouldn’t have attended college, and I wouldn’t have held down a job. But at least I’d be healthy and happy. I wouldn’t be sick.”

The wind picked up and ruffled around them, breaking Shizuo’s ranting for a moment as the two shivered from the cold. Shizuo coughed into his hand, hunching slightly as he caught his breath. He swallowed and cleared his throat a bit, patting on his chest with his fist. “Heh…seems like the cold is getting to me.”

Izaya nodded silently, feeling Shizuo’s eyes lying on him. Watching his every move. Izaya stared at the concrete, pushing away the snow that was collecting near his feet. He made a uncomfortable noise and pulled his hood over his head. He grabbed Shizuo’s hand firmly in his own and started walking. Shizuo trotted a bit to catch up with Izaya’s fast pace for a moment when he was tugged out of his daydreaming, and followed Izaya.

“Izaya…”

“You need to get home before you get sick again,” the informant muttered as he trudged along, refusing to look back. Only Izaya knew that the reason for this was because his cheeks were flushed, but he told himself it was just from the cold.


	51. Arc 6: Worse than the Flea

Shizuo looked at the calendar on his wall and crossed off another day. It had been four months since he first got sick, two months since he had been diagnosed, and 5 weeks since he and Izaya started seeing each other on a regular basis.

Izaya was still showing up daily, meaning he was still interested in helping Shizuo. That, or he forgot their “deal” only lasted a month. Shizuo didn’t dare remind Izaya. He still needed the partner and the meds after all.

_Damn…_

To think his entire life could flip in less than half a year was mind boggling.

However…he actually felt pretty good about it. It was relaxing to not have to worry about the flea ruining his life. In fact, having him coming over every day was kinda nice. Just talking, without having to worry about blackmail or being cut in the face, was pleasant.

The only thing that was bothering Shizuo was the way Izaya had been acting.

Over the past week, Izaya had been staying farther away; eyes focused on something else and hands always fiddling with something. It was like he had fleas or something -- no pun intended.

But he was being pleasant, if it was even possible. Izaya had taken Shizuo down to the pastry shop where he'd bought the cupcakes. He had said that it was so he didn’t have to keep running out when Shizuo went out. Shizuo had thanked the informant a lot, and had went the next day during lunch to try some of the other sweets. He was now particularly fond of the dipped pretzel rods rolled in sprinkles.

The shape of the pretzel rod was more comforting to him than a giant cupcake. He could hold it like a cigarette, suck on the end and make it last for a long time. He found it easier and easier to resist the cigarettes, which he had buried under old clothes in his bottom dresser drawer. “Out of sight, out of mind” was the idea he was going for. By forgetting they were in the drawer, he’d have less of a temptation.

On days when he and Izaya didn’t go for walks, their visits were brief. Shizuo tried to ask Izaya if he wanted something to eat, but Izaya kept saying he didn’t want to be poisoned. It pissed the ex-blond off a bit, but he shrugged it off. Part of this therapy was not only to help his body heal, but to help him control his temper.

He just focused on Psyche: the soft side of Izaya he was sure he could find deep inside. If he thought about that, it was easier to not get angry. He just pretended the raven haired man was fragile, and didn’t deserve to be smacked in the face with a toaster. Still, it was hard from time to time, and Shizuo had thrown a toaster at Izaya one afternoon. He was happy that he managed to hit the informant’s elbow.

It felt good to feel his strength coming back...and knowing his aim wasn’t shitty anymore.

On good days, Izaya would stay a bit longer and would snack on the truffles he brought with him. It was funny, seeing the flea savoring each morsel. He didn’t even like sweets, but apparently they weren’t all too sweet. Shizuo would love to try one, but Izaya protected them as if they were his children. His own chocolate covered children…

Shizuo shook his head as he stepped out of the train station and walked out into the streets of Shinjuku. Izaya had sent him a text earlier that day saying he had a busy work schedule and wouldn’t make it down to visit, and suggested Shizuo coming over there for a few hours.

It felt strangely nostalgic walking to Izaya apartment, but this time he wasn’t going there in a rampage. Instead, he felt completely calm. As if this was as natural as breathing.

It was so strange that seeing Izaya would become so natural.

He chuckled to himself when he thought back to high school. He used to dread going every day, knowing he’d have to see the flea. Now, he kinda looked forward to it. He was so unpredictable, it was almost fun.

The last time he had gone to Izaya’s, the flea had tried to teach him how to play Chess. Izaya had forcefully given Shizuo the white set, claiming that “it was the only acceptable set for him”. He didn’t question Izaya’s motives; the flea always did things strangely. Izaya was impressed when Shizuo knew the basic idea of the game, but he wasn't surprised when Shizuo always managed to trap himself into corners and was unable to take one of Izaya’s pieces. The board was full of black pieces, and scarce of white.

Shizuo promised that one day, he would beat the flea at his own game!

…or at least, manage to take a few of his pieces before being put into checkmate.

The ex-bartender dressed casually, wearing the clothes that Izaya had given him last week. His vacant closet was slowly filling up with various articles of clothing Izaya bought for him, but he found himself liking this particular outfit. He wore a green v-neck shirt, black jeans, and his own pair of dress shoes. A burgundy zip up jacket that rolled at the sleeves was the only extra piece that Shizuo would consider an “accessory“; although Izaya begs to differ.

“Accessories are small things that you don’t need to wear, but you do anyways because it just makes you look that much better,” he would explain in his know-it-all intonation.

Shizuo shook his head at the thought, stopping in front of Izaya’s front door. Really, why bother wearing extra stuff that would weight you down? He just didn’t get it.

Banging on the door with the toe of his shoe, Shizuo knocked heavily. Seconds later, his phone buzzed. Furrowing his brow, he flipped it open and read the text that was sent.

**[Still in meeting. Wait outside.]**

“Tch, damn flea,” Shizuo grunted, slipping the phone back into his pocket as he pressed his back against the wall. “Always making people wait.”

He waited almost fifteen minutes, and was practically falling asleep on his feet when the jiggle of the doorknob shook him from his dozing. He moved back a bit as the door opened. A man dressed in all white stepped out and glanced sideways toward Shizuo, his narrow eyes examining him carefully.

It felt like Izaya was watching him…

…but ten times worse.


	52. Meeting in Session

-15 minutes Earlier-

“I think you are aware why we have made this appointment?” Shiki gruffly stated, crossing his legs and folding his hands in his lap. His aged eyes stared knowingly at Izaya, who reclined in his chair, arms folded behind his head.

The informant tapped his foot and shrugged, a sly smile on his face. “It’s always best to clarify with the customer.”

“Mmm. Yes. Very good, Orihara-san.” Shiki sat up straight, reaching out a hand for a file of papers that one of his body guards carried. “So let’s begin, shall we?"

“Of course." 

The elder Yakuza opened the file and spread them out in front of Izaya. Photographs and papers scattered across the tabletop. Izaya reached forward and examined the paper. Although he didn’t need to. He knew the information on the sheet.

“It’s been nearly two months since we first asked for you help. So far, the medication is still spreading faster, and it’s starting to get a reputation,” Shiki growled as he leaned forward to rest his hands on the table. “You said you would have the information -”

“Five weeks ago. I’m aware of what I said. I don’t have a terrible memory, unlike some other people we know?” Izaya smirked, teeth flashing as his blood red eyes turned toward a guard who was currently staring out the window.

Shiki's stiff sneer turned upward, a smile barely cracking through his stony expression. “True. But I’m sure even someone as brainless as him can see the problem we face.”

“Yes, yes. I’m fully aware of the problem. No one should keep Shiki-san waiting from the information he desperately needs.”

“So why am I still sitting here waiting for you?” Shiki asked firmly, obviously annoyed.

Izaya took a deep breath to soothe his nerves and sat straighter in his chair, grinning teasingly. “Because I’m special?”

“Try again.”

The information broker’s grin fell into a thin line, and he dropped his eyes in submission. “I’ve had…issues come up in my personal life that have kept me away from focusing on work,” he explained passively, aware of his place on the food chain when Shiki was involved.

At that moment, persistent banging on the door was heard. Izaya jumped in his seat and flushed red. The yakuza guards instantly turned toward the sound, ready to protect Shiki if there was an attack. Izaya stood up quickly and waved his hands. “Ahh, no need to worry! Just my next appointment running a bit early! I‘ll just send a text and tell him to wait outside.”

Shiki held up his hand in a silent gesture, ordering his guards to remain calm and not overreact. Izaya took this moment to quickly send a text to Shizuo, who was standing outside the door. He slid his phone back into his pocket, making sure to put it on silent if the protozoan thought it would be smart to reply.

“Ahh, where were we?”

“Shizuo Heiwajima?”

The informant coughed and blinked slowly, trying to remain composed. “I don‘t think he was a part of our agreement.”

“Yes, but he is the reason why you are unable to get the work done. You are his…how to say…” Shiki chuckled a bit and leaned back in his chair. “…his nanny?”

“Nanny is such a degrading term,” Izaya hummed, brow ticking slightly at Shiki's ridicule. “I would much rather say…his mentor on battling his personal demons.”

Shiki laughed under his breath, loosening the tension that was building in the air. “Acting as a therapist? What a strange role for you to play. Either way, he is the reason, yes?”

“Shiki-san, have you been installing cameras in my home? How sneaky!” Izaya teased, trying to pull the conversation away from the brute.

The man in white smiled, dominance flashing in that grin, “No. You’re not the only brat we call.”

“Ahh, I’m wounded! Calling me such a thing! I would much rather prefer something like ‘brilliant informant’ or ‘handsome info broker!'” Izaya moaned, a playful smirk on his face. “And to think I thought I was special! But I‘m just an annoying tool to Shiki-san, aren‘t I?”

“I’m losing my patience, Orihara-san.” Shiki grumbled under his breath. “This is a serious matter. Despite whatever relations you have with Mr. Heiwajima, you still have a business to uphold.”

“Aye, aye. Of course!” Izaya tittered under his breath a bit. He cleared his throat and flipped through some photographs to get a clear image of the faces in his mind. “Ahh, yes. I can find information on the men in these pictures by tomorrow night. That shouldn’t be hard. From the colors they are wearing, I can find their gangs and get information from the inside. However, finding their relations to each other and this new miracle drug will take more time. I would say a week at most.”

“Now, when you say that, will it end up being another two months?” The tone in Shiki’s voice made the Izaya’s skin crawl.

Izaya shook his head. “No. I can get a better grip on my personal life and put that on hold until this job is done.”

“Good.” Shiki stood up, snapping his fingers once. The young bodyguard on his left scooped up the papers and slid them back into the folder. He handed it over to Izaya, who slipped it into the bottom drawer to hide away from prying eyes. “I expect to have my information by the end of next week. No later than that.”

“Ahh, let me guess. Any time sooner would be greatly appreciated?”

“Of course.” Shiki stopped at the front door, glancing over his shoulder at his young informant. “In fact, I might pay a bonus if you manage to get a hold of anything."

“That’s quite generous of you.” Izaya smirked, hands folded behind his back as he followed Shiki to the door. He made sure he kept a few foot falls behind the elder man. Any closer, and the guards would start to invade his personal space. After working for years with the Yakuza, he knew how to act. Especially around Shiki.

A guard opened the door for Shiki, and watched carefully as he stepped out. Izaya took a step, but froze when Shiki stopped in the hall. Izaya remembered that Shizuo was outside, and had probably stayed right by the door.

“Idiot…” Izaya hissed under his breath.


	53. Tension & Problems

Shizuo stayed still, eyes locked on Shiki. After a moment of silence, Shiki turned to face the door to look at Izaya. “I believe we have come to an agreement, Orihara-san?” he inquired, ignoring Shizuo completely, as if he was never there to begin with. The three guards stepped out from Izaya’s apartment, surrounding Shiki protectively. One kept his eyes on Shizuo, making sure he didn’t move.

“I can assure you, I will have your information by the end of the week," Izaya said smoothly. Shiki pulled a cigarette package from his breast pocket and pulled out a stick. “Shiki-san, not here,” Izaya quickly retorted, stepping up to the door in a fast movement. The guard closest to the door grabbed at his hip. From behind his jacket, the gleam of a pistol's handle could be seen.

Shizuo stepped forward instinctively to...to do what? What could he do? Sure, he had gotten shot before, but it still hurt like hell, and at this close of range he could easily be killed.

Shiki raised his hand, causing Izaya and the guard to freeze. He tilted his head a bit and raised his brow. “What should I not do?” he challenged.

Shizuo felt his mouth dry as the tension in the air grew. His gaze shifted from Shiki to the guard. The informant stood stiffly in the door frame, neither outside or inside of his apartment. He stood precariously on the threshold, face stoic; but Shizuo could see the tightness in his jaw, and the slight dilation in his pupils. The flea was calculating something.

Staring intently at Shiki, Izaya’s eyes flicking down to the cigarette in his hand. He licked his lips a bit, deciding his next move carefully. He may be Shiki’s desired informant, but that didn’t mean he could slip up and make a mistake. Deciding that the truth would be better than anything else in this situation, he gestured over toward the brute standing in a defensive manner.

“My guest here isn’t fond of smoke. I would prefer to keep the air clear,” he answered effortlessly, as if it was nothing but the truth. Of course, he did keep Shizuo’s identity to himself. Without his trademark hair, outfit, or personality, he was nearly unrecognizable.; but Shiki’s eyes flashed with knowledge, instantly connecting the dots from the previous conversation.

The six of them stood in the hall in silence. After a moment, Shiki slipped the cigarette back into its case, and slid it into his pocket. “Very well. I’ll be leaving then. I expect that information by next week. This operation has been going on for too long. You’re slipping Orihara-san.”

Izaya nodded. “You have my word.”

Shiki nodded curtly, and led his men away, brushing his shoulder against Shizuo in an intimidating manner. Authority radiated off of him as he passed, and the tension made Shizuo shiver. The ex-blond turned back to Izaya, who still looked stiff, but a bit more calm.

“Is he…?”

“Always like this? Yes, I suppose. He’s just more impatient this time around.” Izaya sighed. “As you heard, I’ve been falling behind on my information.”

“Because of me?”

“To put it bluntly, yes.”

Shizuo followed Izaya into his apartment, closing the door behind him as the informant fell onto the couch with a sigh.

“Ahh, always working me to the bone. I never get a break!” Izaya whined.

Shizuo walked toward him and leaned over the couch, looking down at the flea. “Can’t you just turn him down?”

“You make it sound like we’re planning a trip to the zoo,” Izaya mumbled under his breath. He opened his eyes into slits and stared up at Shizuo. “I’ll just say that no one turns down Shiki-san.”

“Mmm…that high up on the food chain?”

“Aye.”

Shizuo nodded with understanding, and rested his elbows on the back of the couch. He tilted his head a bit and watched as Izaya closed his eyes again. “You need a minute to relax?”

“Mmm…just a second to wind down, I suppose.” Izaya grinned. “So thoughtful. Never thought a beast could be that way.”

The ex-blond rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Well I never thought a pest could resist causing problems.”

Izaya laughed at that and shook his head. “Oh Shizu-chan, you have no idea what problems I get myself caught up in.”

“I have an idea.”

“Oh?” Izaya opened his eyes and tilted his head up to look at Shizuo. “Now you’ve peaked my curiosity. What problems do you think I’m waist deep in?”

Shizuo chuckled a bit. “Me.”

Izaya frowned and sighed, sitting up quickly with a grunt. “Ahh, Shizu-chan. Always taking the blame, ne?” The informant hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees. “Perhaps I have read you wrong all these years. Thinking that you tried to flee from the blame when I threw it at you. Yet you always try to grasp it and embrace it.”

“What are you even talking about?” Shizuo rumbled, narrowing his eyes.

Izaya looked over his shoulder with a sly grin. “Oh nothing. Just talking to myself.” Izaya stood up, turning to walk over toward the coat rack where his jacket was hung. As Izaya walked past Shizuo, he patted his hand on the Shizuo’s shoulder. “You’re not the biggest of my problems. So just don’t focus on it.”

Shizuo trailed Izaya with his eyes, turning in his seat to watch as the informant pulled his trademark jacket over his shoulders. Izaya pulled the hood over his head, hiding the melancholy grimace he had on his face. However, Shizuo had already caught the glimpse of it.

“Oi, Flea. You okay?”

Izaya stood silent for a moment, taking a deep breath. _No, Shizu-chan. Because you’re becoming too big of a factor in my life._ Izaya clenched his hand and turned around with a grin on his face, hiding his emotions and thoughts with a perfect mask. “Never been better, Shizu-chan! Now let’s go for that walk, shall we?”

Shizuo nodded and stood up, his brow creasing as he tried to peel away the mask that he knew Izaya had glued onto his expression; but no matter how hard he stared, Izaya smiled back at him with a gleam of confidence in his eyes. He truly looked unfazed, but deep down Shizuo knew he was rattled. The gears in Izaya's head were turning and trying to figure out how to get through life now that Shizuo was a big part of it.

Shizuo didn’t want to be a burden. Not even to the flea.

“Izaya-”

“I think we should stop by the pastry shop on our trip today," Izaya said as he pushed the button to call the elevator to his floor. 

"Izay - "

"I don’t know about you, but I would love to get more of those delicious truffles."

"Iz - "And I’m sure you want a new treat, ne?" 

“Izaya! Shut up already!” Shizuo barked. He scowled and rolled his eyes. Shizuo stepped inside and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. “Won’t you let me get one word in?”

Red eyes dragged over to watch the doors close, the frown on his face twitching slightly. “Nn, didn’t exactly plan on that.” The informant knew exactly what Shizuo wanted to do: he was overly concerned with him, and Izaya wanted no part of it. 

"Flea..." Shizuo groaned.

Izaya giggled a bit in response. “Ahaha, do you have something on your mind?~”

“Yeah. It’s about you actually.”

“If you’re going to say something about not wanting to be a burden, you don’t have to talk. You’re not being a burden Shizu-chan. Perhaps a bump in the road, but not something you should be concerned about.” Izaya sighed, leaning on the opposite walls, his fingers running along the metal bar attached to the side. “So just don’t bring it up.”

“But why?” Shizuo grunted, shrugging, “I mean, you don’t even have to do this anymore. According to the deal.”

“Ahh yeah, the deal. I extended it.”

“Extended it?!” Shizuo gaped, causing Izaya to look up at him.

Izaya nodded. "Aye. I decided that you were winning this game, and decided to continue to play along until I win.” Izaya chuckled. He could practically feel the anger radiating off the ex-blond.

“Fleaaa…you don’t just extend rules you cheater.” Shizuo scowled. Suddenly, he thought of a simple reason why Izaya might extend his own deadline, “Heh, unless you want to ke-”

Shizuo was cut short as a low rumble echoed in the elevator. Izaya looked up toward the center of the ceiling swiftly, eyes widening a bit.

“Shizu-chan?”

"What was that?"


	54. Don't Be Scared

A piercing screech and a jagged jerk of the cables caused the elevator to shake. The lights flickered and hummed above them until they dimmed to a very low setting. Shizuo was thrown back into the wall, slamming his lower back into the metal rail. He grit his teeth and winced, pressing his hands against the wall as he stared up at the ceiling. “What the fuck? Oi, flea, what’s going on?” He squinted his eyes in the dim and flickering lighting, and saw Izaya near the corner. The raven haired man was thrown onto his knees from the sudden halt of the elevator. One hand clung tightly to the metal bar, while the other was gripping at the tile floors. He remained silent as Shizuo stared at him. “Izaya!”

“Nn…”

Shizuo stepped forward from the wall tentatively, afraid that one movement will make the elevator drop. He slowly scooted over, seeing that Izaya was trembling softly under that large jacket.

“Izaya…”

“Try the emergency button…” Izaya choked out, pointing with a unsteady hand. 

Shizuo nodded and pressed the red button on the command panel. No response. “I don’t know if it’s working.”

“Press all the buttons.”

“I am!” Shizuo growled, looking over his shoulder to glare at Izaya, but his harsh gaze softened as two wide eyes peeked out from beneath that veil of black hair. He sighed, walking back over and kneeled down, his own hands shaking as the adrenaline rush flowed through him. “You okay?”

Izaya choked out a bitter laugh. “Never…been better…” With a quivering fist, Izaya pulled on the bar, tugging himself up from his crouching position until he was standing on shaky legs. His knuckles turned white as he quickly pressed himself against the wall and gripped onto the metal bars as tight as he could. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, feeling Shizuo shift toward him. “Just…give me a minute to recollect myself and think.”

Shizuo nodded and looked around. All that he cold see were the four metal walls and the mirror along the back wall. He stared back at his reflection, and caught sight of Izaya standing behind him. 

The informant’s scarlet eyes were flitting around the small space, as if trying to find even the smallest crack that he could squeeze through. Oblivious to Shizuo staring at him through the reflection, his walls fell down for a moment; he was completely preoccupied and focused on finding a way out of this mess. From what Shizuo could tell, the flea was really freaked out. Hell, he was pretty freaked out too! But Izaya…he looked much worse than Shizuo had ever seen before. He’s seen Izaya in tight spots in the past, and he never once showed an ounce of fear. This time, his masks were crumbling before him, and Shizuo could clearly see the emotions in Izaya’s face. He could see the panic bubbling up to the surface.

Izaya Orihara was actually…afraid.

Despite what better judgment was telling him, Shizuo turned and stepped closer to Izaya, resting his hand on Izaya’s shoulder. Izaya flinched and tensed, glancing over at Shizuo with wary eyes. Shizuo pushed a bit, causing Izaya to slide down the wall until he folded in on himself, knees curled to his chest. Shizuo sat beside him, shoulders pressed together as they sat in the corner of the elevator in silence. 

The lights flickered again, causing Izaya to shiver a bit as he stared at the ceiling with wide eyes. Shizuo noticed his trembling fingers just before the lights finally faded, leaving them in darkness. He could only make out the form of Izaya. He reached over and grabbed Izaya’s wrist firmly. Izaya glanced over, catching Shizuo’s eyes despite the darkness.

“You’re cold,” Shizuo said.

“That’s what happens when you’re frightened, Shizuo,” Izaya whispered as he broke eye contact to stare back up at the ceiling. 

“I can tell,” Shizuo whispered back, feeling that talking any louder would only make things worse. Wrapping on arm around Izaya’s shoulders, he pulled the informant closer to him, pressing the lithe man into his side. 

Izaya quivered and buried his face into his knees, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs. “Tch…so embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?” Shizuo chuckled a bit. “Of all the things you can be thinking right now, that’s what it is?”

Izaya glared at him, although he wasn’t sure if the brute could see. He doubted it. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Heh, ‘course not. You’re too confusing to try to figure out.” Shizuo bit back the awkwardness of sitting so close to the flea, and ran his hand along Izaya’s arm in a soothing manner. 

Izaya peered at Shizuo through his hair, hiding underneath the dark shadows. He couldn’t understand why Shizuo would want to comfort him. He was fully aware that his masks had crumbled; no matter how hard he tried to put the pieces back together, he couldn’t. “What are you doing?”

“Calming you down.”

“Why?”

Shizuo sighed and shifted, making himself comfortable as he closed his eyes. “Two reasons. One, seeing you freaked out is really weird. And I don’t like it. And two, I don’t know a way out of this. You’re the one with the brains. You can figure out a way out if you’re calm.”

Izaya smiled a bit. “Heh…not so stupid I suppose.” He lifted his head from his knees and looked around. “Although, it’s too dark to see now.”

“That’s okay. It seems like the elevator is just going to sit here for a bit.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Quit being negative and see the bright side of things.”

“There is no bright side! We are trapped in an elevator that could cause us to plunge to our deaths! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to die! Especially not in a situation that I had no control of whatsoever!” Izaya yelled, panic crawling up his spine again as his instinctive fears of death began to boil over. Grinding his teeth, he shook his head and buried his face back into his knees. “So...stupid…”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“…uncontrolled circumstances,” Izaya admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. He thanked the darkness as he felt his cheeks flare up with shame. “My life is on the line, and I can’t do anything to stop it. I am afraid of…dying with no control. When I die, it‘ll be when I allow it. Not what a damn elevator decides to malfunction.”

Shizuo rubbed Izaya’s back soothingly, resting his chin atop his head. “Hey…I’m scared too. It’s okay to be scared.”

“Tch…hardly.”


	55. Trust

“Listen, I’m just as scared as you. Okay, maybe not as much," Shizuo added when he heard Izaya grumble next to him. "But I'm still scared enough that I don’t want to be alone. I’d rather die fighting than sitting here doing nothing. I know you feel the same.”

“Mm…I suppose.” Izaya sighed, another shiver running from his shoulders to his toes.

“It’ll be fine. We’re not gonna die. Just stay calm, ok? We‘ll think of a way to get out of here.”

“Easier said than done…” Izaya pitifully mumbled.

 

Shizuo nodded in understanding, and continued to hold Izaya as the minutes passed by. Silent darkness enveloped them. The only sounds that echoed in the elevator were Izaya’s quick breaths, and the quiet hushing sounds Shizuo made to try and calm him. After a half hour passed, Izaya uncurled himself and turned toward Shizuo. Grunting softly, Shizuo opened his arms a bit and let Izaya curl into him, burying his face into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around the fragile body that clung to him for sanity. He rested his head against Izaya’s, rubbing his hands along his back.

“Neh..Shizu-chan…” Izaya mumbled into the ex-blond’s shoulder. Shizuo grunted in response, eyes closed. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?"

“…comforting me.”

“Didn’t I already tell you?"

Izaya sighed. “Yes. But I’m asking again because I need to talk to retain my sanity. So just answer again. Just…talk as if we were on our walks.” _I need to hear your voice to know I’m not losing it._ Shizuo mumbled with understanding and ran his hand through Izaya’s hair. Izaya flinched at first, but soon relaxed. It still amazed the informant to know that Shizuo was capable of being so gentle. It was as if he was being held by a different person. Someone like Tsuga- _no!_ Izaya tensed again and forcing the thought out of his head. He focused on Shizuo’s voice instead of the thoughts beginning to swirl in his head. He couldn’t let himself fall into that weak personality.

“I guess I’m just doing what I’ve always done," Shizuo said after a moment of silence. When Kasuka was little, he got scared a lot. When mom wasn’t around to protect him, I would. I’d hold him like this and keep him calm.”

“Your robot of a brother had emotions?” Izaya chided, chuckling a bit.

Shizuo even grinned a bit at that. “Yeah. But over time he learned that no emotions meant not being scared of monsters. So I guess he just closed himself off.” Shizuo replied, yawning a bit. “So that’s what I’m doing. You’re scared, and it makes me wanna comfort you.”

“Heh, you still realize who I am?”

“Yeah, I know exactly who you are. That doesn’t matter all that much. I’m actually kinda glad.”

“Glad? A few months ago, you would have loved seeing me in this state,” Izaya hissed, his trademark smirk gracing his lips.

Shizuo smiled too, shrugging. “I don’t know if I would have loved it. Maybe been kinda happy. I mean, I hated you.”

“Hah, and you don’t now?”

“Not really.” Shizuo smirked. “You act a lot like Psy-”

“Shut up,” Izaya snarled as he curled in on himself a bit more. _Dammit, even he’s noticing it._

Shizuo laughed, ruffling Izaya’s hair a bit as he stared up at the ceiling. Shizuo felt a strange tug at his heart as Izaya arched closer to him, his thin fingers clinging to the fabric of his shirt. Goosebumps covered his skin as he felt the heat returning to Izaya’s skin. He felt himself blush a bit as his heart pounded in his chest. He hoped that Izaya didn’t notice, because then he would have to explain the feelings that were washing over him. The feeling of contentedness and happiness he felt. Despite this situation he was in, he felt good. He was positive that if they were this close in a much less life threatening predicament, he would till feel the same. He’d still feel his chest aching with that familiar unrequited emotion he has felt in the past.

That’s when he noticed something strange in the darkness.

“Hey flea.”

“Hmm?”

“Are there normally…squares on the ceiling?”

“What are you talking about?” Izaya sighed tiredly, his panic attacks wearing down on his body. “If you start seeing things and going insane…”

“No no. I…is there something on the ceiling?” Shizuo let go of Izaya, propping him up in he corner.

Izaya narrowed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his legs, watching as Shizuo walked in the center of the elevator, standing directly under the spot where he thought he saw a square.

Shizuo reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his cell phone, flipping it open to shine the small light from his screen onto the ceiling.

Izaya squinted, tracing the ceiling carefully. He soon caught sight of a faint line, and followed it around until it connected back at the beginning. With a spark of realization, all of the information he knew about elevators flooded back to him. Suddenly, the answer seemed so simple and clear.

“That’s the emergency hatch!” Izaya cried, pure bliss spreading across his face.

Shizuo blinked in surprise and smiled, clearing his throat with nervousness as a small blush crawled across his face. “Ah, so I can open that?”

Izaya stood up, still a bit wobbly from using his legs after what had almost been an hour of being stiffly curled in a ball. He nodded feverishly. “Yes! Ahh, a blessing in disguise this truly is! To think it took this long to remember one of the simplest of facts.”

“Well, you were spending almost an hour freaking the fuck out like some baby.”

“Now is no time to argue, Shizu-chan. It’s time to find a handle. Unless these elevators open from the outside. If that’s the case, we’ll have to-- SHIZU-CHAN!”

Shizuo’s fist connected with the metal door that blended in with the ceiling. It bounced off with a clang and made him stumble. He rubbed his fist and swung his hand up in an arc to connect with the door again.

The elevator creaked, and Izaya fell to the ground with fear. He covered his ears and closed his eyes, trembling. “TSU-CHAN!” He screeched, clutching at the floor as Shizuo took another swing at the hatch, driving his knuckle into the hinge.

Shizuo froze in his spot, glancing back over at Izaya. The informant’s eyes were wide, and his mouth was parted slightly; a look of pure astonishment and embarrassment on his face. He had totally, and completely, slipped up. “…What did you just say?”

Izaya grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes, shaking his head a bit. “I said Shizu-chan."

“Bull shit you just-”

“S-Shizuo, you stupid protozoan, stop bickering! And stop hitting that door! You’re going to make this thing crash!” Izaya hollered, voice rising octaves as the elevator groaned from the force.

“Even you said this opens from the outside, meaning I gotta push it up and out.”

“But it’s locked from the outside! What are you gonna do? Break it with your fist?"

“This is gonna work!” Shizuo yelled back, winding up for one more swing. Izaya scrambled forward, grabbing Shizuo’s arm weakly. Shizuo paused again and looked down at Izaya, brow creased as he tried to focus on Izaya’s face. The informant looked up at him with a desperate look on his face, and his fingers were cold and trembling.

“Shizuo…stop.”

Staring back at Izaya for a second, he sighed and nodded, pulling his hand out of the pest’s grasp. He knelt down in front of him and rested his hands on Izaya‘s shoulders, holding him tightly. “Calm down. Just…sit back in the corner. I’m gonna get us out, okay? You‘ll be okay. Trust me.”


	56. Jump

Izaya stared hard at Shizuo before nodding silently, scooting back into the corner as Shizuo turned back toward the hatch. Izaya trembled as the cracking of Shizuo’s knuckles reverberated in the small metal death trap they were in. He flinched and whimpered a bit, mentally scolding himself for letting out such a weak noise. He was stronger than this. Yet each clattering of Shizuo’s fist on the metal door made him whimper to himself.

Soon, the hatch cracked, and Shizuo was able to jump up to push the heavy door open. Shizuo stared up out of the hole, holding up his cell phone, using the light to see. “I think I could fit through this. Is there a way out if we went this way?

“Yeah. The inside of the shaft should have a small ladder running along the side. We can use it to climb up to the next floor, but we’d have to force open the door.”

Shizuo nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.” He shoved his phone in his mouth, angling it so the light would still shine out. He jumped up, grabbing onto the sides of the hatch tightly. The elevator moaned from the movement, causing Izaya to huddle closer to the corner.

“Shizuo…”

“C’mon…” he grunted as he strained to lift himself up. 

Izaya stared at the floor and crawled across it slowly. He pulled himself onto his feet and grabbed onto Shizuo’s legs to balance himself. Firmly locked his hands under Shizuo’s feet, he pushed. After a moment of struggling, Shizuo managed to squeeze his broad shoulders through the hole and found himself standing on the top of the elevator.

The shaft was pitch black, save for the reflection of soft blue light from the cell phone on the various metal parts. He could make out the thick steel wire that seemed to be secure. Shizuo stepped aside carefully, listening as his shoes made an echo that reverberated for a solid minute. He ran his hand along the cord, and frowned.

“Oi flea, the wire seems fine.” 

He heard a soft grunt, and felt the elevator shake under him. He turned to see Izaya pulling himself up through the hole, his thin body slipping through with ease. The informant spit out his phone from between his teeth and stood up, holding it out for more light.

“Damn…it’s a long drop from here.” Izaya’s voice didn’t quiver, but it was still hushed; as if he was afraid talking too loud would sever the cord. He backed away from the center until his back was pressing against Shizuo’s. His fingers reached out until the tips touched Shizuo’s leg softly, looking for comfort again. 

Brushing his fingers softly against Izaya’s, Shizuo carefully walked to the edge of the elevator, staring down the shaft. A wave of vertigo hit him and he had to step back and close his eyes to get rid of the dizzy spell. When he opened his eyes again, he caught the glimpse of the ladder Izaya had told him about. Its two thin rails were securely fastened to the wall. There wasn’t much room between the ladder and the elevators. If they began to work again, they could be crushed.

He decided now was better than never. “C’mere flea. Get ready.”

“Ready for what?” 

“To jump,” he grumbled as he took a step back from the edge. He only had one chance to get this right.

“Are you insane?!” Izaya stepped back and nearly fell through the open hatch, yelping as his foot slipped and he fell onto his knees. The elevator shook and groaned, and Izaya covered his ears and closed his eyes as he trembled in his spot.

Shizuo chucked. “Yeah, like jumping from building to building is not as dangerous.”

Izaya growled. “That’s different. I can see where I’m jumping. I can calculate. I can’t do that in this hell hole. And you definitely can’t. If you miss, you-”

“Die. Yeah, I know.” He looked over his shoulder at Izaya. “But we gotta try. Better than these turning on again and starting up.” 

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Shizuo gripped his cell phone in his mouth again, and faced the ladder. With a deep breath to calm his nerves, he took a running leap off the elevator.

For a split second, the feeling of dropping through the pitch black air made Shizuo feel like he was dying. In that moment, he was sure he missed and he was plummeting to his death. But when he slammed ungracefully against the ladder, and his fingers instinctively wrapped around the bars, he knew he made it. He clung to it as tight as he could as his feet scrambled to make purchase. 

The phone that was in his mouth had slipped when he shouted in surprise, and was now falling deep into the pit. He watched as the light from the screen tumbled into a tiny speck. He counted the second it took for it to reach the bottom, and stopped when he heard the echoing of it smashing to bits.

“Shi...Shizuo…?” he heard faintly from on top of the elevator. He looked up, and notice he had fallen a good two feet before he connected with the ladder. He must have jumped a bit short, but he was lucky to be alive. Once he was steady, he climbed up a bit so he could see Izaya curled up by the hatch, trembling.

“Hey.”

Izaya looked up with wide eyes. “Shizu-chan!” He scrambled to his feet, swaying a bit. “I thought…I heard you yell and…”

“Nah, I’m okay. Just dropped my phone.”

“Oh.”

They couldn’t help but both laugh with relief. Shizuo climbed up a few rungs higher, and wrapped his legs around the bars as best as he could. When he felt secure, he leaned backwards with one hand outstretched. “Alright, your turn.”

“…I…don’t know if I can.”

“Come on, we gotta move fast.”

Izaya took a tentative step forward, scooting slowly to the edge. He shook his head. “I'm going to fall.” Izaya wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the air currents in the shaft swirl around him as he froze near the edge. He couldn’t understand why he was so afraid. He jumped off buildings and walked along bridges for fun. Why was this such a terrifying thing for him? The phone gripped tightly in his hand turned off, shrouding him in darkness. Yelping slightly, he fumbled with it and forced the screen to come back to life, needing the light.

Ahh, that was it. He was afraid of what he couldn’t see. One miscalculated step and he’d plummet to his death in nothing but darkness. Tragically beautiful. He glanced over the edge and felt his stomach flip. Normally, he felt at home in high places. However, he could usually see the bottom, or at least see around him to know he could save himself if he tripped up. Now, he had no idea what was ahead, and his imagination was getting the best of him.

Shizuo snapped his fingers and shook Izaya out of his spiraling thoughts. He looked up and saw Shizuo’s hand reaching out for him. 

“Trust me, I’ll catch you. I promise.”

“Shizuo…I...”

“Remember that one percent you’re always telling me to trust?” Shizuo stated, catching Izaya slightly off guard. 

“Yeah? What about it?”

“If you trust me this once, I’ll trust that one percent.“ 

The words made Izaya‘s heart flutter and his stomach flip. Of course, he also thought that the dizzying heights and darkness were getting to him. “I don‘t know…I don‘t really want to put my life in someone else‘s hands…”

Shizuo sighed and glared. “I can always jump back onto the elevator and snap the cable.”

“No, no! I'll come!” Izaya blurted, terrified of the idea. He swallowed thickly, and slipped his phone into his pocket. Once again they were in the dark, but the light seeping through the fabric of Izaya’s pocket was just enough to highlight Shizuo’s body against the darkness. Izaya stared at the ground as he took a step toward the edge. He felt the elevator tilt and shift with his weight, and whimpered again.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. Just jump.”

Izaya forced himself to look up and focus on Shizuo. He told himself to think of nothing else. Not the darkness. Not the heights. Not death. Just Shizuo.

Only Shizuo.

He bit his lip, and with a muffled cry he leaped forward. His stomach flipped at the familiar and normally comforting sensation of falling through air, his jacket whipping around him and the air brushing his cheeks. 

He had never been so terrified in his life.


	57. The Great Escape

Izaya clung to Shizuo as he slammed into him. Apparently, the ladder was much closer than the informant had calculated, and he landed practically on top of Shizuo. The ex-blond cried out, causing a very uncharacteristic yelp to come out of Izaya. 

Shizuo felt himself pull from the ladder a bit, and for a split second he thought they were going to fall; but his grip was secure, and he held Izaya tightly to his body. The flea had his head buried in his chest, and his fingernails dug into his shoulders and back as he clung for life. Shizuo chuckled a bit, and used what strength he had left to lift Izaya a bit more. “Oi…use your legs.” 

Izaya nodded and wrapped his legs around Shizuo’s waist. He peeled himself away from Shizuo a bit so he could shift and wrap his arms around his neck. Izaya felt his neck and face flaring as the embarrassment consumed him. Regardless of his humiliating this situation was, he was alive and he was determined to get out. So he clung on and pulled out his cell phone, holding it out so Shizuo could see as they began their ascent upwards.

“You tell anyone about this…” Izaya mumbled into Shizuo’s shoulder as he climbed. Shizuo chuckled and nodded, stopping at the nearest floor. 

“Yeah, I know. I won’t tell anyone. Don’t worry.” He locked his feet in the bars, and tugged at Izaya’s arm that was hooked around his neck. “Let go and slide down so your feet are on the bars. Then you can hold me in place while I force the doors.”

Izaya nodded, unwrapping his legs and slowly sliding his way down until his feet touched the ladder. He folded his arms around Shizuo and held onto the ladder, locking his feet into place. “Okay, ready.”

Shizuo let go of the ladder and reached over. His fingertips brushed the edge of the door before he had almost lost balance and had to lean back toward the ladder. Taking a deep breath, he reached over again, pushing a bit with his foot to get more momentum. Izaya held him tight as Shizuo gripped the edge of the door. Using both hands, he struggled to make it budge, but soon managed to pull it. Slowly but surely, the door was forced open. Light from the hallway streamed into the shaft, illuminating everything around them. Shizuo felt a bit more strength in that, and using every ounce of energy he had left, he pulled the door and bent the metal structure, preventing it from closing. 

“Sorry ‘bout that.”

“I don’t care. Lets just lets get out,” Izaya grunted as he fought to keep Shizuo in balance. The taller of the two let go of the fixated door and swung back to the ladder, panting a bit from lack of energy.

“Okay. Now we climb the ladder a bit and jump down into the opening. Easier than trying to jump up at it,” Shizuo decided as he started to climb. Izaya followed him, hands trembling as adrenaline pumped through his veins. Now that he could see much better, he felt more confident. He could do this. He could make the jump easily. 

“We’re high enough. I can jump and make it,” Izaya said as he positioned himself on the ladder for a solid leap. Shizuo watched him meticulously, seeing how he bent his body and where he placed his feet. He had to copy Izaya perfectly, or else he could miss and fall; and this time, he could see there was nothing to grab if he fell. There was no false hopes.

Izaya licked his lips and crouched before springing off the ladder. Confidence flowed through him as he felt in control of his fate again. He cleared the edge, only his feet dangling into the elevator shaft as he scrambled into the hallway and away from the elevator. “Ahh, freedom!” he cried with relief as he laid on his back, panting as his heart raced. He swore that he would never ride an elevator again. Or at least…not for a few weeks. He’d rather take the stairs.

Shizuo, still hanging on the ladder, was starting to get doubts. He wasn’t nearly as agile as Izaya. He started to believe that he wouldn’t be able to make the tight jump to clear the edge. He saw Izaya peek around the edge, with a positive smirk on his face.

“Nervous?”

“Yeah.”

Izaya crawled toward the edge and watched Shizuo for a moment. The expression on his face was clear as day: nervousness and determination all balled into one. With an honest smile, he held out his hands. “Don’t worry, I’ll catch you.”

Shizuo nodded and grinned with assurance, forcing his body to copy the movement Izaya had made. Once he felt he was steady on the ladder, he pounced. 

Most of his body made it through the hole. His shoulder nicked the edge of the door, causing him to slip back out a bit; but Izaya was true to his word and grabbed onto Shizuo. He pulled on the brute, helping him crawl out until he was safely on solid ground. Both collapsed onto their backs and burst out into nervous laughter. They laid there for a while until they caught their breath. Izaya rolled over onto his side and faced Shizuo.

“I think we don’t need to go for a walk today.”

“Heh...hardly. I’ve gotten enough exercise today for a week,” Shizuo agreed, chuckling as he got to his feet. “Come on, Psyche. Let’s go back to your place.” 

Izaya glared at him, jumping to his feet. He stumbled a bit as his knees still shook. “What did you just call me?”

Shizuo grinned deviously. “Psyche. After all, Izaya wouldn’t be so cuddly and cute in such a situation.”

“Oh, and Shizuo somehow manages to remain calm in such a situation with someone like Izaya?” the informant sneered back, catching up with Shizuo as he headed for the stairwell.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

Izaya shuffled past Shizuo, a playful smirk on his face as he bounded up the stairs. “Shut up, Tsu-chan.”


	58. Goodnight

With a dramatic sigh, Izaya fell onto his sofa. “Ahhh a day filled with adventure sure calls for a snack! Oh, how I long for those delicious truffles!”

Shizuo crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “What’s with you and those truffles?”

“They are actually miracles made into tiny chocolate covered ball form,” Izaya stated as he rolled into his stomach to look at Shizuo over the edge of the pillow. “They truly are delicious. Nay, fantastic! Simply orgasmic!” he cried as he threw his hands in the air. 

Shizuo groaned and shook his head, heading for the kitchen. “Damn you and your filthy mouth.” 

“Nothing filthy about speaking the truth, Shizu-chan. What‘s filthy is that hair color of yours. You look like you rolled around in dirt.” 

“Hey! This is my natural hair color!” Shizuo defended, glaring at Izaya who peeked over the edge of the couch. His eyes seemed to flicker with joy - most likely mockery.

“I still prefer the blond over the brunet.” Izaya bounced up with a grin on his face and leaned over the back of the couch, resting his head in his arms. “Maybe next time you could do something bolder. Like electric blue with green streaks! Wouldn’t that be flashy!” Izaya crooned, laughing harder when Shizuo simply rolled his eyes. Izaya frowned slightly when he saw Shizuo open up the cupboards, placing his hands on his hips as he scanned its contents. “Ne…what are you doing?”

“Getting food, what does it look like I’m doing?” Shizuo replied as he dug through the cupboard. “Do you even have anything that won’t take forever to cook?”

Izaya grimaced and made a gagging noise. “Processed food is sickening.”

“Your truffles are sickening.”

“Blasphemy!” Izaya threw a pillow at Shizuo, whacking him on the back of the head.

Shizuo blinked and turned, eyes wide as he stared at the flea who was sitting with his arms crossed. Why the hell was Izaya so…? 

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like Psyche.”

Izaya grinned, standing up to walk around the couch, his hand dragging along the edge. “I have no idea what you are taking about.” 

Shizuo closed the cupboards and rubbed his temple. “You’re acting all giddy and shit to be like Psyche. It’s tickin’ me off.”

“Oh! It is?” Izaya grinned and skipped over, hopping onto the counter with ease. He crossed his legs and leaned back on his hands, head tilted. “Are you saying you don’t like Psyche?”

“No. I’m saying I don’t like seeing you act like that. It’s stupid,” Shizuo grumbled.

“Aha! So you admit that Psyche bothers you, and you would much rather have him gone! I win!” Izaya sang as he kicked his foot back and forth. “I win, I win! Psyche and I are-”

“Still the same.”

“Neh?”

Shizuo shrugged. “You’re still him. You’re just not him right now. You’re just acting and trying to piss me off. But you’re still him on the inside.” 

Izaya frowned and hopped off the counter. “You’re very confusing. First you hate the bubbly act, and now you say you don’t mind?”

Shizuo reached into the fruit bowl and picked up an apple, shining it on his shirt. “No. What I’m saying is I’m not giving up on this game we have. You’re just trying to convince me that I don’t like Psyche.”

Izaya smirked. “Very smart, Shizu-chan. Didn’t think you had it in you.”

The ex-blond winked at the informant and cocked his head. “I guess I’m learning after being around you for so long, hmm?” He tossed the apple toward Izaya, who caught it effortlessly. “Go eat your healthy organic shit, and I’ll go to bed without food. It’s too late and I don’t feel like cooking.”

Izaya bit into the apple and shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He chewed a bit before registering Shizuo’s words. He coughed and choked a bit, slamming a fist on his chest as he stared at Shizuo who left to collect the various pillows from the living room. “What do you mean ‘go to bed’?”

Shizuo glanced over his shoulder and held up a pillow. “Exactly what it sounds like. I’m turning in.”

“At your house. Not here.”

“It’s too cold. Besides, I’m tired from all that elevator bullshit we went through. So I’m gonna crash here,” Shizuo said simply as he dropped the pillows on the sofa and went to grab a blanket. “Besides, it’ll help me make sure you don’t have nightmares. You might need someone to hold you,” he teased, flashing a grin. 

Izaya’s mouth dropped and the statement, and felt his face heart up. He set his apple on the marble countertop - a bit too forceful, as it mashed on impact - and followed Shizuo. “First of all, You’d kill me in my sleep! And second, I’ll have you know that it’s not very polite to just walk into someone’s home and then decide to stay the night!”

Shizuo stopped, causing Izaya to nearly bump into him. “Nah, not this time. And like I said, I’m too tired to have to walk home. Besides, it’s not like I’m staying in your room.”

“Like I would ever let you!”

Shizuo grinned. “I bet I could convince you.”

“The day that happens is the day I give in to a monster like you,” Izaya spat, shoving his way past Shizuo and jogged up the stairs, skipping steps as he escaped to his bedroom. He slammed the door behind him like a teenage girl with PMS. 

Shizuo chuckled and shrugged. “Well, I guess that would be never, hmm?” He mused to himself as he went over to the couch to set up his bed for the night. 

After slamming the door, Izaya leaned up against it and sighed. This isn’t what he wanted. In all of his years of knowing Shizuo, he never expected him to ever willingly stay at his house. Of course, those few school trips where he rigged the overnight lists to force Shizuo to have to share a room was for completely trolling purposes. It wasn’t like he enjoyed having the brute around him all the time. He just…

Just…

“Dammit,” Izaya groaned, peeling himself away from the door and to his closet. Okay, so he admits he did enjoy having Shizuo around in the past. Nowadays he enjoys it too, but he will firmly deny it is for pleasure purposes. It was simply to mess with the brute. Nothing more.

But deep down…

With a shake of his head, Izaya walked into his closet and opened up the dresser that was inside, pulling out his normal pajamas. Although, with winter coming around the corner, he pulled out black sweat pants rather than his shorts. He slid into the pants and shivered, hugging himself a bit as he struggled to find a damn hoodie.

He imagined Shizuo laying on his couch, coughing in the middle of the night and waking him from his slumber. Izaya could only imagine all the late night trips he was going to have to make for Shizuo. God, why did he have to agree to help Shizuo?

Oh right. Cause it was one thing to have a damn complex about the brute, but it was another to have a strange soft spot for him.

He smacked his own forehead and sighed, astounded by his own foolish thoughts. 

“Get a grip on yourself,” he grumbled as he found his gray hoodie and pulled it over his bare torso, shivering as the warm fabric soothed his chilled bones.

He took another deep sigh, glancing toward his door, and frowned. Damn, the brute was starting to get to him. He turned and looked through his clothes, finding a larger shirt and some extra flannel pants. He bundled them under his arm and walked to his door, opening it and heading quietly down the stairs. 

He could see Shizuo laying on the couch already, pillows piled up behind his head and blanket tucked around him securely. Izaya groaned a bit and walked up to him, poking him firmly on the head. Shizuo’s eyes flew open and he snarled, sitting up as he rubbed his forehead, “What the hell?”

“Here," Izaya grumbled as he dropped the spare pajama’s on Shizuo lap. 

Shizuo looked at them for a moment, before looking back up to see Izaya walking back up stairs. “Iza-”

“Now you don’t have to sleep in your clothes. It’ll be more comfortable. Don’t worry about getting them dirty, you can just keep them,” Izaya said as he yawned, waving his hand lazily.

“Ahh…thanks,” Shizuo mumbled as he stood up to change.

“Mmhmm…good night Shizu-chan.”

“Night.”


	59. Arc 7: Fast Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six arcs and 59 chapters later, we're finally getting into the M-rated stuff. I hope you've been enjoying the story so far, because things are picking up (like my post schedule, I refuse to fall behind again.)

The thin body wrapped in the sheets tossed and turned, tangling itself further into its fabric cocoon. Plagued by unneeded dreams, soft mewls and groans left the informant’s lips as he tried to flee the visions swirling in his head.

Lucidly he pulled himself out of his dreams, desperately trying to abscond from the heating tension that was growing in his fantasy. Blinking his puffy red eyes open, the erotic images swirled away into his subconscious, leaving him with the blurred vision of his pillow curled in his arms. Grunting as he forced himself to move, Izaya uncurled himself from around the body pillow and sprawled onto his stomach. Fingers spread outwards and toes curling, he stretched and sighed as his muscles relaxed. He frowned into his pillow and stared at the bland colored walls as he felt the pressure of his sweatpants on his lower regions.

Well…that was annoying.

Rolling onto his side, he rubbed his eyes and kicked away the pillow. Damn, he hadn’t had a dream like that in a long time.

Vivid flashes appeared in his mind, refusing to let him forget. No matter how desperately he wished he could, he couldn’t stop thinking about the heat that he had felt. The pressure he had surrounding him. The sounds of his wanton moans and his name being growled in his ear as the brute continued to…

“Argh no, stop it you idiot!” Izaya yelled exasperatedly, his voice muffled in the mattress. He pulled at his hair as he ran his fingers through, banging his head on the bed. “Stop thinking about it you imbecile. Go take a cold shower.”

The thought made him shiver. He hated being cold, but it was worth it to get rid of this aggravating morning wood he had. He forced himself to get out of bed to collect some clothes. He grabbed a burgundy sweater, a pair of sweatpants, and fresh boxers. He groaned uncomfortably as the familiar stickiness clung to him as he shuffled to the door. Before opening it, he froze in front of it as he suddenly remembered last night.

Ahh, yes. Shizuo was sleeping outside. Would he be awake? Izaya glanced down and groaned. Yeah, it was noticeable. No way he could hide that if the brute was awake.

Feeling like a teenager trying to not get caught sneaking back late at night, he opened his door silently. He pulled it open a crack, peering out to see if there were any signs of life.

None. No sounds of anyone else inside his apartment.

He slipped out of his room quickly and rushed into the bathroom, peeking downstairs as he rushed by. The man in question was still asleep on the couch, legs dangling over the edge and hair tousled in just a way that made him look sexy...and the way his mouth was slightly parted…the image sent a shiver down Izaya‘s spine. Izaya stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind him and sighed, leaning against it. At least he was safe in there. He proceeded to undress, glancing at himself in the mirror.

He'd say he was a pretty sexy motherfucker. That is, if he wasn’t completely mortified at the idea that he got hard thinking of Shizuo. Alas, he was hot and bothered because of that monster in his living room.

A thought crossed his mind for a moment; a very tempting thought. One that made more sense than drenching himself in ice water. He could just…go with it. Just ride it out. He shuddered at the thought and he swallowed. Shit, he really was turned on more than he expected.

Fuck it. He was gonna do it the old fashioned way. The natural and naughty way.

He turned on the shower, letting the rushing water run over his hand until it was a perfect temperature. He stepped inside, hissing as the water slightly scalded him. After a moment, the beating of the water on his back and shoulders soothed him, and he tried to focus on the more important priority.

Like his half hard erection.

Not feeling entirely ashamed with his actions - only at the cause of his actions - he fisted his cock and closed his eyes, willing himself to delve back into that dream. It wasn’t difficult.

_Shizuo hovered over him, pinning him on the couch. A grin was plastered on his face and a lust twinkled in his eyes. It was an image Izaya could only imagine._

A shiver ran down his spine and Izaya bit his lip at the image. He slowly stroked himself, spurring the blood flow again and sparking those sensations he had dreamed about.

_Shizuo forced open Izaya's knees, slipping himself snuggly in between the informant's legs. Their clothed members rubbed, causing Izaya to gasp out and grit his teeth. He closed his eyes, turning his head away. He didn’t want to admit that Shizuo was making him feel like this, but he couldn’t deny how good the brute was._

He groaned softly, hanging his head as the water trickled around him. His hair soaked in the stream and dripped into his closed eyes. He panted a bit as he clenched his hand, increasing the friction.

_Sinful lips latched onto his neck, sucking harshly as teeth scrapped the skin. Izaya moaned, arching as Shizuo’s hands ran along his sides and up his chest; pushing up the fabric to expose the cream colored flesh._

He fumbled for the body wash in the corner of the shower. Uncapping the body wash with one hand, he paused his actions to squirt a generous amount of the unscented oil into his palm and lathered himself. He licked his lips, imagining Shizuo sucking him off and groaned loudly, throwing his head back as his cock jumped at the image.

_Shizuo's wicked tongue licked up his neck and suckled on the jaw line before breathing heavily in his ear, “You fuckin’ louse, you’re turned on by this?”_

Precum smeared over the flushed head of Izaya's penis as his thumb rolled across the top. By now, he was fully erect. Izaya groaned, the sound escaping him before he could control it; shuddering as he tugged in just the right way. He leaned against the wall for support as he fluttered open his eyes to watch the tip of his cock peek out over his hand. “Nng…”

_With a seductive and possessive growl, Shizuo cupped Izaya’s erection, causing the smaller man to mewl. Shizuo smirked, unzipping the informant’s jeans and tugging at the erection underneath the cotton boxers. “Tell me what you want, flea.”_

“Hgnn…Sh..Shizu-chan…” Izaya groaned. He wasn’t sure if it was him or his dream self that was saying it, but it didn’t matter. The pleasure was too good to worry about those things.

 _“What was that louse? Gotta speak up,”_  Izaya heard echoing in his head. His eyes fluttered closed as he began to stroke himself faster, feeling himself teetering over the edge.

“Mmnn…ahh…”

_His hips jerked as the rough treatment Shizuo was giving intensified. The brute grasped Izaya tightly and pumped him underneath the boxers, never fully releasing him from his confinements. He sucked ruthlessly on Izaya’s chest, using his teeth to softly graze his sensitive nipples. “I can’t hear you, Izayaaaa.”_

“Sh-Shizu-mmphh!!” Izaya cried out, biting his tongue forcefully to stop himself from screaming the brute’s name. He wasn’t going to give in that easily. He could hear the seductive growling in his ear as he came, arching into the invisible touch. Izaya trembled and groaned as the waves of orgasm rushed over him and cum spurted out into his cupped fist.

Panting as he came down from his high, he opened his palm to let the sticky white substance dribble out of his hand and into the shower, watching as the water washed it down the drain. He tasted the metallic tang of blood in his mouth and spat out the remnants, watching that swirl away as well.

Izaya rested his head against the tile and closed his eyes, feeling the water beat down on his neck and shoulders. He stood there for a long time, just soaking in the warmth of the water. He ran his other hand through his hair, slicking it back out of his eyes.

Damn…this whole helping Shizuo was starting to get dangerous.


	60. Flushed

It took a moment for Shizuo to remember where he was. When the light streaming in from the large window woke him, he almost panicked. But memories from the prevous night slowly seeped into his memory. Groaning as he got up, he coughed a bit and dragged a hand over his face. He yawned and blinked back the sleepiness from his eyes and looked around.

Izaya wasn’t downstairs yet, so he assumed that he was still sleeping. He pulled himself off the couch and stretched, feeling a bit tight in the slightly small clothes. The shirt fit fine, but the pants were a bit short. He didn’t mind all too much. He grabbed his pile of clothes and bundled them under his arm, walking up the stairs to go to the bathroom to change. He’d just leave the pajamas in the hamper. That is, if he could find the hamper.

As he climbed the last step and turned the corner, he heard the shower turn on. From the sound of the water, it sounded like something was blocking the flow. Assuming that Izaya was already in the shower and wouldn’t come out for any reason, Shizuo walked past to go into the flea’s room. He closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment. He felt a bit awkward going into Izaya’s room to change. He felt like he was being watched, although he knew he was the only one in the room.

Shaking his head a bit, he shook out any ridiculous thoughts and changed out of his clothes and left them in a pile next to the laundry hamper that was in the corner. Once he was fully changed again, although in the clothes he wore the previous day, he felt better.

His stomach growled and he decided that he would make breakfast for himself and Izaya. After all, he still hadn’t really repaid Izaya for all the help. The flea really didn’t have a reason to help him out, yet he was doing it regardless. So the least he could do was make them something to eat.

He left Izaya’s room and headed downstairs toward the kitchen. He wondered what type of stuff he could make. It was already pretty late in the morning already. Did Izaya like breakfast foods? Or would he prefer lunch?

“Nng….”

Shizuo blinked and paused, glancing toward the bathroom. “What the hell?” He stepped a bit closer, leaning in. What the fuck was the louse doing in th-

“Hgnn…Sh..Shizu-chan…”

Shizuo's eyes widened and he reeled back, mouth a gape with shock. “What?!” He gasped, covering his mouth instantly to keep quiet. Did he…did he seriously just hear what he thought he heard?! Was Izaya really…?

“Mmnn…ahh…”

Shizuo felt his throat close up and his face flush red as the sounds echoed in his head. Yeah, there was no doubt in his mind. Izaya was really jacking off to…

_"Oh God."_

Shizuo shook his head and turned, rushing down the stairs to get away from the sounds that were starting to go straight to his groin. He distantly heard the cries of Izaya finishing off, and thought he heard a muffled version of his name.

His face burned a deep red as he covered his nose and mouth. Of all the people to do that…to think of him. What the hell caused this? What did he do? Was the flea really starting to…to like him? He shivered a bit - although he wasn’t sure from what - and stormed into the kitchen. He nearly ripped off the refrigerator door in his haste and had to force himself to calm down.

“Okay. Calm down Shizuo. Really, this isn't…too bad,” he whispered to himself, looking for food in the fridge to distract himself. “It’s just Izaya…dammit, that’s what makes it so awkward!” He slammed his forehead against the freezer and coughed a bit, groaning.

There was no way he could possibly face the flea now, after knowing what had just happened. But…he couldn’t just leave, could he? No. No of course not. If he just left, the louse would know he had heard. No, Izaya could never find out.

The ex-blond lifted his head away and felt his stomach sink again; he had left a dent on the freezer door. Damn, how was he gonna explain that?

He heard the shower turn off and jumped in surprise. " _Shit! He’s coming!"_ Shizuo quickly pulled out eggs, cheese, and various vegetables he found in the crisper drawers. " _Focus on cooking. Just act normal. Just pretend nothing happened. And wipe that damn blush off your face!"_

 

Without wasting anymore time trying to calm himself down, he turned on the stove top to a medium setting and threw on a skillet. Skillfully, he cracked the eggs on the side of the pan and poured them in - not even a single piece of the shell mixed in.

Shizuo's hands were shaking as he started to chop up vegetables. He nearly cut his finger in the process. He knew Izaya would be coming down any minute now. He had to focus, and not let his uneasiness show. He heard the door open over the sizzling of the eggs, and prepared himself for whatever Izaya threw at him.

 


	61. Awkward

As soon as Izaya had calmed down, he finished showering and got ready for his day. He leaned against the sink and stared hard into the mirror. He hated how his face was still tinted pink. Although he thought he could pass it off from being in the steam. He dressed quickly and ran a hand through his damp hair, trying to pat down the various strands that stuck up in places; but not completely flatten it - he still desired to have that “sexy bed-head” look. As soon as he was presentable, he scooped up his dirty clothes and took them to his bedroom. However, he paused when he saw the door wide open.

That damn brute was in his room. Why was he in his room? Izaya narrowed his eyes and walked inside. It was empty, but he saw the pile sitting in front of his hamper. With a strange feeling settling on him, he picked up Shizuo’s pile and shoved the clothes into the hamper.

The scent of fresh eggs and vegetables wafted into the room, making Izaya’s mouth water. He felt his stomach rumble a bit and frowned. Dammit, he was pretty hungry, and the brute would try to force him to eat. There wasn’t much he could do to get out of this situation.

As he left his room, he realized that Shizuo had to pass the bathroom to get from his bedroom to the stairs. He froze and glanced at the bathroom door; reality slowly sinking in. _Shit, shit, shit…_

Suddenly cornered between a rock and a hard place, Izaya was petrified at the top of the stairs. He could see Shizuo in the kitchen, working hard in front of the stove. He could only imagine all the different scenarios that were about to take place. He wanted to run and hide...but maybe the brute didn’t notice? Maybe he hadn’t heard?

Izaya decided to believe in that tiny sliver of hope and played it cool as if nothing had ever happened. He sauntered down the stairs, watching as Shizuo stood in front of his stove; focused on cooking…something with the contents in his fridge. He really didn’t know what Shizuo could possibly make. Most of the foods were higher quality and organic - things he assumed Shizuo never cooked with before.

Although, whatever he was managing to make, it smelled…really good. Izaya swallowed as the scent became stronger. He walked around the corner and leaned against the wall, watching Shizuo chopping up various vegetables and throwing them into the skillet. Inside, Izaya could see a large circle of eggs and raised his brow.

“Who knew Shizu-chan was such a chef.”

Shizuo jumped a bit, and glanced toward Izaya. “Ahh…well…” He froze as he stared at Izaya. He felt his face flushing, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. If it wasn’t for the fact that he had just heard very lewd sounds coming from the informant only fifteen minutes prior, he would have found it hard to look away regardless. Izaya had a way of looking cleanly, yet still disheveled. If the way his damp hair stuck out and clung to his angular face wasn’t - Shizuo couldn’t believe he was thinking this - attractive enough, then the way his red sweater and dark jeans clung to his already slender body was sexy times ten. Not to mention the fact that his taught lips were making those sounds and crying out his name…Shizuo shivered a bit.

Izaya stared firmly at Shizuo, analyzing every twitch and movement in his face. His eyes widened a bit, and he felt himself shift his posture a bit.

Shizuo felt his stomach drop at that moment the faintest blush rose on Izaya’s cheeks.

Both men thought the same thing: _he knows._

Forcing himself to break the tension, hoping that he could somehow hide away from the truth, Shizuo turned back towards the food. “I…I’m not really a chef. I just took a cooking class in high school once,” he stuttered a bit, feeling his face flushing. _Dammit!_

Izaya cleared his throat and nodded, staring at the floor. “I’m aware of that. But that was your first year. You still remember how to work everything after that long?”

“It’s not god damn rocket science. It’s just food,” Shizuo grumbled as he grated fresh cheese over the top of the mixture in the pan.

Izaya sucked up his pride and walked closer, looking over Shizuo’s shoulder. He could feel Shizuo tense up as he loomed over him. “Omelets?”

Shizuo nodded, feeling extremely nervous with the flea standing to close. But why should he? It’s not like he was positive the flea knew he had heard. Ahh, but hell, it was obvious he knew. “It’s a well balanced breakfast. Eggs and veggies are good for your body…” Shizuo paused for a moment as he felt his face heart up. Shit, that sounded suggestive! “I...I mean um…they are good for your health,” Shizuo stuttered as he folded egg and slid the omelet onto a plate. “Shinra had said to eat well, so I’m making sure every meal is healthy.”

Izaya made a small sound of approval and opened the fridge, bending forward to get a look inside. “Good to know you can think for yourself and not have to rely on others.”

Shizuo dared to glance over and found himself staring at Izaya. The way the raven bent at the waist, hip jutting out in a slightly feminine manner, immediately caught Shizuo’s attention. It didn’t take long until his honey colored eyes moved down the gentle arch of Izaya’s back, past his narrow hips, and glued right on his round ass.

 _"S-shit! Get a hold of yourself!"_ Shizuo blinked a few times, trying to shake those thoughts out of his head. When he heard Izaya rummaging around, he narrowed his eyes in annoyance. “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked, trying to distract himself.  “I made breakfast. Enough for both of us.”

Izaya pulled a bottle of iced tea from the fridge, and glanced at Shizuo. “I told you not to cook for me,” Izaya grumbled, unaware of the naughty stares Shizuo was trying to not make on him.

“Well I did. So sit down and eat it,” Shizuo said as he cut the large omelet in half, and put each half on a separate plate. When Izaya didn’t move, Shizuo set the plates on the table, and grabbed Izaya by the front of the shirt. The action send a surge of adrenaline through both of them. They were instantly reminded of their violent past. Izaya couldn’t help but smirk dangerously, and Shizuo couldn’t help but feel the corners of his mouth tug upwards a bit. It was a great feeling.

“Getting rough again?” Izaya couldn’t help the dirty thoughts that rolled in his head, but he ignored it.

“Fuckin’ louse. Sit down.”

All awkwardness washed away by the intensity of the moment. Izaya leaned forward, grinning viciously and his eyes gleaming. He whispered, “make me.”

Shizuo took the bait and pulled Izaya closer, reaching for his waist to lift him. Izaya dug his heels into the floor and tried to peel himself away, digging his fingers into Shizuo’s wrist. But Shizuo’s grip was strong - not as strong as before, but enough that Izaya couldn’t wriggle his way out of his grip. Wrapping his arms around Izaya’s waist, he lifted the lightweight and threw him over his shoulder. Izaya’s arms waved wildly before clinging onto the back of Shizuo’s shirt. He hissed in disdain as Shizuo carried Izaya to the table. Shizuo was suddenly hypersensitive as a very…unfamiliar body part rubbed against his shoulder; he hadn’t thought about that particular detail. He felt Izaya tense up in his grip, and quickly set him down on the chair, practically dropping the flea.

Once Izaya was sitting, he slouched in the seat and crossed his arms, glaring as Shizuo sat in the seat next to him and handed him a fork.

“Eat.”

“Tch…so forceful,” Izaya grumbled as he stabbed at his portion of the omelet. Shizuo wasted no time in digging in, taking in a large mouthful. Izaya watched him and warily eyed his food. If the brute wasn’t choking, then it couldn’t be…all that bad.

With a grimace, Izaya cut off a small piece of the omelet and took a hesitant bite, aware of Shizuo watching him. He silently chewed, judging the flavors that melted on his tongue. The slight spice from the seasonings Shizuo had mixed in, the crunchy texture of the vegetables contrasting with the smooth texture of the well scrambled eggs. The cheese was melted to near perfection. Shizuo raised his brow as Izaya swallowed and took a sip of his iced tea. Izaya glanced up at him and shrugged. “Not completely gag worthy.”

“Flea…”

"Expecting me to shower you with praise or something?" Izaya sneered, squinting his eyes viciously. Shizuo growled lowly under his breath, eyes glancing away as his thoughts drifted once more. Izaya mentally slapped himself again at his word choice. " _Dammit, I’m flirting with my words. Why?"_

Shizuo cleared his throat, trying to ignore the sounds that echoed in his memory. The sound of the water mixing with those wanton… _no! Stop thinking about it!_

“Alright, it’s not all that bad. Are you happy now?” Izaya groaned, rolling his eyes, forcing the images out of his mind.

A small appreciative smile tugged the corners of Shizuo’s lips. “Glad you approve.”

They continued to eat their breakfast in silence, only stopping to sip at their drinks. Although the aura around them was calm and the adrenaline had worn down, the reality of the situation was still hanging in the air. Shizuo felt slightly more awkward, knowing that he had picked up Izaya. Especially after what had happened. He glanced up, watching Izaya as he took a dainty bite of the omelet, and watched as his mouth worked to chew it.

What if the flea liked being rough? Is that why he always chased him? Was he turned on by the fighting? Oh good God, did he just get aroused a bit by their little scuffle just now? These thoughts swirled in Shizuo’s head, and he hand to rests his head in his hands for a minute. He had to get a grip on reality and stop fantasizing about…dammit, he was fantasizing about the flea!

Izaya stopped eating for a moment, focusing on Shizuo. The ex-blond was currently keeping his eyes low, although it seemed a bit too low. Izaya felt his skin crawl when he realized the direction of his gaze. He crossed his legs, and felt his stomach flip when he saw those honey colored eyes dilate. Izaya forcefully set his fork down on the plate, clattering it loudly.

The sound made Shizuo glance up quickly, still slightly blushing from his thought process. It was only at that moment that he realized he was staring…lower than he would have liked. He blinked a bit when he saw that Izaya had eaten half of his breakfast, but was stiff in his seat - face stoic, hands clenched, and legs crossed tightly.

He forced a smile on his flushed face. He was happy that the picky eater had eaten most of his food, “Better than you expected?”

Izaya leaned back and smirked. “I’ll give you that one. Five points.” He crossed his arms and pushed the bits of his meal around on the plate with his fork. “So Shizu-chan, how‘d you learn how to cook? Besides taking that class years ago.”

“I live by myself. I don’t go begging for food every day. I can cook for myself and others if I need to,” Shizuo said in an obvious tone. For someone so smart, he would assume Izaya would know something like this about him. But when he glanced up, he noticed how the flea‘s shoulders were slightly tense. He avoided making eye contact with him. Shizuo felt his face heating up a bit when he realized that Izaya was trying to make small talk to avoid the build up of tension from earlier. “I know I’m not the best cook out there, but I manage.”

“Indeed…you do.” Izaya glanced up for a moment from beneath his hair. “It’s not too bad.”

The pressure around them slowly built. It was almost a physical feeling on Shizuo. He could feel the weight constricting around him. He wanted to speak up and tell Izaya…

Well…that it was okay.

He felt his cheeks heat up with that simple thought. Sure, it’s totally okay for your enemy…who really isn’t an enemy anymore...okay, so it’s alright for your acquaintance to think of you…well that wouldn’t really make him an acquaintance, would it? Damn, this was so confusing! What the hell was the flea now? He wasn’t just the person he hated most. Hell, even those feelings have all but vanished from the face of the earth ever since he started acting like a god damn normal human being and not an insufferable thorn in his side.

Izaya hummed under his breath, pulling Shizuo from his thoughts. “W-what was that?"

The informant looked up lazily from his plate, before standing up to take his half polish dished to the sink. “I said…you’re not too bad either…for a monster.” He smirked and bit and shrugged. “If you keep making food like this, then I don’t think I’ll mind watching over you like a child.”

The feeling in Shizuo’s chest was warm - almost endearing. No matter what the situation between him and the flea was, it sure wasn’t that hatred they had felt. They had some sort of connection now. He didn’t know what type, but he didn’t care. He was glad that this bond was formed, and he was determined to make it grow. No matter what it took. He wanted to see how far this could go. How much could Izaya take before Shizuo cracked that shell around his heart to get to the man who he cared for over the internet?

Izaya could feel the same pull in his chest, although he wasn’t aware that the brute felt the same. In his mind, he was the only one feeling this way. He was treading on a thin emotional wire that was pulled taught between mental desires and physical cravings. His mind told him to hate the monster in his kitchen and to not let events sway him. Yet his body wanted more…so much more. And his heart…

Well, it was caught somewhere in between.


	62. Happy Holidays

Izaya was slowly going insane. Over the past week, he was having a hard time balancing work with his personal life. 

To start, he was stressed and pushed to his limit with the job that Shiki had demanded he finish. Although he said it would take only a week to get all the information he needed, he knew that he was cutting his time short for his employer - and that was on a good week. This week, however, had been much more of a challenge. Whenever Izaya seemed to get close to a lead, it would vanish. He spent most of his time sitting in front of the computer, trying to catch loose ends and get a grip on the information he desperately needed. The moment he had something of substance, a single small lead that wouldn't disappear, he had sent it to Shiki immediately. 

For once, his job wasn’t easy. He had even worked diligently through the holidays to make sure he wouldn’t let Shiki down. Shizuo had tried to make Izaya take a break on Christmas Day, saying he should visit his sisters. Izaya had shooed him away and told him that he had no time for breaks. 

Ahh Shizuo. Always trying to think of others. It was annoying to Izaya, knowing that the brute was trying to care about him and suddenly being “buddy-buddy”. 

Things between he and Shizuo had evolved into anything but simple, or at least, anything but hateful. Shizuo seemed to change after the elevator incident - which was due to faulty and outdated wiring in the building that put the west wing into a power outage.

Not only was Shizuo more bent on trying to bring out the “loving” and “happy” side of Izaya that they both knew as Psyche, he was also letting his “adoring” and “calm” side of Tsugaru out more. 

God, it ticked off Izaya so much. Nothing he did pushed the brute’s buttons. He tried everything from knocking over his plate of food to tripping him in the hall. Every childish prank seemed to fail, and Izaya was at the end of his rope. He could always blackmail and frame Shizuo, but what good would that do? It would bring pleasure to Izaya, but the informant wasn’t stupid. In Shizuo’s condition, he wouldn’t make it three days in prison.

So, he ignored the desire to bother Shizuo and focused on the job that was at hand. Somehow trying to make the brute healthy again; but it sure was hard to do that when all Shizuo did was stare at him while he worked. Izaya couldn't stand the feeling of Shizuo's eyes boring a hole into his back.

Make that his entire body.

Dammit, that brute was in no way subtle. If he wanted to stare at a body, he sure knew the way to do it. 

At first, Izaya thought that Shizuo was just watching him, the way a cat stares at the wall for no good reason, but after three days he realized that the brute was definitely watching much more than the way Izaya went about his day. 

At first, it was…flattering? Of course, Izaya had people glance his way many times before. He was used to that. But for someone like Shizuo to be paying extra attention was odd. It was…slightly arousing and uncomfortable at the same time. 

Izaya tried to ignore it when Shizuo's gaze lingered a second too long when Izaya would get up to put dirty dishes in the sink, or when the ex-blond would watch his reflection in the store windows as they walked. The informant had noticed one quirk about Shizuo's stares. He always started at Izaya's face, and then it would slowly graze downward, shifting as far as Izaya's hips - but never lower. Was Shizu-chan really that modest? 

Izaya doubted it. In public Shizuo's eyes never strayed too far, but in private the brute was bolder and would take a few sneaky glances when he thought the informant wasn't looking. However, Izaya always noticed. He never missed a stray look or a long glance.

Of course…Izaya wasn’t innocent either. He too was guilty of taking glimpses when no one was looking. How could he not? He practically had a Greek god sitting in his apartment every day. A living Adonis - but maybe that was going too far. It was also helpful that Shizuo was far less attune to the world around him. He never caught the numerous times Izaya had grazed his eyes over his well sculpted body. For someone who was ill, Shizuo’s body build didn’t show it. Despite the slightly paler skin, bags under his eyes, and the small loss of muscle definition, the brute looked generally the same as a few months ago. Any random person on the street wouldn‘t see any difference- he was still strong and capable. Izaya knew better than that, and could see all the subtle differences in his body. Like the way his posture wasn’t exactly the same as it once was, or that he had to pause more often to cough or clear his throat.

Despite his obvious physical well being, Izaya noticed the small things to one would ever pay attention to, like how his calm eyes were a shade duller than they used to be, and how his over all body language was much more relaxed. He also noticed the slight increase of laugh lines on his face - not due to age, but because of being ill and, of course, for smiling and laughing a lot more. Shizuo seemed a lot happier than before. With good reason, too. With Izaya no longer in his hair, he had no reason to stress. Bills weren’t an issue since Izaya had started paying for those as well - although Izaya wasn’t sure why he was helping Shizuo financially. 

Izaya enjoyed the at-ease look Shizuo always had. He missed the angry and short tempered beast, but this was a nice change. Something he could get used to.

One small detail that annoyed him was the fact that Shizuo was ill. That meant routine check-ups from a very flamboyant - at least in Izaya’s eyes - doctor. Shinra was checking up on Shizuo at the moment, allowing Izaya some peace from the bickering he and Shizuo had been doing lately. He watched silently from the foot of the stairs, listening to Shinra talk about Shizuo’s condition.

“You’re doing a lot better! Your breathing doesn’t sound as ragged anymore,” Shinra praised. The doctor wrapped the stethoscope around his neck and scribbled a few notes as Shizuo buttoned up his shirt again. 

“So, I can go back to work?”

Shinra nodded. “I don’t see why not. Although, the holidays are just around the corner. He will want to let you have those days off too.”

Shizuo groaned. “I just had a few months off. I don’t want to have holidays off.” He leaned back and crossed his arms as Shinra checked his reflexes - which were doing much better as well.

“I bet Shizu-chan just hates Christmas and wants to be a Scrooge,” Izaya piped in, stepping off the stair case to waltz over. Shizuo rolled his eyes, but kept them glued on Izaya. The informant felt the hairs on his neck stand up. He was giving him those eyes again.

“Actually, that brings up a good point Izaya,” Shinra cut in, turning to face the standing brunet.

“Eh?”

“I actually forgot to send out invitations, and Celty is going to kill me for it when I get home! But we’re throwing a New Years party. Celty and I would like to see everyone together for the holidays,” Shinra explained, a large grin on his face. He turned back to Shizuo. “What do you think?”

Shizuo smiled. “Yeah, sounds fun to me. Although I don’t think the flea will want to be around so many people.”

“Have you forgotten who I am, Shizu-chan? I thrive in social situations," Izaya scolded.” 

Shizuo leaned on his knees, his eyes narrowing with competition. “Really now? So you’ll be the first one walking around and introducing yourself?”

“Hardly. I like to observe, not participate.”

"That sounds like the opposite of being social."

"Like you'd know. You're not exactly the social butterfly."

Shinra stood up and clapped his hands, breaking the intense stare down Shizuo and Izaya had. “So you two are coming! Fabulous! I’ll see you on the New Years Eve!”

“I never agreed to going, Shinra.”

“That’s cause you’re too chicken to go, louse.”

“Are you challenging me?”

“You tell me.”

Izaya glared at Shizuo. He was getting better at the whole arguing game. Who would have thought a stick in the mud like the brute would be the one so willing to try and challenge Izaya. Of course, the constant chases were always a challenge, but this was a new level. The informant smirked, enjoying this adventurous side of Shizuo. 

“Alright then. You’re on.”


	63. Cheers

Two days later, Shizuo and Izaya had found themselves outside of Shinra’s door, waiting to be let in. From what they could tell, the party had already started. Music could be heard from inside, and many voices merged together into a garbled mess. Izaya was bundled under a large scarf that covered half his face, and wore a Christmas sweater that Shinra had asked them to wear.

“It’s a bad sweater theme!” he had said. To Izaya, it was the stupidest idea he had ever heard. However, the fact that Shizuo didn’t even have a bad Christmas sweater was even more depressing. At least the brute looked good in the sweater he had chosen. Sure, it had reindeer on it and it was pretty gaudy, but it clung to his body perfectly and was just baggy enough to look comfortable. Izaya glanced down at himself and smirked. He was never one to fully follow rules. Yes, he wore a Christmas sweater, but it was far from ugly. It was simple and tasteful. The only details on the navy colored shirt were the white snowflakes that eventually grew heavier until it turned into a white trim along the hem. 

“Izaya! Shizuo! Glad you came!” Shinra welcomed as he opened the door. 

Shizuo smiled as stepped inside. “Of course. Took the flea a while to get ready though.”

Izaya narrowed his eyes, but grinned anyways. “It takes a while to look this good, Shizu-chan~”

Shizuo ignored Izaya’s remark and found himself surrounded by Erika and Walker and their game of 20-questions: Was he feeling better? Was he going to be strong ever again? Would he ever chase Izaya around? Was Izaya really helping him? Were they living together yet? Did they make sweet love yet? Shizuo felt himself getting embarrassed and he was positive his cheeks were flushing. 

“Ah-ah yeah I’m feeling better. I think I’ll get most of my strength back. Maybe? Yeah, the flea’s actually---No not together, but I go over there a lot…W-WHAT?! NO!”

Izaya watched Shizuo get bombarded with questions - most of them involving Izaya and his relationship with Shizuo. He chuckled and sat at the kitchen counter, chin in his hand. His eyes grazed over the crowd, amazed at how many people Shinra seemed to know. His eyes caught familiar gold eyes. Izaya smirked the moment he saw the young teen's face. He had assumed the trio would be here. He was positive Celty had invited Anri, who would of course bring Mikado and Kida with her. The blond glared at Izaya intensely, making the informant grin wider, but someone passed in front of Izaya and broke off the connection. When Izaya looked back to where the young Yellow Scarf was, he and his friends were gone.

“Izaya!”

The informant turned on his seat and smiled smoothly at Shinra. “Yes?” Shinra leaned forward and slid Izaya a glass of eggnog. Izaya frowned. “No thank you.”

“Come on, you gotta drink up a bit. It’s Christmas! It’s the time to party and have fun!” 

“You know I don’t drink.”

“But this is eggnog.”

“Eggnog has alcohol in it.”

Shinra sighed and rolled his eyes. “I know you’re not the best at holding your liquor, but really. It’s not gonna kill you! It’s just a little bit. It’s just to loosen you up.” 

Izaya glared at Shinra and was going to retort when Shizuo reached over him and grabbed the eggnog from Shinra.

“Stop worrying about him. He’s too much of a wuss to handle it,” Shizuo snickered. He say down on the chair next to Izaya and taking a sip of the warm beverage. It was Shizuo’s favorite thing about the holidays. Who cares about gifts, and Santa, and snow when there was nice, warm eggnog.

“Shizuo! You shouldn’t be drinking while on your medication!” Shrina scolded.

Izaya glared at Shizuo and grabbed his glass, splashing a bit as he forcefully ripped it from Shizuo’s grasp. “Don’t worry Shinra. I said I’d watch over the overgrown child, didn’t I?” He tilted his head in a quick nod and held up the glass, sneering. “Cheers, brute.” He took a quick swig of it, enjoying every drop that passed his lips.

Shinra grinned, pouring a glass for himself, and a non-alcoholic glass for Shizuo. He called Kadota over, sliding him a glass as well. Shinra lifted his mug and beamed. “Cheers!”

“Cheers!” 

The four clanked their glasses, taking a big gulp. It was like high school. Of course, back then Izaya would be pushing Shizuo off his chair, and the two would have started a fight. But the four of them together was nonetheless nostalgic. 

It wasn’t long until the quartet was buzzed, minus Shizuo of course. They four talked about their high school life, with Izaya bringing up many stories on how he managed to piss off Shizuo. A few times the brute wanted to smash Izaya’s face in, but held back by sipping at the eggnog. However, their reunion didn’t last long, because the first one to lose their control was the host himself. 

Shinra was similar to Izaya in a sense - he couldn’t hold his alcohol. He was stumbling around and trying to greet people who had already come. After a while, Celty had found him and stayed by him, making sure he didn’t cause any trouble - although she had to put up with him cracking jokes and laughing at everything he saw. 

Kadota was a little tipsy, but not enough to make a fool of himself. He would have continued to talk to Shizuo, but had to leave once he learned that Walker and Erika had locked themselves in the bathroom by jamming the lock. Was the duo drunk? Not at all - they just managed to somehow break the door.

This left Shizuo alone at the bar, sipping his second non-alcoholic eggnog. Izaya had silently left soon after he was given his second drink, although Shizuo didn’t bother to ask where. He didn’t think he would have to babysit the informant. However, he was getting bored sitting up at the counter and watching the younger kids playing their dancing games. He left, leaving his drink at the table, and walked around the apartment. 

Most people didn’t seem to recognize him, and he was thankful for that. He didn’t feel the desire to mingle with all the guests. He was happy to just talk to those he knew. Although, most of the people he knew were singing bad karaoke in the den.

“Hey Shizuo!”

Shizuo turned to see Tom walking up, a sway in his step that let Shizuo know he had a little too much to drink. Tom slapped his hand on Shizuo’s back and grinned. “So, I heard you’re doing better!”

“Yeah. A lot better.” Shizuo smiled, holding Tom up as he slouched over. “I was thinking that when Shinra gave the okay, I could start working again," he suggested.

Tom nodded and grinned. “Sounds good to me! You could just be there to intimidate. Although, you’ll have to die your hair back. No one will recognize who you are with that color! Hell, I hardly recognized you!”

“No one can recognize Shizu-chan when he looks like that," Izaya slurred as he came around the corner, with a new glass that was filled with a clear liquid. Shizuo instantly assumed it was something harder - like vodka.

“Oi Flea, you might wanna be careful.”

“Ahh, screw being careful. It’s the holidays, isn’t it? The one time of year to let loose, neh? Of course, besides your birthday, but who’s counting.” The informant sauntered over, a smirk on his face as he passed Shizuo. “You know, you should loosen up more." 

Shizuo growled, his fist clenching. “Shut up louse. You‘re the one who didn‘t even wanna come.”

Izaya just turned and downed the rest of his drink, hissing as it burned his throat. He grinned and set his glass down on a table, shrugging. “Well now I’m here, and now I’m bored. I’m looking for a bit of fun.”

“Go find it somewhere else.”

“Shizuo, I’ll be back. It looks like Kadota needs some help getting into the bathroom," Tom said, quickly walking over to where Kadota was trying to bust the door down. From the other side of the door, the laughs of Erika and Walker could be heard.

Shizuo groaned and watched the flea as he twirled around smoothly, not a hint of drunkenness in his gait. The only hint of his current tipsy state was the swing in his hips as he walked.

Izaya glanced over his shoulder, smirking teasingly as his cloudy eyes beckoned Shizuo to follow.

Past experience told Shizuo to never trust Izaya, especially when mischief was clearly plastered on his face. His instinct told him to just leave Izaya altogether, but his heart urged him on, and he found himself following Izaya down the hall like a moth to the flame. 

Izaya turned, walking backwards so he could watch Shizuo with his darkened eyes. The sly informant turned around a corner with a grace that Shizuo would have never thought possible for someone that tipsy, and picked up his pace to keep up.

When Shizuo turned the corner, he found that the den was now that of an amateur nightclub. The lights were low, except for the Christmas lights that hung from the ceiling. Izaya stood along the edge of the crowd, hair hanging low to cover his sultry eyes that bore into Shizuo’s. 

That stare…its intensity made Shizuo’s heart hammer. He would blame the alcohol if he had any. The fact that he really didn’t have anything to blame it on caused him to worry a bit. He thought he was attracted to the soft side of Izaya; attracted to Psyche. 

That gaze. That smirk. That demeanor…that was definitely not Psyche.

But it was turning him on nonetheless.


	64. Starry Eyed Lightning

“Shizu-chaaan,” Izaya purred. “You need to loosen up a bit.” He stepped forward, hips swaying in time with the music that was booming through the speakers Shinra had installed. The bass reverberated through them, rolling up their spines and making them want to dance. With such a catchy tune, it was hard not to tap your foot or shake your hips.

“I’m not a good dancer,” Shizuo said, stepping back a bit when he realized what Izaya was trying to make him do.

“Come on, you need exercise anyways. We haven’t gone on a walk in a while. We’re just turning it up a notch,” Izaya insisted, grabbing Shizuo’s hand and pulling him onto the dance floor.

“Izaya!”

Almost instantly, Izaya started to spin around Shizuo, a content smile on his face. He swung his hips from side to side and turned in circles, trying to pull Shizuo into the rhythm. The ex-blond stood awkwardly at the edge of the dance floor, trying to pry himself away, but Izaya was drunkenly determined to make Shizuo dance. “Come on. You’re the one who need to exercise more.”

“That’s not a good excuse. I can‘t dance anyways.”

Izaya rolled his eyes, still swaying on his feet. “Fiiine. Then what about Tsu-chan, hmm?’

Shizuo blinked. “What?”

The raven sauntered closer to Shizuo and leaned against him, eyes hooded, a pink flush dusted on his cheeks, and a loose smile plastered on his face. “What if I said that Psyche loved to dance? Would Tsu-chan dance with his internet lover?”

Shizuo sputtered. “D-don’t say it like that, flea!” He felt his cheeks blush faintly.

Izaya grinned, twirling around Shizuo once more. “Ahh, but that’s what they were. Our personas. Were they not?” Izaya paused and stood on his tiptoes, stumbling just a bit before he leaned on Shizuo’s back and rested his chin on his shoulder. “That is why you were on that site, and why you kept coming back, right?”

“I…suppose…”

“Then get back into character, Tsu-chan. And come dance. Just once,” Izaya murmured as he ran his fingertip running along Shizuo’s arm.

A shiver ran up Shizuo's spine, and he found it hard to resist - especially with the smaller one prowling around in a teasing manner.

Izaya winked and tugged in Shizuo sweater, tugging him closer. “Come now.”

“O…okay…”

Izaya dragged Shizuo into the center of the crowd, bumping up against the others that were dancing. Shizuo caught sight of Kadota and his group dancing to his right, and Shinra and Celty dancing together. It was actually kinda of sweet, seeing the couple twirling around.

Of course, his aimless glancing around was cut short by Izaya moving into his line of sight, and trying to get Shizuo to move. The informant grabbed Shizuo by the arms, forcing him to move rigidly to the beat. It took a lot of coaxing from Izaya to get Shizuo to finally loosen up. After two songs, Shizuo was having starting to have some fun. Even if it was Izaya he was dancing with, he wasn’t worried about people asking him about it. Most of the party-goers didn’t recognize him, or were buzzed and didn’t bother asking. The only ones he had to worry about were Erika and Walker, who would randomly whistle loudly when they bumped a bit too close.

Either way, he was having a good time. Izaya sure seemed to be having fun. The past few days had been rough for the informant. Shizuo could tell he was dedicated to his work and honestly enjoyed being an informant, but not even someone as cunning and sly as Izaya could hide the fact that he was mentally exhausted and in desperate need to let go of his worries. Knowing that Izaya was finally having his fun, albeit in a much different way than Shizuo would have probably imagined, made it a bit easier to also just go with the flow and have fun.

“Mmm, Tsu-chan…?”

Shizuo glanced over to Izaya and chuckled a bit, playing along with Izaya’s game. “Yeah?”

Izaya pointed up, smirking deviously. “Look a what your dancing under.”

Shizuo looked, and frowned at the garland that was draped along the doorframe. “What? It’s jus-”

The glimmer of the flashing lights on the small white berries that hung loosely from the plant that was attached to the garland. Shizuo felt his face heat up as Izaya stepped closer, the informant chuckling deviously as his smile grew wider.

“You know what the folklore is for mistletoe, right?”

Of course he knew! Who wouldn’t know something like that! _"Dammit Shinra, he had to go hang this up! Probably so he could have an excuse to give Celty a kiss on her…her…where exactly would he kiss her? Her helmet?"_ Shizuo squeezes his eyes shut. This was no time to be thinking about Celty and Shinra’s love life! Right now, he had to focus on the fact that he was standing under mistletoe with Izaya, and the informant had that devilish smirk on his face that instantly meant he was up to no good!

“So, Tsu-chan, are you going to give Psyche a kiss?”

“Uh…”

A burst of uncharacteristic laughter broke the awkward tension that built up between the two of them. Shizuo whipped his head around to stare at the source, while Izaya didn’t even flinch. His red eyes just lazily shifted to stare at Shinra, who was leaning against the wall.

“Ahahaha, you guys! That is hilarious! Izaya's so drunk that he's trying to make a move on you! Hahahaha!” Shinra cried out, face red from laughing too hard and from his drunken stupor. He hunched over, clutching his sides as he laughed, nearly falling over until Celty caught him.

“Shinra, shut up!”

“Shizuo, this is priceless. So funny!”

Shizuo could feel his face, ears, and neck turning redder as Shinra’s laughter slowly started getting the attention other guests. He looked around nervously, trying to figure a way out of this mess. Shizuo stared at Izaya, trying to see his reaction.

Izaya just stood silently, a smile tugging at his frown as he narrowed his eyes at Shinra. His body language was calm, slacked with apathy. He seemed completely okay with Shinra causing a scene, and he seemed perfectly fine with the fact they might have to…

“Shizuoooo, it’s customary to kiss the lovely lady under the mistletoe!” Shinra cried out through gasping breaths.

Shizuo clenched his fists and growled. “Izaya is far from a lady!”

“My name is Psyche!” Izaya whined, rolling his head to the side with impatience.

Shizuo rubbed his temples and groaned. “Guys, shut up…I’m not gonna…”

“That’s not fun! You gotta!”

“Tsu-chaan.”

“Hey, is that Izaya under the mistletoe with Shizu-chan?” Erika cried from one corner.

This entire situation was getting out of hand.

Shizuo acted on impulse. He reached forward and grabbed Izaya by the shoulders, pulling the man towards him. Without thinking twice, he pressed his lips against Izaya’s firmly, eyes squeezed shut as he grimaced slightly.

Izaya’s eyes widened as Shizuo kissed him. Although it was obviously amateur and not very heated, it still made Izaya’s heart race. He blinked a few times, still trying to grasp the fact that the brute had actually kissed him. He had mainly dragged him here just to see what the ex-blond would do. This was not what he anticipated.

The action lasted only a moment. Shizuo pulled away quickly, face red with embarrassment. He glared at Shinra, who had gone silent with surprise, and growled lowly under his breath. “There, happy?”

The informant moved closer, pressing himself against Shizuo, nuzzling his nose against Shizuo’s ear. “Very happy, Tsu-chan,” he purred. The sound made Shizuo shiver as he stepped back. Izaya stepped in time with him, keeping close as the ex-blond moved backwards. Together they moved away from the crowd and into the empty hallway.

“Tsu-chan…I feel…” Izaya paused for a moment, drinking in Shizuo’s expression. He looked utterly confused and nervous. It was adorable.

“Y-you feel what?”

Izaya’s lips curled with mischief. “Adventurous~”. He closed in on Shizuo like a hungry predator trapping their prey.

Shizuo stepped back again, aware that he was running out of space to move. “Adventurous?“

Growling lowly, Izaya grabbed Shizuo firmly by the arm and pulled him into another sloppy kiss, closing the gap between them roughly. Their lips smashed together painfully, causing Shizuo to grunt with surprise as Izaya’s grip tightened. Shizuo pulled his head back, but Izaya followed him, refusing to let them part for long.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me,” he purred sultrily. He held onto Shizuo tightly, using the ex-blond’s moment of confusion to his advantage.

“W-what?!”

Izaya pushed him backwards, slamming Shizuo against the wall and pinning him as he devoured the taller man’s mouth. The slender informant purred and bit at Shizuo’s lip, causing him to open his jaw reflexively. Izaya slid his tongue into the moist crevice, swirling the warm muscle against Shizuo’s. The ex-blond made a sound of surprise as Izaya pressed the tip of his tongue against the roof of Shizuo’s mouth and licked the back of his teeth.

Izaya went with the motions and pressed his torso against Shizuo’s, rubbing himself against the bartender seductively. He groaned into the kiss, enjoy the feeling a bit more than he thought he would. He was only interested in seeing how good the fortissimo of Ikebukuro was at kissing, but now he was much more interested in something else. Something lower.

He nibbled on Shizuo’s tongue as it finally began to move with his own, breaking away to gasp in a breath as things grew more heated. He let out a lewd groan, and a soft “Tsu-chan”, and smirked with approval when the brute finally gave into his advances. Shizuo grabbed onto the raven’s slender hips, pulling their waists together as their tongue fought each other. Humming contentedly, he savored the taste that lingered on Shizuo as his hands ran along his sculpted arms and over his chest.

The tang of tobacco was nonexistent. Good. Izaya couldn’t stand the taste. However, the soothing taste of peppermint and eggnog mixed in with the alcohol on his breath. It was a delicious taste that he wanted more of.

Their hearts were racing, blood pumping faster than any chase could have ever caused. They were easily caught up in the moment, grinding against each other as the bass in the music pumped through their veins and urged them on. Izaya pulled away for a moment, growling out, “I know you want me, Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo grunted in reply, panting heavily and staring at Izaya through hooded eyes. Both of them were flushed with desire and jittery with excitement of the naughtiest kind. Izaya ground his hips against Shizuo’s, feeling Shizuo’s cock jumping at the friction. Izaya licked his lips, grinding his erection against Shizuo’s again, a moan escaping his lips as he leaned his head back a bit.

“Mmnn…God,” Izaya groaned, feeling Shizuo guiding his hips so they rolled against each other.

“Shit.” Shizuo had no idea what he was doing. Why was he going through with this? This was Izaya after all…but God, it didn’t matter when it felt that good.

Izaya reached forward grabbing the doorknob to the closet that was near the door, and forced it open. He pushed his leg in between Shizuo’s and pushed him back, shoving him into the closet and closing the door behind him.

Shrouded in darkness, with only the reverberating beats to guide them, they closed the gap again, noisily smacking their lips and clashing their teeth against each other. Shizuo stumbled over a shoe that was lying on the floor, and fell against the wall, with Izaya tumbling onto him. Izaya used this chance to ignore his inhibitions and utilize Shizuo’s slouched position to press his crotch against Shizuo’s. Both groaned loudly, unable to hold back the animalistic sounds that bubbled to the surface.

Shizuo pressed against the wall and slid down to the floor, Izaya crawling in between his legs to kiss him hungrily, arching his back to the pricks of their erections brushed each other. Shizuo shuddered at the touch and ran his hands along Izaya’s sides, his fingertips pushing up Izaya’s sweater so it bunched up at his chest.

“Mnn…ahh Shizu-chan…” Izaya mewled as Shizuo ran his hands along his heated body. Izaya’s hands ran along Shizuo’s chest and stomach; he wished that he was wearing his button up shirt so he could get to the skin. Instead, he focused on a lower region and palmed Shizuo’s tented erection through his pants. The bartender jolted, gasping as he was firmly fondled, groaning as Izaya’s fingers worked their magic.

“Fuck me.”

Shizuo forced his hazy eyes open and stared down at Izaya. All he could make out was his dark silhouette, but he could imagine the informant looking up at him through thick lashes. “W-what?”

“I see the way you stare. You fuck me with your eyes, Shizu-chan,” Izaya growled, rolling the heel of his palm against Shizuo's penis again. The ex-blond reacted in the way Izaya wanted - groaning and arching into the touch despite what his rational thought was saying. Izaya licked his lips, panting as he stared heavily at the bulge in Shizuo’s jeans. “So do us both a favor, and _fuck me._ ”

He bent down, hips and ass wiggling in the air, and breathed heavily. He earned an appreciative moan from Shizuo as his mouth sucked and licked at Shizuo’s cock. He could practically taste the beads of precum that were seeping through the fabric. Pulling away for a moment, Izaya readjusted his position and used his teeth to tug at the zipper and button. Once he was unbuttoned, Izaya wasted no time in spitting into his hands and reaching inside, earning a gasp from Shizuo.

Shizuo’s hands latched onto Izaya’s shoulders, the finger tips pressing deeply into his skin. He grit his teeth and grunted as Izaya’s cold saliva slicked hands crudely worked up his shaft. “S-shit flea…” he hissed, receiving a smirk from Izaya. Their eyes were now getting used to the dark, and Shizuo could see the drunken haze in Izaya’s eyes. It caused a shiver to run along his spine, shooting straight to his groin. His eyes threatened to close as Izaya tugged his erection from his pants and visibly worked it for Shizuo to see.

“How sexy. You look like a cat in heat with the way you watch me like that,” Izaya purred, nuzzling the side of Shizuo’s cock with his nose, blowing softly on it. Shizuo jerked up, his hips shifting as his body ached to be touched. “So just fuck me already,” Izaya whispered, kissing the base softly as he gently trailed a fingertip along the underside of Shizuo’s cock, watching it jump with need. “Besides, I _totally_ want it.”

“I-I just can’t do that!” Shizuo choked out. “You’re hammered!”

“Fine. Then I’ll just do it. Think of it as a belated Christmas gift~.” He flicked his tongue out to lick a vein that throbbed, as his hand curled around the base. His other hand, still slicked with saliva, slipped between his own legs and into his jeans to stroke himself. Izaya moaned, eyes fluttering closed as he worked his mouth up, peppering soft kisses along the shaft. Shizuo’s head fell back and hit the wall, a groan escaping him as his grip tightened. Izaya winced, feeling bruises already starting to form, but continued up until he was panting hot breath on the tip.

Shizuo shuddered, knowing what was coming next. God he wanted it. He was so hard, and he needed to get off. He knew he could let Izaya finish him off and would most likely not even remember. But…

That’s not how Shizuo wanted it to happen. He would never forgive himself for taking advantage of Izaya. He needed to stop it…no matter how much he didn’t want it to stop.

“Izaya…”

The feeling of that devilish tongue rolling over the head of his cock pushed him over the edge. He reacted without thinking. He pushed Izaya back, slamming the smaller male against the wall. A loud bang and a crack was heard over the music, and a small groan escaped Izaya’s lips.

Shizuo froze, hands still gripping the informant and holding him against the wall. He stared wide eyed at Izaya, watching as those cloudy red eyes fluttered close. He slackened in Shizuo’s grip, head rolling forward as he succumbed to sleep.

“…Flea?”

Izaya slumped forward in Shizuo’s arms, knocked out from sudden blow to the head. Shizuo tried to shake Izaya back to consciousness, but soon found that the drunk informant wouldn’t be waking up any time soon. He groaned, suddenly trapped in a dark closet, with a passed out man and a slowly fading erection.


	65. Happy New Year

_Think, think, think! How the hell are you going to get out of this mess?_

Shizuo heard a noise from outside the closet and nervously slipped his boxers and pants back on. He squinted in the dim light to see that Izaya’s pants were just unzipped, and he hadn’t managed to slip them off.

“Seven minutes in heaven are up Shizuo! You and Iza have to come out!” He heard Erika giggle from outside. He swore he heard her mutter something like “Unless they are too busy making love," but he disregarded that.

Trying to ignore the friction from forcing his erection into his jeans, he scooped up Izaya and kicked open the door, flinching as the light streamed in. Whistles from Erika and Walker greeted him, as well as a grin from Shinra who seemed to have placed his ear against the door.

“I’m leaving early. The flea passed out,” Shizuo grunted, forcing his way through the crowd. Shinra tried to call out to stop him from leaving early, but his voice died in the music and the chatter, allowing Shizuo to escape the apartment and head home.

He sighed, shaking his head as he awkwardly walked through the streets of Ikebukuro. Everyone was out on this night, partying and running around. He was thankful that no one was paying attention, but someone would surely recognize Izaya curled in his arms.

He turned down and alley, deciding to remain in the shadows. Shizuo stifled a yawn that rose in his throat and shivered. He glanced down at the raven in his arms and felt a blush crawl on his cheeks.

 _"What…the fuck just happened back there?"_ Shizuo thought in horror. Was he seriously about to let the flea do…do that to him. Of course, he wouldn’t have really cared much. He was turned on. But still! This was Izaya! This was…

He sighed. This was starting to really spiral out of control. Those feelings he had gained for Psyche were starting to become overgrown, and were now latching onto Izaya like a leech.

Izaya groaned softly, unconsciously shifting so his head was resting against Shizuo’s chest. Shizuo felt his heart hammering in his rib cage and wondered if the flea was listening to it despite being knocked out.

The look on Izaya’s face was priceless. A slight flush, long lashes brushing his cheeks, a scowl no where to be seen in his serene expression.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit." 

This really was getting too much to handle. He was actually…

…starting to kinda…

Shizuo shook his head, trying to shake the thought from his head. But it refused to budge. It was stuck to forever lurk in the back of his mind until he succumbed to the idea.

Izaya shivered and winced, moaning softly with discomfort as he tried to move closer to Shizuo. Shizuo instantly forgot his previous worries, and focused on trying to keep the flea warm. The wind was starting to pick up, and although the alleyways blocked most of the chilly air, the snow covered ground made it much colder. Shizuo shivered again and pulled Izaya closer to him, trying to keep the heat in.

“Nnn…”

“Flea? You waking up?”

Shizuo walked out of the alley and headed down the street that would eventually lead into Shinjuku. Luckily, the flea’s apartment wasn’t too deep in the city. He shook his arms a bit, shaking Izaya lightly in attempts to rouse him.

“Oi, Izaya. Come on…wake up.”

“Hgnn…mm ead htss…” Izaya grumbled, his brow furrowing in pain as he buried his face into Shizuo’s chest.

“What?”

“Mmaa…head…hrtss…”

Oh...right. “Y-yeah. Sorry about that…didn’t mean to knock you out,” Shizuo apologized. Although he wasn’t sure why he was saying sorry. It’s not like Izaya could comprehend anything right now. Let alone remember this event.

Izaya blinked his eyes, peering out from behind the fold of warm fabric in Shizuo’s sweater. He watched as blurred colored lights flashed by, and felt a wave of vertigo hitting him. He groaned again, burying his face into Shizuo’s shirt.

“We’re almost home,” Shizuo whispered, trying to comfort the frail brunet. His shifted his arm and supported Izaya’s shoulders so his fingers could gently brush his hair. Shizuo could feel the small lump forming where Izaya had banged his head. “Are you feeling okay?”

Izaya shrugged, closing his eyes to listen to Shizuo’s heartbeat. He shivered, and sighed with content when Shizuo held him a bit closer. He could hear Christmas music playing in one of the shops and smiled. He hummed softly, slowly increasing in volume as they walked closer.

Shizuo blinked and looked down at Izaya, who had a lopsided grin on his face and was rocking his head back and forth to the music. Shizuo chuckled a bit, shaking his head as Izaya continued to murmur the lyrics incoherently. Izaya tugged on Shizuo’s sweater, urging him to join in singing.

“Come on Shizu-chan…sing!”

“I don’t sing, flea.”

“Please?” Izaya whined. 

Shizuo simply shook his head, causing Izaya to pout. “We’re almost to your place anyways.”

“Sing to pass the time?”

Shizuo sighed, giving into Izaya’s pleas. When he was tipsy and whiny, it was hard to resist. “Okay, okay, you start then.”

Izaya grinned, causing Shizuo to regret his decision. To the tune of Jingle Bell Rock, Izaya started to sing - his voice cracking slightly as he slurred the lyrics. “Stroke on my, lick on my, suck on my cock. It’s the first time for you, so here’s what you do. Unzip me, and strip me, and show me you can! Don’t go whip-mmph!”

Shizuo quickly covered Izaya’s mouth with his hand, feeling his face heat up immensely. “That is NOT a Christmas carol!”

Izaya wrinkled his brow in a glare and sighed, pulling off Shizuo’s hand. “It’s funnier that way. Like Jingle Bells, Batman smells...”

“It’s awkward that way.”

“Then you sing something!”

Shizuo groaned, afraid that Izaya would burst out into another raunchy jingle if he didn’t speak up. Gritting his teeth, he sucked up his pride and forced out a gravely song. “Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful. And since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.”

Izaya giggled a bit, closing his eyes as he joined in. “It doesn't show signs of stopping, and I've bought some corn for popping. The lights are turned way down low, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.”

“When we finally ki-” Shizuo choked, and Izaya peeked up at him, his brow raising. Shizuo could tell Izaya was challenging him, despite being drunk. Damn him for always being so annoying. Shizuo felt his cheeks turning redder as he glanced away. “W-when we finally kiss goodnight…”

“How I’ll hate going out in the storm.”

“But if y-you really hold me tight-”

“All the way home we’ll be warm!”

Shizuo smiled a bit, chuckling as he turned into Izaya’s apartment complex and shuddered when the burst of warm air hit him. Izaya mewled happily, uncurling just a bit. Shizuo headed toward the stairwell, ignoring the few glances his way from other residents in the complex. He hurried past the door and started walking up the stairs, singing again as his voice echoed in the empty stairwell.

“The fire is slowly dying, and, my dear, we're still good-bying.”

“But as long as you love me so, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!” Izaya finished, throwing his arms in the air and causing Shizuo to stumble up the last flight of stairs.

“Oi louse, don’t thrash around! You’re gonna make me fall.”

Izaya smiled, wrapping his arms around Shizuo’s neck. “Lets sing some more.”

“More?”

The raven nodded. “Yeah, one more. What do you say?”

Shizuo smiled and nodded. “Alright. But nothing dirty.”

“Awww, no fun,” Izaya pouted. However, he wasted no time in choosing the first song that came into his head. “Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? In the lane snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight. Walking in a winter wonderland.”

Shizuo sighed and carried Izaya out of the stairwell, walking down the hall until he found the door that has been changed numerous times due to Shizuo breaking it down. “Gone away is the bluebird. Here to stay is a new bird. He sings a love song as we go along. Walking in a winter wonderland.”

Izaya yawned, reaching into his pants pocket to pull out his keys and fumbled them into the keyhole. Shizuo took them and opened the door, rearranging Izaya in his arms so he could hold him.

“In the meadow we can build a snowman. Then pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say: Are you married?”

“We'll say: no man,” Shizuo cut off, not allowing Izaya to mess with the lyrics. 

Izaya laughed lightheartedly and kept singing. “But you can do the job when you're in town!”

Shizuo let them inside, shutting the door behind them as he slipped off his snow covered shoes. Izaya tugged at Shizuo’s sweater as he carried him to his bedroom. “Keep going."

“I don’t know the rest.”

“I’m surprised you knew them at all.” 

Shizuo grinned. “You don’t seem like someone who knows Christmas songs either.”

Izaya shrugged, and yawned, burying his head under Shizuo’s chin as he continued to hum absentmindedly. 

Shizuo cradled him carefully and walked to the window to open the curtains. The sky was clear for a late winter night, and he could see the moon and stars peeking out behind the clouds. Shizuo glanced at the clock and jumped at the time. “Hey flea. It’s almost midnight.”

“Is that so?” Izaya drawled, his voice thick with exhaustion as he blinked his tired eyes open to look out the window.

“Yeah.”

Shizuo set Izaya down on his bed, pulling back the covers to tuck the informant in. He felt like a babysitter, taking care of Izaya like this. But he couldn’t just leave Izaya to freeze.

Outside, they could hear the counting down of the people flooding the streets of Shinjuku. Shizuo sat on the edge of the bed and stared out the window. The countdown ended and the fireworks were set off. The flashes of colored lights streamed through the window, casting colorful shades of red, yellow, and blue on him and Izaya. He looked to his left to find Izaya already asleep, hugging a pillow.

Even Shizuo couldn’t deny that he looked precious sleeping so soundly and innocently.

With a smile he pulled the covers over the Izaya’s narrow shoulders, tucking him in securely. He smiled and ran a hand through Izaya’s soft hair, bending down to press his lips gently on Izaya’s forehead in a chaste kiss, before he left quietly. 

“Happy New Year, Izaya.”


	66. Arc 8: Hangover

Izaya’s head was pounding and the ringing in his ears refused to stop. He wasn’t sure how long he had been lying half awake in bed. Hours? Days? Weeks? He couldn't tell. All he knew was the constant pain and illness that refused to cease. He curled up under his blankets, eyes clenched shut and hands gripping his hair as he tried to ignore the throbbing pain. He buried his face into his pillow, groaning as he writhed.

Eventually he forced himself to roll onto his side and peeked out from underneath the covers, glaring at the sunlight that was streaming in his room. All the light did was cause him pain. He suffered as it tried to welcome the day.

Fuck the sun. Darkness was better.

Gritting his teeth, he pulled the covers off him and instantly started shivering. God damn it was cold. Holding a hand to his head in attempts to stop his skull from shattering at the pressure, he shuffled tiredly to the window, forcing the shades shut. It wasn’t as dark as he’d like…but it was manageable.

A wave of vertigo hit him, and he wobbled to the side, slamming into the wall as he tried to regain his balance.

“Tch…fuck me sideways with a screwdriver…” he hissed, annoyed at his own pathetic weakness.

“Wouldn’t that hurt?”

Izaya jumped a bit and turned around to face his now open door, groaning as the room spun faster. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temple, trying to massage away the pain. “Nngg…”

“Hey, you should lie down,” Shizuo said in a whisper, setting down the tray of food he had brought in. He hurried over to Izaya and gently grabbed his shoulders, leading him back toward the bed. “Come on…you had a rough night last night. Just rest.” Guiding him back into bed, Shizuo covered Izaya with the thick comforter, and fluffed a pillow.

Izaya watched him through slit eyes, observing every movement and kind gesture. “Why are you doing this?” he rasped, as Shizuo went to close the shades completely. He pulled a thin blanket from the bed and hung it over the railing to add a second layer. It darkened the room considerably, and suddenly Izaya’s headache was a little more manageable.

“You’re taking care of me. It’s only right to take care of you,” Shizuo said simply as he turned around and smiled. “Besides, hangovers suck. But they suck a little bit less when you’ve got someone making sure you‘re okay.”

“What time did you get here?”

“I slept on the couch again. Seemed like the best thing to do.”

“Ah..”

Izaya groaned and rolled back into his side, burying his face into the pillow. The smell of food made his stomach churn, but it felt so empty and acidic. He knew he needed something or else he’d end up vomiting.

“I made you some fresh toast and eggs, and a banana. I also went to the store and got you a carton of orange juice. That’ll give you vitamins and keep you hydrated,” Shizuo explained as he picked up the tray and set it down on the bed in front of the ill informant.

“Mmm…so wise for someone who did so poorly in schooling.” Izaya reached for the toast, and took a small bite out of the corner, letting the warm buttery bread melt in his mouth before taking another bite. “Where’d you learn all this information about curing hangovers?”

“I went on your computer and googled it.”

“YOU _WHAT?_ ”

Izaya regretted screaming out, and clutched his head as the blood rush pounded in his ears and threatened to rupture his skill - or at least, that’s what it felt like. He grit his teeth and glared at Shizuo through narrow eyes. “Why did you go on my computer?”

Shizuo shrugged. “I didn’t know what else to do.” He frowned. “Listen, I’m not a snoop. I didn’t go digging through the files you have littering your desktop. I went online, googled what I wanted to know, and closed out. I didn’t touch anything else, okay?”

Sighing, Izaya decided to believe him. It really was uncharacteristic for Shizuo to go looking at his private files. That was something he himself would most likely pull. "Fine, fine…any aspirin?”

Shizuo shook his head. “It said that wouldn’t be smart, since it could thin your blood more or something. Best to just sleep it off and keep hydrated.” The bartender reached for the glass of orange juice and held it to Izaya’s lips. Swallowing back a small swell of nausea, Izaya sipped at the orange juice as Shizuo served it to him. He finished his toast and started to work on the banana.

“Hey flea.”

“Yeah?”

“What…well...what do you remember from last night?” Shizuo’s voice trembled slightly, although Izaya didn’t catch it. The ex-blond was curious, and terrified at the possibility Izaya might somehow remember what had happened. He felt his cheeks turning pink at the thought and focused on cutting up Izaya’s eggs.

The informant - despite how impeccable his memory was on a good day - couldn’t remember much. Most of the party was a blur, and any bits he did recall could have easily been a dream. They were so unrealistic it was frightening.

“Well…I remember drinking the eggnog. I left after a while cause I was starting to feel a little buzzed. I can handle beer, but anything else makes my head spin.”

Shizuo nodded in agreement, reaching over to help Izaya peel his banana although the raven was perfectly capable of doing it himself. “Anything else?”

“We danced. Not too shabby, by the way.”

Shizuo snorted with mild humor. “Yeah, you’re not too bad yourself.”

“Oh, and we made out.”

Shizuo flushed red immediately, nearly dropping the banana in his surprise. “U-uh…I..I guess you could say that.”

Izaya shrugged. “Yeah. I remember the mistletoe a bit. But that’s when things got hazy and I was really out of it. I think we kissed a bit more…you’re not too bad. Then things got dark, and I remember hitting my head. Did I fall?”

Shizuo stared at Izaya with wide eyes. The look on his face was that of pure horror. He swallowed and cleared his throat. “Uh..w-well…”

Izaya simply raised his brow in question, although it caused him to flinch. He took a bite out of his banana, waiting for Shizuo to respond. The action only made Shizuo flinch. “Well?”

“Uh…a-after the first kiss…we…we kissed a bit more and things were getting a bit too close. I panicked and pushed you back into a wall, and you hit your head,” Shizuo rambled, trying to get out enough information without going over board. His face was on fire as he tried to explain.

Izaya nodded, rubbing the back of his head where the bump was receding, but still bruised. “I figured…damn my head hurts…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh?”

Shizuo sighed. “I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just got…”

“Flustered?”

Shizuo nodded. Izaya made a small sound of understanding before eating the rest of his banana and pushing the cut up eggs with his fork. He wasn’t really that hungry, and wasn’t in the mood for eggs. But he knew he needed his protein. He grimaced as he stabbed a small bite and forced it down, sipping orange juice as he ate. It didn't make him gag as much if he washed it down. Shizuo sat on the edge of the bed and watched him, ready to help if Izaya needed it.

Suddenly, a familiar feeling caught his attention. The vague memory of fingers running through his hair and rubbing his scalp soothingly. Red-rimmed eyes locked on Shizuo, focusing in on how the man was watching him with concern as he ran his fingers through raven locks. The gesture made his chest tighten up. Izaya had a feeling he knew what had happened at the party. After all, everything in his “dreams” turned out to be real. And he definitely remembered the soft touch of those digits in his hair before he drifted to sleep. He also remembered the gentle, almost non-existent kiss Shizuo had left before he whispered words that he couldn’t make out.

He sighed, pushing away his plate. “I don’t have much of an appetite. I’m just going to sleep all day.”

A warm smile tugged at Shizuo’s lips. “Sounds fine by me. I’ll check up on you later,” he said as he picked up the dirty dishes and turned to leave.

Izaya watched him as he left, sighing as he laid back down in the comfort of his bed and closed his eyes.

Ahh, everything was so complicated now.


	67. Voicemail

When Izaya awoke, it was well into midday. His headache was gone for the most part, but his body ached. He sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and stretching. He took a sidelong glance at his phone, which Shizuo had left on the bedside table, and frowned. He didn’t even want to think about the calls and texts he would have piled up, but he couldn’t keep his humans waiting.

Izaya rolled over and grabbed his phone off the table, laying on his stomach as he buried his chin in the pillows. He flipped his cell open, wincing as the light shined brightly in his eyes, and saw that he had 23 messages. One came from Shinra, another came from Shiki, and the rest were all from Erika and Walker. He had two text messages - both from Celty. Deciding to deal with the texts first, he skimmed through them, yawning as they loaded.

**[Do I…seriously want to know what happened?]**

“…What in blazes does she mean?” he wondered as he selected the second message.

**[If Shinra is telling the truth...I hope that brushed your teeth after that.]**

Izaya scowled. Now things were starting to get odd. What could Celty possibly think he did at the party? This was about the party, wasn’t it?

He rolled onto his back, using the momentum to swing his feet over the side of the mattress and sat up. He dialed one and listened to each voicemail as he stretched again and loosened his muscles.

_“Hey Izaya. Did…you seriously just do that in my closet? My good lab coat was in there!”_

_“Iza-chan! You and Shizu-chan sure were at it for a long time! Whoa! H-hey, Kadota I’m not do-”_

_“Okay, I didn’t find any stains on it, so that’s good. But still, you guys have no decency for a man’s privacy, do you?!”_

_“Izaya, Erika again! Dota-chin thought he could take my phone, but he forgets I have two! Haha! So I gotta know, did you top or bottom?”_

_“What were you two doing in there?! There is a crack in my wall! The paint is chipping! This is going to cost a ton to replace!!”_

_“The fans wanna know! Was it Shizaya, or Izuo?! Ahhh, no no Dota-chin, don’t take my phone! This is impo-”_

They went on like this for five minutes. Back and forth between Erika and Walker’s questions that made no sense whatsoever, and Shinra’s complaints about property damage. The only one that was any different was Shiki’s call.

_“Orihara-san. The information you sent last week was very helpful. However, they are a slippery group, and we need more information to take them down. You can put the amount of payment on our tab. I assume you will be able to get the information done on time. I’m giving you two weeks. Don’t be late, Orihara….and have a Happy New Year. Don’t get drunk. You can’t work in that state.”_

Ahh, Shiki. Always so wise and has the best straight forward advice and commands to make all the other awkward calls just fade awa-

Izaya blinked when there was one more voice mail from Shiki that he had missed.

_“Orihara…I actually believe that you've been too uptight lately. When you’re stressed and focusing on other things, you tend to be late and have holes in your research. Go get laid and loosen up. When you've got your pants in a knot you don't do nearly as well. Still only have two weeks. So make it soon."_

The disheveled raven groaned and threw his phone onto the bed, rubbing his face in his hands. He felt grimy and covered in sweat. He definitely needed a shower. He pulled out new pajamas, not planning on going out anywhere after a long night, and decided that a bath would be best.

As he waited for the bath water to get warm, he stripped himself of his clothes. Once the bath ready, he immersed himself in the water, letting it come up to his ears as he immersed himself. Izaya breathed deeply, counting to five before exhaling. He clenched and unclenched his fists and tightened his muscles as he practiced progressive muscle relaxation. In no time, he felt completely at ease and comfortable. However, the lingering thought of those voicemails and texts stayed in his mind. No matter how much he wanted to rest after the long night, he was tormented by questions. What were Shinra, Erika, and Celty hinting at? Of all the things that he could have done, of course they had to be with the brute.

“Tch…”

He reached for the bubble bath, opening the cap and pouring double the amount needed to make the bath alive with pink suds. He buried himself in the froth, waving his hands gently in the water to swirl and swish them around. He sighed, resting his head back against the tiled tub and closed his eyes.

He would have to ask Shizu-chan about this. He would know what on earth they were talking about. Because as much as Izaya tried, he could not recall anything more. His head still ached and he was still worn out.

In the silence of his home, Izaya heard the front door being unlocked and light footsteps trailing inside. He opened his eyes and focused them on the bathroom door. The footsteps continued on, and soon the sound of a heavy thud echoed through the home. The distinct sound of heels walking on hardwood made Izaya groan. Of course, Namie wouldn’t take a day off work during the holidays if it meant getting paid over time.

“Izaya!”

He exhaled silently, submerging himself in the bath until only his nose, eyes, and top his head were poking out of the water. Namie called for him again, and he chuckled lightly at the annoyed sound she made when he refused to answer.

A second pair of footsteps, and a baritone voice that he instantly recognized. Izaya sat up a bit in the bath and leaned on the edge, resting his cheek on the arm that hung over the side.

He listened to Shizuo talk with Namie for a moment, and soon heard his heavy footfalls coming up the stairs. He walked past the bathroom - heading straight for the bedroom. Izaya slouched back into the bath and sucked in a deep breath as he dunked his head under the water. The sloshing in his ears muffled out any sound, but he was still aware of Shizuo coming up to the bathroom door and knocking.

“Izaya. You in there?”

He remained submerged, although he wasn’t sure why. Why was he hiding under the surface? Was he hoping Shizuo would leave? He did want to question the brute about what had happened. Yet…he was almost scared to learn.

A firm knock on the door, accompanied by Shizuo’s gruff voice. “Flea, answer me. Unless you drowned, you damn rat.”

Able to hold his breath a little longer, but not finding the desire to, he broke the surface and gulped in air. “Shizu-chan, can’t you see I’m trying to relax?”

“No, cause the door is closed.”

Izaya rolled his eyes. “So blunt. Anyways, why are you back so soon, neh? I would have thought you would be out and about today without me trailing behind like a guard dog.”

The door creaked as Shizuo leaned against it, sighing. “You’re hardly a guard dog. Besides, I said I would check up. I’ve been coming back every two hours to make sure you didn’t get a fever or anything.”

Izaya could hear Shizuo grab the handle, finding it unlocked. Izaya sunk farther into the nearly overflowing bubble bath and hissed as Shizuo stepped into the bathroom. “I never said you could just walk in!”

Shizuo closed the door behind him and sighed. “Well it was too weird out there. That woman -”

“Namie.”

“Yeah…I just feel like she’s watching me.”

Izaya laughed. “Ahh, she’s quite a stalker. But tell me, shouldn’t you be used to feeling like eyes are on your back? After all, you always had me watching your every move.”

“I got used to yours. Hers feels almost obsessed.”

“Oh?” Izaya asked, shifting so he was positive that he was fully covered in suds. “And what did my gaze feel like?”

“Like someone blew cold air on my neck.”

“Is that a turn on for you, Shizu-chan?”

“Fuck off flea,” Shizuo grumbled as he sat on the toilet and leaned back. Izaya couldn’t tell if the light flush on the brute’s cheeks was from his correct guess, or from coming into the warm bathroom after being out in the cold.

Izaya sat up and leaned against the cold tile, shivering as it bit at his skin. “Sticking with the topic of fucking, I have some questions for you.”

“Hah?”

Izaya waved his hands in the water, swirling the bubbles around as he spoke. “I woke up with many missed calls and text messages. All hinted toward something that we must have done at the party. And I’m oh so curious to find out.”

Shizuo sputtered, crossing his arms and curling up a bit. Izaya glanced up and sighed, reaching for the shampoo to pour into his hand as he continued to bathe himself regardless of Shizuo’s presence.

“Nothing happened, louse.”

“According to Shinra, a lot happened. In fact, we made a hole in his wall while we were in the middle of whatever we were doing.” Shizuo’s face flushed noticeably, and Izaya grinned. “That look on your face is telling me that more happened.”

“Nothing happened! Okay? Just ignore what they said,” Shizuo barked, fists clenched as the tips of his ears reddened.

“Fine then. 20 questions.”

“What?”

Izaya scrubbed his hair and sighed, closing his eyes. Part of him longed to feel Shizuo’s fingers in his hair again. He forced that emotion down. “I ask, and you answer with yes or no. Simple as that. No more, no less.” He smirked, “Sound like a deal?”

Shizuo sighed and rubbed his face with his palms. “I’m not going to get you to drop this, will I?”

“Nope. I’m sober and curious.”

“Damn.”

After another five minutes of silence, save for the sloshing sounds of Izaya shampooing and dunking his head under the water to rinse his hair, Shizuo spoke up. “…What’s the first question?”

A satisfied grin grew on Izaya’s face. He stretched and leaned back into the water that was starting to get colder. He shivered a bit, and crossed his arms behind his head.

“Alright. Lets start off simple. Did we kiss?”

“…Y-yeah.”

The blush on Shizuo’s face and the slight pause in his voice was just too cute. So out of character. Or perhaps…it was just in character for a gentle giant like him?

“Who initiated it?”

Shizuo thought for a moment. “I guess the alcohol? You just got all clingy. But I…I guess I was the one who kissed you first.”

Izaya hummed in approval, and then grinned. “Was I good?”

“Izaya!"

“Answer the question.”

“That has nothing to do with what happened,” Shizuo growled, glaring at the sopping wet raven.

“Sure it does. It boosts my ego. Now answer.”

Shizuo sighed and looked away. “Yeah, I guess.”

Izaya leaned over the edge of the tub, resting his chin on his arms as he stared up at Shizuo, who was having a hard time keeping his eyes off Izaya. “You say that like you don’t know what to compare to.”

“Tch…it’s not like I haven’t kissed anyone before. It’s just been a while.”

“Fine, fine. Question four: Did we go farther than innocent kissing?”

“…Define innocent.”

Izaya snickered. “Oh, so it wasn’t just a little lip lock? Was there tongue involved?”

Shizuo coughed and cleared his throat, nodding curtly.

“Interesting. Question fi-”

“Six.”

“Neh?”

Shizuo glared at him hard, tapping his foot impatiently. “You asked if it was farther than innocent, and if there was tongue. That’s two.”

“Alright, alright, calm down. Question six: Did we go all the way?”

The distraught look on Shizuo’s flustered face, and the way his breath hitched and his voice choked made Izaya burst out into laughter. Tears brimmed his eyes as he watched Shizuo shaking his head furiously.

“N-no! We did not go all the way! No way! Never!”

“Well we passed first base. Second base?”

“U-uh…w-well. I..I guess? Maybe?”

“Maybe?”

Shizuo flushed and slouched in his seat, pressing his chin to his chest as he tried to shrink away with embarrassment. “You…”

“I?” Izaya perked up a bit, interested in what he had exactly done.

“You…you kinda started…”

Izaya growled with annoyance. “Spit it out already! I’m growing impatient!”

“Yeah, well you were pretty impatient last night too!”

“Oh really?” Izaya mocked, sighing. “I wonder why? Maybe because it takes you five god damn light years to spit out a coherent sentence! Or is your brain too small to form a grammatically correct stateme-”

“YOU WERE FUCKING GRINDING YOURSELF AGAINST ME AND IT FELT GOOD, OKAY?”

Izaya blinked and stared wide eyed at Shizuo, who just blurted out loudly. The ex-blond’s stormy eyes widened, the pupils dilating massively as he stared at Izaya with his mouth parted open. Neither said a word as the truth of the situation fell around them. It felt like forever until Izaya blinked himself out of his haze and laughed quietly under his breath with disbelief. So…the hazy dreams weren’t just his imagination.

“So…why did Celty hint at something more….oral?”

Shizuo swallowed thickly. “Ahh…w-well, once we were in the closet, you. Uh, well. You pinned me down sorta and started to…"

Izaya shivered, from the cold and from the intensity of Shizuo’s gaze as those warm eyes finally fixated on him and traveled down his shoulder and along his arched spine. “…Started to…what?”

“…Try to suck me off…” Shizuo whispered, hardly able to make his dry mouth work. His tongue felt like rubber, and his throat was shut too tight to breathe.

“A…ahh..Yeah, that’s probably what Celty meant.”

“But I didn’t let you. I mean…you managed to-”

“What did my mouth _actually_ touch?” Izaya forced out, staring at Shizuo with hard eyes.

The ex-blond’s mouth tightened into a thin line and he sighed. “Ah…just the t-tip…although you pretty much got the whole thing through my pants.”

Izaya’s brow heightened slightly and he smirked. “Bet I’m the first to do that.”

Shizuo groaned and ran his hand through his hair. “Good God…you just have to make an awkward conversation even more awkward.”

Izaya grinned. “Of course!” But he frowned soon after and slid back into the water. He hissed as the cold water covered his torso, causing him to shiver. He closed his eyes and ducked down, letting the water cool away the blush that was rising on his cheeks. He could feel Shizuo’s eyes examining him; not his suds covered body, but rather his flushed face. He felt completely naked - no pun intended. He simply felt like Shizuo was able to see through the mask he was trying so desperately to build back up. He couldn’t allow Shizuo to see that he was actually caught off guard, that the information he just received had startled him. He had to hide the fact that he wasn’t actually completely disgusted by the concept of making it to “home base” with Shizuo; that the idea was intriguing and…almost a challenge for the informant.

Shizuo could never know how much Izaya wanted to see how far he could take it.

If only he knew that Shizuo was thinking the same thing.


	68. Phase Two

“Alright. Step two in curing your cravings.”

Shizuo jerked back in surprise when Izaya slammed brand new packages of gum onto the table counter between them. He raised his brow and looked at the informant, who was standing proudly with his arms crossed. “And how is gum going to help me?”

Izaya pushed it toward Shizuo, urging him to look at them. “I have multiple brands and flavors for you to choose from. Whichever you like best, keep in your breast pocket where you would normally keep a pack of cancer sticks. When you get the urge, go through the motions of reaching in to grab a cigarette, and instead grab the gum. Chew on that and voila! A new oral fixation that also goes through the movements of satisfying your body’s urge to smoke.” He smirked, teeth flashing in the fluorescent light. “Brilliant, no? Well it shouldn’t be. It’s common psychological knowledge.”

“Seems pretty smart to me,” Shizuo said as he read the packages. Mint, strawberry that turns to mango, cinnamon, and the classic bubblegum. There was a separate package that was different from the rest. Mint flavor as well, but the brand was one Shizuo had never heard before.

“What’s this one?”

“Ahh. Nicorette.”

“What’s that?”

“Special gum. I won’t chew it.”

Shizuo opened the package to look at the small squares that were lined inside. “Why? What’s different about it?”

Izaya leaned forward and pulled out a piece, holding it in front of Shizuo. “These little pearly white beauties have nicotine in them. Aka, the thing in cigarette’s that get you hooked. It’s not the tobacco that makes you want to smoke. It’s the chemical in this piece of gum that makes you want more.”

“So if I chew that, it’s like smoking but without the smoke.”

“More or less.”

Shizuo huffed, ripping open a package of the berry flavored gum. “Wouldn’t that be back tracking? I haven’t wanted to smoke for a while.”

Izaya grabbed Shizuo’s wrist and held up his hand so his slightly twitching fingers couldn’t hide. “You might not want to, but your body does. The Nicolette gum would be like letting yourself get the hit without damaging your lungs. Then you could wean off that until you don’t need it anymore. But that‘s your decision.”

Shizuo pulled his hand away, and popped the slice of berry gum into his mouth.

Izaya chuckled with amusement. “I thought you’d want to try cutting it cold turkey.”

“Cutting what? What type of saying is that?”

The informant shrugged and walked around the counter to pull up a chair next to Shizuo. “It’s just what they say. So, I’m guessing you like the berry flavors best?” Shizuo nodded. Izaya reached over and grabbed the mint package and ripped it with his teeth. “I prefer this.” He sighed, leaning back on the marble countertop as he blew a bubble. He popped it with his teeth, smirking when Shizuo gave him an irritated glance. “Third step.”

“There’s mo--FLEA WHAT THE HELL?”

Izaya had reached into his pocket and whipped out one of the infamous white sticks and placed it into his mouth. Shizuo reeled back, slamming his fist on the counter as Izaya flicked a lighter and lit the end. The raven haired man took a quick drag, struggling not to cough as the bitter smoke filled his lungs. He screwed his eyes shut for a moment.

Shizuo growled and reached forward, grabbing the cigarette from Izaya’s mouth and crushing it in his hand - ignoring the burn of the embers scorching his skin. He threw it to the ground and smashed it under his shoe, grinding it into the hardwood. He whipped around and grabbed Izaya by the shirt and slammed him into the counter top, pushing him back until he was lying on the marble; legs dangling off the side and back arched awkwardly. Shizuo hovered over Izaya, keeping him held down as he held back the urge to punch him in the mouth in an attempt to knock out the soft scent that lingered on each calm breath. “What. The. HELL?”

Izaya smiled. “Just seeing your reaction. I must say, much more quick and violent than I expected. You didn’t hesitate to get rid of the source. Very impressive.”

“Don’t you dare do that, okay? I don’t want to be around that shit if it’s gonna kill me,” Shizuo growled, pressing onto Izaya’s chest harder. The informant wheezed a bit, still trying to get his lungs to work after the small hit of tobacco. He swallowed and narrowed his eyes, smirking. 

“Technically this is my house, I can do whatever I wa-”

Shizuo lifted him and slammed him into the counter again, causing Izaya to smack his head and wince. “Don’t. Fucking. Do it.”

“You have my word.” 

Shizuo couldn't tell if the smile on Izaya’s face indicated that he was sincere, or if he was just telling another white lie. He let go of Izaya roughly and grabbed the gum, shoving them into his pockets. He slipped the berry flavor into his breast pocket like Izaya had mentioned, and headed for the door.

Izaya sat up on the counter, glaring with disdain at Shizuo until he realized the bartender was slipping on his winter jacket to leave. He hopped off, pulling his own jacket around him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

The ex-blond glanced over his shoulder before stepping ou. “Why do you wanna know?”

“Well, because I’m an informant, so it’s my job to know. Plus I’m curious.”

“You’re always curious.”

“One of my flaws.”

Shizuo sighed and stopped, turning as Izaya stepped out and closed the door behind him, locking it tight. “Look louse, I’m just going to re-dye my hair. It’s starting to fade.”

Izaya blinked and stared up at those muddy brown locks that he was growing to dislike. “You should bleach it.”

“Tch, why should I listen to you?” Shizuo growled as he turned toward the stairwell. Ever since the elevator crash - if it could be called that - he has been taking the stairs. 

“Because I have better fashion sense. You look better with blond hair,” Izaya retorted as he followed after him, skipping in time with Shizuo’s long strides. The ex-blond huffed as Izaya caught up with him, skipping steps to stay ahead of him by a meter. “Besides, blond’s are more attractive and interesting.”

“Tch, sure it’s not just some preference Psyche loves?”

Izaya grinned. “Perhaps. But can’t we share the same tastes?” 

Shizuo simply shook his head and watched as Izaya bounded down the last steps and landed lightly on his feet. “Why are you trying to give me advice?”

Izaya spun on his heels and leaned against the exit, pushing to door open as he hummed with thought. “Consider it friendly. No catch or reason. Just the desire to…lead a friend in the right direction, that’s all,” he purred as he held the door open for Shizuo.

Shizuo grunted and shook his head as he passed, grabbing Izaya by the collar to drag him down the hall; although his grip wasn’t tight, and his speed wasn’t fast. Izaya could easily keep up. 

“Since when were we friends? And wouldn’t bleaching my hair make me more recognizable?”

“It might work in my favor having you so easily seen, Shizu-chan. After the party, and with the word that will spread. This might come in handy.”

Shizuo raised his brow. “What will spread?”

With a chuckle, Izaya tugged himself from Shizuo’s loose grip and walked beside him. “Erika is going to be leaking the word that you and I got frisky in the closet. Many will assume things have grown heated. Might as well put on a show.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?” Shizuo asked, a strange look of concern on his face. “I mean…you have a reputation to hate me. Wouldn’t business stop if you were associated with me?”

The informant shrugged and sighed. “I have no idea. But I’m taking the risk. Maybe I’ll get lucky, and having you around will deter the wrong kind of customers.”

“Then…” Shizuo paused for a moment as he held open the front doors for Izaya to slip out into the cold. Although the sun peeked out through the dense snow clouds, the heat couldn’t reach the ground. The snow crunched beneath their feet as Shizuo walked up besides an already shivering Izaya. “…then I’ll bleach my hair again.”

Izaya smiled, instantly causing Shizuo‘s heart to flutter, but he couldn‘t decide if it was the deviously sexy demeanor Izaya showed off…or if it was the innocent cheer that shone from within. It was just like how he’d always imagined Psyche to smile. 

“Smart move,” Izaya purred. 

The informant's smooth as silk voice shook Shizuo from his thoughts and made him realize that it wasn‘t the joyful touch to the grin he loved; it was definitely the sly and sexy side he craved.

They walked side by side, huddling close as the early January wind whipped around them. Shizuo pulled up his hood and ducked his head as Izaya brushed his arms against him. Although their hoods were up, Izaya could feel the linger of eyes on their backs. Surrounded by humans, many recognized the infamous jacket and remembered Shizuo’s face despite his odd hair color. They knew who they were. And they watched to see if the viral news was true. That the fortissimo and the info broker were on friendly terms.

It made Izaya’s stomach flip with worry, and built his confidence with each step. Shizuo coughed, the bitter air burning his lungs. It broke Izaya from his train of thought, and made him instantly reach into his pocket. He pulled out a clean handkerchief, handing it to the coughing brunet.

“Here, cover you mouth and breathe through that. It’ll block the air a bit and might help.” Izaya whispered. 

“Thanks…” Shizuo rasped as he covered his mouth and took steady breaths.

“…Anytime.”


	69. Blond

“You’ve never been to this salon before, have you?”

“Tch, like I could pay the admission fee.”

“Shizu-chan, you’re so silly. There is no admission fee.”

Shizuo was currently sitting in the salon chair at a high-end barber shop in the city of Shinjuku. He and Izaya decided that walking to Ikebukuro in the cold weather wasn’t the smartest thing to do, so Izaya had showed him the salon that he went to for hair cuts. It was…expensive, to say the least. The type of shop where you would imagine ladies of high class getting perms and mani-pedi’s, while their husbands are shaved by a skilled barber. Not exactly the type of place you’d find Shizuo Heiwajima walking into. But Izaya insisted, and agreed to pay for the dye-job, and although the brunet said that a one-time appointment wouldn’t bruise his wallet, Shizuo felt guilty.

“Izaya, this place is too expensive.”

“It’s only expensive if you want to do all the extra stuff. We’re not here for a facial or anything, so just calm down. It’s just a cut and dye. Well…bleach, right?”

Shizuo sighed. “Yeah yeah, I’ll go blond again.”

“Yay!” Izaya cheered, spinning in the barber chair next to Shizuo. Shizuo chuckled and shook his head, watching as Izaya spun happily.

The entire appointment didn’t seem to last long. Shizuo sat quietly in his chair while the barber bleached his hair and chatted along with Izaya. It seemed that the two knew each other well - although she called him Nakura. It bugged Shizuo to hear her flirting, calling him “Mr. Nakura” and batting her lashes at him. It pissed him off to see Izaya flirting back. Damn that smirk on his face and that silky tone in his voice. Shizuo tapped his foot in annoyance and kept himself calm during the process until she left to leave his hair to set in.

“You look like a grandma with all those aluminum rolls in your hair,” Izaya snickered, poking at Shizuo’s hair playfully. All he earned was a grunt of annoyance, and frowned. “Shizu-chan, your face looks stiff. Did she inject botox when I wasn’t looking?” Izaya drawled, leaning over the back of his chair to rest his chin on the seat.

“They do botox here?”

Izaya snorted. “Of course not. Either way, you’ve had a scowl on your face the entire time. Which is starting to become slightly uncharacteristic of you.”

Shizuo huffed and crossed his arms, leaning back into the chair. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.” Izaya sighed. “Why wouldn’t it?”

Shizuo watched Izaya carefully, staring at the reflection in the large mirror rather than at him directly. The expression on his face was a mask like usual. But his eyes reflected something different…something warmer than his usually cold demeanor. He found it hard to not spill his guts on his feelings to someone whose eyes genuinely held concern. Luckily for him, the barber came back and started to unwrap his hair to reveal the pristine golden color that he was used to seeing. It felt good to be back to “normal”. He even noticed Izaya’s lips turn upwards a bit at the change.

“Much better, Shizu-chan.”

From that moment on, Izaya seemed to ignore the barber as she trimmed and styled Shizuo’s hair. His garnet eyes just watched Shizuo through the reflection. It made the blond’s heart swell a bit, and all he wanted was to turn to the barber and say, “button up your blouse and step off.” He immediately flushed at the thought and blinked in an attempt to shoo it out of his mind. Izaya’s eyes widened a bit with curiosity, and he raised a questioning eyebrow. Shizuo glanced away and slightly shook his head in response. Izaya shrugged at their silent conversation, and turned away to get up and move his legs.

Izaya left to pay for the appointment as the barber was finishing up. He slid the bills toward the cashier and asked for her not to mention the price. It really was a racket here, and he didn’t want Shizuo harping at him later on.

“How much?” Shizuo asked.

“Discounted,” Izaya quickly said as he turned to face the blond behind him. He grinned and grabbed Shizuo’s jacket from the coat rack. “Ahh, now this is the Shizu-chan I’m used to seeing. Lets go, shall we?”

Now they were on their way home, facing the brutal winter weather. Shizuo shivered as his still slightly damp, and now glistening blond, hair clung to his face. His arms were pulled around him tightly, and his teeth chattered loudly. He hated the fact that the cold was so brutal to him, now that his immune system was that of a straw house in the fall. He felt like the wind could topple him over at any second, and that his body would break into cold sweats from some sort of virus.

Izaya, on the other hand, wasn’t as worried about the snow. Yes, he was shivering almost as much as the brute. However, he wasn’t worried about catching a cold. His body could handle a bit of icy wind and cold air. He was more concerned about the blond beside him. He didn’t look as good as he used to. Izaya remembered the way they would chase each other through the streets, leaping over patches of ice and throwing snowballs. Okay, so only Izaya was throwing the snowballs. Either way, the brute hardly even shuddered. Now he looked like a leaf clinging onto a dead tree branch during hurricane season. Shizuo coughed again, covering his mouth with his hand as his body shook.

“You okay?”

Shizuo shook his head in reply, clearing his throat as another tickle threatened to bubble up to the surface. “Maybe going out today wasn’t a smart move,” he rasped, chuckling a bit as they stopped at an intersection.

“Mmm…perhaps not. However, what was with that moment in the shop? You suddenly got all flushed.”

“I’ll talk about it later…let’s just get home.”

Izaya looked around, seeing that more people were stopping to watch them, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape as they whispered to each other about the sight before them. _"Yes, yes. Keep talking and keep spreading the word. The monster and the parasite have finally teamed up,"_ Izaya thought to himself bitterly with a sigh. In all his years of knowing Shizuo, this truly is the most interesting outcome.

“S-shit…Flea.”

Izaya looked over at Shizuo, whose face was gleaming in cold sweat and goose bumps. His normally warm eyes were cold and his mouth quivered. Izaya noticed the small fleck of red on the blond’s slightly blue lips, and felt his stomach drop. He quickly reached over and took Shizuo’s hand to examine the handkerchief in his hands.

Smeared along the white fabric was small splatters of blood. Izaya closed his hand around Shizuo’s, ignoring the unsanitary fact that he was holding Shizuo’s hand through the bloody fabric. He dragged the blond through an alleyway, using his knowledge of the city to lead them.

“Izaya-”

“Don’t talk.”

Shizuo nodded quietly, covering his mouth with his free hand as he coughed a bit more. The burn in his throat made tears prick in his eyes. It hurt to breathe in, and he winced when his chest constricted.

Izaya could feel the coughs rattling Shizuo’s bones when the blond’s hand tightened around his own. He pulled him faster, urging him to jog to keep up. They had to get inside as fast as they could, and if his memory map was correct…

Izaya led them out of the alley, and was pleased to see that Izaya’s apartment complex was just across the street. “Alright, almost home,” he panted, the icy air burning his lungs as well. 


	70. Terms of Endearment

They rushed across the street and hurried inside, shivering when the gust of warm air hit them. Immediately their chilled bones started to thaw, but the dry heat of the air didn't help with Shizuo's breathing. The dust that hovered in the air started a second coughing fit that had him buckling over to try and breathe. 

Izaya pulled Shizuo across the lobby, moving at a pace that Shizuo could keep up with. Instinctively, he headed for the stairwell, but paused. He glanced at Shizuo and knew that the blond wouldn't be able to handle the stairs right now. Behind him, the whoosh of elevator doors opened.

Izaya whirled around and saw two businessmen walking out, leaving an empty elevator in their wake. Without giving himself a change to second-guess himself, he dragged Shizuo into the elevator. He didn't allow himself the time to think about how he was still apprehensive to step inside one. He didn't think about the way the machine creaked as it started its ascent. He only focused on the warmth that slowly built up in their intertwined hands. He found the comfort and security in Shizuo's tight hold.

As soon as the elevator opened, the duo hurried to Izaya’s door and struggled to open it. Izaya momentarily thought that they could resemble two horny teenagers trying to get inside just to get out of their clothes. He snorted with amusement, and slipped inside once Shizuo got the door open.

“H-hey, where are you taking me?”

“Bathroom.”

“Why?”

Izaya tugged Shizuo into the small half-bath, and closed the door. He forced Shizuo to sit on the toilet and turned on the shower to the highest and hottest setting. He left the shower curtain open, allowing the slowly building steam to leak into the bathroom.

“Louse, you shouldn‘t be running the water like that! You‘ll just run up the bill…” Shizuo rasped, watching as Izaya frantically stripped down the bathroom in search of medicines. 

“I don‘t care about the bill.”

“Then let me pay for the utili-”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“Flea…you’ve been paying a lot for me.”

Izaya whipped his head back at Shizuo and narrowed his eyes, gritting his teeth. “Does it look like I care?”

Shizuo paused for a moment, watching Izaya as he turned back to dig in the medicine cabinet for cough medicine. From the way he looked so nervous outside and how eager he was to find cough syrup, Shizuo could guess that Izaya was genuinely worried for his well being. He coughed again, covering his mouth with the handkerchief. “Yeah, it looks like you care.”

Izaya grabbed the dark red bottle from the cabinet, Izaya sat on the ground in front of Shizuo and unscrewed the cap. He wrinkled his nose as the sickly sweet tang of the cough syrup invaded his nose. He poured the thick liquid into the cap, eyeing it carefully as he measured out the right dose.

“Don’t confuse caring with idle concern…” Izaya grumbled, refusing to look up at the blond sitting in front of him. Although he could tell that the brute had already read through his wavering mask. He was concerned. He did care more than he should. He wanted Shizuo to feel better… “Here,” Izaya sighed, handing the cap to Shizuo. “Drink this and sit in here for a while. The steam will be easier on your lungs than dry air. When your chest doesn’t hurt, come out.”

“Come out? Where are you going?” Shizuo choked after he forced the bitter syrup down. At least it was better than pills.

Izaya stood up and took the cap from Shizuo and put the bottle back into the cabinet over the sink. Without an answer, he slid out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Shizuo growled in annoyance and leaned back, closing his eyes as his head rested against the back wall. He could hear Izaya rummaging around in his kitchen, and assumed that the flea was making something to eat. His stomach grumbled a bit, and he daydreamed about delicious, yet over-expensive, foods as he sat in the steam.

After almost an hour of sitting alone in the bathroom, Shizuo’s coughing spells had died away, and his raspy throat had healed a bit. He turned off the shower, nearly burning his hand as the boiling water splashed on his skin, and left the bathroom. The cold of the hallway made him shiver instantly, but he felt that he could breathe easier than in the steamed bathroom. His body felt sticky and hot, and goose bumps crawled up his skin as he made his way into the hall. Delectable scents swirled around him as he turned the corner to see Izaya in front of the stove, stirring the contents of a large pot with a wooden spoon.

“Feeling better?” Izaya asked, not looking up from the stew as he reached above the stove to grab some spices from the cabinet.

“Yeah, much better. The steam helped clear my head too,” Shizuo croaked as he walked up next to Izaya to look inside the pot. “What smells so good?”

“Beef stew.” Izaya picked up a bowl of pre-chopped onions and peppers and poured them into the pot, stirring as they piled up on the surface. “I hope you like hearty food.”

“Yeah, I love stew.” Shizuo smiled. “Need any help?”

The brunet shook his head. “No, it’s fine. It’ll be ready once the vegetables simmer down. You just go sit at the table like a good boy.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes and walked past Izaya, dragging his hand against the brunet’s scalp and messing up his neat hair as he passed. Izaya hissed and batted Shizuo’s hand away, glaring at him as he tried to pat it back down. Shizuo laughed, albeit ragged, and sat down at the table. He watched contentedly as Izaya flitted around the kitchen, stirring the stew occasionally as he pulled out bowls and silverware. 

“You know…” Shizuo started. Izaya glanced back, causing the brute to grin. Shizuo crossed his arms with amusement. "All you need is an apron and you’d look like a housewife.”

Izaya scowled before a grin tugged at his lips. “Are you suggesting you want to see me in an apron?”

The blond shrugged. “That’d be a sight to see.”

Izaya simply shook his head and proceeded to ladle in the hearty stew into a large bowl. “Ahh, I was thinking. Since the weather is getting too damned cold for you lungs to handle, I think it’d be best if I came to visit you. The less time you spend outdoors, the faster you’ll get better.”

Shizuo was surprised at the offer. He was still amazed at how willing Izaya was to go out of his way to help Shizuo. “Thanks…that means a lot.”

Izaya didn’t respond, but simply carried the steaming bowl to the table and placed it in front of Shizuo, handing him a spoon. “It’s hot. So don’t burn your tongue or anything. We don’t want you hurting your throat any more than it is now.”

“How sweet, Iza-chan is worried about my health.”

Izaya whipped around, gritting his teeth as he clenched his fist with annoyance. “What did you just call me?”

“Iza-chan.” Shizuo grinned, scooping up a spoonful of the stew and blowing on it.

“Don’t call me that,” Izaya huffed, pouring himself a small bowl of soup. He heard Shizuo laugh and sighed, glaring at the blond out of the corner of his eyes.

“Why? Isn’t is the same thing as you calling me Shizu-chan?”

“Completely different!” Izaya argued, bringing his bowl to the table and setting it down before he went to get drinks.

“Really? What makes "Shizu-chan" and "Iza-chan" so different?”

“You’re saying it out of spite and to piss me off. I say it as a term of en-” Izaya paused, biting back his words. “Term of indifference.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Shizuo grumbled. 

“Just eat your soup,” Izaya mumbled as he opened the fridge and reached inside, using the door as a shield to hide his red face as he ducked down. He pulled out a can of iced tea and a bottle of strawberry milk. He closed the door with his hip and walked to the table, sitting down and sliding the milk toward Shizuo. 

Shizuo blinked with confusion as he opened the cap. “Strawberry milk? Why do you have this? You hate sweet stuff.”

Izaya blew on his food as he stirred. “You were running out. Besides, you’re here often, so I might as well stock up.”

“Oh…” Shizuo paused to watch Izaya eat, smiling as he sipped the refreshing beverage. When Izaya looked back up, Shizuo was wiping away the pink mustache. The blond smiled at him, setting his bottle down, “Thanks.”

Red eyes focuses on the bowl of soup, and Izaya swallowed back the strange swirling in his stomach. He suddenly wasn’t all that hungry. He forced a spoonful down, mumbling a “you’re welcome” as he did so. After a few more forced mouthfuls, he sighed and pushed his bowl away, sipping at his ice tea. “So Shizu-chan, what happened back at the barber shop, hmm?”

Shizuo choked a bit on his soup, and guzzled the milk down to the last drop as he tried to come up with some sort of excuse.

“Ahh…” He licked his lips, setting the glass on the table as he went to scoop another mouthful of the delicious stew Izaya had made…but found that his bowl was empty. Damn… “I was just thinking of things.”

“What sort of things?”

Shizuo sighed, knowing that he couldn’t get Izaya off the subject. “It’s stupid.”

“Most things you say are stupid, but that never stopped me from being interested, now has it?”

“Flea…”

Izaya stood up, collecting his dishes and Shizuo’s. “Shizu-chan, whatever you were pondering back then isn’t going to be the worst thing I’ve heard. Many of my clients have slipped up on evil thoughts that I’m sure would sicken you. So I’m sure your pure little amoeba of a mind isn’t thinking of horrible things.” Too tired to deal with cleaning the dishes, he simply placed them in the sink before heading back to the table with a yawn.

“Well…I guess,” Shizuo grumbled, knowing that Izaya was right, no matter how rudely he put it. 

Izaya slumped back into his chair, resting his head in his palm. “So? What was on your mind that made you ripen up like a tomato?”

Shizuo felt his cheeks flushing again as he played he drew invisible shapes in the wood grain of the table. “The woman working on my hair was just pissing me off.”

“Pissing you off? Isn’t that my job?” Izaya chuckled. 

Shizuo shrugged, sighing. “Yeah. But it was just bugging me how she was…”

“How she was what?”

Shizuo slammed his hands on the table with a frustrated sigh. “God dammit, didn’t you notice the way she was ogling at you? She freaking unbuttoned her blouse for fucks sake!”

Izaya blinked and grinned, laughing lightheartedly. “Oh Shizu-chan, are you doubting my observation skills?” He stretched lazily, leaning on his chair with his head lolled to the side. “I was perfectly aware that she wanted me to be the tip.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything to stop her?” Shizuo growled, clenching his fist.

Izaya smirked and closed his eyes until they were half lidded. “Why would I have to?”

“Tch…” Shizuo grunted and stood up reaching into his breast pocket to grab a piece of gum. “Just cause.”

“Oooh, so precise. Really now, that’s no good reason to make someone not look at me.” Izaya laughed, holding his sides lightly. 

Shizuo took a deep breath to calm himself as he angrily chewed at the gum that was a bit too sweet for his tastes right now. “It’s cause you’re not a god damn piece of meat. You shouldn’t be comfortable with people eyeing you like that.”

Izaya blinked, scanning his eyes over Shizuo’s expression and his body language. “Why is this such a big deal for you, Shizu-chan?”

“Cause I’m the only fucking person who doesn’t think of you as eye-candy or as a potential one night stand. Unlike all those others out there, I actually care more about than how you look.” Shizuo felt his cheeks and ears on fire, and stared hard at the floor, sighing. “I’m the only one who deserves it, okay? So just don’t fucking let people get like that.”

A jolt shot through Izaya’s spine, causing him to stiffen in his seat. His heart skipped a beat faster, and his eyes widened ever so slightly. He felt his cheeks dusting pink as he stared longer at the blond who had pretty much said “I care for you. And I’m jealous of everyone else because I can’t stare at you.” Or something along those lines. Izaya couldn’t really focus too much on that at the moment, with all the thoughts rushing through his mind. 

He took a long and deep breath, getting to his feet as he walked toward the blond. He didn’t know why he was moving forward. 

Or why he was brushing so close to the blond as he walked pass. 

He didn’t understand why he hooked his finger on the bartender’s shirt and pulled him closer, so their nose barely brushed and their breath mingled together for a moment as the blond inhaled quickly. 

He questioned why he whispered, “Don’t worry Shizu-chan, you’re the only one I want staring at me anyways,” in the same sultry voice he normally saved for desperate measures.

Was it for the reaction Shizuo gave when his honey eyes dilated and he licked his lips slightly, cheeks flushed and body stiff as he watched Izaya walk out of the kitchen and toward his desk? That’s what Izaya told himself. He didn’t want to admit to himself, let alone to the blond, that he was in fact enjoying being this close, that was hoping Shizuo would take the hint and make a move, and that he desperately needed the familiar feeling that hauntingly lingered on his lips.


	71. Start a Fire

Shizuo sat at his kitchen table with a scowl on his face. The day had started off pretty shitty. 

To start, he had a terrible case of insomnia the previous night and had a rough time falling asleep. Once he did, he was plagued with confusing dreams that gave him a headache. He was out of coffee, and his heater wasn’t working. Then Izaya had to come barging in, bitching and whining about how Namie was harping at him because he was getting behind on his work. For an hour, he ranted and raved about how he only had another three days to catch a lead on his assignment, and that he hadn’t had such a difficult “case”, as he called it, in years. 

Now Izaya was grumbling and huffing on the couch as he struggled to find any leads with the slow internet connection and lack of technology, and Shizuo was huddled under a blanket, staring at a mostly blank crossword puzzle which he knew none of the answers to. At least he wasn’t coughing up blood anymore. That was one gem in this pile of shit he was dealing with today.

Shizuo clenched his fist, snapping his pen in half and spurting ink all over the newspaper. He cursed in frustration and rushed to wash his hands in the sink, glaring over at Izaya who had growled in irritation at the same moment.

“God dammit, Flea. Quit your complaining! You’ve been doing this for who knows how long. Can’t you just do it quietly?!”

“Like you could possibly understand how much work goes into this. My life is on the line. If I don’t get the information I need, or even worse, the wrong information, they’ll have my head. And I like my head on my shoulders,” Izaya hissed, narrowing his eyes at Shizuo as he spat with a venomous tone. 

“It’s the same as all your other jobs!”

“This is nothing like my other jobs!”

The two strong forces of nature stared each other down furiously. Izaya broke the connection that was sparking between them first, as he turned back to his solitary laptop and slammed his hands against it. “LOAD. FASTER.”

“SHUT UP!”

“FUCK YOU, SHIZUO.”

Shizuo sighed, coughing as he dried his hands with a towel. His chest hurt and his throat was already aching a bit from raising his voice to simply keep up with the brunet’s rising stress. All this fighting with Izaya was taking a toll on him. How he managed to survive all those years he could never understand. He had grown so used to Izaya keeping calm and being generally pleasant. He had forgotten how nasty the informant could be. Shizuo leaned against the counter and rested his head against the cupboard. He let his tired eyes fall closed and took soothing breaths to calm down his nerves.

Arguing and yelling wasn’t going to help. It didn’t take a moron to figure that out. Biting back the urge to rip off the flea’s head, he walked over to the fuming brunet and grabbed the laptop.

“Oi! Give that back!” Izaya instantly barked, struggling jump up out of the couch that was swallowing him whole.

“No. You need a break,” Shizuo grunted as he closed the laptop and set it on the side table. 

“I don’t have time to take a break! You don’t seem to understand how impor-”

“I know that this is important. That there is a lot at stake for you. But us screaming at each other and being pissed off won’t make anything better. You’re just going to angrily scan pages and not read. You won’t find anything with this attitude,” Shizuo argued as he pushed Izaya back into the couch. “Take a half hour break. Cool down. Then go back at it.”

Izaya groaned bitterly and leaned his head back to rub his temples. “Fine. What do you suggest I do to calm down then, hmm? Work on a crossword? Oh wait, looks like you destroyed that already.”

“Shut up,” Shizuo growled as he walked to his TV and turned it on. He shoved in a random VCR tape into the machine. The old appliance choked and struggled to begin, but soon a cheesy film that his brother had co-starred in started rolling from where Shizuo had left off. He stood up and walked back over to Izaya with his hands on his hips.

“Just watch a movie. Get your mind off work.”

“Easier said than done, you imbecile,” Izaya grumbled as he unwillingly stared at the TV. 

“Quit snapping at me because you can’t do your job!” Shizuo barked as he walked back into the kitchen to throw away the soiled and stained newspaper. Once the table was clean, he went to the freezer to pull out a familiar white box that he had been saving for a day like this. 

He walked back to the living room and sat on the couch next to Izaya, who was curled up in a ball like an aggravated pill bug. Shizuo nudged the informant, causing his red eyes to dart over in a narrow glare.

“What?”

Shizuo simply lifted the box and opened it, revealing the dozen little chocolate truffles Izaya loved oh so much. Instantly, a spark of joy lit in Izaya’s eyes as he flickered his gaze from the treasured chocolates, back up to Shizuo. Shizuo chuckled and handed the box to Izaya, who greedily took it and wasted no time in popping a truffle into his mouth.

The brunet sighed as the addictive bitter dark chocolate melted on his tongue, leaving the only the traces of the crumbly filling. He hummed and closed his eyes as he ate a second, rolling it around in his mouth as he savored the taste. Slumping into the couch, he could immediately feel comfort washing over him as all the stresses seemed to fade away. 

Shizuo smiled as he watched Izaya melt into a pile of bliss. He reached over to try one, but his hand was slapped and a glistening carmine eye narrowed at him.

“Ah, ah, ah…what have I said?” Izaya smirked, pulling the box closer to him. “These are mine.”

The blond chuckled and ruffled Izaya’s hair, smirking when the brunet scrunched down lower to try and get away from Shizuo’s hand. 

Time passed by quickly, as they silently watched Kasuka’s film. Izaya was lost in a world of bitter chocolate and bliss, while Shizuo was deep in the film’s story. Neither paid attention to the clock as a half hour turned to an hour, and then turned into three.

Shizuo glanced over, seeing Izaya enwrapped in the movie as well as eating his second to last truffle. He frowned a bit, slightly annoyed that Izaya couldn’t share just one truffle. Hell, even half was fine. He just wanted to try one. He watched Izaya’s fingers as they gingerly picked up the last truffle, which was now room temp, and drop it on his tongue. Without thinking, Shizuo reached forward to grab Izaya’s chin, turning his head so they were looking each other in the eye. Izaya blinked and opened his mouth to ask Shizuo what he was doing when the blond leaned forward and closed the gap between their lips.

Izaya froze for a moment before he felt Shizuo's tongue roam around in his mouth. He tried to back up, but was unable to move as the couch refused to let him shift. 

Shizuo’s eyes closed as he let his tongue wrap around the truffle that was still sitting on Izaya’s tongue. He curled his tongue around it and pulled it toward his mouth, smirking with triumph. 

Izaya’s eyes widened when he realized what Shizuo was doing and growled daringly. He flicked his tongue against Shizuo’s, knocking the truffle out of his grasp. He bit down slightly on Shizuo’s tongue, warning him that he’d bite harder if he continued.

Shizuo grunted and pushed Izaya back until he was half lying on the couch, and half propped up by the pillows. Izaya’s hands gripped Shizuo’s arms as leverage, allowing him to push himself up to meet Shizuo’s mouth fully. He tilted his head to try and get a better angle. Shizuo thrust his tongue forcefully into Izaya’s closing mouth, forcing it back open. 

The brunet made a small sound of surprise, when his tongue met Shizuo’s. The two slick muscles wrapped around each other, battling to save the truffle which was already melting down into a pitiful chocolate-chip sized bite. 

Izaya’s eyes fluttered closed when Shizuo rolled his tongue along the sides of Izaya’s, sending shivers down his spine. His grip tightened slightly and he pulled Shizuo closer. Shizuo agreed with Izaya’s hints, and tilted his head so their mouths melded closer together.

The truffle long forgotten, the two were swept up in the desires and pleasures of their mouths working together. Their lips moved in unison, sucking and nipping as they explored each others mouths. The bitter-sweet flavor of the truffles was being licked away as their kisses deepened.

Shizuo groaned, his hands slipping from Izaya’s cheeks down to his neck. His thumbs rubbed small circles on the patch of skin behind Izaya’s ear and under his jawbone. Izaya moaned and let go of Shizuo’s arms so he was lying back on the couch. He ran his hands along Shizuo’s chest and over his shoulders, pulling him closer. The blond shuddered in response and leaned down until their bodies were just brushing against each other.

The blond broke away, panting as he rested his forehead against the brunet’s. He stared at him with half lidded eyes, observing how the informant’s red eyes struggled to focus, and how he licked his lips and panted, and the way his inky hair swept along his face and brushed his cheek bones.

Shizuo ducked his head down again, pecking Izaya’s lips with his own. The gesture held a small message. One that Shizuo desperately wanted an answer for. He watched Izaya process it with a small frown, scared that rejection would be the answer.

When Izaya parted his lips and lifted himself up to press his lips against Shizuo’s, the blond pulled the informant closer and ravaged him. The brunet threw his arms around Shizuo’s shoulders, pulling him closer as their mouths assaulted each other. They gasped and panted as they broke away, foreheads pressed together as they stared into each others eyes.

“Shizu-chan…” Izaya panted, licking his swollen lips as he panted.

“Y-yeah?”

“What are we doing?” 

Shizuo paused, breaking eye contact for a moment to stare down at Izaya‘s chest before looking back up. “Kissing.”

“Why?” Izaya whispered, closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.

“You’re the smart one. You tell me.” 

Izaya opened his eyes again to see a cocktail of emotions swirling in Shizuo‘s warm eyes. Attraction, care, concern, fear, lust. He could see the reflection of his own conflicting feelings in Shizuo. Rather than saying a retort, he pulled Shizuo’s head down to kiss him again.

Shizuo kissed keenly for a few minutes before ducking his head lower to trail his kisses down Izaya’s jaw. He grazed his teeth gently against his skin, sucking on the junction of his jaw and neck. 

Izaya moaned and rolled his head to the side to give Shizuo more access. Thin fingers brushed through blond hair as Izaya pulled him closer, arching his back to meet with the brute over him. 

Shizuo’s hands roamed over Izaya’s thin body, trailing down his sides and across his stomach. The brunet trembled beneath him, groaning as his stomach muscles quivered on his touch. The blond’s lips shifted up to nibble on Izaya’s ear, sucking on it softly. 

Izaya cried out and bit his lip, trying to keep himself quiet. Despite how good this felt, and how turned on he was getting…he wouldn’t allow himself to verbally admit it. No matter how much blood rushed to his groin, he wouldn’t openly tell Shizuo. His body would do all the talking for him. He let go of Shizuo’s hair and ran his hand along his back, feeling the muscles trembling through the fabric from the sensation. He continued to travel lower until his fingers hooked in the blond’s belt loops. He grasped hard and rocked the blond forward, pressing their hips together. They both hissed in unison, overwhelmed for a moment at the sudden friction.

Shizuo growled in Izaya’s ear, causing him to shiver with desire. The monster dwelling inside of Shizuo was rearing its head, and the return of the beast was thrilling to the informant. Oh how he missed the adrenaline rush the angry side of Shizuo gave him. This time, however, the brute had lust pumping through his veins, not hatred. Knowing this gave Izaya an adrenaline rush he had never experienced before. He arched up, rolling his hips against Shizuo’s aggressively. The blond swayed his hips back down to meet Izaya’s. Their growing erections rubbed against each other, their jeans constricting and limiting their motions. Izaya’s nimble hands slipped down to the front of Shizuo’s jeans and unzipped him, before dipping his hand into his pants to rub at Shizuo’s arousal through his boxers.

The blond jerked and groaned loudly, rocking his hips to have Izaya rub him more. He couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this with the flea. Or rather…he couldn’t believe he was finally doing this with the flea. Ever since the New Year's party, he had been thinking about his touch daily, wondering if it would feel the same.

He was wrong. 

It felt better. 

Izaya knew what he was doing this time. His intentions weren't clouded in a drunken haze. He skillfully rubbed the palm of his hand against Shizuo’s growing erection, teasing his balls with his fingertips. Shizuo opened his eyes and stared down at Izaya, who looked up at him with lustful eyes and a playful smirk. “Get up.”

Shizuo backed off Izaya without question, allowing the nimble brunet to hop up onto his lap. He tugged at Shizuo’s jeans, coaxing them to come off. Shizuo helped by lifting his hips until there were pulled to his knees. Izaya licked his lips as the sight of Shizuo’s tented erection, the tip damp with precum that was just starting to bead.

Not in the mood to be subtle, Izaya firmly gripped Shizuo's erection through his boxers and began to stroke him slowly. His heart skipped a beat when he heard the blond suck in a breath. Closing his eyes and leaning forward, Izaya rocked himself on Shizuo’s legs as he pumped Shizuo’s cock. Large hands rested on his hips and guided him as he continued to grind against him. He sighed when Shizuo’s hand slid forward to cup Izaya’s erection shyly.

The brunet sat up on his knees, urging Shizuo to continue. After a hesitant moment, Shizuo freed Izaya from his constraints. The lithe man in his lap wriggled out of the jeans and boxers, letting them fall to the floor. Shizuo’s mouth went dry when he saw Izaya’s cock begging to be touched.

He reached to start stroking Izaya, when the raven grabbed his hand to stop him. Izaya flashed him a glance, before crawling onto Shizuo’s lap. Shizuo’s eyes widened, “I-Izaya, what ar-”

“Calm down. I’m not going that far,” he insisted as he settled himself. He angled his hips down and rocked, rubbing their cocks together. A garbled sound escaped Shizuo’s throat as he rested his hands on Izaya’s waist. His thumbs dug into Izaya’s hips, causing the brunet to buck forward.

“Nngg…aaah…” Izaya choked out a pitiful moan as he bent forward, resting his arms around Shizuo’s neck. Shizuo dragged Izaya’s hips, creating more friction between them. Shizuo dropped a hand from Izaya’s slender waist and rolled it gently over the heads of their cocks, smearing the precum onto his palm.

Sliding his hand down, he curled his fingers around their cocks and stroked them together as Izaya continued to rock his hips against Shizuo. Their motions became rhythmic, as Izaya thrusted his hips up as Shizuo stroked down. The blond was panting and groaning at the sensations. The pressure was coiling tighter in his stomach and he needed release. Izaya’s choked back moans weren’t helping.

The raven’s hips trembled as he was reaching his climax. He thread his fingers through Shizuo’s blond locks, pulling his bangs away from his face so he could look at those lust filled eyes that stared heavily at him. 

Arching forward, Izaya changed his position and lewdly moaned when the tips of their cocks started nudging together. Shizuo bent forward to capture Izaya’s lips with his own, drinking in those sounds that continued to escape the brunet. Their tongue intertwined and danced as their hips grew more erratic. 

Shizuo broke away to latch his lips on Izaya’s neck, sucking hard on the ivory skin. Izaya moaned and clung onto Shizuo’s shoulders, digging his nails into his shirt. 

“Hgnn..o-oh..fuck…” Izaya’s strangled voice rang in Shizuo’s ear. The blond growled with arousal and quickened the pace of his strokes on their cocks. He could feel Izaya trembling above him as he rode on the edge of orgasm. Shizuo sunk his teeth down Izaya’s neck, earning a cry out from Izaya. The informant’s grip tightened as he came. He trembled and mewled as Shizuo thrust his hips a few times before also coming. He softly licked at the bruised patch of skin, kissing it lightly in apology. The brunet slumped a bit in Shizuo’s grasp and sighed, panting as he basked in euphoria.

Shizuo struggled to catch his breath as he fought back some coughs. He pushed Izaya off him so he was sitting up in his lap. They stared at each other, reading their expressions as they both tried to figure out what exactly happened. Preferably, why they had gone that far to begin with. 

The answer was clear, but were they ready to admit it?


	72. Insults

“Hey Flea…”

“What is it?”

“How‘s your work coming along?”

Izaya glanced over at the blond who was sitting back at the kitchen table. Shizuo was working on another puzzle, although Izaya didn’t know what kind. He was relieved to see that brute had gone to do something productive after their…their whatever it was. The informant sighed and rested his head against the back of the chair. He refused to sit on that couch; at least, not until Shizuo thoroughly washed it. Sure, nothing got on it, but just the scent was enough to remind Izaya of what took place. It would need a full bottle of Febreze before he could be near it. Grumbling slightly, he rubbed his eyes tiredly. An hour has passed since the incident, and although neither had spoken a word until now, Izaya’s mind has been farther from his job than ever before.

It had felt better than he'd expected, better than he’d dreamed - as ridiculous as that sounded. He couldn’t deny it any longer. He had been dreaming about the brute ever since New Year, and now he hoped his demons would settle down. He did what he wanted. Now he could rest in peace.

But he was far from peaceful. Now, his body hummed with the desire for more. Shizuo was becoming a drug - his own personal cigarette that would slowly kill him.

“Izaya.”

“Hmm?”

“You never answered my question.”

“Ahh…right.” Izaya cleared his throat and set his laptop down. “Repeat?”

Shizuo closed his puzzle book and got up from the table, walking into the living room with his hands in his pockets. “I was asking how your research was going?”

Izaya scowled, lips thinning and eyes narrowing as his face scrunched up with irritation. He huffed and stood up, stretching. He glanced at a mirror and saw the brute’s honey eyes grazing over his body, following his contours, before quickly staring at the floor. _"Damn, that monster still was interested._ He turned around, keeping his eyes averted from Shizuo‘s gaze. He started brushing imaginary crumbs off the green shirt Shizuo had let him borrow after he had soiled his own. “Fine. I found a few details I skimmed over. The…break from working helped.”

The blond’s cheeks were still a bit pink as he tried to not stare at Izaya. “Uh…y-yeah. You’re welcome…or whatever,” Shizuo grunted, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Shizuo was still in slight shock. Having sex with the flea was something he never expected to give into, especially after his close call at Shinra’s. He assumed he had better self control.

He snorted at the thought. Him? Self control? Since when did he ever have that?

In the end, he couldn’t control his own desires, and they had…what do they call it? A home run? Well, they didn’t exactly hit a home run, did they? Was it second base? Shit, what was all this baseball for anyways - it did nothing but confuse him!

However, one detail was stuck in his mind. One explicit, annoying detail…

“Flea.”

“Hmm?”

Shizuo stroked his chin, letting his hand slide past his jaw to clasp the back of his neck; his classic nervous habit. “Ahh, well….” he paused. He could practically hear Izaya’s teasing and degrading voice in his ears. _Cat got your tongue? Just spit it out, Shizu-chan._ He grit his teeth and forced his thoughts out before he could second guess himself. “You were a lot quieter than I would have thought.”

Izaya blinked, and widened his eyes, chuckling a bit. “Care to expand that idea?”

“You were actually…not annoying while we were...”

“Oh…you’re talking about that.”

Shizuo turned his head away, feeling the red flush spreading over his cheeks. God, those sounds. They echoed in his head and wouldn’t let him rest. Every mewl and moan sounded like they were on repeat. Shizuo groaned a bit and shook his head, earning a questionable look from Izaya.

The informant sighed and closed his laptop, slipping it into the messenger bag. “Well, I’m not sure what gave you the notion that I was loud in that predicament to begin with.”

“Just…seemed like something you’d do.”

Izaya crossed his arms and cocked his head to the right, chewing his bottom lip. “Oh? Really now? And why couldn’t someone like me be quiet, hmm? Just because I’m openly flirtatious doesn’t mean I can’t be modest.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes. “Well, you weren’t at all modest at New Years.”

“I was tipsy, if not wasted.”

“And you never shut up when you’re not drunk. It’s constant bullshit spewing out of that mouth.”

“How kind of you. Spitting insults at someone you just fucked. Something a monster like you would do, hmm?” Izaya sneered, his bitter attitude coming back as they continued on the subject.

“Not like you tried to stop me. Ugh, whatever. Point is, it wasn‘t like you.”

Izaya growled under his breath, becoming more annoyed by the second. “Shizu-chan, what makes you think you’d have any idea what I’m like in bed, huh?”

Shizuo threw his hands up in exasperation. “I’m not saying just in bed! I mean in general! Today has been the first day you have raised your voice or even tried to be the smarmy jackass you always have been. For the past few months, you’ve been-”

“Been what? Maybe I just didn’t want to waste my breath on you!”

“You’ve been like Psyche.”

The informant practically screamed with frustration. He threw his bag onto the couch, marching forward with his fists clenched. “You’re at that again? You’re never going to just drop that bullshit theory, are you? I am not, and I will never be, that figment!”

Shizuo tried to remain calm and stepped back, but his fingers twitched as his hand clenched. “Well, you’ve been doing a shitty job at proving it.”

“Read. My. Lips. Psyche _never_ existed! So stop trying to prove that he does!” Izaya spat, glaring at the blond.

Shizuo growled, taking a menacing step forward. Izaya didn’t budge, but his foot did step back a bit in case he needed to move. “You know I’m right,” Shizuo murmured as he stepped closer to Izaya.

The informant stepped back, refusing to let the space between them close. He walked around the table, using it as a barrier between them. “Like hell you are. You’re just going fucking insane. This disease is making you come up with ridiculous things.”

“I’m hardly going insane. You’re just too stubborn to see something that I can!”

Izaya laughed, bending forward as he grinned threateningly. “Oh really? I’ll let you know that I think I’m the only person in this city - nay, on this planet- that really knows what I’m like.” He shook his head and scoffed. “To say you know better is absurd.”

Shizuo tried to walk around the table, but Izaya moved in the opposite direction. They circled the table slowly, their eyes focused on each other with nothing but the drive to prove each other wrong flicking in their gaze.

Shizuo growled irritability and jumped over the table, nearly slipping as his socks skidded over the wood. Izaya scrambled back, slipping behind the sofa. “Dammit louse…”

“Stop trying to prove that we’re made up with other traits that we do not have. I am not some pathetic and kind person underneath this harsh exterior. Just as you are nothing similar to the personality you gave Tsugaru,” Izaya argued, his voice raising in pitch as he tried to scream the information at Shizuo.

The blond just followed his movements. “Yeah, what’s that?”

Izaya flashed a smile, eyes shimmering a bloody red as he got excited at the idea of finally stabbing at Shizuo’s pride. It had been so long. “You are in no way calm nor sensitive. You are a monster. A cold-blooded, ruthless, and violent creature from hell.” Izaya enjoyed the way that Shizuo’s eyes flashed angrily; it was nostalgic. “Just like I am also naturally cold and uncaring. It is abnormal for us to be any different!”

Shizuo shook his head. “You’re wrong.”

Izaya froze and grit his teeth. “Excuse me? It is not of my nature to be wrong.”

“But you are,” Shizuo insisted, sighing as he tried to calm down his temper. “Because even though kindness isn’t your first personality trait, and peace isn’t mind…we still have those. Deep down.”

Izaya giggled, leaning over the back of a chair he was standing behind. “You know, that theory of yours is also flawed.” His voice hushed lower as a sinister smile grew on his lips, “Because your precious brother doesn’t have any personality traits. He’s just an emotionless, sack of potatoes with no talent.”

“You. Shut. YOUR. MOUTH!” Shizuo barked, his voice raising until his entire body shook at the force. His hands gripped the back of the couch tightly. Izaya laughed harder, using the chair as support.

“See! Instant anger! Rage is such a beautiful thing, isn’t it? So natural and hard to control! You’re such a monster it’s disgusting!” Izaya wiped the mirthful tears from his eyes. “Although, it’s not as disgusting as a pathetic human who is void of feelings. What a useless life that is.” Izaya stood up straight and opened his eyes to see Shizuo’s expression, when a blur of cream came flying at his face. He took a step back before the sofa crashed into him, sending him flying across the apartment before slamming into the wall.


	73. Keep Calm

Pain flared through Shizuo’s body as the red haze of his rage subsided. It ebbed away slowly, allowing the sharp pangs to pierce his chest. Shaking away the fog in his head, Shizuo finally caught up with what had happened: Izaya had taken their argument too far and had insulted his brother. He had lost all control and snapped. In his frenzy, he grabbed the sofa and threw it at the flea, successfully hitting him. However, his body was retaliating with the sudden strain.

He stumbled, falling onto one knee as he tried to catch himself. The pain expanded over his arms, shoulders, and back. The muscles ached and burned after their sudden use. He thanked the heavens that he didn’t break any bones. Struggling to catch a breath as his lungs strained for air, he glanced up to inspect the damage. His couch was definitely no longer functional. The cream colored furniture was broken and the upholstery was ripped. The wall it flew into was cracked and the paint chipped off in chunks. A cabinet he used to store his movies was leaning on its side, threatening to topple over.

Using the tipped table as leverage, he tried to pick himself up to his feet, but the pain in his back kept him crippled onto his knees. He had pulled his back once before as a kid, and it was hell. Over time he grew used to the pain, but now that he was so much weaker, his body was unable to block it.

He heard a soft groan from behind the sofa. Shizuo half walked, half crawled over to the sound. "F-flea?” He hissed, dropping down a bit so he could look through the gap. Pinned between the cabinet and the couch, Izaya was bent in an awkward and most likely uncomfortable position. The raven tried to turn his body away, but was unable to free himself from the confines. Shizuo could hear the obvious gasp of pain that escaped Izaya’s lips. “Izaya…are you alright?”

Izaya grit his teeth, glaring at Shizuo through narrow eyes. “Do...I look like I’m...fine?” Izaya twisted his body and pushed on the couch, trying to push it off him. He managed to free his arm, and rocked the sofa. It slowly gained momentum, and Shizuo pushed on the arm to try and lift it off. It tipped to the side, crushing Izaya’s already pinned ankle underneath.

The informant cried out in agony, instantly letting go and letting it fall back onto him. Pain shot through his leg, and his ankle throbbed. He could instantly tell that it was wounded, although he wasn’t able to tell how severely.

Shizuo kept the couch propped up with his shoulder, as he reached for Izaya. The raven stared at Shizuo bitterly, unwillingly to reach out for him. Shizuo grunted with annoyance. “Izaya, quit being stubborn. Grab my hand and I’ll pull you out.”

“I’m not being stubborn you idiot!” Izaya hissed, his voice laced with pain. “For once I’m actually pinned…you damn brute…”

“Can I move the couch?”

“No…if you rock it, it’ll only crush my ankle more.”

The strain in Izaya voice was evident. His breath came in sharp gasps, and although his face remained relatively calm, his hands were trembling as the pain grew worse. Shizuo started to get worried. He didn’t know what to do. Seeing Izaya trapped underneath the couch…it only reminded him of his past. Of that poor milk lady who--

No, he wouldn’t let that repeat. He wouldn’t run away. He’d help this time.

“Hey, I’m gonna rock the couch toward me to lift it off your ankle,” Shizuo decided, talking out loud mostly to himself instead of Izaya. Pulling with the rest of his strength - which wasn’t much - he pulled the couch toward him, lifting it off Izaya’s ankle by a few inches. Izaya pulled his leg free and started to crawl out of the gap, dragging his leg behind him. Once he was free, Shizuo dropped the sofa and fell to the ground, gasping in pain. He lied on the ground, heart racing, arms aching, and chest spasming. He coughed, the movement causing stabs of pain in his chest. His upper body screamed at him to rest. To do anything but move, but he sat up, porpping himself on his arms. They quivered as they struggled to hold him up. He lurched forward to grab Izaya, catching the informant off guard.

“O-oi! What are you doing?” Izaya barked. He was pulled into Shizuo's chest. He could feel the brute's fingers digging into his shirt as he was cradled. He was trapped in Shizuo's arms. “S-shizu-chan?”

“I’m sorry…” the blond rasped, burying his face into Izaya’s shoulder. He coughed and gasped for air. His lungs refused to work properly. A sheen of sweat covered his pale face and his hair clung to the back of his neck.

Izaya’s eyes widened when he realized that Shizuo was suffering from an anxiety attack. The stress on his body was shocking his system. “Hey! Shizuo! It’s okay! I’m not hu-”

“Your ankle…is…hurt…” Shizuo wheezed. He fell to the side, pulling Izaya to the ground with him. They laid on the floor, both tired and in pain. Izaya was still in Shizuo’s grip, but his arms pulled away easily. The blond didn’t even try to hold his grip, as he faded in and out of consciousness - the lack of oxygen making his world blurry. He was going to pass out if he didn't calm down.

Izaya shifted so he sat on his knees, biting his tongue as pain shot through his ankle. He saw his cell phone, which was lying on the now flipped table, and reached for it. As soon as his fingers grasped the device, he hit speed dial to call Shinra. He set it on the ground next to him and put it on speaker phone, shaking Shizuo to try and keep him awake.

“Brute, you need to not black out. If you do that, Shinra will have my head.”

“I’m…” Shizuo gasped shakily, "...fine."

_“Hello, Doctor Kishitani speaking.”_

“Shinra! I need you to get to Shizu-chan’s place immediate--”

_“Izaya? What’s wrong! Why do you sound s-”_

“Shinra, listen to me!” Izaya barked, grabbing the phone and yelling into it. “Shizuo threw the couch at me--”

“What?! Why? What did you do to provoke him?” Shinra scolded, obviously upset with Izaya’s actions.

Izaya growled and wished he could strangle the doctor through the phone. “Just get over here! My ankle is most likely broken, and Shizuo is having an anxiety attack. He’s not breathing well!”

“Ah! Right! I’ll get Celty to drive me over! We’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Izaya felt his stomach drop. Fifteen minutes? He glanced at the blond who was trying to breathe through his murmured apologies. “Faster than that Shinra. I need you here _now_.”

He hung up and set the phone down harshly, gritting his teeth at the stress he was under.

“I’m…sorry…” Shizuo panted again, prying open his tired honey eyes.

Izaya felt his heart ache at the tenderness in his gaze. He shook his head and leaned over Shizuo, grabbing the blond’s face with his hands softly. “Hey, listen to me. You gotta stop talking and just calm down. You gotta breathe.”

Shizuo shook his head weakly, causing Izaya to curse under his breath. “Izaya…y-you were right…”

Izaya furrowed his brow and scowled. “About what?” He could barely see the corner of Shizuo’s mouth turn up in a bitter laugh as he closed his eyes.

“I am a monster.”

“Well, yes. We already knew th-”

“I’ll never…be calm…or have a...peaceful life.”

With every breath, Shizuo’s chest tightened, and he broke into ragged coughs. The look on his face was pained as the burning in his muscles grew, engulfing him. Izaya knew that no matter what pain he was in due to his injured ankle, Shizuo was in far worse condition.

And for once…Izaya truly wanted to help him.

He sucked up his pride, threw away his inhibitions, and gave into the lurking creature that had been whispering in the back of his mind. He let that pink demon take over.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips tenderly against Shizuo’s, shutting him up from his masochistic rambling. Shizuo blinked and looked up at Izaya, who’s eyes had grown wide with concern, and radiated warmth.

“Tsugaru,” the informant whispered, staring hard at Shizuo as he brushed his thumbs across his heated cheeks.

“W-what?”

“Listen to me. You need to calm down, Tsu-chan,” Izaya replied, his voice laced with a softness Shizuo had never heard. It was completely unique to the flea, as well as being completely foreign. It was the voice of a make believe man that was residing deep in the cold heart of Izaya Orihara.

Another sharp pain shot through Shizuo as he tried to take a deep breath. His body jerked and twitched, and it took all his remaining strength to not cry out. “I can’t-”

“Yes, you can…” Izaya said, pressing his forehead against Shizuo’s. He let himself sink into the character that he had been fighting off for so long. It was…so easy. It was like breathing. Natural. He was Psyche.

“If you calm down, it won’t hurt. You need to breathe, Tsu-chan.”

Hearing this voice leaving Izaya’s lips -- no. No, this wasn’t Izaya anymore. It was Izaya’s face, but this man nurturing and calming him wasn’t the flea. This was Psyche. The one he had fallen for. The one who made him happy.

But…didn’t the flea make him happy now too?

Shizuo closed his eyes, a typhoon of emotions swirling within him. He pushed back the conflicting thoughts and focused. He lifted his shaky hand to press against Izaya’s chest, feeling the peaceful heartbeat. He slowed his breathing - if you could call gasping and wheezing breathing - to match the informant's heartbeat.

“You’re…you’re not a monster, Tsu-chan…” Izaya forced out, amazed that even he was admitting this. In this state, Shizuo was more human than he ever imagined. The thought that the one constant thing in his life was changing was terrifying, but he couldn’t let that show. Right now, he needed to be Psyche, and he needed Shizuo to accept being Tsugaru. That was the only thing that could help them.

It took a while, but soon the pain in Shizuo’s back and arms were reducing, and his breathing was getting better. His chest still ached, and lungs burned from the strain. But at last - he was calm. He was the person he always wanted to be. A man who didn’t let rage over take him. A being that remained collected and composed even in the most stressing moments.

He was Tsugaru.

Shizuo’s arms reached up to wrap around Izaya’s thin frame, holding him close. Izaya rested his head on Shizuo’s shoulder, making sure he wasn’t lying directly on his chest. Together, they laid in the broken living room, waiting patiently for Shinra to arrive to patch them up.


	74. Crutch

_"Shut up, shut up, shut up…"_

For the past hour and a half, Shizuo had been repeating this mantra in his mind as Izaya continued to bitch and bicker about his sprained ankle. The blond was stuck lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling as Izaya struggled to get around the apartment. All he wanted was to get some rest, but the flea made sure that didn’t happen as he continued to bark out complaints.

“Shinra was an idiot to make me use these stupid things!” Izaya grumbled, waving around one of his crutches. “My ankle wasn’t that hurt. I can walk!”

“Tch, as if,” Shizuo huffed, rolling his eyes as he stiffly rolled over onto his side. He heard Izaya shuffle into his room. “You were screaming at him when he was touching it. Like you could walk on it.”

Izaya glared hard at Shizuo, whacking the blond with his crutch. He didn’t hit him hard, but enough to shut him up.

“Whatever.” Izaya propped his crutches on the wall and let himself fall into the bed, desperate to rest his legs. “This is going to ruin my balance. I’m never going to be able to free-run again.”

“It’s only temporary. Just relax.” Shizuo sighed, rolling over to face Izaya. The informant scowled, and instantly Shizuo knew what he was thinking: easier said than done.

They laid in Shizuo’s bed, quiet as both tried to ignore the pulses of pain. The silence was soothing. Nothing at all like the commotion earlier in the afternoon.

Shinra had come rushing in frazzled and edgy, expecting more damage than there actually was. The home was a bit beat up: a hole in the wall, a broken couch, a tipped over table. Things that could be easily fixed with a little gift from Izaya’s bank account.

However, finding Izaya lying on top of Shizuo had been one that practically made Shinra feel like he was dreaming. Celty had followed behind him, her shadows flickering with surprise as the wounded men glanced over at the doctor and dullahan with dull expressions, as if their close contact was completely normal. A heartbeat later, Izaya had pried himself out of Shizuo’s grasp and got to his feet to hobble over to Shinra, yelling at him to fix them. However, he didn’t get too far before he put too much pressure on his ankle and fell to the ground with a pitiful cry of pain.

Shinra had asked Celty to lift Shizuo from the floor with her shadows and to lie him on the bed, while he helped Izaya limp to the nearest unbroken piece of furniture.

Shizuo was easily “fixed,” in Shinra’s terms, when he was told simply to not move around too much. The blond had escaped the scuffle with only a pulled back and a few strained muscles. Izaya, however, was told he had a sprained ankle and that he would be in an ankle brace for two weeks. For the first week, he had to use crutches. Izaya vehemently denied using the crutches that Celty made for him out of her shadows.

“You were lucky that the couch didn’t shatter your ankle," Shinra had said as Celty created a makeshift brace around Izaya's re-positioned ankle. "Right now, most of the pain is from the bruising. Just give your foot time to heal be-”

“I have work to do! Things to accomplish! Places to be! I can’t be limping around! Besides, I can walk if I have the brace,” Izaya had argued, refusing to let himself become “cripple."

“Flea, just listen to him. Sure he’s a crackpot of a doctor-”

“Hey!”

“-But he’s only telling you the same stuff I was told as a kid when I would break myself. If you just use the crutches for the first week or two, walking with the brace won’t hurt as much.”

Izaya had frowned and sighed, grabbing the black crutch with his hand and lifted himself up, immediately using them to awkwardly leave the room, grumbling under his breath.

Now, the two of them barely had the energy to leave the apartment.

Shizuo felt the bed creak underneath him as Izaya got up and propped himself with the crutch. Izaya glanced back at Shizuo, who was ordered to stay in bed for the rest of the day to take it easy.

“How could you deal with this?”

Shizuo raised a questioning brow. “What do you mean?”

Izaya sighed. “As a kid. You were always getting hurt. How could you deal with the pain and the annoying stuff like crutches or slings?”

It was…an odd question. One that Shizuo had never been asked before. “Ahh…” He paused, unsure how to answer. “I guess I just learned to ignore it.”

“Tch…”

He watched as Izaya - who had already gotten use to the concept of crutches, but was wobbly on them - hobbled out of his room to try and squeeze his way through the hall. The living room was still a mess, and made it hard for Izaya to move around.

The informant stumbled to the kitchen, awkwardly getting himself a glass of water. His arms ached, his foot itched and throbbed in pain, and his throat was parched. He leaned against the table, standing on his good foot as he rested his arms. He was a runner. His legs and lungs were his strong parts. His arms weren’t used to carrying his weight.

“Arms ache?” Shizuo asked as he came around the corner, walking slowly so he wouldn’t throw out his back.

Izaya frowned. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

The blond shrugged stiffly, “Eh, I’m already feeling better. Just answer tell me if your arms ache.”

“Yes, they ache.”

Shizuo walked over and grabbed the crutches. “You’re using them wrong.”

“Oh and like you wou--”

Izaya stopped himself. Of course Shizuo would know. He sighed and hobbled over. Shizuo shifted to let Izaya take hold of the crutches. The blond stood behind Izaya, folding his hands over the raven’s.

“You need to support yourself with your hands. Don’t let your armpits rest on the padding.”

“Isn’t that what it’s for?”

Shizuo shook his head. “I don’t know why they are there. I just know how to use them. Now, move the crutches up to take a step.” Izaya listened to Shizuo’s orders, and the blond smiled, “Now, let your body swing as you use your good foot…there, that’s how you do it. Don’t rest your weight on your armpits. Use your hands. Now keep doing that, but don’t move the crutches too far away from you with each step! Just about a foot away. There, now you’ve got it!”

Soon, Izaya was correctly using the crutches and could easily make it through the apartment. Tight corners and halls still were tricky, but he could manage going through the bigger rooms with ease.

Shizuo watched leisurely as he leaned against the wall, smiling as Izaya finally got used to his new “legs”, so to speak. Although it was obvious the informant wasn’t fond of not being able to put pressure on his foot. He laughed when Izaya accidentally hit the corner with the edge of his crutch and stumbled a bit. He earned a nasty glare from the informant and merely grinned. “Hey, don’t give me that face. You’ll get used to it eventually. You’ll even be able to do little tricks. I used to do a ton as a kid.”

“Oh? I hardly think that you were one to be doing tricks,” Izaya joked, moving back toward Shizuo who shook his head.

“I was definitely quick on the crutches.”

Izaya hobbled over and handed Shizuo the crutches, hopping on his good foot as he lifted himself onto the counter. “Alright then. Prove it.”

Shizuo burst into laughter, a sound so pure and filled with glee, Izaya would have never imagined it came from the brute. “You’re too short! Your crutches aren’t the right height.”

“Improvise!” Izaya cheered, pestering the blond until he did so.

Shizuo rolled his eyes and grabbed hold on the crutches, and lifted his left foot off the ground. He hobbled a bit, getting used to the short length, before he used his arms to support his entire body. He balanced on the crutches, swinging his legs back and forth for a while before swinging his body to spin on one crutch until he faced the opposite direction. He then lifted one crutch and swiveled a bit, before alternating - spinning in a circle as he wobbled around. He finished with using the crutches to launch his legs over the table, landing heavily on his “good leg” before quickly going back to where Izaya was sitting.

The raven laughed and clapped, shaking his head. “Never in my life have I seen you so graceful. You make a lovely crippled ballerina.”

Shizuo grinned and handed back Izaya’s crutches. “I bet you’d be a better one.”

A grin tugged on Izaya’s lips. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to pull back the smile that was on his face. “Is that meant to mock me, Shizu-chan?”

Seeing Shizuo smiling back at him with that teasing glimmer in his eyes made him…happy.

“Maybe. But hey, anything to make the fact you’re hurt better, right?” Shizuo winced a bit as he rubbed his back. “Which reminds me, I shouldn’t be doing crutch tricks with a sore back.”

Izaya nodded and hopped off the counter, using the crutches to propel him faster toward the bedroom. “Aye aye! Even monsters need to rest after a fight! Come faster, Shizu-chan! The bed awaits!”

Shizuo followed after Izaya slowly, his back still hurting, although he wasn’t completely stiff anymore. A good nap would do him good. Izaya used the crutches for balance and swing his body forward to kick open the door with his good leg before hobbling inside. Shizuo walked in and climbed into bed, not bothering to pull the covers over him. He planned on getting up after a few hours.

“All comfy?” Izaya sneered playfully.

Shizuo snorted and nodded. “Yeah, all fine here. What are you gonna do, hmm? Not like you can walk home.”

Izaya shrugged. “I’ll watch tv or something. Maybe eat whatever food you have around here.” He waved his hand as he limped out of the room, shutting off the light behind him. “Don’t worry about me.”

Shizuo sighed and closed his eyes, feeling his stresses melting away as he finally was able to rest. When he reopened his eyes, the sun had set, and Izaya had left a note on the night stand saying he had gotten picked up and would be back in the morning.


	75. Arc 9: Growing Soft

Izaya stood outside of his home in Shinjuku, leaning on a single crutch as the mid January wind blew around him. The day was starting off beautifully. The sun was shining and the weather wasn’t too cold. In fact, it was just warm enough for the brute to be outside without damaging his lungs.

The informant smiled, thinking about how happy the blond would be to know he could leave his apartment. The past week had been pretty rough with their slow healing. At least Celty had allowed one crutch to transform into an ankle brace. Now he could walk on it softly and get used to putting pressure on it again.

Shizuo was also doing well. Every day, he was leaving his room and strolling around his apartment. His back was no longer thrown out, although his chest still ached and his muscles were still sore. He had really outdone himself when he'd thrown the couch.

Izaya turned when he heard the sleek black car pull up to the curb. He smirked, a surge of authority surging through him as the driver stepped out and came to open the door for him. He shuffled into the car, trying to appear as if his balance was as good as ever. Pulling his crutch onto his lap, he crossed his legs and smiled at the familiar face sitting across from him.

“It’s a surprise to see you.”

“Is it really a surprise, Orihara-san?”

Izaya chuckled. “Of course! You haven't personally picked me up to take me over to Shizu-chan’s over the past week.”

“I have a reason to be here.” Shiki sighed as the driver started pulling away from the curb and heading toward Ikebukuro.

Izaya leaned forward with interest, a grin on his face. “Ahh, so what do I owe the pleasure?”

Shiki raised his brow a bit and tapped the crutch. “First, you might want to tell me why you’re on these.”

Izaya frowned and sighed with exasperation. “Just a little accident. I’m still functioning well.”

“Actually, it’s only more proof to what I’ve been wondering the past few months.” Shiki said. Izaya’s eyes widened slightly, but he pulled his confident mask back on before Shiki noticed. The elder sat back into his seat and folded his hands on his lap. “Ever since you started helping Mr. Heiwajima, you have grown…soft.”

“Soft? I’m not sure what you-”

“You know exactly what I mean.” Shiki reached forward to brush his thumb across Izaya’s cheek, narrowing his eyes. “You don’t look nearly as sinister as you did in the past.”

Izaya narrowed his eyes, but didn’t flinch at Shiki’s gesture. “You know very well it could be another mask.”

“But it isn’t.” Shiki pulled his hand back, folding them back into his lap. “How long have I known you, Orihara-san?”

“Since I was in high school.” Izaya’s voice was tense. He realized where Shiki was taking the conversation.

The yakuza nodded and reached into his pocket to pull out a photograph from his wallet. Izaya glanced out the window, trying to see the reflection of what Shiki was holding, but it was too blurred.

“Tell me, Izaya," Shiki began.

Shiki never called Izaya by his first name, and that tipped off the informant that he was either about to be scolded or was going to have a difficult question thrown at him. He tried to tap his foot with unease, but a twinge of pain shot through his leg. Izaya immediately changed his behavior to drum his fingers along the seat cushion while waiting for Shiki to continue.

"How would you have described yourself in high school?"

 _"That's it? That's the big question?"_ Izaya thought to himself. He chuckled, flashing a confident grin. “I would have said I was a determined and cruel person. I really didn’t give two shits about anyone else except myself. That is the reason why you first contacted me, is it not?”

Shiki nodded, handing Izaya the photograph he was looking at. The informant's eyes widened when he recognized his high school photo - his face covered by a perfected mask consisting of narrow, cold eyes and a smirk that oozed mischief. He turned it over, seeing his handwriting with his own contact information scrawled on the back with a red pen.

“You were cool, calculated, and willing to do anything for a price," Shiki replied. "And, as you said, you didn’t care about anyone but yourself - which made you a perfect informant.” He reached forward to retrieve the picture, sliding it back into his breast pocket. “However, that has changed as of late.”

“You really think I’ve grown soft.”

Shiki gestured to the window. “Look at your reflection. Your eyes don’t hold that same determination or icy glare. Your expression is flecked with concern. If you need more physical evidence, look at your wounded ankle. You would have never allowed that to happen in the past.”

“Accidents happen.”

“You would have never gotten this close to Mr. Heiwajima to begin with.”

Izaya clenched his first, glaring at himself in the mirror before looking at Shiki. “Your point?”

Shiki chuckled lowly under his breath, a smile pulling on his face. “Simply stating the facts, Orihara-san. Just to remind you that you are still an informant and you are still working for me. It would be best if you hardened up a bit.”

The informant nodded, staring out the window as they pulled up to the curb. He was still a quarter mile away from Shizuo’s home, but he didn’t want to let his whereabouts be known.

Izaya’s eyes widened as realization dawned on him. He was protecting Shizuo by hiding his exact location. He was caring for someone other than himself.

He _was_ growing soft.

He closed his eyes, letting the reality sink in. Taking care of Shizuo had become second nature. He didn’t need to think twice, or try hard to protect him. It was now becoming a part of his life. As easily as he had changed his entire personality to accommodate the blond, would he be able to do it again? He was sure he would…but…

“Shiki-san?”

“Yes?”

He faced his boss, a look of tension on his features. “What would happen if I weren’t able to…'harden up?'”

Shiki’s authoritative smile remained on his face, although his eyes seemed to soften slightly. He reached forward to clap Izaya on the shoulder gently. “All I would ask is that you don’t hurt yourself. After all, you are our most reliable source. It would be a shame to lose your services.”

The underlying tone in Shiki’s voice made Izaya smile. Shiki was harsh with his other colleagues, but he always seemed to have a soft spot for the informant. The driver opened the door, bowing slightly to Shiki and Izaya. Izaya nodded to Shiki, thanking him for the lift. He stood at the curb, watching as the car pulled away, before turning to walk the quarter mile to Shizuo’s apartment.


	76. Falling Ill

Izaya let himself into the apartment, slipping off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. “I’m home!~” he called out, glancing around. From the looks of it, Shizuo hadn’t woken up yet. The kitchen was spotless, and although his furniture was put back into order, it hadn’t been touched otherwise. “Shizu-chan?”

He walked slowly toward the bedroom, quiet to see if he could hear anything. He scowled and rolled his eyes - if that brute managed to die somehow, he wasn’t going to hear the end of it.

“Shizu-chaaaaan? You breathing?”

“Nnggnn…”

Izaya pushed open the bedroom door to find Shizuo still laying in bed, hair disheveled and sheets twisted in a mess. The informant walked over and sat on the bed, prodding at the blond’s arm. “Oi, you awake?”

Shizuo grumbled something incoherent, and rolled onto his back, glaring at Izaya with crusty eyes.

“Repeat that. I don’t speak imbecile.”

“I said…” Shizuo started with a croaked voice, “…I’m awake, just not feeling well.”

Izaya tilted his head, bending down to get a good look at the brute. He did look like hell. His eyes were cloudy, his face was flushed, and the informant was sure his skin looked slick with a thin layer of sweat. He leaned down to press his lips against Shizuo’s forehead.

“Flea?”

“Calm down, I’m just checking your temperature.” He stayed put for a moment, frowning when he could feel the fever brewing under Shizuo’s skin. “Shizu-chan…” he sighed, pulling away to grab a pillow. “What are you doing, getting yourself sicker?”

Shizuo grunted and sat up with the help of Izaya, who propped the pillow behind his back so he was sitting at an angle. “It’s not like I wanted to.”

“Does Shinra know?”

“Yeah, I called him last night when I first started feeling shitty. Said it was probably because I was weak from overexerting myself. Said more meds would help,” he grumbled, coughing into his hand heavily. Izaya rubbed his back until the coughing fit ended, and pulled the covers around him.

“I’ll go get medicine then. I’m sure aspirin will break that fever.” Izaya got up and left his crutch, thinking it would only slow him down. He winced a bit, but got used to limping quickly as he hurried into the kitchen.

Shiki’s words continued to roll around in his head. He could practically hear the man whispering that he was getting soft and his attention to Shizuo when he was sick was more proof. He hissed and grabbed the medication out of the cabinet and filled a glass with water. He couldn’t think about what Shiki had said right now. He had to focus on helping…

He sighed. Damn, Shiki was on to something.

Forcing the thought out of his head, he shambled back into the bedroom and took a seat on the bed, handing Shizuo the glass. “Here, sip at this.”

The blond nodded and slowly drank the water while Izaya opened the various medicine bottles and poured out Shizuo’s normal prescription, plus the aspirin. “Shit..that’s a lot,” Shizuo groaned, seeing the mix of pills in Izaya’s hand.

The informant shrugged and handed them to Shizuo, who downed them each slowly. “I know, but you have to keep up on it. I know you haven’t been taking them daily.”

“I’ve been feeling better.”

“Well look at yourself now,” Izaya snapped, feeling irritated. It was starting to bother him that the brute was getting ill so easily. It was too human…

Shizuo handed the empty glass to Izaya, closing his tired eyes. “I’m gonna rest…you can stay here if you want. No point in going all the way back to your place.” Izaya nodded, tucking the covers around Shizuo before pushing himself to his feet.

“Then I’ll make you something to eat. Soup sound good?” Izaya asked, scowling a bit when Shizuo tiredly nodded with a small smile on his features. The informant stormed out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He didn’t know why this bothered him so much. Seeing Shizuo stuck in bed with a fever made his skin crawl, and knowing that he was so willing to go out of his way to take care of him made his stomach flip and his chest ache.

Were these the butterflies everyone felt in their stomach; the twisting nausea and nervousness that bubbled inside him that made him squirm and feel flushed? He had to stop to lean against the table, clutching his stomach as it continued to flip. He glared at his body, watching as his hands trembled with this overwhelming feeling. Shaking his head, Izaya went into the kitchen to start making some chicken noodle soup for Shizuo. Anything to get his mind off of those emotions he was so unfamiliar with. 


	77. Butterflies

Izaya softly knocked on the door before swinging it open. He peeked inside, seeing Shizuo still sleeping heavily. It had been a few hours since he first arrived. The blond had been sleeping the day away, while Izaya sat around and watched TV and ate some of the soup he made. He left plenty for Shizuo when he woke up, however, that didn’t seem to be any time soon.

He sighed, deciding that five hours of rest was plenty. The informant limped in, bending down to take a peek at Shizuo’s face.

The blond looked anything but relaxed. His brows were knit together, and he had a small frown on his face. He mumbled deliriously in his sleep, his voice barely over a whisper as he shifted to get more comfortable.

Izaya ran his hand through Shizuo’s hair, feeling his forehead for a fever. It was breaking, but it was still there. His body continued to battle the virus that raged within his system.

He wiped his hand on his pants, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he tried to get the sweat off his hand. Izaya reached over to un-tuck the sheets around Shizuo, noticing they were damp and sticky. It would be best to change them so they stayed warm. But no matter how hard he tried to pull the sheets off of Shizuo, the blond clung to them weakly, desperately trying to keep warm as he trembled.

“Come on Shizu-chan…let go,” Izaya whispered as he uncurled Shizuo’s fingers from around the blanket and pulled it away. The blond shivered and curled onto his side, grumbling something under his breath. Once Izaya managed to take away Shizuo’s damp sheets and pillow, he replaced them with fresh linens and tucked him in. Shizuo’s eyes fluttered open for a moment to stare at Izaya, before closing to fall back asleep.

The informant chuckled, leaving the bedroom. He looked around the dreary apartment and frowned. It wasn‘t nearly as high class as his own home, and it only made him feel smaller. Normally on lazy days, he would curl up with a book, or log onto the chat rooms. The only thing he could do here was watch TV or cook. Neither sounded exciting.

He hobbled over to the kitchen and dragged a chair from the dining table into Shizuo‘s bedroom as quietly as he could. He pulled it up to the side of the bed, and decided to do what he loved best: observe his beloved humans in their natural habitat.

Of course, this time he would be observing a monster, right?

He sighed, knowing that he couldn‘t even consider Shizuo to be a monster nowadays. His own theories were being shot down every minute he was with the blond.

“Psyche…”

Izaya blinked as that name rolled off of Shizuo’s lips, fading to silence. Was that really what the brute was dreaming of? Or were his ears tricking him?

He watched Shizuo rest, he continued to feel those butterflies flutter in his stomach, and his chest ache with an emotion he was starting to finally experience - one that he never wanted to feel, but couldn't control. All thanks to this tender side of Shizuo that continues to murmur the name of a fictional man who shares the informant’s face.

Izaya slouched in his chair, crossing his legs and his arms until he was comfortable, and let his eyes fall closed. In the silent darkness of the room, he was able to doze off and ease his restless mind. But before he could give into sleep, he heard Shizuo murmur his name - not Psyche’s - and wondered if it was just his imagination.


	78. Fever Dream

_"Things have gotten hazy…I can’t remember which way is up or down. And it’s too hot. It feel like it’s burning my skin._

_"How long have I been here? What day is it? Is it even day time? Maybe I’m directly under the sun. Maybe that’s why I feel like I’m melting…and choking on my own breath._

_"I can’t breathe. It hurts to suck in the air…or is it smoke? Maybe I am on fire, and my clothes are burning off and smothering me. It feels too heavy; too labored. I feel like I’m drowning…_

_"…Someone save me…"_

“Tsu-chan!”

Shizuo managed to open his eyes and groaned as the bright light assaulted him and made his headache worse. He turned over, covering his face with his hands, but someone grabbed his hands and pulled them away.

“Stop hiding! It’s a beautiful day!”

“It’s too bright…”

A cheery giggle echoed in Shizuo's ears. Normally, that kind of sound would grate his ears, but this one he didn't mind.

“Come on, it’s okay, you can do it!” The voice cheered again.

Shizuo sighed and cracked open his eyes, and they soon adjusted to the dazzling light.

_"W-where the hell am I?"_

Suddenly, Shizuo was no longer laying down in bed, but instead standing in a field that seemed to stretch on forever. He was surrounded by colorful flowers that swayed gently in the breeze. The sun was shining above him, and he was standing underneath a large tree. He looked up to see perfectly blue skies. Big, white cotton clouds floated by. He felt warm, but not feverish. He had never experienced a place to beautiful, so calm, so soothing.

“Isn’t this place perfect?”

The sweet voice caught his attention. He turned to face the person next to him and felt a surge of irritation crawl up his spine. "Flea?!"

The man looked like Izaya. They had the same face and hair, but the eyes were different. They were a bit wider that usual, and the dangerous carmine red was an electric pink. The outfit was Izaya's, but it was white instead, and he was wearing ridiculous pink and white headphones. 

_"No…that person can't be the louse…"_

“Tsu-chan, what are you staring at?” The Izaya look-a-like giggled, stepping forward to grab Shizuo's hands. The blond looked down at their joined hands and instantly felt a tingling sensation spreading up his arms. Then Shizuo noticed the long blue and white yukata he was wearing.

“I…I’m just confused.” he replied, his voice coming out much softer than he would have expected. It was as if anger didn’t live within him.

“Don’t be! This is a place just for us. A place where we can be together forever with no worries,” The man in front of him laced his fingers with Shizuo's and smiled.

 _"He’s…he’s really…beautiful,"_ Shizuo thought. Everything about him was gorgeous: the way his hair fell around his face, how flawless his skin was, the unique and tender pink color to his eyes, his gentle smile and his lips...

This person was perfect.

“Don’t you think this is great, Tsu-chan?” The man giggled as he stepped closer to Shizuo.

Tsu-chan. That was the nickname for Tsugaru.

_"Oh my god."_

“Psyche?” Shizuo whispered, his voice refusing to work. Psyche nodded and pulled Shizuo into a close embrace, and the blond couldn't help but hold him back. He felt his body trembling, and all he could think was,  _"I can't believe he's really here. The person I've fallen for is finally in my arms."_

"Tsu-chan," Psyche whispered repeatedly as they sunk onto their knees, never letting go of one another. They were surrounded by flowers, basking in the warm sunlight. They were in paradise.

Psyche pulled away for a moment, looking up into Shizuo's eyes. "I'm so happy we're together Tsu-chan."

"I am too," Shizuo replied, his voice cracking again. In an instant, Psyche lunges forward and throws his arms around Shizuo. They fell backwards, buried in the tall grass and flowers. 

_"If I could die right now, I would be happy."_

“Tsu-chan, I have a surprise for you!” Psyche giggles cheerily, although his voice has a teasing tone like Izaya's. 

Izaya…where was the louse?

Shizuo looked around, wondering where the pest could be, but Psyche tugged his hand to pull him up onto his knees. He turned Shizuo's face toward him so they could look each other in the eyes. Psyche took off his headphones and placed them over Shizuo's ears.

Silence. The gentle breeze, the chirping birds, Psyche's laughter, every sound in the field vanishes. He couldn't even hear his own breathing. The only thing Shizuo can hear is his heartbeat echoing through. However, it's not his heart beat...the one he hears is racing, hammering.

"Psyche, why are you...?"

Shizuo couldn't hear his own voice, and he wasn't sure if he was even speaking. However, Psyche responds by leaning forward to press his finger against his lips to silence him. Psyche smiles and starts talking, but Shizuo can't hear him. He can only read his lips, which are moving too fast for him to decipher. Shizuo tries to tell him that he can't hear, but his lips won't move. The muscles in his voice don't respond. He can only watch, frozen in his spot. Suddenly, Psyche leans forward and kisses him. 

It shocked him, but he didn't complain - not like he could because he still couldn't speak - because it felt good. Shiuo melted into it, his eyes closing as he listened to the heartbeat soundtrack playing through the headphones. It was getting faster.

Psyche cupped Shizuo's face in his hands and kissed him more passionately. Shizuo wrapped his arms around Psyche's waist, pulling him closer. He feels Psyche whimper, the sound vibrating through the blond's body. 

_"He's so fragile, I could break him in two."_

He loosened his grip, fearing that he hurt him, and opened his eyes. In front of him was Izaya, grinning mischievously.

“Izaya?”

Izaya laughed and began to speak, but Shizuo was still deaf and he couldn't read Izaya's lips. Shizuo tried to rip off the headphones, but they don't come off. They seem to be glued to his head.

"Flea, you had better explain!" he barked, reaching forward to grab Izaya by the shirt, but Izaya yanks Shizuo's arm until the blond is in his lap.

"Shizuo-chan," he purred.

Shizuo jumps, startled by the sudden sound of Izaya's voice echoing over the heartbeat. Shizuo looked down and saw that he was back in his normal uniform. He wasn't Tsugaru anymore.

“Izaya, tell me where Psyche went! Right now!”

Izaya leaned forward, brushing his lips against Shizuo. The brute felt his face burning up, and suddenly everything was starting to get hot again. The sun was coming close to the field, singing the grass and making the flowers burst into flames. The leaves on the tree above them started to melt away.

“Wouldn’t you like that, Shizu-chan?” Izaya whispered, staring at Shizuo intently. His garnet eyes seemed to reflect something deeper in them, but Shizuo couldn't make out what it was. "Am I not good enough for you?"

The question threw Shizuo off. He opened his mouth to yell back at him, but Izaya closed the gap and kissed him firmly, slipping his tongue into Shizuo's mouth. The feeling was familiar to him, and in a strange way it was comforting. It was nothing like Psyche, who was gentle and warm - a stranger. No one had ever shown him kindness like that before. 

But Izaya…he was fierce and daring. Something Shizuo had grown with and knew how to handle. He could kiss back as hard as he wanted and felt like he wouldn't hurt him. Izaya could fight back. Shizuo could be himself.

With Izaya, he could truly feel at peace.

“Izaya…” The name rolls off his tongue before he can stop it. It happens again and again. "Izaya, Izaya, Izaya..." He couldn't stop himself.

The informant was whispering his name too. “Shizu-chan…” It made Shizuo's entire body tremble, and soon the entire world was burning up around him, and he felt like he was on fire again. He was dying, but he felt safe. He clung to Izaya, not wanting to leave him.

“Shizu-chan~”

Shizuo groaned, unable to make his mouth move. The field is turning black with ashes, and a sensation of falling overwhelms him as the ground burns up.

“Shizu-chan, wake up.”

_"Wake up?"_

Izaya dissolved from Shizuo's grasp. He scream out his name, but his voice gets eaten up by a whirlwind as he falls into the darkness. All he hears is the racing heartbeat. Then the world goes black, and all is silent.


	79. Chicken Noodle Soup

Shizuo cracked open his eyes, groaning as his blurry vision slowly cleared. He couldn’t tell where he was. He only knew that it was dark in the room, and his was tucked under blankets. The only familiar thing was Izaya’s face hovering over him.

“Ahh, now you’re awake.”

“I-Izaya?”

The informant nodded and pulled on Shizuo’s shoulders, helping him up into a sitting position. Shizuo yawned and closed his eyes again as Izaya felt his forehead for a temperature. “Your fever is going down. But you still look dehydrated. You should eat.”

Food didn’t sound good at that moment. Shizuo still felt like his head and stomach were flipping after the weird dream he had.

Shizuo looked back toward Izaya who had gotten up to get food. The blond felt himself flush as his dream became clearer. It had taken a weird turn at the end. He could still hear Psyche’s voice and the rapid heartbeat that echoed in his mind. He could still feel Izaya on his lips…in his arms…If he didn’t know any better, he would have sworn it was reality.

“Shizu-chan.”

Shizuo looked up toward the door, where Izaya was walking in with a bowl of soup. The smell made Shizuo’s stomach wake up and grumble. Izaya sat down in the chair beside the bed and set the bowl on the nightstand. “Is that chicken noodle?”

“Yeah. I made it while you were asleep. So it’s reheated.”

“I don’t mind. Still smells good,” Shizuo grunted, his mouth watering as the smell intensified. He pushed himself up so he was sitting, and sat on the edge of the bed to face Izaya.

The informant carefully scooped up a spoonful and placed it against Shizuo’s lips, catching the blond off guard as he ate the first spoonful. He winced as it burned his tongue, cursing as he choked it down. “Shit!”

“You’re supposed to blow on it first to cool it down.”

“I normally would when it’s not shoved in my face! I figured it was already cooled down!”

Izaya rolled his eyes and fed Shizuo another spoonful of soup, blowing on it before feeding him. It didn't scald Shizuo's mouth like the first time, and it tasted twice as good now that he wasn’t forcing it down.

"Thanks."

"No need to say thank you," Izaya murmured as he stirred the soup, cooling it off before he ladled another spoonful.

"Still, thanks. You've been doing a lot for me, and I'm sure this is not something you'd ever want to do."

"Who says that I don't want to?" Izaya asked lightly, blowing on the spoonful although he was sure it was cooled down enough.

Shizuo laughed, his chest aching. "Like you'd ever want to baby me while I'm sick. Haha, that'd be priceless!"

Izaya narrowed his eyes and shoved another spoonful of soup into Shizuo's mouth, causing him to sputter and choke as the broth went down the wrong pipe. "Shut your trap and eat."

The blond smiled and took the bowl from Izaya, feeding himself. “I’m not completely helpless you know. I think I can feed myself.”

“If you aren‘t so helpless, why are you not taking your medication and getting sicker? It’s pathetic.”

"So, you're only helping me out of pity?”

Izaya shrugged, resting his elbows on his knees. “Mmm…more or less.”

"So you don‘t get off on seeing me in pain anymore?"

"Perhaps..." Izaya started, pausing as he thought with a soft sigh. "In the past I would have. But now I don't find any pleasure in seeing you weak. It‘s more of a nuisance."

"Huh." Shizuo sipped at his soup, sniffling as his nose began to run from the steam. "Is that the only reason why you’re helping?”

Izaya leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I suppose another factor would be because of a growing fondness towards you...hypothetically speaking of course. After all, you have become very human in the past months, and you know I can’t resist loving my humans. Although you’re still enough of a beast to be unpredictable."

Shizuo grinned a bit and ate, feeling his chest swell with happiness. So, he really was starting to melt the flea's heart of ice. He never would have imagined it possible. "Thanks again."

"Stop saying that."

"No, I don't think I will." Shizuo laughed again when Izaya groaned in response.

"Shizu-chan…why must you be so difficult?"

“Says the one that had always made my life trouble.”

Even Izaya smirked a bit at that, and rested his chin in his hands, watching as Shizuo ate. A small feeling of pride washed over him - he was glad to see that the brute enjoyed his cooking.

After a moment, Shizuo set his mostly empty bowl on his lap and sighed. "I think...I can call you me friend," Shizuo murmured, keeping his eyes on the bowl as he swirled around the contents.

Izaya stiffened beside him and watched the blond as he closed his eyes and sighed. "Why on earth do you think that?"

"'Cause...the old Izaya wouldn't have ever offered to help."

Izaya narrowed his eyes. "So that makes me your friend now?"

"Yeah." The blond shrugged, feeling his face heating up slightly. He hoped that his fever would hide it, because he couldn't believe that he was about to act upon a dream he had. But he was sure it meant something. That he had to take this next step - even if it meant making a fool out of himself. His mouth dried up as he whispered, "Maybe something more."

The informant's mouth dropped slightly in surprise, before his mouth upturned into a grin. He laughed, bending forward and clutching his sides as his shrill laugh echoed in the bedroom. "Ahahahaha! That's hilarious, Shizu-chan! Us as friends? Let alone something more than that! Haha, are you going to ask me out next?" He leaned back, sighing and wiping a fake tear from his eye as he giggled mockingly. "Ready to proclaim your love for me?"

Shizuo watched Izaya silently, feeling himself getting angrier as Izaya continued to laugh. But soon, it seeped away into the same dull throbbing he has grown used to. After all, what else could he expect? For Izaya to run into his arms and shout ‘Yes, yes! I love you, Shizu-chan!’ Hell would have to freeze over first. 

"I don't know..."

"Eh?"

Shizuo watched Izaya‘s eyes carefully, clearly seeing confusion on his face before another mask built over it. God, that was so annoying. The ill bartender shifted his gaze to stare at the floor, suddenly feeling shy. "I said I don't know."

"I already told you not to confuse me with Psyche," Izaya spat, his voice laced with bitterness.

Shizuo shook his head, playing with the hem of the blanket. "I'm not confusing you with Psyche anymore. I know you two aren't the same."

Izaya grinned. "So you admit that I win?"

"Not exactly...more like...I can agree that you two aren't the same. You’re so different. But...still similar enough. But that's not the point!" Shizuo rambled, rubbing his face with his hands as he tried to think. His mind was still foggy with a low fever. "I...I'm just saying that...I prefer you over Psyche....that's all." He looked up and confidently stared into Izaya’s eyes. “I would rather have something familiar to focus on than a stranger. Someone I can’t hurt. Someone who can handle my strength. Someone who can understand me.”

Izaya clenched his fists in his lap, refusing to break eye contact with Shizuo. “So…that means me?”

“Yeah…I think so.”

The informant felt a shiver run down his spine as he blinked and looked away, toward the window. Shizuo quietly laid back down on the bed, sitting upright as he pulled the covers over himself.

They sat in silence as they watched the sun set. The room was cast into complete darkness, except for the slight illumination of the hallway light streaming in through the open door. Izaya absentmindedly brushed his hand over Shizuo’s forehead, searching for a temperature. Shizuo's skin tingled under the gentle touch of Izaya’s palm on his head. The sensation lingered even as the informant pulled his hand away. Shizuo’s eyes glanced over, trying to catch Izaya’s expression. He seemed calm, although his eyes were clouded with thought.

Shizuo wished he could delve inside the informant’s mind. If only he could understand what went on in his head. What was he thinking? Was he angry with what Shizuo said? Was he confused? Lonely? Why did he put on so many masks? Why couldn't he just be more open with his feelings?

Even still, those disguises felt more familiar than anything else; sharper than the edge of a blade on his skin, deeper than any cut he received, and more passionate and ablaze than the sun. Seeing anything else on the flea's face was foreign and unnatural. Maybe that's why seeing Psyche had bothered him. Despite the white and pink man being exactly what he imagined...he was still too much of a stranger.

“It’s getting late,” Izaya’s voice cut through the silence, causing Shizuo to look away from the informant and look at the clock. It was nearly 10 p.m. “I should be heading back to Shinjuku soon.”

“Ah…”

Silence fell between them again, filling the air with a heavy discomfort. What more could they say? After all...Shizuo had said a lot already.

“Well then. I guess I’ll be leaving.” Izaya stood up, using the chair for leverage as he headed toward the door. “I’ll be sure to check in early.”

“Stay.”

The informant paused, arms laying limp at his sides as he leaned in the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder, although not enough to see the blond who sat up with his hand slightly outstretched for him.

“Stay…” Shizuo repeated, resting his arm on his lap as he stared out the window. He watched the car lights rush by, sending streaks of light to wash over the room in intervals. "Please stay. Just for tonight."

Izaya wasn't sure what to think. The brute had been throwing curve balls all night, causing him to loose balance and confuse him. He didn't know how to handle this situation, and it pissed him off. Part of him screamed to run, or rather hobble, as fast as he could till he was home. Another part wanted to stay and comfort the blond.

He didn't know which side to listen to. But the tired and lonely tone in Shizuo's voice echoed in his mind, and ultimately caused the informant to turn around and walk back toward the bed. He sat down in the chair and made himself comfortable, staring at Shizuo with indifferent eyes - contradicting the conflicting emotions bubbling up within him.

"You do realize what you are asking, don't you?"

"Yes."

“And you do realize you are asking 'Izaya' to stay. Not 'Psyche?'”

"Yes. I know that."

Izaya sighed, closing his eyes as he slumped in his chair, resting his head back on the wall. "You're so confusing, Shizu-chan." He turned his head away, not wanting to look at Shizuo as he laid back down and closed his eyes. He felt Shizuo’s hand brush against his, and turned his palm up so their hands would clasp together. He could feel Shizuo’s heartbeat through his skin, slowing down as he succumbed to sleep.

“Izaya…?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t leave…till morning…”

Izaya sighed, squeezing his hand slightly as he closed his own eyes. “I won’t.”


	80. Need Some Sugar

When morning came, Shizuo awoke to an empty room and a cold hand. He blinked back his blurry vision and closed his fist, disliking the absence of Izaya’s warm palm pressed against his. He sat up, rubbing his face and yawning as a heavy feeling settled in his chest. It ached more as he thought about the previous night: how Izaya had cared for him, how he had told Izaya about his feelings, how he had asked for Izaya to stay, and how the raven said he would.

But where was he now?

The blond dragged himself out of bed and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing as he leaned forward. He felt like an idiot. A fool. He had honestly thought that Izaya would stay? He shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat and getting up to grab fresh clothes to wear for the day. He wouldn’t allow himself to wallow and complain over something that would be common for the flea to pull. He should have expected it, so he shouldn’t be hurting.

Shizuo stepped out of his bedroom, making a beeline for the bathroom so he could get himself clean. He felt sticky and over all dirty after a night of cold sweats and fevers. He turned on the shower and stripped himself of his clothes. He didn't bother to wait for the water to heat up and instead walking into the spray of cold water. The pounding of ice water on his warm skin felt relaxing. It shocked his body awake and seemed to quickly wash away the feeling of sickness on his body. As the water slowly heated up, his muscles relaxed and he felt all his problems rinse off his body to swirl down the drain. All the muck and grime, along with all his worries, vanished - leaving him clean and refreshed.

He took his time bathing, not wanting to leave the soothing warmth of the shower. He washed his hair three times, until the shampoo bottle was only squirting out tiny bubbles. When his skin was beginning to turn pruney, he stepped out and quickly towel dried himself. He didn’t bother to dry his hair, and simply slipped on a pair of pants. He slung the towel around his neck and stepped out into the hall, shivering at the temperature difference.

“You’re awake? I swore you would have slept in. It’s only 10 a.m.”

Shizuo paused when he heard the voice coming down the hall. He couldn’t tell if his mind was just playing tricks on him.

“…Izaya?”

“Morning! Sorry I wasn't around to hold your hand when you woke up,” the informant grinned teasingly as Shizuo walked into the kitchen. “But I was getting hungry and thought that getting breakfast would be a better use of my time.”

“You...got food?” Shizuo asked as he rubbed at his hair with the towel.

Izaya glanced up and raked his eyes across Shizuo’s body, only pulling his gaze away when Shizuo caught his line of sight. He reached into the take-out bag and pulling out a container of sushi. “I checked around and your kitchen is pretty bare. You're gonna have to go grocery shopping eventually. But for now, some delicious ootoro will tie us over,” he said happily as he picked up a plate of ootoro and a glass of milk. He walked around the table and handed it to Shizuo. “Here. My treat.” Shizuo took the dish and sat down, frowning as he stared at his plate. Izaya quirked a brow and crossed his arms. “What? Is something wrong? I bought you something that actually tastes good, and even poured you a glass of strawberry milk - which I also bought on the way back, since I noticed you were out of that as well."

“No, I just... I've never had ootoro before.”

The informant shrugged, sitting down in front of his own breakfast. “Well, there’s a first time for everything. Besides, I thought you would need a pick me up.”

Shizuo couldn’t help but puffs up cheeks with reluctance. “The gesture was nice for a little while, at least,“ he grumbled and took a sip of his milk, trying to delay having to eat. He really didn’t want to try it - it smelled too fishy.

“Stop being so stubborn and just eat it,” Izaya barked, getting annoyed at his beloved food getting cold. He smiled a bit and waved a plump piece in front of Shizuo’s face. “You won't regret it.~” He plopped it into his own mouth and sighed happily at the flavor.

Shizuo, however, took his time while eating. He picked up a piece, poking it and making a face of disgust. He sighed, hesitantly taking a bite. He was aware of Izaya’s eyes on him, evaluating his face as he chewed on it thoughtfully. He stared at the plate as he set down the other half and swallowed the first.

“Well?”

“Needs sugar.”

Izaya sputtered, completely appalled at the idea. “ Sugar?! That would ruin the entire dish!”

“But it's so... fishy.” Shizuo smiled and shrugged. "Maybe my 'protozoan' tongue can't handle your rich people shit.”

Izaya rolled his eyes, “Well, last time I checked sushi was made out of fish. Perhaps you'd like something made out of cookie dough and pixie sticks.” He reached into the take-out bag, pulling out a separate container. “Luckily for you, I also bought you some of the normal stuff you get.” He winced and sighed dramatically. “It pained me to spend money on something so cheap and mediocre in taste.”

“It pains me that you wasted your money on this expensive crap,” Shizuo growled as he took the container and slid his plate toward Izaya. “Want the rest?”

“Gladly.” Izaya wasted no time in shoving another morsel into his mouth, purring with happiness. “Mmm, perfection.” He made a show out of eating - as if he was teasing Shizuo about the delicacy he was missing out on.

The blond just ignored him, sticking a piece of his sushi into his mouth with no problem. This stuff definitely tasted better than ootoro - at least to him. He looked down at his plate and saw the half-bitten piece of ootoro he had tried. “Hey. Want this one?” He asked Izaya as he dangled the half bitten piece of sushi in front of him.

Izaya scrunched his face. “It's got Shizu-chan germs all over it.” His voice had a teasing undertone, causing Shizuo to smirk in response and position the ootoro between his teeth.

“Come and get it.”

The informant leaned forward with a smirk, narrowing his eyes and cocking his head to the side. “Is that a challenge?”

Shizuo grinned the best he could with the ootoro in his mouth, and cocked an eyebrow. Izaya instantly read the gesture as a dare. He was tempted to push the rest into Shizuo’s mouth, and laugh at the way he choked and tried to spit it out. However, there was a part of him that wanted to go for it.

“Oh, I cannot resist my loving ootoro~” He leaned over the table, tilting his head to gingerly grab the piece with his teeth, their lips barely touching as he did so.

Shizuo grabbed the back of Izaya's head and pulled him into a kiss, nabbing the ootoro and playing with Izaya's tongue instead.

Izaya’s eyes widened for a moment, before narrowing dangerously. “Mphh…“ He flicked his tongue against Shizuo’s with annoyance. He suddenly remembered of the last time they fought over food, and felt himself blush unwillingly.

Feeling bold, Shizuo moved his mouth brashly against Izaya's, threading his fingers through Izaya's hair. Izaya couldn’t help but match Shizuo’s actions, kissing him back with the same fervor and grabbing the back of his neck to pull their mouths closer.

Pulling Izaya in by the small of his back, Shizuo encouraged him to sit on his lap. He rolled his tongue around Izaya‘s, running the tip against the roof of his mouth. He broke for air, licking his lips. Izaya gasped, shakily sucking in air.

“Ootoro's...not so bad…”

“Shizu-chammph!” Shizuo pulled the informant back in for another kiss. Izaya grunted, kissing him back as he ran his fingers through Shizuo's damp hair. He tilted his head to press their lips closer. Shizuo deepened the kiss, licking on Izaya’s bottom lip, earning an appreciative groan from Izaya who opened his mouth to give him more access.

The hand on Izaya’s back started to slip under his shirt, causing Izaya to shiver and arch into his touch. The blond lifted his hips up a bit into Izaya's, gently rubbing their groins together.

Izaya jolted and shoved Shizuo back, gasping for air and wiping off his mouth with the back of his wrist. “W-we’re supposed to be eating breakfast…not each other," he said breathlessly as he tried to catch his breath.

Shizuo grinned, a little dazed, but satisfied from the kiss. “But you're tastier.” He reached over to grab another slice of sushi and popped it into his mouth to wash down with milk.

“Tch...shut up.” Izaya hated the fact his cheeks were dusting pink. He slipped himself off Shizuo’s lap and shoved another slice of ootoro into his own mouth, focusing on that flavor instead of Shizuo’s taste that lingered on his tongue.

“You know, I meant what I said," Shizuo murmured as he ran a finger over the glass. “Last night…”

Izaya rolled his eyes with stared at his plate. “It was only your fever. You were mumbling in your sleep too.” He refused to believe that Shizuo was telling the truth. Because…well…he wasn’t ready to accept the possibility of that yet.

Shizuo growled under his breath. “You're calling me delirious when you’re the one who's in denial?” He snorted and shook his head. “It wasn't just the fever, or I wouldn't be saying it now.”

“You're wrapping yourself in the idea that you Io-” He choked on the word, scowling and clenching his fist. “…have romantic feelings toward me. Can't you see it's impossible? After all, you've hated me all this time.”

The blond scratched the back of his head, his gaze dropping down. “I haven't hated you, not for all of it. True, you get on my nerves and under my skin, but…” His grip tightened hard on the towel. He couldn’t believe that he was…admitting to these feelings that have been eating away at him over the past few months. It terrified him, because he didn’t want rejection. But what did he have to lose?

“Eh?” Izaya chuckled from amusement. “So, you're trying to tell me that all those years of 'I'm gonna fuckin' kill you, louse!’ was your way of saying 'I don't hate you, but you just piss me off'?”

“I told you, that was before!” He slammed his fist on the table, causing the plates to clatter. “Not now. It's different now.”

Izaya sipped his tea, sighing. “You're so stubborn.” He took another bite of ootoro and stared at his plate.

“I guess that's a good thing, huh?” Shizuo stood up from his chair, his heart racing painfully in his chest. “Izaya, look at me.”

 _"No. I won’t look at you. I won’t let you get to me,"_ Izaya thought bitterly as he licked the juices off his fingers and took another drink of his tea, refusing to make eye contact.

Shizuo growled, clenching his fists. “Put the goddamn fancy shit down and look at me.”

Izaya sighed loudly, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “Yes?”

Shizuo bent forward and rested his hands on the back of Izaya’s chair, boxing him in with his arms. “I want you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel a thing for me.”

Izaya flinched and stiffened, staring hard at Shizuo. “Why should I have to say anything? Aren't my feelings for you clear?” He sneered.

“You're dodging again. Tell me.”

Izaya’s heart raced, and he was certain his mark faltered for a moment. He…he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t deny the claim, or admit that he does…have some feelings toward the blond, but he couldn’t give Shizuo the satisfaction. “I have no feelings toward you.”

Shizuo stared long and hard at Izaya, before smirking. “Liar.”

Izaya smirked back, tilting his head. “Don't I always lie?” His eyes twitched a bit when he caught his slip up. He was so used to snapping back at Shizuo, and usually said the right thing. But this time, his words backfired and only hinted that he was lying about having no feelings. Which was true - although he wouldn’t accept it yet.

However, Shizuo didn’t seem to catch that, and his smirk turned into a frown. “I had hoped the 'always' wasn't so true.”

Izaya stood up, moving closer to Shizuo in an attempt to push him back. “Then how about you just forget that anything intimate ever happened, hm? Then we can go back to our daily lives of cat and mouse.”

Shizuo frowned. “No... I can't do that.” He stepped forward, closing in on Izaya and bringing them closer.

The informant froze and took a step back, his adrenaline pumping. “And why is that?”

The blond chuckled dryly. “I already told you one time, but apparently you're dying to hear it again.” He paused, a look of concern washing over his face. “Do you?” He leaned in slowly, and gently kissed Izaya again.

 _"You’re delusional,"_ Izaya thought to himself as he stood as still as possible, trying not to encourage Shizuo. Even though deep down, his heart ached and wanted him to continue.

This was it. Shizuo couldn’t hold it back anymore. It was like a raging tide that swept over him and made him speak before he even knew what was happening. He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. This was his last shot. He pulled away and stared at Izaya with loving eyes. “Izaya, I...love you.”


	81. Inconvenient Fireworks

Izaya flushed, unable to hide his surprise. “Eh?”

Shizuo ducked down again, hushing him with a soft kiss. “My only fever is for you.”

The informant scowled, hiding his embarrassment with another mask. “G-God that was chea-mph!!”

He stumbled back as Shizuo kissed him fully, closing the gap and pressing against him. Izaya grabbed onto Shizuo's arms to steady himself as the blond brought his hands up to cup Izaya’s face. He tilted his head to get in deeper, despite Izaya trying to limp back. He bumped into the counter, wincing a little. “Nng…” He pushed against Shizuo’s chest, trying to get him away, but his strength slowly weakened as Shizuo kissed him passionately. He gave into the kiss, groaning softly as Shizuo looped an arm around Izaya’s middle and pulled them together. The blond slid his other hand up from Izaya’s cheek to the side of his head, teasing the informant’s ear and neck with his fingertips. Izaya’s eyes slipped closed and his head tips back slightly, parting their lips briefly. He sighed as his arms fell limp at his sides, his hands gently resting on Shizuo's bare abdomen. He could feel the strong muscles underneath his skin.

Shizuo lifted Izaya up and sat him on the counter, leaning back in to kiss him. He held their hips close as he moved his mouth over to the shell of Izaya's ear. Izaya shivered and bit his lower lip, his hands gripping Shizuo’s waist and pulling him close. He mewled as the blond nipped and licked his ear.

“Izaya…” Shizuo murmured as his lips slid down to kiss and suck on Izaya’s neck. The informant fought back a low moan as he wrapped his legs around Shizuo’s waist and pressed their hips together. Shizuo rolled his waist against Izaya's as he slipped a hand up the front of his shirt, smoothing it over his stomach. Izaya trembled, licking his lips and sighing. He ran his hand along Shizuo’s chest, softly scraping his nails against his skin.

With a growl, Shizuo pushed Izaya back onto the counter, bucking against him. Izaya arched into the counter and groaned, grabbing Shizuo by the back of the neck and locking their mouths together in a rough kiss. His hand slid down to rest on Shizuo’s hip, guiding him as they rocked together. Shizuo hiked up Izaya’s shirt, bending down to place kisses along his torso, paying extra attention to his nipples.

“Aahh!!” Izaya gasped, sucking in a sharp breath as he clawed at Shizuo‘s neck and shoulders. “S-Shizu-chan..”

Shizuo smirked against Izaya’s skin. “What was that about no feelings?” He started to palm Izaya's growing arousal through his jeans, earning a lewd moan to escape from the flea.

“H-Haahh...ngg...s-shut up…” Izaya panted as he bucked into Shizuo's hand. “J-just don't st-aahh..mmmmm…”

“Shit…” Shizuo dipped his hand between Izaya’s pants and boxers, closer to his arousal, but not close enough. He teased up his length with his fingertips while nipping and kissing Izaya‘s quivering stomach.

“Oooh...mnn, God…” Izaya panted. Wrapping his legs around Shizuo’s waist, he pulled him closer. “D-dammit Shizuo…“ He paused, forcing his eyes opened as he looked at the ceiling. He shivered as his bare skin touched the cold counter top. “Ngnn..not in here…”

“You can't walk well…” Shizuo mumbled between kisses at Izaya’s navel. “And you won't let me carry you… So unless you come up with a better solution, we're doing it here, I don't care, want you…”

The words made Izaya tremble. He pushed himself up awkwardly, trying to hop down. “F-fine! Carry me! Just mo-ooohhh ooh!” He quivered and rocked his hips as Shizuo chose that moment to press and stroke Izaya’s erection harder, a smirk on his lips. Izaya bent forward to lean over Shizuo's shoulders and cling to his back. “Mnnnggnn...bed..”

“Fuck…” Shizuo looped his arms under Izaya’s back and pulled him up against himself. He growled when Izaya‘s erection rubbed against him, causing both of them to groan. He kissed him hungrily, blindly making his way toward the bedroom with the help of Izaya. The informant clung to the brute tightly, kissing him ravenously and shoving his tongue into his mouth. Izaya cried out when his hurt ankle knocked into a wall. Shizuo kissed him harder, trying to drown out the pained cries and help Izaya focus on something else.

They stumbled into the bedroom, kicking the door closed behind them. Shizuo let their lips separate long enough to place him on the bed and tug Izaya's shirt over his head. Izaya wriggled out of the shirt and fell back onto the bed. He pulled Shizuo with him so they are pressing up against each other. Shizuo kissed him again, grinding against him as Izaya nipped and sucked on his lips.

Shizuo teasingly played with Izaya’s chest, running his hands along the expanse of skin. He rolled his thumbs over his nipples, causing Izaya to shiver and moan. He palmed Izaya’s erection, coaxing it to become fully erect again.

“Aaah haah…” Izaya panted and moaned, wrapping his legs around Shizuo’s back to pull him closer. His ankle bumped into his hip, causing him to wince and grit his teeth.

Shizuo hooked his fingers in Izaya's waistband and pulled them down a little. He left chaste kisses from Izaya’s collar bone all the way down his chest until he was bent over Izaya’s waist. A vague memory of Izaya trying to suck him off in the closet flashed in his mind. He leaned down to mouth at clothed erection, rolling his tongue along the shaft.

“Ngg…Fuck!” Izaya threw his head back into the pillows and moaned loudly. His fingers tangled themselves into Shizuo's hair, combing his bangs back. He opened his carmine eyes partway to stare down at the blond.

Shizuo unbuttoned Izaya's pants and freed his cock, lightly kissing the head. His honey eyes slowly moved up to stare at Izaya, who licked his lips and let out a breathy sigh. He bucked his hips up to encourage Shizuo to continue. Seizing the moment, Shizuo lavished the head of the informant’s cock, taking his sweet time. He lightly stroked the base of the shaft and massaged Izaya's hipbone with the other hand.

“Sh-shit…” Izaya‘s eyes fluttered closed. One hand dropped from its spot on Shizuo‘s hand to rest on the hand massaging his hip. “Ngnn...more.” He demanded as he rolled his pelvis.

The blond moved lower to kiss the base while stroking his length. He licked up the shaft and pumped whatever was left, earning an approving moan from Izaya.

“Haahhh...y-yeah...like that…”

Shizuo pulled Izaya's pants completely off, sliding a finger lower to brush briefly over his entrance. “Izaya…”

Izaya jerked at the sensation and sat up partly. “Shit! Who said you could go down there?!” He smacked Shizuo’s hand and glared at him. He wasn’t expecting him to be so brazen about it, and although it did turn him on, it startled him.

“I did.” Shizuo smirked, making a sharp tug and a particularly hard suck at the head of Izaya’s beading cock.

A guttural gasp escaped Izaya’s throat and he twitched at the sensation, his cock jumping with need. “AAH!” He gripped the sheets and bit his lip,. “Ngnn…” Shizuo sucked on a couple of fingers for a moment, hoping that he was coating them well enough. He didn’t want to hurt the flea, but he really didn’t want to lost any more time. He went back to Izaya’s cock, stroking it as he slipped his saliva slicked fingers over his entrance, circling the opening gently.

Izaya trembled and whined, his mouth parted open in a breathy moan. “Shizu-chan...” He leaned back down and propped himself on arms, his hips lifting to give Shizuo better access. He couldn‘t hide the slightly nervous look on his heated face as he squeezed his eyes shut.

The blond gave Izaya’s cock a few last pumps, pulling out some soft mewls from Izaya. He crawled back up to kiss Izaya softly as the raven wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I don't think I... have lube.”

“We'll manage…” Izaya forced out, his eyes glancing away. “Please tell me you at least have a condom.”

Shizuo gave him a quizzical look. “I've been in bed with a fever. You think I prepared for this?”

Izaya sighed and rolled his eyes in response. “Tch, I meant in general, dimwit! Most guys our age keep at least one stowed away somewhere in their room!”

“I'm not 'most guys,'" Shizuo scoffed, pouting slightly. Izaya couldn‘t help but agree - Shizuo was nothing like other men. He was completely unique in every way. That‘s what he was starting to fall hard for. “You got one?” Shizuo asked, startling Izaya slightly.

“...No.”

“Hmph. Then we do it raw,” Shizuo grunted as he slid down to kiss Izaya’s neck, his teeth grazing and biting the skin. A red mark started to form as he ran his tongue along the blemish.

“W-whoa now! Mnn...” Izaya shuddered and tilted his head back to give Shizuo more room. “I-if you go rough on me, I swear to God I won't let you live it down...I-I will make you regret that decis-is--nnnn...” His voice broke off into a garbled moan that made Shizuo tremble.

“Is there any lotion on the bedside table?” Shizuo grumbled into Izaya’s neck, suckling hard on the patch - determined to make a noticeable mark.

“I...I don't know...Nnng...it's your room…” Izaya whimpered, holding Shizuo close. Shizuo shifted his position for a moment, blindly reaching for the bedside table. He knew he normally kept some hand lotion somewhere near by. Once he found it, he sat up, pulling Izaya up with him. “This'll have to do.”

Izaya couldn’t believe that he was about to go this far. What ever happened to ‘forget anything intimate ever happened between us?' Apparently that plan was thrown out the window the moment Shizuo kissed him. God, Shizuo was a damn good kisser.

“Do you have any idea what you're doing?” he asked, slightly nervous that the brute would tear into him and break him from the inside out.

Shizuo simply nodded and chuckled. “You should know better than anyone how useful the Internet can be.” He coated his fingers and set the bottle aside, resting his clean hand on Izaya’s hip soothingly.

“Of course, since you're a genius when it comes to the internet.”

“Oh come on, at least google's not _that_ hard.” Shizuo pouted - and to Izaya it was the cutest and sexiest expression he ever saw the blond make - and circled his fingers around Izaya's entrance, feeling it slick up.

“Mnn...r-right. And when did you decide it would be necessary to google this, ne?” Izaya responded breathily, body trembling as his muscles twitched.

Shizuo looked back up at Izaya, staring into his eyes with the most sincere expression. Izaya could practically see the flame of desire burning in his eye, as well as the passionate honesty. “When I first discovered I really, badly, desperately want to fuck you.”

Those words went straight to Izaya’s groin, and the sensation of Shizuo’s finger slowly pressing into him at that exact moment only added to it. “Mmmhmm...o-oh...really now?” He swallowed and groaned, “Mnn...that's hot...”

Shizuo grinned. “Is it?” He moved his finger around experimentally, curling it upwards and thrusting it in gently. He watched Izaya’s reactions, pleased when his cheeks flushed and his eyes fluttered closed.

“Mnngaahh...ahh yeah...ooh…” Izaya garbled, rocking his hips to push the finger deeper inside him.

If the sight of Izaya chewing on his bottom lip and trembling beneath him didn’t turn Shizuo on, the sounds he made really did. The blond groaned, feeling his own arousal against his pants. “Fuck…”

He removed his finger briefly so he can push in another, using two to gently stretch the informant.

Izaya tensed up at the intrusion and grit his teeth. “D-dammit, no warning, huh?”

“You want a play-by-play? Fine.” Shizuo growled, coughing slightly - already embarrassed at what he was going to say. He ignored the blush on his cheeks and continued. “I really wanna add another finger to your tight little ass, that okay? I'm gonna move them inside now, ready?”

Izaya flushed at that and narrowed his eyes. “Just shut up and move.”


	82. Beggars Can't Be Choosers

“Just giving you what you want,” Shizuo purred as he dug his fingers deep inside, exploring Izaya’s walls. The way his insides clenched around his fingers made his own arousal twitch. He was going to have to remedy that soon.

“Fuck…” Izaya hissed, slowly getting used to the feeling. He forced himself to relax, allowing Shizuo to stretch him as much as he needed. He knew how large Shizuo was, and knew that he needed to be properly prepared unless he wanted to be in pain.

Shizuo softly kissed Izaya’s inner thigh, coaxing him to relax. “Ready for one more?” Izaya let out a shaky breath and nodded, brow furrowing in pain as Shizuo inserted a third finger carefully. He scissored his fingers, reaching up to kiss Izaya softly when he groaned in discomfort. They didn’t break their gentle kiss until Izaya was no longer whimpering in pain. Shizuo pulled away when Izaya was ready, and smiled down at him.

Izaya opened his eyes - although he didn’t realize he had ever closed them - and quirked a brow. “What’s with the smile?”

“Nothing, just…” Shizuo bent down to peck Izaya on the corner of the mouth. “Happy I get to do this with you – y'know, minus my sickness and your injury.”

Izaya couldn’t help but grin back up at him. “You're so easily pleased.” He leaned up to kiss the blond softly. “Remind me why I deal with you so much?”

Shizuo grinned sheepishly, a small blush dusting his cheeks. “Ah, I think you already know the answer to that, but you won't say it.” He thrust his fingers in a little harder, curling them slightly.

“Heh, It's gonna take a bit more than gentle kissing to pry tha-Aaah!” He gasped and snapped his eyes closed, biting his lip. “Ahhnn..”

“Oh... the internet told me there might be a sort of sweet spot.” He pressed his fingers up again, trying to brush against the same spot.

Izaya rolled his hips and groaned. “Why not use your instincts instead?” He felt Shizuo’s fingertips barely brush past it and mewled, his insides clenching around his fingers.

“I could, but…” Shizuo brushed against that spot again, but not too hard. “Why rush?”

“Hnnmm...Fuck you, tease…” Izaya gasped, trying to shift hips to make Shizuo hit that area again.

“You got it the wrong way around…” Shizuo teased as he pulled out his fingers.

Izaya whined in response, glaring at the blond. “What do you mean? And why did you stop?”

“To answer both your questions…” Shizuo murmured as he pulled away and started unfastening his pants. “…I really wanna fuck you…”

Izaya smirked as the blond bent down and began to trail kisses along his jaw line. He decided at that moment that soft kisses like this weren‘t so bad - but he would never admit that aloud. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Like I haven’t heard that one before...” His voice trailed off to a wavering groan as the other teased his nipples.

“You might hear it some more.”

“That wouldn't be a bad thing.”

Shizuo bent over to stroke himself with his free hand, groaning from his own touch. Izaya was turned on by the sight, watching as those muscles rippled and his face flushed. He forced himself to sit up, bending over to run a finger down the length of Shizuo’s cock. The blond’s breath hitched in a gasp as he shuddered from the sudden touch. “Nngh…Izaya…”

The informant crawled forward, until he was hovering over Shizuo. He brushing his lips against Shizuo's, he continued to gently run his fingertips up and down the shaft, teasing the head for a moment before sliding back down. “You've been pleasing me this whole time. Don't you think it's time for you to feel good, hmm?”

“F-fuck…yeah…” Shizuo bucked his hips into the touch as a low rumbled escaped his chest - slightly broken from illness, but still seductive all the same. He leaned forward, bringing their lips closer, dragging a tongue over Izaya's mouth. Izaya instantly closed the gap, kissing him and sucking on the blond’s tongue as he wrapped his hand around Shizuo's length and stroked it firmly. Shizuo gasped and moaned against Izaya, deepening the kiss as much as he could a midst the sudden pleasure.

Izaya hummed into the kiss, swallowing up all the moans that fell from the blond’s lips. Izaya continued to stroke upwards, rolling his hand over the head before pulling down to repeat the fluid movements.

Shizuo trembled, breaking away from the kiss with a pant, leaning back on his hands and resting his head back. “God…”

Izaya followed Shizuo, curling over him. He latched his mouth on Shizuo's neck, sucking hard while pumping his cock faster. “Mmmnn...you're so hard, Shizu-chan,” he purred, running his other hand along the expanse of Shizuo’s stomach. Shizuo groaned at the dirty talk, craning his neck to the side. Izaya took the invitation and bit down, sucking hard until the skin was a bright, angry red.

“Shit... Izaya…” Shizuo reached his hand down to grab Izaya’s beading cock, tugging at it the best he could.

Izaya whimpered, arching his back and moaning into his neck. He licked his lips and moved up to whisper in Shizuo’s ear with a seductive voice. “Mnn…Shizu-chan…It's going to feel so good having you pound into me. I don't know if you're going to fit.” He ran his tongue along the shell of the blond’s ear, nibbling on it gently. At the same moment, he stroked rather roughly, causing the brute to buck beneath him.

“Ah- Fuck!” Shizuo shoved Izaya back down onto the bed, kissing the flea ravenously. Izaya wrapped his arms around his neck, but he grabbed the raven’s wrists and pulled them above his head, pinning him to the mattress. Izaya practically laughed from excitement, feeling himself getting more aroused. “Need you...Now.” Shizuo growled as he wedged Izaya’s legs open, staring at him with smoldering eyes. Izaya winced as his ankle was jostled from the sudden movement.

“Tch..such an animal.”

“Says the one who wants this animal to fuck him so badly.” Shizuo sat up and pushed on the backs of Izaya’s thighs, giving him a perfect sight of his prepared entrance. “Hm, I rather like the view.”

Izaya arched his back and lifted his hips, wiggling them slightly in a teasing manner. “Get a good look at it, cause I can't promise you'll be seeing it again.”

“I'm not looking for a promise, not yet.” The blond replied with a grin as he hooked one of Izaya’s legs over his shoulder.

Izaya cocked a curious brow at him with a smirk. “Oh? What's that supposed to mean?”

“I don't think you'll be promising, more like...begging.”

“Mnn, I'm counting on it. Don't disappoint me.”

Shizuo lined himself up with Izaya‘s entrance as Izaya tried to relax his muscles. Izaya shuddered as the blond nudged his hole, pressing until a sliver of his cock slipped inside. However, he pulled out quickly, earning a small whine to escape the informant. He rolled his hips, nudging at the entrance teasingly, earning a glare from Izaya.

“Changed my mind. I wanna hear you beg now.”

“Shizu-chan, don't test me. Just fuck me already.”

Shizuo reached down to stroke him a bit, rolling his thumb over the head. “Not enough…” He pushed the head of his cock into Izaya, pulling right back out when Izaya angled his hips lower to try and shove him in deeper. “More.”

“Mnng… I don't beg.”

“Haven't you already broken a few rules?” he teased, stroking Izaya’s aching erection a little harder. “Don't you want my cock inside you, hitting you deep? I-za-ya-kun?”

Izaya trembled, feeling a wave of pleasure wash over him. The way Shizuo spoke in that dangerously sexy voice turned him on in ways he never imagined. He hadn’t heard the brute talk like that for a long time. It was such a turn on.

“Heh…and what if I said I didn't? After all, you're the one that wants to fuck me so bad,” Izaya challenged, grabbing the headboard with his hands to give him leverage as he tried to push himself onto Shizuo. The blond moved his hips back out of Izaya’s reach as he ran a finger into the slit of Izaya's cock, wetting it with precum.

“Fine, then I can walk away and go jack off in the bathroom — I'll even let you listen when I come. But I'd much rather come inside you. Filling you up, so tight…” Shizuo whispered huskily in Izaya’s ear, earning a moan from the needy informant.

 _“When did he learn to talk like that?"_ Izaya wondered as he groaned with desire. He reached forward and grabbed Shizuo‘s head, pulling him into a kiss as he rolled his hips against Shizuo‘s hand. “Shizu-chan…”

Shizuo’s tongue rolled over Izaya’s, feeling every inch of it before he pulled away to latch his mouth onto the informant’s neck. His teeth grazed the skin as he licked around it. Izaya groaned with neediness as he angled his head back, completely intoxicated by Shizuo’s actions.

“Say it. Say you want me.”

“Hgnn...Shizu-chan...mnnn...”

“Beg for my cock,” Shizuo purred as he bit down on Izaya’s neck.

The informant quivered and choked out a ragged gasp. He ran his hands over the brute’s strong shoulders, digging his nails in slightly as he rolled his hips against him. “Ngnn...n-no...just...”

Shizuo licked his lips as he stared down at Izaya, whose face was contorted with frustration and desire. His cheeks were pink, his lips were swollen, and his eyes were closed. He held onto Izaya’s hips steady, keeping him grounded onto the bed. “Izaya, I can't do anything if I don't know exactly what you want.”

Izaya sighed with aggravation, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth. God, this idiot was just so difficult! He didn’t want to beg, but he didn’t want Shizuo to leave him like this. He swallowed back his pride - too irritated and horny to care. “Just fuck me already!”

Shizuo frowned. “That's so vague. How do I know where I'm supposed to fuck you?”

“Jackass,” Izaya growled, prying his eyes open to glare at Shizuo. “I want you to fuck me in the ass with your cock! How’s that?!” He snapped, started to get more pissed off that turned on.

“Mm. Close enough. Though mentioning my size would be nice next time.” Shizuo grinned, closing his eyes as he slowly pushed himself past the first ring of muscle. Izaya tensed up, gritting his teeth as he hissed with discomfort.

“Mnn..y-yeah, I'll remember next time…” He whispered breathlessly, as he slowly relaxed himself. He groaned as Shizuo pushed himself farther a few inches. “Haahh...ahh…”

“Nngh…” Shizuo grunted, as he pushed a bit farther, feeling the walls clenching around him. “Fuck, that's tight.”

“S-shit…” Izaya hissed as he bit his lip hard until the skin broke. Shizuo bent down and him, delving his tongue in as he thrusted in a little more. He ignored the metallic taste of the blood that lingered, and focused on the slick pleasure enveloping his cock. Izaya moaned, saliva pooling in his mouth as Shizuo swept his tongue around every crevice. He clawed into Shizuo’s back, rocking his hips to try and ease the pain and intensify the pleasure.

The blond nibbled on Izaya’s lower lip, sucking on it gently to try and soothe the small wound as he buried himself to the hilt. He broke their kiss for a moment, hanging his head as he gasped. “Shit, shit, shit…” It was so tight, and so warm. Izaya’s muscles spasmed around him, unable to adjust. It was hard for him not to come at that moment.

“Aaahhh..fuck!!” Izaya cried out. He arched his back and clenched tight around Shizuo, holding him there as his body trembled. “Ooohhh….ooh..Shizu-chan…Nnng…” He moaned lewdly, his insides twitching at the full feeling.

Shizuo shuddered from the sensation of those tight walls gripping his cock. “Ow... fuck, Izaya, relax a bit will you?!”

“Tch..what do you think I'm trying to do?! J-just move!” Izaya commanded, brow furrowed with discomfort. It had been a long time since he’s done this, and every time he could never get used to it.

Shizuo noticed Izaya’s pained expression and frowned. He gently brushed his fingers against Izaya’s cheek, causing those hazy carmine eyes to open and look up at him. “Are you sure?” He asked, his voice hushed as he cupped the informant’s face with his palm. He glanced away, a soft blush rising on his cheeks. No matter how much dirty talk he had said, this was still his first time going this far. “I don't want to hurt you…”

Izaya felt his heart flutter and his cheeks turn pink. His eyes shifted to focus on the ceiling. “What ever happened to wanting to pound into my tight ass and have me beg, eh? Why are you suddenly being so careful...?”

“I-I've never done this before…” Shizuo started, feeling awkward telling Izaya this, especially in the middle of sex. “I don't want to do something wrong, especially not to you.”

Izaya’s eyes flitted back to lock on Shizuo’s, reading his expression. He…was speechless to say the least. The brute seemed to really care about him - and it terrified him. His unpredictable, violent, monster was turning into a tender and caring human. He felt completely vulnerable, lying underneath him. A look of worry flashed through Shizuo’s honey eyes, and Izaya realized he had been staring quietly up at him for too long. He flushed and tore his eyes away.

“Then...just go slow..." he whispered. Normally, rough and fast was what he preferred. But he didn’t feel like being torn in half. And…the idea of Shizuo taking him hard…scared him a bit.


	83. Breaking the Chains of Committment

Shizuo’s face softened, smiling a little as he kissed Izaya’s forehead. “Okay.” He started to pull out, gasping as Izaya tried to suck him in.

“Haah...ahh..” God, that felt good. Izaya couldn‘t even begin to imagine how it was going to feel when they pick up the pace. He just wanted Shizuo to bury himself inside him again and fill him. His wish came true when Shizuo grit his teeth and buried his head into Izaya’s shoulder just before thrusting back in hard. Izaya cried out, clinging to Shizuo’s neck as he gasped breathlessly. The searing pain crawling up his spine made his eyes water.

Shizuo pulled out and pushed back in, slowly getting a rhythm. “Izaya…”

Izaya moaned Shizuo’s name again, unable to hold it back. He just felt too good. He rolled his hips up to meet with Shizuo, trying to get him deeper.

The blond brought his hands to Izaya's thighs and pushed them up higher, holding his legs up in the air. Both of the males shuddered at the new angle. As Shizuo snapped his hips forward, Izaya winced, crying out softly from pain and pleasure - his insides feeling extremely good, while his ankle screamed in pain at the jostling it made with each thrust.

Shizuo paused, looking down at Izaya with worried eyes. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Izaya grit his teeth and shook his head. “My ass if fine. But my ankle hurts like a bitch…”

 _"Right, his ankle."_   Shizuo looked over his shoulder to see the shadow covered foot. Although it was protected, it couldn’t have felt good to be bouncing up and down. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, reaching over to softly kiss the aching joint.

Izaya shivered at the gentle touch and closed his eyes. “It’s okay..just…keep going.”

Shizuo nodded and drove himself in again, gentler this time to make sure he didn’t hurt the informant. He shivered as the tip of his cock brushed against the back wall.

“Oooohh…” Izaya moaned, letting his head fall back into the pillows. “Mnnn...aahh…d-deeper…” he choked out. He could feel Shizuo so close to that spot, he desperately wanted that pleasure.

“Oh fuck…” Shizuo panted as he pulled out and shoved in harder. He clutched onto Izaya’s thighs in a bruising grip. Izaya angled his hips to meet with Shizuo, one hand falling to clutch the bed sheets.

“Aahhh...shit...again…” 

Shizuo complied, pulling out and pushing in again, repeating the movement with increasing speed. “Hnnn... god, that's amazing…”

“Gaah..ahh..y-yeah...” Izaya panted, his voice cracking with high pitched moans and cries. He lifted his hips higher, allowing Shizuo to slip in just a bit deeper. Shizuo slammed his cock into Izaya again, his tip firmly hitting the informant's prostate. “Aah!!” Izaya moaned, trembling as his vision went blurry. “T-there! More…there!”

The blond moaned along with Izaya, loving the way the raven clenched tightly around him and trembled. Grunting as he drove himself in, trying to copy the previous thrust. He succeeded, ramming into his prostate over and over.

“Fuck!!” Izaya choked back another moan and squeezed his eyes shut, hands scrambling for purchase. “Shizuo! There! Again!” he begged, desperate to feel that tidal wave of pleasure again.

Shizuo thrust again and again, increasing his pace. “Ahh! Mm, Izaya...!”

“Sh-Shizu-chan!” Izaya gasped, feeling the pressure building up. He was so close! “Ahh, aahnn..” He whimpered, unable to stop the flood of vulgar sounds from spilling out of his mouth. He grabbed onto Shizuo’s arms and arched his back sharply, crying out as the sensations increased.

“Goddamn...!” Shizuo hissed, shuddering as he came suddenly, shooting hot streams of come against Izaya’s insides.

“Shizu-ooohh oh fuck!” Izaya gasped as the feeling of being filled to the brim. His entire body shook as his insides clenched down on Shizuo, holding him there as he came.

Shizuo rode out his orgasm, thrusting in a few more times before holding himself deep inside, repeating Izaya’s name softly. His breathing was ragged as he slumped slightly on top of Izaya, panting harshly against the his shoulder.

They laid together, panting as they came from their highs. Izaya closed his eyes, lightheaded and tingly. He tiredly dropped his arms from Shizuo’s shoulders, his entire body feeling like jello. Shizuo coughed a bit, struggling to catch his breath. Izaya gently pressed his hand on Shizuo’s chest, silently hoping for him to get better.

The informant could feel the come dribbling out and down his legs. This was exactly why has asked if Shizuo had a condom.

Shizuo pulled out, wincing from hypersensitivity as Izaya moaned from the feeling. He smiled down at the exhausted brunet, kissing him softly on the lips. Izaya kissed him back, too worn out to do much else.

“How was that?” The blond rasped.

Izaya smirked up at him, licking his parched lips. “Not too bad.” Izaya sighed, cracking open his eyes to look up at Shizuo. He squirmed a bit when he felt the stickiness between his legs. “Tch…that’s gonna be a bitch to clean out.”

“Sorry about that…” Shizuo murmured, his voice wavering with embarrassment.

Izaya waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Not like I haven’t dealt with it before.” He chuckled, looking over at the clock. “Ahh, what a shame. It’s not even noon and I want to sleep.”

Shizuo simply laughed. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with an afternoon nap.”

“I suppose not.” Izaya stifled a yawn that crept up his throat. He pushed himself up, his back and hips already aching. And his ankle was flaring up with pain. “Tch…not like my body could handle anything else right now except rest.”

“Then rest,” Shizuo whispered, bending down again to place a soft kiss on Izaya’s brow, running a hand through his dark hair. “And I’ll go put the food away for when you wake up.”

“Ahh, my one true love! My wonderful ootoro,” Izaya chirped, stretching.

Shizuo frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed as he rubbed the hickey on his neck. “Don’t you think…that could change?”

Izaya glanced over at him. “What do you mean by that?”

“You know…like…”

“Shizu-chan, I’d rather not talk about that right now.”

Shizuo narrowed his eyes at Izaya, clenching his fist. “Right now is the perfect time to talk about that! Why do you think I just did this?”

“For a good fuck,” Izaya hissed, feeling irritated at the topic.

“You know I’m not like that! I would only go that far with someone I--”

“Shizuo!” Izaya barked, turning to face the angered blond. The angered and hurt look in those honey eyes was similar to the passionate rage he used to see during their chases. He wanted that fire, that stimulation. “I don’t want to have this conversation ri--”

“I don’t care! We’re gonna talk about it!”

Izaya grit his teeth and slammed his fist into the pillow with frustration. “Shizuo, I swear to God if you start talking about this love bullshit I’m going to leave.”

Shizuo snorted and rolled his eyes. “Like some cheap whore? Come on, I know you’ve got better taste than that.” He crawled over the bed, gently placing his hand over Izaya’s fist. “Izaya…come on…”

“Come on what?”

With his other hand, he took Izaya’s chin and made the informant look at him. “Izaya…can’t you just admit tha--”

“I’m not admitting anything. There is nothing to confess,” Izaya sneered. His heart was racing and his mind was reeling. He had to get out - he couldn’t stay here. This was getting to dangerous, too close. Shizuo was in love with him, and was slowly reeling him in as well. He just couldn’t deal with it. He loved all humans, not just one exclusively. He couldn’t change now.

Shizuo didn’t want to give up though. He had never felt so strongly for someone before. He had never wanted someone so badly. Needed someone like he needed air. Izaya was worth every fight, every scar, every argument.

“You know you’re lying to yourself.”

“Fine!” Izaya snapped, ripping his hand away from Shizuo. “You want to hear the truth?! Here it is. I _loathe_ you. And if I thought I hated you before, then I truly know what it is to hate now. I can’t stand the way you look at me. The way you touch me disgusts me. You make my skin crawl. I want you to be out of my life!”

_"No…no this is wrong. That’s not true…"_

“…What?” Shizuo whispered, his eyes wide and hurt. He shook his head, trying to chuckle as if shaking off the initial shock. “You don't mean that.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I might be getting paid to sit around and take care of your pathetic ass? That I’m probably waist deep in a job that has to deal with you? Ha! To think that you actually fell for me when I’m putting on this act. As if I’d ever be caring and, dare I say, friendly toward a monster like you!” Izaya laughed, half with disbelief. His mouth was running off and his heart couldn’t keep up. Shizuo looked dumbfounded, angered, and upset all at once. It only fueled Izaya’s rant. “So, _Shizu-chan…_ ” he spat, pulling away from Shizuo and sliding off the bed. “I’ll just go and collect my payment. It’s not worth sitting around here and having to deal with you falling for me. So go smoke 1000 cigarettes, see if I care. Cause I don’t. I’d rather have you dead and out of my life.”

Shizuo shook his head, completely speechless. “I…t-that..Izaya, you’re lying…”

_"I know I’m lying, but…"_

“Don’t informants always lie?”

Shizuo stared hard at Izaya, watching as he picked up his clothes and slipped them on, smoothing out the wrinkles. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Anywhere but here. If I disclosed my location, you’d probably try to follow me,” Izaya scoffed, walking out of the bedroom toward the front door. He ignored the throbbing pain in his ankle,the ache in his hips, and the uncomfortable wet sensation between his legs. He was on a roll, and he couldn't stop now - no matter how much his heart wanted him to. He could hear Shizuo walking up behind him, trying to catch him. Although, the informant was already opening the front door. He turned to face Shizuo, giving him an icy glare.

“You can’t just walk out of here, dammit!” Shizuo barked.

“Watch me,” Izaya hissed, pulling his jacket closed around him.

“Izaya! Wait!”

Izaya slammed the door behind him, leaving Shizuo to stare at a closed door with sad eyes and a broken heart. He burst into a painfulsprint as he heard the muffled sounds of objects being thrown in the apartment. He didn’t want to hear that. He didn’t want to know how much he hurt Shizuo - not this time. He desperately fled from the scene as he kept telling himself this was for the better, that it wasn’t start to stay in this growing relationship, and hat he had to cut it off. No matter how much it hurt them.


	84. Arc 10: No Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost done with this semester of school! I've been very busy with large final projects in my photojournalism class. I appreciate all of the patience you've given me! We're almost done!

Silence.

Bleak, unforgiving silence. Shizuo stared dumbfounded at the closed door, frozen in his spot, numb from head to toe. The informant's cold, cruel knife could not have done more damage than the words that echoed in his head. Control seemed to have slipped away, and yet the tension in his body tightened; coiled deep inside him before bubbling up and threatening to overflow.

It was at that moment that Shizuo reached out and ripped the door open, practically tearing it from its hinges before he realized he was still naked. With a choked growl, he rushed back inside, threw on some clothes and a jacket, and sprinted from his apartment.

_"Dammit, fuck, no, no, no, fucking..."_

This wasn’t happening. Not if he could help it — If Izaya thought he could just walk away after saying those things…after what had happened… then he was just as crazy as he'd thought from the first moment they'd met. Completely mental.

It didn’t matter what direction the informant had run off to. Shizuo kept dashing in any direction he thought the louse would take. The blond trudged through the snow and slush, shivering as the snow soaked and froze his bare feet. He panted, looking around frantically for the familiar mop of black hair, or the once annoying flash of tan fur. Anything…anything!

Time seemed to slow. The sun crept leisurely across the sky, doing nothing to break away the cold that attacked the blond’s body. No matter how hard he searched in every store and alley, the informant had seemed to vanish into thin air, fading away like a dream slipping through his grasp.

Gasping for a breath, even though his chest refused to suck in any more of the frigid air, he leaned against a near by trash can. It was useless trying to find the flea. Izaya had already made his way deep into the city, hiding and slipping his way through the cracks until he was safe. There was no way Shizuo would find him now.

Shizuo looked up at the cloudy sky, scowling. It couldn’t have been any later than noon, but the cloud cover made it seem like it was late in the evening. It seemed to mock him, settling heavily over his heart.

He had circled the main center of the city, and made it back around to where he started. He looked at his apartment complex down the street. It seemed to radiate depression and hurt…but it was the only place he could go.

He dragged himself back, his feet burning and aching with every step. He knew he was getting frostbite and that if he didn’t get home soon, he’d be in serious trouble. So he moved faster, ignoring the shooting pain in his feet, legs, and chest. His heart felt heavy as the weight of Izaya’s words continued to soak into him, flooding him with emotions in every passing second.

By the time he got back to his apartment, he had resorted to trying to pick himself up by repeating positive things. He told himself that he didn’t need Izaya to be happy. He didn’t need his money, or his company. He could get through his illness on his own. For a moment, he thought that it could be possible, to brush off the flea like he had in the past.

But this was nothing like their past. This was far worse. In the past, there was a mutual hate. This time, there was an emotion far more fragile at stake.

And as he thought more and more about how Izaya took that and crushed it in the palm of his hand, his hurt morphed into a new feeling - one he was all too familiar with.

He was pissed. Pissed at Izaya's cowardice. Pissed at how he had ran away. Pissed at how the flea used him and tore him apart.

_"How dare he? How DARE he!"_

Shizuo grabbed the nearest objects around him and threw them at the floor: successfully breaking a table lamp, the coat rack, a coffee mug. Meaningless objects that littered his house. Much like how Izaya thought of Shizuo’s emotions.

_"How dare he use me!"_

He punched a hole through his wall from pent up frustration and bruised his knuckles, but he didn’t feel the pain. He was completely numb, right down to the bone.

_"How dare he play with my emotions as if they were a toy!"_

Shizuo paced in the living room, spitting out curses and profanities until he couldn’t breathe. Most were aimed at Izaya, saying he was never anything more than scum and how he didn’t deserve any sort of affection.

He gasped for air, leaning against the wall as he continued to scream inside his head, since his throat refused to let him vocally rant. He yelled at any higher power he could think of, cursing them for his troubles. Why him? What had he done wrong? Why was he given this strength? Why did he fall in love? Why had he been hurt so badly? Why?

And after ten minutes of yelling angrily at no one, he redirected the blame to the one person who could listen.

Himself.

He leaned against the wall, sliding to the floor with a shaky sigh. He sat there, staring up at the ceiling as he beat him up internally. This was his fault, after all. Things had been okay between them. Between him and Izaya. They were tolerable toward each other, if not friendly. He had opened himself up, letting Izaya see him for who he was. He had let Izaya see him at his most vulnerable, which was the stupidest mistake he had ever made.

He let the informant dig inside him, latching on tightly. Izaya had spoiled him rotten with love and affection. Now the flea had ripped himself free, leaving a gaping hole in Shizuo’s pride and soul, and Shizuo wanted that love. He sat on the floor, his body tingling as he craved the raven’s touch, and his voice, and his love - whether it was artificial or not. It hurt Shizuo to think about that, but he knew it was true. Izaya used him, and threw him away once he was done.

The blond couldn’t help but think…how long had Izaya been fading away from him? And how long had he been blinded by a love that was one sided? Did he ever loved him at all? Was he only infatuated by the thought of having the brute all to himself? And once he had him wrapped around his little finger, was he satisfied?

He should have seen it coming. Why did he think that Izaya would change? The louse had hated him for almost a decade. Did he truly believe that those emotions would evolve into something else in only half a year? It was ridiculous. It was stupid.

It was proterozoic.

Anything good he’d felt over the past few months was over shadowed by the immense hurt that racked his entire body. His chest ached. His head was throbbing. His eyes stung with tears that he desperately wanted to shed, but couldn’t. The weight of the world was on his shoulders, breaking him down. He felt exhausted and weary, and although he wanted to chase after Izaya and bring him back, he couldn’t. All he could do was sit in his home, shivering as he listened to the clock slowly tick away.


	85. Never Going Back to O.K.

Dull carmine eyes gazed over tiredly at the clock, watching as the hands slowly ticked past. It had been several hours since he had fled from Shizuo’s apartment. The sun was setting behind the horizon, and the dense cloud cover finally broke to allow a mixture of rain and snow fall. Spring was slowly approaching, and although warmth would soon make all the snow melt away, it couldn’t do anything to melt the bitter cold in Izaya’s chest.

He didn’t bother trying to hide behind a mask of emotions until he heard the door opening with a soft click. Instantly, he pulled on a confident grin and turned to face his employer.

“Ahh, Shiki-san. Thank you for allowing me to come over at such a sudden hour,” he said with a small bow.

Shiki quirked a brow and nodded his head in response. “You sounded abrupt, and to be honest, desperate to get out of whatever situation you were in. I thought you were about to be mugged by a gang, and decided that allowing you to flee here would be wise,” he said smoothly, walking over to sit in one of the lush chairs that were circled around his office.

Izaya hadn’t been here many times. They usually met in a random location, or Shiki came to him. He only came here as a teenager when he thought it’d be funny to break some rules. He had learned that wasn’t a smart move.

“Things came up. I needed an escape.” Izaya chuckled dryly, leaning back into his seat. He could tell that the elder was watching him closely, trying to read his expressions. He put up another mask, one that showed mock relief and praise. “I knew I could count on Shiki-san to come to my rescue.”

Shiki cracked his knuckles and folded his hands in his lap. Despite all the masks Izaya put up, he knew what Izaya was thinking and feeling. If he didn’t, then that would make Izaya too good of an informant - and he can’t have a resource that he can’t control. He knew that mentioning one name would break down Izaya‘s walls and inform him on the issue…

“Orihara-san, if you think running here will protect you from whatever conflict you had with Mr. Heiwajima, you’re mistaken.”

“This has nothing to do with Shizu-chan,” Izaya said as calmly as he could. However he felt his face fall slightly with a frown, and could feel his heart beat faster. He scowled when the corner of Shiki’s lip turned upwards slightly.

“You’ve changed. He has made you soft.”

“I’m not soft,” Izaya barked bitterly. He didn’t bother putting up any sort of fake expression. He didn’t think he could hold it up.

Shiki shrugged. “Fine. Made you weak. Either way, he has changed you, and you can tell. You obviously don’t like it.”

“Like anyone would want some dumb brute to change them? I never wanted it, you know. Never wanted to help his sorry ass.”

“Ahh, but you did,” Shiki said with a confident smirk. “You did help, because you know that you wanted to get closer.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hardly.” Shiki stood up, rubbing out the creases in his suit as he walked past Izaya and toward the window. “Tell me, why is it that you free-run?”

Izaya furrowed his brow at the question. What did this have to do with anything? “Because I like being on top of the world. Plus it’s a useful skill to know, especially when being chased around by Shizu-chan.”

“Is it thrilling?”

 _"What the hell, Shiki?"_   Izaya thought. “Yes, I suppose. Why do you-”

“Why did you agree so quickly when I offered you a job with the Yakuza in high school?” Shiki asked, looking at Izaya’s faded reflection in the glass. The look of wary confusion on his face was priceless.

“I hated my boring average life. A job in the underground seemed exciting.”

Shiki smiled and nodded. “And is that why you became an informant? To continue playing this dangerous game?”

“More or less…the pay was good as well.” Izaya smirked a bit. “It’s also fun to twist information to build up or destroy lives.”

The Yakuza leader glanced over his shoulder and chuckled dryly. “Ahh, you haven’t changed much since your past. Except for this small bump in the road.”

“Shiki, I don’t see why questioning my choices in life has anything to do with Shizu-chan.”

“Weren’t you the one who first provoked him? And did you not continue to pester and aggravate him so he would chase you around?”

Izaya remained silent as Shiki walked back toward him, hands in his pockets. He had a strong feeling he knew where this conversation was leading, and he wanted out of it. He wanted to escape to a place that was safer. Where he wasn’t bombarded with accusations and questions.

“Wasn’t it exhilarating?”

“I suggest you get to the point.”

“I suggest you don’t talk back until I allow it, Orihara-san.”

Izaya snapped his mouth closed and glared at Shiki. He walked around to sit back in his seat, crossing his legs and folding his hands as he stared at the irritated raven in front of him.

“Answer the question.”

“…Yes. It was exciting. All of it is exciting.”

Shiki nodded with a dangerous smile. “Izaya, you are one to find things in life that make your heart race and your senses heighten. You participate in underground deeds, parkour regardless of situation, and purposely provoked one of the more dangerous men in Ikebukuro to attack you constantly.”

“Your point?” Izaya growled under his breath. If Shiki didn’t get to the point, he was going to get up and-

“That is why you allowed yourself to get close to Mr. Heiwajima. It was thrilling to be so close to a…'monster' as you put it, and to actually manipulate him into falling in love. Was it not?”

“Tch…” Izaya scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It was never my intention to have him fall for me. And it wasn’t my intention to allow myself to get close either.”

“Define ‘close’.”

“I don’t know, emotionally? Physically? Mentally? Does it really matter what context it’s in? I got myself in too deep and now-”

“Now you find yourself wishing you didn’t dig yourself out of this mess?”

Izaya froze, fists clenching. If Shiki was honestly suggesting that he wished he could take back what he had told Shizuo…

He stood up abruptly, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair. “I only regret letting myself sink in too deep. Now if you excuse me, I’ll be leaving.” He didn’t let Shiki say another word as he stormed out of the office. He wasn’t going to allow Shiki to get into his head.

However, as he trudged through the snow and hailed a cab to the nearest motel, Shiki’s words kept spiraling in his mind. And the more he thought about it, the more it ate away at his subconscious. _"Damn Shiki for always reading him right. Damn him for saying the right things to piss him off. Damn him, damn him, damn him."_

He quickly found his safe haven, a run down motel in the middle of the slums. He could easily afford a room for a night. Maybe more if he was desperate. He limped inside, his ankle giving him more problems. He paid for his room and stormed inside, locking the door immediately and turning on the lights.

Definitely not a place he’d want to stay at normally. In fact, it reminded him of Shizuo’s home - not messy, but definitely not high end. He growled and squeezed his eyes shut, sitting on the edge of the bed. He bent forward and placed his head between his knees, trying to breathe.

Why it bothered him so much, he didn’t know. All he knew was that it just ticked him off; That something as simple as a dingy hotel room triggered a flood of memories to wash over him; recollections of Shizuo’s home, his face, his voice, his touch…

It drove him crazy.

It shouldn’t upset him. Inside his mind, he knew he did the right thing. Getting closer to the blond would only set him up to a pitiful demise. By severing the bonds he had, he freed himself and ensured a painless life ahead of him.

So why did it hurt so much?

The physical pain was obvious. Not only did his ankle protest to every twitch and movement - sending waves of searing pain up his leg and into his spine - but his chest also ached dully. It felt…different. He had never experienced such an empty feeling before.

Yet, he was familiar with the concept of a broken heart. He refused to admit that was what he was experiencing. Because he had never given Shizuo his heart to shatter in the first place. It had always been kept safe, locked away from any outside forces. He had been blindsided, and had allowed himself to get wrapped up Shizuo’s constant affection and endearment.

And somehow, Shizuo had managed to see through the cracks and get to him.

With a sigh, Izaya stood up and walked toward the window, staring out at the worn down apartments and shops that surrounded this place. He knew the blond would eventually go to his apartment - looking for him, demanding answers and trying to convince him that “they had something." Some bullshit lovey-dovey crap that made the informant gag.

That’s why Izaya had decided to run to a place he thought was safe. Shizuo would never know where Shiki was, and would have never gotten close with all the security surrounding the area. But then Shiki had to go and ruin that plan by being right about everything.

Now he had to hide in a dump like this for the night. At least until he could clear his head. He had to think - make a plan that would get him out of this tangled web of conflicting thoughts and emotions.

As the over head light flickered, threatening to die out any moment, he wondered why things couldn’t be as simple as they were in the past. When there was nothing but hate, and they wanted nothing to do with each other. When had it all changed? When did they step over that boundary and start delving into something more dangerous than flying vending machines and sharp flick blades?

_"Dammit…damn him. Damn everything."_

Izaya paced his room, trying to clear his head. He sent a text to Namie, letting her know he would be away for a while on a personal leave. He was positive that the she wouldn’t give a rat's ass about where he was as long as she was paid. He made sure that he left a deposit in her bank account.

Izaya looked around from his spot on the bed and caught sight of the motel's cheap brand of lotion sitting on the bedside table. His mind instantly went back to that morning and he found himself throwing it at the wall angrily.

He groaned and pulled another pillow over his head. The most important thing right now was that he had to get out. Out of the city. Out of this cage. He felt like he was still trapped, even though he had gotten out of the suffocating relationship. Relationship…could he even call it that?

Izaya shook his head and sighed, lying down on the bed once more as the light burned out, leaving him in darkness. He’d leave first thing in the morning, and he wouldn’t come back until he was ready to face his personal demons.


	86. Stuck in a Rut

Shizuo sighed as he marked off another day on the calendar laying on his desk. It was the first day of March. Roughly two months since Izaya stormed out of the house and disappeared.

Shizuo still remembered every detail about that day. The sex, the fight, the desperate attempts to find him, the pain that still lingered in his heart. Shinra had called later that week to wish Shizuo a happy birthday, and asked how he was doing. Still deep in a depression, the blond had spilled his emotions out in a very angry tone, cursing and ranting about Izaya being a dick.

Shinra instantly sent Celty to try and find him. Shizuo assumed that Shinra was honestly worried about Izaya - the doctor was the flea’s only real friend back in high school.

Either way, Shinra was on a mission to get Izaya back to Shizuo, and it kinda pissed him off. He didn’t need the louse to survive. He wasn’t useless. So he barked at Shinra, telling him that he could handle himself.

Although he knew that was kind of a white lie. After all, he wasn’t 100% better. More like…70%.

Ever since Izaya left him high and dry, and Shinra gave him to okay to try to find another job, Shizuo had been having a hard time maintaining a normal life. He quickly ran out of the money Izaya had left him. Food was scarce again, the bills were piling up, and his utilities were bound to be shut off any day now. To make it worse, he was struggling to keep jobs.

Just like in the past, his temper would flare up and he’d act out and get fired. Although, he managed to hold onto a job for a little longer. But he was getting used to job hunting again. And luckily, he knew where to start.

The first job he went for was a bartender. He already had the clothes, and he still remembered how to mix up drinks, though he was a bit rusty. At first, things were fine. It was a part time job for the first week. He only worked in the afternoons - so it was slow. It gave him plenty of time to practice and brush up on his skills.

Things went to hell when he was bumped up to full time, and his hours switched from the afternoon drag to the hustle and bustle of late nights. He didn’t last long. The club was constantly filled up with horny teens and adults who were constantly dancing and grinding up against each other as if they were alone. It was sickening to him and he found that he was breaking more glasses in his hand from squeezing them too hard.

Luckily, the owner of the club didn’t want to let Shizuo go just yet for a few broken glasses. So he made him the bouncer. Too many underage kids were getting in, and Shizuo seemed intimidating enough to scare them off. But this job instantly got him fired when a certain promiscuous and bratty kid tried to weasel his way in. Shizuo had thrown him across the street and managed to break his arm. Oops.

The next job he managed to get was a janitor job back at Raira. It was strangely nostalgic for him to be walking to halls where he used to run and chase the flea. Normally, those kinds of memories would piss him off. But now they only brought him pain.

Izaya…when had things changed so drastically? Where did all that hatred go? He wondered this as he cleaned up trash and moved boxes of books from one classroom to another. He knew deep down that he probably never hated the flea. They had gotten along a few times even as teenagers. Sometimes, he even sought comfort in knowing the flea wouldn’t run away from him like everyone else. He knew that Izaya would always come to him - even if it was to piss him off.

He had hated being there again - being surrounded by the constant memories. They haunted him, making him want to go back and change everything. Maybe…just maybe if he hadn't tried to punch Izaya when they first met. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

One late afternoon, he was washing the windows in the hall when he heard sounds coming from behind the stairwell. When he went to investigate, he saw a rather good looking kid making out with some whore of a girl. Things were escalating fast from the looks of it, and Shizuo wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of shit. He sprayed them with the cleaner, effectively making them stop and dart away angrily.

That was his first strike.

News spread like wildfire, and soon those brats started making a game out of “who could piss off the janitor and get away”.

It’s obvious how he lost that job.

By this time, a month had passed, and he was desperate to find a job. He walked around from home to home, offering to clean houses for a small pay. Luckily, high class homes often hired housekeepers. Unfortunately, most hired women, so he didn’t even get a chance to explain himself before he was shut down.

One cold day in late February, he was lucky and managed to get a job cleaning a penthouse in downtown Ikebukuro. The owner was there for business, and often had to keep it spotless. He had never met the man face to face, only speaking through an intercom. Regardless, he was happy to land a job that promised to pay well.

His first day, the owner was gone. He had left a note, telling him to wash the windows, sweep the floor and dust. Signed along the bottom was a name Shizuo didn’t bother remembering. Hachimeblahblahblah. Too long and annoying.

He had started with washing all the windows. God damn, the place had tons of windows. It reminded him a bit of Izaya’s apartment, and he had to shove the thought out of his mind by raiding the fridge. At least Hachiblahblah had said he was allowed to do that - his only note was to NOT touch the ginger cookies. He stayed far away from that and ate a cheese stick with a glass of milk.

After his snack, he went back to sweeping the floor and washing down the counters for good measure. He wanted to leave a good impression and show he was a hard worker. He had lifted the furniture to sweep underneath, and found it was much easier to pick heavy loads now. His arms didn’t seize up, and his back didn’t hurt. Although his chest did when a flash of a memory made him drop it back onto the floor.

He continued dusting off the shelves and appliances. He had hated how he kept thinking about Izaya. It had been over a month. Why couldn’t he seem to forget about him?

Lost in his thoughts, he had accidentally knocked over a small glass dragon. He cursed and scooped up the broken pieces, and struggled to try and glue them back together. When that failed, he decided it’d be best to simply tell his employer what happened.

When he returned home, Shizuo was shocked to see someone who reminded him of the flea far too much. Although, if there was one redeeming quality about Izaya, he wasn’t nearly as vicious in temper as this man clad in black and red. He was scolded and yelled at for breaking a “one of a kind gift he received from someone very important to him” before he was shooed from the home. He suspected he wasn’t allowed to come back.

Deciding that housekeeping wasn’t his best achievement, he looked for a calmer job that required less work with his hands. He didn’t want to break more things. He was soon hired as a part time librarian at the public library.

Unfortunately, he was hired to watch over the Romance and Drama section.


	87. Bookworm

This is where he was working currently. It was his long-standing job. He managed to hold onto this for a month, somehow keeping himself calm as he checked out romance novels for women and restocked shelves. He sometimes skimmed through them, feeling his own pride sinking lower and lower with every turn of a page, coughing every now and then.

On his break, Shizuo got up and headed outside, reaching into his coat pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. He slipped one out, fitting it into his mouth and lighting it. He took a deep drag, blowing out the comforting smoke as he watched it fade away into the air.

He had started smoking again during his job as a janitor. The kids constantly pissed him off, and one night when he went home he found the pack Izaya had used to test him, and decided to say a big “fuck you” to the louse with a good smoke. If he wanted him dead, then he’d do his best to make it nice and slow for him to enjoy.

They hurt his chest, and his cough was getting hoarser, but he didn’t feel different in any other way. He told Shinra that he was taking his medication still, but in reality he couldn’t afford it. The only reason why he could smoke was because his dresser drawer was filled with confiscated packs he collected from kids when he would find them smoking behind the bleachers or on the roof.

As he took a final huff, he dropped the cigarette and snuffed it out with his shoe. He walked back inside, slipping the pack into his coat pocket as he sat down at the desk. He picked up the book he was reading, flipping to the tab where he left off and continued from where he left off.

Dammit, this book pissed him off. It was about some chick who falls in love with some kid who’s all mysterious and kind of a prick. And then he turns out to be some god damn vampire or werewolf or whatever - it honestly didn’t matter to Shizuo. Why the hell was he reading this stupid thing?

He groaned, setting it down as he rubbed his temples. Normally he didn’t mind romance novels. He actually preferred them. But all they seemed to do was piss him off and make his chest ache more than it already did. They mocked him, almost as if they were saying, “You can’t ever have this, because you’re a monster."

“Uh…e-excuse me…s-sir.”

Shizuo looked up at the wide eyed boy standing in front of him. He instantly recognized the kid. He came often to this section, mulling around the aisles shyly before leaving and heading toward a different genre. This was his first time checking something out from the romance section, and he was obviously flustered and shy as he held a small stack of books close to his chest.

“You checking those out?” Shizuo asked, assuming that’s what the boy wanted. The young blond nodded quickly, setting his pile on the desk quickly. Shizuo sighed, coughing a bit as he lazily scanned them into the system. The last book he held was one he recognized. “Isn’t this a movie?”

“A-ah..yeah…I w-was told to read it b-before watching…” the young man said in a hushed whisper, his voice muffled by the thick scarf wrapped around his neck.

Shizuo smiled, nodding in agreement. “Yeah. I’ve heard books are better.” He frowned slightly as he was reminded of the way Izaya would ramble on about how books were better than films. It was one of the small things he never thought would mean anything.

He finished scanning them in, handing them back to the red eyed blond. Shizuo blinked, staring at him again before he turned his head down shyly. Red eyes…was that a glare from the computer on his glasses? He couldn’t tell before the young man bowed his head, murmured a quick thank you, and hurried out.

Leaning back into his chair, Shizuo closed his eyes and sighed. Damn, he was really starting to see parts of Izaya everywhere. He couldn’t seem to get away from the flea. It was like he never left. Shizuo doubted that he would ever truly leave.

The rest of the work day was slow. As popular as the romance section was to young girls, not many came during his shift. The only person who he saw on a regular basis was Erika, who came bounding in five minutes before his work day ended.

“Shizu-chan!”

“Don’t call me that…” he grumbled, standing up to grad his jacket. “Weren’t you just here yesterday?”

“Yeah, but Walker and I already finished them!” Erika said bubbly as she handed her pile back to Shizuo. He huffed with annoyance and sat back down to register the books back into the library.

“Where is Walker anyways?” he asked, trying to maintain small talk so that he wouldn’t be bombarded with Erika’s rambling on BL and the like.

“He’s back in the van. We were passing through and we thought we’d drop these off," Erika said with a giggle, bending down to look at the ‘New Release’ section near the counter. “Oh! Which reminds me, Dota-chin wants to know how you’re doing! He wasn’t expecting you to be working here! What happened to Tom?”

Shizuo inwardly groaned, knowing he was going to be working slightly over-time. “I’m doing fine. Just trying to make a living. And nothing happened with Tom. I just didn’t want to go back to work with him just yet.”

“Why’s that?” Erika pouted slightly, pulling out a large pile of books at random. Shizuo felt his blood pressure rising as she continued to pester him. He could always tell the truth - that working with Tom and walking around Ikebukuro would have him looking out for the flea, and he couldn’t handle that right now. But Erika was not the person to discuss his love life with.

“Walking around with Tom wouldn’t be good for my lungs in this weather. Maybe when it gets warmer,” he said, deciding that it was partially true. He didn’t feel like he was completely lying with that answer. Erika seemed to buy it as she nodded quickly.

“Yeah, that’d be best! We don’t want you getting sick again!” She set down her pile and began to ramble on about who knows what - Shizuo tuned her out as he started checking out her books. He was sure it had something to do with her romance novels and BL manga. He coughed again, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Hey, you okay?”

He nodded. “Y-yeah. Just a cough. I’m fine.” Shizuo didn’t want her to worry, and didn’t want the message to spread that he was getting sick again. But his chest had been messing with him today. He handed the books back to Erika and stood up to slip on his jacket and scarf. “See you tomorrow I guess?”

“Yep! Same time, same place!”

“Great…”

He walked out of the library, watching as the next part time librarian passed by him, giving him a quick hello before taking his spot at the desk. Shivering as he stood outside, Shizuo headed home with his head ducked low to try and block the wind.

Winter was really starting to become a pain in the ass. The cold air killed his lungs, the slush ruined his pants, and the early darkness made him tired. He yawned, coughing as the dry air tickled his throat.

Deep in his pocket, his cell phone started ringing. He pulled it out shakily, his fingers already numb as he held it up to his ear. “Yo.”

_“Hey, Shizuo.”_


	88. Mile Away

Shizuo smiled when he heard his friend‘s voice through the speaker. “Hey Tom. What’s up?” Tom said something, but the wind was making it difficult to hear. Shizuo ducked into an alley, hoping the high walls would block the breeze. “Hey, could you repeat that? I missed that…”

 _“I said not much is going on. Work has been slow lately. Anyways, I’m calling to check up on you, not tell you about my life,”_ Tom said with a chuckle.

Shizuo smiled at that and came out on the other side of the alley, looking toward the park. “Well, I’m doing alright I guess. Holding down a job well enough.”

_“I told you that you could come back and work for me.”_

“Maybe when spring comes,” Shizuo said again, rolling with his excuse. Although Tom didn’t seem to buy it.

_“You sound down. Did something happen?”_

“Ahh…” Shizuo paused, waiting for cars to pass by before he walked across the street. “Yeah, some things happened. But I’m okay.”

 _“You sure? You know you can talk to me if you need to,”_ Tom insisted, concern in his voice. It made Shizuo’s aching heart feel a bit better, knowing someone cared about him.

Shizuo sighed, sitting down on a bench after brushing the snow off. It was cold and made him shiver, but his legs needed some rest. “I know. It’s not important anyways…just some relationship issues I guess…” He didn’t know what made him spill out that information. Tom paused on the other line for a second, before speaking up with a smile in his voice.

_“Oh, got yourself lady issues?”_

“…You could say that.” Yeah. Shizuo was sure Izaya was as moody and pissy as a woman. Without the PMS.

 _“Ahh, got it. Yeah, you do your thing until you’re ready to go. It’s probably best that you don’t get yourself mixed in with scum bags and depressed clients complaining about their broken relationships,”_ Tom agreed. Shizuo was thankful that he didn’t question it any further.

“Thanks for understanding.”

_“Anything. You just rest up. And get back inside! I can hear the cars you know. It’s freezing tonight!”_

Shizuo laughed, his voice raspy as he held back another cough. “Hah…yeah, I will.”

_“Talk to you later?”_

“Yeah.”

_“Alright, later.”_

“Seeya.”

Shizuo slipped his phone back into his pocket, feeling that tickle rise in his throat as his chest constricted. He coughed heavily into his hands, bending forward wearily as his shoulders shook. It was really starting to get bad again…

He wasn’t sure how long he sat in the cold before the Raira trio walked by and saw him there. He barely heard their footsteps, and was startled when Mikado spoke up.

“S-Shizuo-san?”

Shizuo didn’t know the kid personally. He recognized the girl, and the blond kid looked vaguely familiar. Although most kids these days look the same.

“What do you want?” He grunted, his voice failing him. Mikado shrunk back a little, and Kida just stared at the concrete - unsure of what to say. He had learned not to approach Shizuo. So why had Anri and Mikado dragged him over?

“A-are you…okay?” Anri said quietly, genuinely worried at Shizuo’s current state.

He shrugged, not wanting to say much to teenagers. It’s not like they would understand his predicament anyways. “Yeah, f-” Shizuo was cut off as another cough wreaked through his body. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his mouth, feeling the familiar burn in his chest. He blinked his eyes open when he felt a small hand on his knee. Anri held out a handkerchief for him. He nodded with thanks, unable to speak as he coughed into the cloth. He could feel Mikado move a bit closer in a comforting manner.

Kida remained where he was, slightly slouched as he simply watched his two friends tend to Shizuo. Although his appearance was friendly, there was a sharpness to his gaze as he stared at Shizuo questioningly. although he stared at Shizuo hard - as if analyzing him. It ticked him off.

He swallowed, his mouth dry as sandpaper as he tried to regulate his breathing again. A metallic taste coated his mouth, and he looked in the handkerchief to see blood spotted along the white material. “Shit…”

“O-oh no!” Anri squeaked, as Mikado instantly whipped out his cell phone in a hurry.

“D-Don’t worry Shizuo-san! I-I know someone who can help!” Mikado stammered as he quickly sent out a text message. Almost instantly, he received a reply, and continued to chat with the other person as Anri took off her scarf and wrapped it around Shizuo as well, hoping it would warm him up.

He felt like a child, being taken care of by high schoolers. Still, he was grateful for their kindness, even if the blond one was giving him the stink eye.

“S-she’s on her way!” Mikado exclaimed, turning back to face Shizuo. He looked up at Mikado warily, covering his mouth with the tissue.

“Who’s coming?”

“Uh..w-well…” Mikado paused, unsure if he should say her name. Shizuo growled, getting annoyed and he instantly froze up. “C-Celty-san!”

Celty, huh? Shizuo sighed, a bit relieved that she was coming for him. He felt really tired and fatigued all of a sudden. A ride home would be appreciated.


	89. Call It Off

Celty was texting furiously onto her PDA as pulled up to the curb. She hurried up, her shadows quivering with worry. **[Shizuo! Are you ok? What’s wrong?]**

Shizuo was unable to reply as another fit of coughs took his breath away. Anri continued to rub his back softly, unable to help much. His perception of the world around him was fading out as he struggled to catch his breath. Voices became slurred, vision became blurry, and his head spun. Not to mention the blood burning his already scratchy throat.

He felt cold shadows wrap around him, and looked up at Celty who held out her hand for him to take. Normally, he wouldn’t want help, but his legs felt weak and he accepted the help without discussion.

The dense shadows around him formed a jacket and helmet, keeping him warm as they mounted Celty’s horse and sped off to Shinra’s place. He clung to Celty tiredly, feeling too weak to even do that as he weaved through traffic. The speed didn’t help his spinning head.

By the time they made it to Shinra’s, he had tunnel vision and there was a ringing in his ears. His stomach churned, his head pounded, and his breathing was coming in short pants.

Celty eased him off her horse, holding him up as he struggled to stand. Her shadows seemed to flicker with surprise when she felt how hot his skin was, despite being in the cold for so long. She hurried them upstairs, pausing when Shizuo stopped to catch his breath.

Shizuo could feel her shadows around him, quivering with worry as she lead him up to Shinra’s door. If he thought hard enough, he could imagine her saying that “everything is going to be okay." It was reassuring to him.

“Shizuo!” Shinra said as he threw open the door at their arrival. He stepped out of the way, pointing toward the couch, “Celty, lay him down there!” The headless rider nodded and guided Shizuo to the couch, setting him down gently.

She typed something that Shizuo couldn’t see and held it for Shinra.

“No, don’t take away his jacket just yet. He looks like he’s freezing to death…f-figure of speech, Celty!!”

Shizuo chuckled, coughing hard. Shinra hurried beside him, taking a thermometer and thrusting it into Shizuo’s mouth.

“C’n I hve smmthin to drnk?” Shizuo grumbled, rolling the thermometer in his mouth. Shinra nodded, watching the time on his watch.

“After we figure out your temperature. Then you can eat and drink till you’re stuffed.” After the time was up, he pulled out Shizuo’s thermometer and frowned. “You have a fever.”

“I’m not surprised.” Shizuo grunted, sitting up - only for Shinra to push him back down.

“You’re staying here.”

“Shinra!”

“Don’t complain!” He barked, his voice tight with anger and worry. “You put yourself in this spot.”

“Like hell I…”

Shinra held up the package of cigarettes for Shizuo to see. His honey eyes widened at the sight, and he wondered briefly how he swiped them off his person. Celty must have done it with her shadows when he wasn’t paying attention.

“You started smoking again.”

Shizuo sighed. “It was because of-”

“I don’t care why you did it! The point is that you did, and that’s why you’re in such bad shape!” Shinra said sternly, throwing the cigarettes into the trashcan. “Do you know how much this has pushed back your recovery?”

“Not a clue.”

“Easily by a few months. Depending on how bad the damage is.”

“Damage where?”

Shinra rolled his eyes. “In your brain, apparently. Because you’re not acting too smart.”

“Shut up! You don’t understand the shit I’ve gone through the past few months!” Shizuo growled, clenching his fist. Shinra shook his head and grabbed the glass of water from the table, handing it to Shizuo with a handful of the pills Shizuo had neglected to take.

“I really don’t give a damn. Why the hell did you stop? Where the hell is Izaya, he’s supp-”

“I don’t know where he is.”

“Excuse me?”

Shizuo sighed, all of his annoyance dissipating as grief and depression washed over him. He took the pills in one gulp, not caring how they scratched at his already raw throat on the way down. “I don’t know where he went. He just left.”

“God dammit, Izaya…” Shinra grumbled as he reached for his cell phone.

“His cell was disconnected.”

The spectacled man stared hard at Shizuo, before his features softened slightly as he sighed. “Shizuo…what on earth happened?”

“A lot of stuff…”

Shinra sat down on the table, slipping off his glasses to rub at his eyes tiredly. “I’m not specialized in the therapy field, but it’d probably be best to just talk about it?”

Shizuo paled in complexion, except for his cheeks which still burned red from the fever. “I…I don’t know if I…”

Celty tapped Shizuo’s shoulder, causing him to look up at her PDA.

**[You don’t have to worry. We’ll understand. We‘re your friends.]**

With the reassurance from the dullahan, Shizuo broke out into his story. He talked about how he met Psyche online, only to find out it was Izaya. He explained their bet, which was soon called off - or at the very least, forgotten. He vented about their night at Shinra’s party, and how their relationship seemed to change from that moment on. Suddenly, Shizuo was feeling things he hadn’t experienced since high school, and he was starting to enjoy being with Izaya every day.

Bashfully, he said they were intimate, which gained a look of surprise from Shinra. Celty’s shadows seemed to expand and constrict rapidly - an expression of shock. Although they both seemed to understand when Shizuo kept talking about how he thought he was growing feelings for the flea. He ended with their last night together. How he had felt. What he was thinking. How Izaya had broken it off suddenly, leaving him with nothing to hold onto for support. Izaya had broken him down, and now Shizuo felt like he had no reason to try.

Shizuo blinked with surprise when he felt a tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn’t understand why he was suddenly crying. Was it from humiliation? Heartbreak? Relief of getting this off his already heavy chest? He wiped them away, shaking his head. “I just…I’ve had a hard time the past two months…and smoking was the only way I could cope.”

Shinra held a lot of sympathy for Shizuo. He knew how brutal Izaya could be, and knew there was a risk of Izaya manipulating the blond into smoking again. However…he never imagined Izaya would go this far.

“Shizuo…I know that this is hard for you…and I know that smoking might seem like the answer, but-”

“I know it’s not. I know it won’t help me. It’ll only kill me.” Shizuo said softly, staring up at the ceiling from his spot on the couch. If the smoking didn’t kill him, he was sure the lingering heart ache would.

“You need to stop.”

“I will.”

“Will you cooperate, and let us help you?” Shinra asked, standing up so he looked down at Shizuo. “I can’t help you with Izaya…but I can try to save your life.”

Shizuo nodded. “I’ll cooperate.”

“Good. Now we need to do some tests to try and figure out how badly you damaged yourself.” Shinra gathered his supplies, taking the tv remote to hand to Shizuo. “I would suggest resting here for the night, and in the morning we’ll take you to the hospital where I’ll run a CT scan and some X-rays on your chest. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” Shizuo murmured as Shinra went to the backroom to put away his materials. Celty walked up beside Shizuo, handing him her PDA.

**[Is there anything you need?]**

“No, I’m okay for now. Just water is fine.”

Celty nodded, taking her PDA back and sliding it into the sleeve of her jacket, turning to refill Shizuo’s glass of water.

“Hey, Celty.”

She looked back toward him, tilting her helmet to the side slightly.

“Thanks…for dealing with me.”

She slid out her PDA again, typing quickly for him to read. What he read made him smile, and brought a little hope back into his life.

**[We care about you, Shizuo. We don’t want you to die. So we’ll do everything we can to make sure you’re okay.]**


	90. Arc 11: Undisclosed Desires

It felt good to be back in Ikebukuro. As much as traveling the country with no direction in mind was thrilling, nothing could beat the lively energy of the city. Izaya stood on the roof of his apartment complex, precariously balancing on the edge as he stared down on his beloved humans.

“Did you miss me?”

Ahh, he knew they missed him. He turned on his phone again for the first time in two months, and was bombarded with calls and e-mail messages from angry clients. They truly needed him, and he let them go so easily.

That’s just how Izaya was. He never made bonds between others. Never let himself get close. To be shackled down by emotions and relationships was something Izaya never wanted.

He was born to be free. To be his own being, thriving high above the others.

Hopping off the ledge and back onto the safety of the rooftop, he walked briskly to the stairwell. The informant knew he couldn’t laze around all day staring at the unaware people below him. He had work to catch up on.

With a sigh, Izaya skipped down the steps until he was on his apartment floor. He quickly let himself in, glad to see that Namie hadn’t destroyed everything while on his leave. Although she did leave all the lights on - was she trying to raise his electricity bill?

No matter. He went about his business - making himself coffee as he nibbled on some sugar free vanilla cookies.

Vanilla. He used to hate vanilla - so bland and unexciting. Yet, he had been eating them more in the past month. He didn’t know why they seemed to appetizing to him all of a sudden. He knew tastes changed over time, but this was a little unexpected.

He walked to his fridge, peeking inside to see if he had anything else to eat. He refused to eat airplane food, and the lack of nourishment left him starving. It seemed like Namie had eaten everything - save for the foods she didn’t like. Thank God she left the ootoro alone - although he was sure it had gone bad by now. Along with the strawberry milk in the back.

Oh.

He reached in and grabbed the spoiled milk, throwing it viciously into the trashcan, along with his package of vanilla cookies. He didn’t want to have any of that crap in his sight again.

He poured himself coffee, taking a scalding sip to burn out the lingering sweetness of vanilla on his tongue, and sat down at his desk. He turned the computers on, waiting impatiently for them to start up. Dammit, why did that damn brute have to constantly sneak his way back into Izaya’s life? He didn’t have to be there in order to get under Izaya’s skin.

Was that how Shizuo had felt all these years?

Izaya shook his head, refusing to believe he now had compassion and sympathy for Shizuo’s feelings.

As soon as the computer was awake, he opened up his internet browser and logged onto Dollars. He was sure there were some juicy rumors going around that he could dig his hands into. Anything to keep his mind occupied and off the brute.

_-Kanra has just logged in-_

**[Hello everyone!~]**

**“I can‘t believe it! Do you really think it‘s true?”**

**{They said he was already checked in.}**

**//Hii there!! //**

**{Oh, hey Kanra.}**

**(Hey)**

**“Hi! Long time no see!”**

**[I see you‘re already talking about something. Mind if I hop in?]**

**//Of course not!//**

**“Hey, Kanra, have you heard?”**

**[Nope! I’ve been out of town for a while, so I have no idea what’s been going on! ;A; ]**

**{Then you’re in for some juicy gossip}**

Izaya grinned. Perfect. Just what he needed.

**[Just what I need! Spill!]**

**(Well, the rumor around is that Shizuo Heiwajima is in the hospital!)**

What..?

Did he just read that right?

**[Ahahahaaa~! No way!]**

**//Yeah! It’s been the talk of Ikebukuro for a few days now!//**

**{Although it was meant to be private information.}**

**(What would make you say that?)**

Izaya couldn’t help but laugh to himself. Shizuo, in the hospital? It was a miracle! A dream come true! Finally that brute was going to-

**“Someone said he’s going to die…”**

**//I know! I don’t want him to die!//**

**[Why not? He’s a real monster. So scary!! \oAo/]**

**(I’m not sure…)**

What? What? Did they truly think he wasn’t some sort of twisted monster? Izaya growled to himself, typing faster.

**[Of course he is!]**

**{He doesn’t seem like it. Well, he is when he’s pissed, but not all the time.}**

**“Yeah! He was the librarian at the library I went to!”**

**[Librarian?! Hahahaha, you’re gotta be trolling me! There is NO WAY he’d be a librarian!]**

Izaya was starting to get angry. These good for nothing kids, telling him nothing he wanted to hear. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from going along with the conversation.

**//No, it’s true! I went there and checked out a book. He was friendly, although a bit quiet.//**

**(He also used to work at the bar I went to on the weekends. Seemed kinda mellow.)**

**{Do you think he’s doped up?}**

**[No.]**

What? Why did he just type that so ferociously? Why did he quickly go against what they said?

**{Why not?}**

**[Shizu-chan doesn’t seem like the person who would get himself doped up on something.]**

**//Shizu-chan?//**

**(What the hell kinda of nickname is that?)**

**[The best kind. ; >]**

_-Bakyura has just logged in-_

***Tch, sounds like Kanra has a crush***

**//Bakurya!//**

**{Hey man!}**

**[Oh, hello there Bakyura-kun~]**

***Go die***

**[Ouch, that hurts~! Baku-chan is so mean to Kanra-chan! oAo]**

***Shut up***

_-Kanra as just opened a Private Chat with Bakyura-_

**[Masaomi.]**

***What do you want?***

**[What do you know about this rumor?]**

***Why should I tell you? I don’t work for you anymore.***

Dammit. He just had to cut Kida loose too soon, didn’t he? Of course, he wasn’t planning on this turn of events. Or rather…he wasn’t expecting to be so adamant about Shizuo’s condition.

**[I’ll pay you double what I used to. This is very important.]**

***I don’t know why you’re so worried about him. It’s not like you ever cared.***

Why did that hurt more than he thought it would? It made Izaya grit his teeth with annoyance. That brat had no right to read into his life.

**[This is purely business. And I’ve been on leave for a while and need to catch up. So spill.]**

***…you’ll pay double?***

**[Triple if I have to.]**

Anything to get him to…

***Alright.***

Yes!

For the next half hour, Izaya read as Kida spilled the beans on the biggest rumor to hit Ikebukuro: the great Shizuo Heiwajima was sick in the hospital. Those who had the misfortune to run into the blond claimed that he seemed to be a different person - one who showed signs of depression and despair. Despite his temper lashing out, he seemed not to care much about what others thought.

And of course, one of the biggest rumors that no one really believed to be true was that Shizuo had recently gone through a break up. Izaya figured that girls - aka Erika and the like - had come up with that theory. Unfortunately, they had to be right.

As for Shizuo being in the hospital, Kida had told Izaya about his own experience. Shizuo had smelled of tobacco when he and his friends came across him. He was coughing heavily, spotting blood into a handkerchief, and seemed feverish and really worn down.

The news came as a shock to Izaya. Yet…he couldn’t truly believe it. After all, these were rumors. The only person he could contact and get solid information from would be from Shinra.

But was he really willing to go that far?


	91. Agitate My Nerves

In the end, Izaya didn’t really have a choice. Even if he decided he’d rather not learn more about Shizuo’s condition, he was surrounded by the rumors. He stood quietly on the street corner, looking up at the evening sky. All around him, he could hear the whispers saying the same things.

_I saw Shizuo Heiwajima pass out._

_I saw Shizuo coughing up blood._

_Shizuo Heiwajima is in the hospital._

_Shizuo has cancer._

_Shizuo is dying._

He couldn’t shake them out of his head. Three hours after logging off, and still the chat log was burned in his memory. Still eating away at him. The information Masaomi had given him was vague, but enough to tingle this senses and make him itch for more information.

The only problem was that it was information he didn’t necessarily want to hear.

With a sigh, he ran a hand through his hair and stepped out of the alleyway he was lurking in, wondering where his feet would take him next. Perhaps to Russia Sushi, or back to Shinjuku. Maybe they would take him to the cemetery as some sort of sick joke.

He stared tiredly at the ground, watching his shadow move in sync beside him. Unchanging. Constant. Always by his side. Sometimes he wondered if Shizuo was like a shadow too. Unchanging strength. Constant anger. Always chasing him, but never unable to outrun him.

His silent musings were cut short when he saw his shadow ripple beneath him. He curiously looked down, and smiled when the black tendrils crawled up his legs and coiled around his body tightly.

“Ahh, Celty, it’s a pl--hgnn!”

She shoved him backwards into the wall, knocking over a few trashcans and boxes that littered the alleyway. His body slammed into the brick with enough force to knock the wind out of his chest.

At first, he was delirious - head throbbing, chest aching, and spots dancing in front of his eyes. The next moment, a blinding light was shoved into his face, causing him to grit his teeth in pain.

“I can’t read it that close…” he hissed, trying to pull his head away from the PDA. Celty complied, pulling her trembling hand away so Izaya could read the words she had typed.

**[This is all your fault.]**

He quirked a brow. “Ahh, most things are. Please elaborate.”

**[Shizuo is sick because of you!]**

So that’s why she was so upset with him. He shook his head, sighing as he tried to untangle himself from the tight web of shadows around him. His attempts were futile; her grip was too tight.

“Celty, I can’t breathe…”

She shook with fury, the dark tendrils surrounding them quivering. **[Thanks to you, he can’t either!]**

“Is that meant to guilt me?” 

Another crack ringed in Izaya's ears as his head slammed into the wall. He groaned, feeling his brain rattling in his skull. Celty was serious this time, and wouldn’t let him use his wit to cut her off. She even wrapped a shadow around his mouth to keep him quiet. A muffled groan was all she allowed before she held up the new message on her PDA.

**[What you did to him was even worse than what I ever thought you were capable of. You broke him, Izaya.]**

His carmine eyes practically shone with sarcasm. Of course, that was the plan.

**[Do you realize he started smoking again when you left?]**

Izaya was counting on that fact, hoping it would eventually kill him off. After all, that was the ulterior motive for the past few months they were together. Although, those intentions faded away toward the end…

**[Multiple packs a day from what he told us. He couldn’t stop. They were keeping him sane.]**

Sane?

Shizuo thought he was going insane due to Izaya sudden absence? Wasn’t that Shizuo’s dream from the moment they left? For Izaya to leave and for the brute to regain peace?

What had changed him? What made him want Izaya’s constant nagging and annoyance?

Celty could see the uncertainty in Izaya’s gaze, and unwrapped the gag from his mouth. He sucked in air and licked his lips.

He smirked. “You don’t taste very good.” He could practically feel her seething at his comment. “Anyways, I don’t really care about Shizuo’s condition. He chose to relapse into smoking those cancer sticks. It’s his own fault.”

**[What you did to drove him to do it!]**

His smirk grew. “Ahh, thank you Celty. I’m proud of my accomplishments. Are you here to give me my medal?” His shoulders rocked as he chuckled to himself. Celty didn’t appreciate his sick humor, and constricted the black bands around him, causing the raven to wince.

**[You broke his heart.]**

“So what if I did?” Izaya growled, narrowing his eyes dangerously. “After what he did to me, he deserved to have his heart broken.”

Celty shook her helmet, typing angrily onto her PDA. **[He did nothing to you.]**

The informant remained silent, sighing lightly. He didn’t feel the need to explain himself. Not like she would believe him anyways. Why waste his breath explaining how the brute had managed to tear down his walls, tie him down, and make him feel emotions he'd never longed to feel.

“Shizu-chan deserves to die.”

_SMACK._

Izaya’s cheek stung from the blow of her gloved hand. He knew he had pushed a certain button, and couldn’t help but feel like he won that small battle. He stared at the floor, spitting out the blood that pooled between his gums.

 **[You listen here…]** she started, forcing his eyes up to look at her screen. Her shadows turning darker if possible, and the tendrils around him seemed to grow ice cold as she tightened her grip.  **[You were paid to watch him. Shinra trusted you to take care of him. I know you might not have the same feelings back for Shizuo, but I know you at least care for Shinra as a friend. You disappointed him. You nearly killed his friend. You failed your only job.]**

All truths. The dullahan wasn’t lying, and Izaya knew it. Yet…hearing it from her seemed to make it all more real. The novel of a relationship they had written was being reread to him, and it felt like a completely different story.

This time, it sounded more painful. More cruel. More…real.

**[Do you even know how serious this is?]**

“No.” Izaya found no use in bluffing or twisting his words. He wanted to know just as much as any man on the street did.

Celty’s shoulders sagged slightly as if she sighed, and typed rapidly on her PDA. Izaya’s stomach dropped when he read the cold, bleak words on the all-too-bright screen.

**[Shizuo’s sudden smoking flared up another infection in his lungs. There’s a good part that is too damaged to heal. He needs surgery to remove the portion of it. Otherwise it could become cancerous.]**

“…What good is telling me this, courier?” Izaya grumbled, eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to hide the shock on his face.

**[You know why.]**

Izaya sighed, nodding. He knew exactly why Celty had hunted him down. It was a bold move on her part. Izaya could have easily declined. Rejected the offer and walked away.

Shizuo’s life was in his hands, and he could crush it as easily as he could a butterfly’s wing.

The real question is…

…could he do it?

After what had happened. Their past was rewritten. Pages had been torn out of their novel, and had been rearranged to tell a new story. Their life suddenly had a new direction, one Izaya couldn’t control.

And Izaya was now the author. The pen was in his hand. The pages were turning.

What would he do?

Celty waited silently, letting Izaya free from his confinements as he theatrically brushed off the nonexistent dust from his jacket. He paused, looking back at her dark figure before turning to leave the alley.

“Put it on my tab.”


	92. Waiting for the End

_You’re going to be okay._

How could they tell him that? Even if he didn’t die on the table, which Shinra had explained would most likely not happen, he felt like he was dead already.

_You won’t feel a thing._

So why was there a constant ache in his chest? A lingering burn where his heart sat?

_Everything will be better from this point on._

He honestly doubted that.

Shizuo sat in his hospital bed, staring out the window at the dark storm clouds that had formed over head. Small drops of water had already started to fall, lighting sprinkling against the window. It was a gloomy sign that made Shizuo’s heart drop.

He was on edge. When he had first heard that he would need surgery, he practically walked up and out of the hospital. Like hell he needed some guy cutting into him. Besides, a scalpel was no different from a switch blade, and right now he couldn’t handle one being so close to him. The memories cut deeper than the blade ever could.

But Shinra had explained that without the surgery, the damaged section of his lung could get worse, and eventually cause a chain reaction which could lead to cancer. It was best to surgically remove it.

“Besides, they don’t open up your chest! They just cut on the side, maybe remove a rib to give them better access, and cut a small wedge out of your lung. It’s nothing too major! You can even keep the lung in a jar if you want!” Shinra had said almost a bit too eagerly. Shizuo nearly pulled Shinra into a choke hold and told him to stuff it. The only thing that stopped him was the respirator and the heart monitor he was attached to.

It took a long time to convince Shizuo to go through with it. It was eventually Kasuka, who had flown back to Ikebukuro to visit Shizuo, who convinced him to get the surgery. How could he deny his own brother?

The next day, he woke up with a sick knot in his stomach. He was already dreading the day. Although he knew he’d come out of this alright…there was a part of him that was still scared. To think, with all of his history dealing with hospitals, he thought he’d be able to handle a small surgery.

Maybe it was just because it was on his lungs. His chest. It was close to his heart - the thing keeping him alive.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Breathing was easier with the small ventilator pumping air into his lungs. Shinra had said that when the surgery was over, he’d have more trouble breathing. He had to get used to the idea of being stuck in the hospital for a few weeks with tubes attached to him.

He guessed it was better than dying. But only by a little bit.

A soft knock at the door shook him from his thoughts. He saw Celty standing in the doorway, waving quietly at him. He smiled, waving back. “Hey.”

She walked over, resting a cool hand against his arm. She rubbed it gently to soothe him as she stood over him. He vaguely thought she looked like a grim reaper with the way her dark form hovered over him in the dim lighting of the room. Just another bad omen to make him worry.

They remained silent, not needing to share any words to know what the other was thinking. He sighed, leaning back into the stiff pillows. “You think they can fix my heart while they’re in there messing with my lungs?”

**[What? There’s nothing wrong with your heart.]**

“Maybe not physically…” he murmured sadly. Celty moved to sit down on the side of the bed gingerly, running a hand through his hair. He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes wearily. She didn’t bother writing to him, she knew he could understand her concern.

“I…” Shizuo paused, unsure what to say. He…he wanted to confide in her. To let her know how he really felt…”I had never felt this strong about someone before.” Her hand shifted to cup Shizuo’s face, her thumb rubbing his cheek, quietly letting him know that he could say whatever he wanted without fear.

“Izaya had always been the one person that wasn’t afraid of me. I could let myself be normal around him. I didn’t have to hold back. Even in high school…and growing up…I felt so much anger towards him. But it was still passionate and unafraid and unabashed. And now…it’s changed so much and it felt…it feels so much better.”

He paused, noticing his hands shaking. He was so nervous, and he felt so weak. He was scared of coming to terms with his emotions. The same emotions that had evolved from hatred to passion…they caused his head to spin and his heart to ache. He was afraid of admitting that the feelings he had for Izaya were gone and replaced with another.

Celty moved her hand from his cheek, and tightly held onto his own hand. She squeezed lightly, giving him strength in the only way she knew how. He looked up at her, trying to read the emotion in the shadows that flickered along the wall.

He was already too late to act out on his evolving emotions. He had missed his chance. So…why not just accept them for what they were?

“I love him…” he whispered, staring at the hand that held his tightly. “I think I actually love him.”

_"And he never loved me back."_

“Shizuo Heiwajima?”

Shizuo looked up to see his surgeon walk in. He was a colleague of Shinra’s - someone who actually had a degree and knew what he was doing. Although he trusted Shinra to take care of him, he didn’t trust him enough to not do extra on him while he was under. So he’d asked for a surgeon who would get the job done as fast as possible.

“Yes?”

“It’s time for your operation.” His surgeon moved out, allowing two nurses to walk in with a gurney to take Shizuo to the ER. Shizuo nodded, body shaking - from withdrawals or nerves, he wasn’t sure - as Celty helped him lay down on the gurney. Celty gave him one last squeeze before the nurses wheeled him out silently.

He’ll come around, she had thought. If she could have smiled warmly and comfortingly, she would have. But Shizuo understood the message, and smiled back at her as bravely as he could.

As they wheeled him out of his room and into the ER, he caught sight of his friends in the hall. Kadota, Saburo, Erika, Walker, Shinra, Celty, Kasuka, even Mairu and Kururi were there. They all smiled at him and cheered him on. They were there to support him when he came out. Shizuo felt his heart warm up at the sight.

They passed through the doors, and they proceeded to tie a gasmask over his mouth and nose while injecting him with drugs to put him under. They had to nearly triple the dose for the effects to start, but soon the grip of unconsciousness started to overtake him. One of the nurses told him that he’d be okay and there was nothing to be afraid of; that he’d get out of this without a hitch.

That’s what they all kept on saying.

He hoped they were right.


	93. I've Been Here a Few Times

Izaya watched as the bedroom light went out, and the curtain were drawn. He refused to move until those curtains opened once more to reveal Shizuo’s drugged up body lying in the bed. He didn’t care that it was raining heavier now. Large and heavy drops of water collided with his body as he pulled his hood up over his head. Shivering, the informant stood out in the storm as the streets emptied. No one wanted to be left out in this downpour, but Izaya didn’t really have a reason to move from his spot on the sidewalk.

Earlier that day he’d received a text from Celty, telling him that today was the day he’d have to suck up whatever issues he had with Shizuo and deal with the consequences. Of course, he didn’t show up to see Shizuo off to surgery. At least, not in person. It was better to stay at a distance.

It wasn’t time. He wasn’t ready.

He doubted he would ever be ready. He knew that even this game had to come to an end. He was in check, and had to move or else he would be knocked down. But where could he move? There wasn’t anything he could do, because that brute would somehow inadvertently trap him again. All he could do was call a truce.

But that was a harder move than he ever could have anticipated. So he stood in the rain, waiting until the moment Shizuo returned and when he actually had the nerve to move his feet.

Izaya shivered as the wind blew around him, making his already icy skin colder. He was soaked to the bone, freezing and most likely catching a cold. But it didn’t really seem to faze him.

How much time had passed since Shizuo went into surgery? Five minutes? Five hours? Five days? Time just seemed to blur as Izaya remained out in the cold, looking up into the window that remained dark.

Soft footsteps grew louder behind him, but Izaya didn’t bother to tear his eyes away from the window.

“Izaya.”

Ahh, he recognized that voice.

“Masaomi. What a pleasant surprise,” he murmured, narrowing his eyes slightly in response.

“You look like a drowned cat.”

“My appearance should be the least of your worries,” Izaya said with a sigh, finally turning away to face the blond behind him. He seemed warm under the safety of his umbrella, but Izaya knew it was probably not much warmer under the thin layer of plastic. He was just dry, that’s all. “May I ask why you’re out and about on a dreary day like this?”

“I can ask you the same.”

Izaya shoved his hands in his soggy pockets, glaring hard at Kida - who didn’t seem to even flinch at the cruel gaze. “You gave me some shitty information. I didn’t pay you for rumors.”

“I didn’t give you the information for the pay. I was curious too. You’re the one who told me that curiosity digs up the best information,” Kida spat back, shifting his gaze to look up at the hospital window.

Izaya wanted to follow his gaze, but couldn’t. He felt like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t. Normally that wouldn’t bother him. But normally, he’d never get caught. “That I did…” he chuckled with amusement, grinning at the high-schooler. “You would make a good informant.”

Kida scoffed. “Like I’d want that profession. I‘m never going to grow up to be like you, and I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” He turned to face Izaya, anxiety and bravery swirling in his golden eyes. “This is the last time I work for you. The last time we’ll come in contact.”

Izaya shrugged, indifferent to Kida’s sudden pride. It’s not like he needed the kid anymore. “That’s fine by me. I don’t really require your services anymore.”

"That's what you said last time.”

With that, Izaya turned, looking back up at the window. The light were still off, and the heavy weight in his chest remained.

“He’s like Saki.”

“Hmm?”

“Shizuo. He’s like Saki,” Kida murmured, walking up beside Izaya. He stared up at the window with a somewhat sorrowful expression on his face.

The informant glanced at him, quirking a brow. “Is that so…?”

Kida nodded, before turning and holding his umbrella closer to him. He made sure to shake it slightly to splash Izaya. He flinched, disliking the water on his face. It made Kida smile slightly. “Yeah, cause when she was hurt she had this gravity that made me stand outside wanting to go in. Shizuo has that same gravity with you. Shizuo is like Saki in that sense. And I guess that makes you like me…” Kida glanced over his shoulder at Izaya who glared back at him. “…but you already knew that, didn’t you?”

Izaya watched Kida walk away, his rain boots splashing in the muddy slush as the rain washed away what little piles of snow were left over from winter.

Soon, it would be spring: a time for renewal, for life. Winter was losing its cold grasp on the city, and Izaya knew that he’d eventually have to warm up too. He would have to get used to the idea that his past was behind him, and that his connection to Shizuo has changed too drastically for him to revert back. Hatred had melted away to something much warmer - much more lively.

He had played this game of cat and mouse for too long. It was time to end it, and call a truce. He’d never be ready, but he had to make the move or be destroyed by the very thing he once hated. But before he could do anything, the hospital room light had to turn on.


	94. Miracles

_Hey, he’s waking up!_

_Awake…_

_Shizuo-kun! Can you hear us?_

Shizuo blearily opened his eyes, this world unfocused and bright as he dragged himself from unconsciousness. He vaguely recognized the slurred voices that echoed in his head, but he couldn’t put a name to them until he saw two familiar faces hovering above him.

“Mai…ru, Kuru...ri…” he murmured, trying to get his voice to work again. It was hard to speak at first, and he sounded nasally thanks to the breathing tubes in his nose. He could feel air being pumped into his lungs from the ventilator attached to him. The rest of his body felt tingly and numb, and it was almost suffocating how he couldn’t feel his chest rising.

“Shizuo-kun! How are you feeling?” Mairu asked, leaning against the bed.

Shizuo blinked a few times, trying to shake off the grogginess. “Ahh…like I just got out of a coma,” he grumbled, trying to push himself up into a sitting position. Kururi pushed on his arm gently, trying to keep him down.

“Rest…” the shyer twin mumbled, and Shizuo nodded in agreement and laid back into his bed. It felt better to not move anyways.

“How long was I out?”

“Not too long. Only a few hours. Everyone has been coming in to check on you, but you haven’t been awake. We just got lucky!” Mairu giggled, sitting back down into a chair beside the hospital bed.

“Surgery…well,” Mairu said with a soft smile, and Shizuo couldn’t help but smile back.

“So I’m fixed, huh?” He chuckled as he lifted his blanket to peek at the stitches. However, he was greeted to a still partially open wound with thin tubes sticking out of his body. He felt his stomach lurch at the sight and he instantly dropped the blanket to hide it. “W-What the hell?!”

“Oh, don’t touch those!” Mairu scrambled to grab Shizuo’s hands, keeping them away from his side. Unaffected at the slightly gruesome sight, she peeked under the blankets again. “Shinra said those were to clear out any fluids from your lungs. They’ll be removed in a few days.”

Shizuo couldn’t believe that the small girl was unfazed at the fact tubes were sticking out of his body, pink tinted fluid being slowly drained from his chest as fresh air was pumped to his lungs.

“Doesn’t that gross you out?”

She shook her head, pigtails flipping around her face. “Nah! It’s really cool!”

“You’re a weird kid,” Shizuo snickered, shaking his head slightly. “I guess all you fleas are weird.”

“Not weird…” Kururi said with a small frown. “…Unique.”

Mairu sensed her twin’s insecurities and patted her head lightly. “Don’t mind her. She just doesn’t like being told we’re weird or different. ‘Cause we’re really not…we just like different things. That’s what Iza-nii said,” Mairu explained.

Izaya had told them that? It was strange to hear Izaya saying something…supportive about his family. Even in high school, he didn’t seem to talk much about his relatively normal family. Shizuo had always assumed that Izaya was the black sheep. Apparently it had rubbed off on his sisters.

“He’s right,” Shizuo decided, nodding with assurance, “You two are just fine. Nothing weird about you.”

Kururi smiled a little at that, and Mairu simply beamed. “You really think so?!” the more outgoing of the two asked. Shizuo nodded curtly, and laughed lightly when she spun around happily. “That’s great to hear Shizuo-san say that!”

“Izaya-nii-san…weird?” Kururi asked. Shizuo didn’t need Mairu’s translation of her sister’s broken sentences. He had spent enough time with them to learn her speaking patterns.

“Um…” Well yeah, Izaya was weird. Hell, “weird” didn’t even cover the complexities that defined Izaya. The informant was…exceptional. There wasn’t another living thing on this planet that seemed to be just like him. He wouldn’t fit into a status quo or a certain clique. He ruled his world with a completely unique point of view. He was classy and elegant in his own sadistic way, and had both the street smarts and book smarts to launch him into a successful life. His confidence was skyrocketing, and his ego was as big as the moon. Yet, Shizuo had seen a less secure and uncertain side of the flea. He had seen a side he’d never thought the louse could possess: kindness, thoughtfulness, affection. All were warm traits he thought an ice cold person like Izaya would never be able to share. Yet two months ago, this is what Izaya was showing Shizuo on a daily basis. Shizuo loved that. He adored that gentle side that proved that Izaya was as much of a human being as he was. He wanted it back…

Shizuo sighed, feeling the twins‘ eyes locked on him - waiting for an answer. He smiled a bit. “Your brother is one of a kind.”

“The good type of ‘one of a kind?'”

“Yeah, the good type.”

The twins seemed to be happy with that answer, giggling amongst themselves. Shizuo could only imagine what they were so giddy about. It wasn’t like he said anything amazing. Of course, he would have probably sworn to kill the louse the next time he saw him. Now, he’d probably just be silent and uncertain.

“Ne, Shizuo-kun?” Mairu asked with a little pout, folding her arms on the side of the bed and resting her chin on them.

“What?”

“Do you miss Iza-nii?”

Why did he have the strongest urge to open up the tiny brunet? What made her seem so…safe? Like she wouldn’t think badly of him? Maybe it was the fact her big brown eyes shone with childish innocence. Yet they still had that glimmer of mischief he had grown to love in Izaya’s gaze.

“A bit…”

“Yeah…I think he misses you too,” she murmured solemnly, glancing over at her sister who nodded.

“Gone…”

“Gone?” Shizuo asked curiously. He knew the flea had been keeping himself out of Ikebukuro…but gone? What did she mean by that?

“Izaya hasn’t been at home for a while. He just left,” Mairu said with a sigh. “We don’t know when he’ll come back home.”

Shizuo furrowed his brow. “And you think that has to do with me?”

Mairu shrugged, “Probably. He might feel kinda bad about what happened.”

“Tch, as if.”

Kururi scowled, softly smacking Shizuo’s arm in retort. He blinked with surprise and stared incredulously at her.

“Feelings…”

Shizuo took a moment to soak that in and groaned. “Yeah yeah…I know he has feelings. But still, he kinda tossed my own feelings behind him without a care. Why should I bother to feel bad for him?”

Mairu stood up, slipping her hands into her pockets. “Iza-nii doesn’t run off often. Only when he needs time to think about something he did.” She glanced at the clock, tugging on Kururi’s arm. The quieter girl stood up beside her sister, who seemed to stand up taller compared to her look-a-like. “We’ve gotta go. We promised we could leave and let you rest if you were awake by seven.”

“Oh…okay,” Shizuo mumbled. He found that he was enjoying their company, even if he would have preferred his brother or a closer friend.

“Return,” Kururi said with a smile, and he sister nodded eagerly beside her.

“Yeah, we’ll come back! You just have to sleep and not move around and stuff. And eat! Although the food here is crappy.”

“Oh, I know the food is shit,” Shizuo said with a chuckle. It felt weird to laugh, with the tubes sticking from his body. “I’d rather sleep.”

“Then sleep well, Shizuo-kun!” Mairu exclaimed for the both of them. They turned to leave, but just before they slipped out the door, Mairu peeked in once more. “And…just try to forgive him. We know you haven’t in the past…but maybe you can now?”

Shizuo glanced over at her, sighing and nodding, “I’ll try.”

It was a white lie. He wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive Izaya. But…he’d try for them. That is, if Izaya decided to show his face again.


	95. We've Still Got Tonight

Izaya found himself standing outside of Shizuo’s window, staring up at it silently. It had been three days since Shizuo’s surgery. Three days since that light turned on and Izaya felt a heavy weight lifted off his chest, just to have a different feeling unloaded upon him.

The only way for this sensation of discomfort to go away was to face the problem at hand, but for once Izaya didn’t feel prepared to take on that challenge. It took him a good hour to move from his place on the sidewalk into the hospital’s main lobby.

He took a deep breath, soaking in the antiseptic and disinfectant odor that lingered on every surface. It made him sick to his stomach. How could the brute handle something like this all the time?

With a sigh, the informant glanced at the clock. Even though he had wasted so much time, he was still a early for visiting hours. Of course, he was never planning on obeying that rule. He wanted to be there long before anyone else arrived. He hoped the extra half hour was enough.

He pulled his jacket closer to him, walking past the front desk easily. He nodded to the secretary, who waved back and went back to work. Although when he was out of her line of sight, she glanced back up with slight confusion. She hadn’t seen that doctor here before…

Izaya stepped into the empty elevator, taking it up to the third floor where Shizuo was staying. Or at least, that’s the room the hospital files he had hacked into the night before had said. If he hadn't suddenly moved that morning, he should still be there.

He stepped out, noticing slightly confused glances aimed in his direction. Of course they would be slightly confused. After all, there wasn’t a doctor that looked like him working in this hospital, but he wore an official badge and coat - although it was slightly uncomfortable, how Shinra managed to wear them so often he’d never know - and easily made his way to Shizuo’s room without any complaints.

Izaya peeked inside, seeing Shizuo sleeping soundly in his bed. He couldn’t stand the tension inside of himself; part of him yelling to thrust his blade into his chest and end him…and the other half begging him to fix things.

He sighed, stepping inside and walking toward the side of the bed. He slipped out of the doctor’s coat, draping it over a chair before sitting down in it. He crossed his legs and leaned back, watching as Shizuo slept - completely unaware of Izaya’s presence.

“So, Shizu-chan…it’s been a while.”

He fell silent, unsure of what to say. He could easily wake Shizuo up - tease him, poke fun, maybe tug on his IV just to get under his skin. But what good would that do? Nothing. Yet, what would talking to a sleeping man do?

Maybe it’s just what Izaya needed.

“I’m gonna sound ridiculous, talking to a person who’s practically in a coma and not coming out anytime soon. However, I guess it’s for the better. I can just…ramble and not have to worry about you throwing the ventilator at me,” Izaya grumbled as he rested his chin on his palm.

“I really don’t know where to start. Celty said to fix this. The twins had been texting me constantly while I was away - Oh, no I won’t reveal where I was. Half the fun is the mystery, am I right? No. Well, you never agree with me anyways. Mm…I guess I might as well answer that silly question you wanted to know way back when we were still not getting along. That work I was doing for Shiki. It was some stupid drug that was meant to heal many illnesses. At the time, I wasn’t eager to find information on it. But over time I guess I wanted it to be real, so you could take it and just get better. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to care for you? It’s like taking care of an overgrown baby with strength and anger issues. And then you had to start acting so damn unpredictable and…” he sighed, recollecting his thoughts. “You no longer became a hassle. You became a priority. I was no longer helping you simply for a paycheck from Shinra. I started paying for your medication because I…I honestly wanted you to get better. I didn’t want the only player that actually mattered in this cruel game to die. Without you, there was no challenge. No risk. I couldn’t possibly let that get away from me thanks to a grim reaper or shinigami, right? Of course you agree with me, because you know I’m right.

“And I guess…I guess in the end, we did become something like friends. We started taking care of each other more. Protected each other if possible. Strange, isn’t it? How a turn of events can make sworn enemies because partners, and eventually friends. And maybe…” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “Shit. There really isn’t a way for me to get around this topic, is there?”

Shizuo’s calm expression was Izaya’s only answer.

The informant groaned, rubbing his temples. “I guess…I guess I didn’t want you to die…in the end. I mean, here I am, right? And…well, if I really wanted you to die, I would have broken your heart much worse than I did. I had the potential too…I made it easy for you. Left. Gave you space. If I really wanted you to suffer until your kicked the bucket I would have made sure to have constant reminders in your life. Of course, knowing you, you probably were reminded of me just from looking at your kitchen knives. You’re so stupid, you know that?”

Izaya didn’t want to admit that every time he saw a cigarette or a stop sign he thought of the blond. Every trash can and fridge made him remember.

“I was…scared,” he whispered, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and lay his head in his hands. “For some reason, this was scarier than when we were trapped in that elevator. I was facing a new phobia I didn’t realize I had developed. When I first saw the rumors that you were in the hospital, I didn‘t want to believe them...but I knew they were true. Because deep down, I had planned on you smoking again. But I hadn’t planned on this outcome. It was…another unpredictable thing you did to me that made me have to change my game plan. And dammit, this is where you put me.”

He glared at Shizuo’s sleeping expression, gritting his teeth. “You want a God damn apology, don’t you?”

Shizuo didn’t flinch.

“Fine!” Izaya exclaimed, standing out of his seat and throwing his hands into the air. “You want my answer? Fine! I’m sorry! Are you happy, you good for nothing protozoan?! I am sorry I twisted your too-good heart until you broke. I’m sorry for getting you in this damned place they call a hospital when it’s just a hell hole painted white! Truth is, life isn’t fun without you to catch me off guard! What good would I have in this city without you telling me to get out? What rules could I break? Who could I annoy? Who could I…”

His hands were trembling, and his voice broke off at the wrong time. He stared at the floor, trying to get a hold of himself. “You want to hear the truth? Here it is," he said in a hushed tone. He made sure to repeat everything he said the day he left…but made sure he would tell the truth this time. He wouldn’t hide under a mask. Not now…

“If I thought I loved you before…then I truly know what it is to love you now.” He felt his entire being quivering. Honesty wasn’t his strongest trait. This was the hardest thing for him to admit, not only to Shizuo, but to himself. “I adore the way you look at me. The way you touch me makes me feel alive. You make my heart beat faster. I want you to be a part of my life…Because I…I think I…”

Izaya trailed off, unable to say another word. His eyes burned, his throat was tight, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. But…he had to get it out. He had to just…let go…

“….I love you.”


	96. Save Your Scissors

The steady thrum of Shizuo’s breathing ventilator was the only sound that gave Izaya comfort. He waited for a sign, silently begging for Shizuo to just burst out of the bed to throw him out the window or…

Or what? What did he want Shizuo to do? Leap into his arms and forgive him? He had no reason to forgive the louse that had broken him down.

But Shizuo remained still, deep in a drug induced sleep. Izaya sneered, making a soft grunt of dissatisfaction.

“You didn't even hear one word?! Are you really that thick headed? I spill my heart out to you and you can’t even hear it.”

“Now now, you shouldn't yell to patients who are trying to rest. Although, it was a lovely confession, if I do say so myself. Maybe I could plagiarize it and use it on my lovely Celty~! With a few tweaks of course.”

Izaya froze up, gritting his teeth with annoyance. “Shinra, how long have you been eavesdropping?”

The young doctor shrugged. “From the part where you said ‘We became something like friends,’ which that in itself is a big step for you two! Congratulations!”

Izaya whipped around, glaring at Shinra menacingly. “You shouldn’t be singing about this just yet. If you haven’t noticed, Shizuo is still sleeping like a god damn rock.”

“Ahh, yes. We gave him morphine to help him relax and sleep,” Shinra explained. “We thought it would be best for him to sleep through the night and wake up about a half hour before breakfast was served.”

“When exactly is that?”

Shinra glanced at his watch. “About an hour and a half from now.”

Izaya groaned, sitting back into his seat. “Damn. I thought maybe I could get this whole thing over with before people started coming to visit.”

Shinra pulled up a chair and sat next to his high school friend, folding his hands in his lap. “The fact you came here at all is progress.”

“How much have you figured out?” Izaya asked, glancing over at Shinra.

The spectacled man shook his head and gestured to Shizuo. “He’s the one who spilled every detail. You really hurt him, you know.”

“You think I don’t know?” Izaya grumbled, focusing his attention on the man in the bed. He didn’t even seem like Shizuo, hooked up to medical equipment and looking so frail.

Shinra lifted his hands up in surrender and chuckled. “No need to get snippy with me!”

Izaya huffed, rolling his eyes slightly. “Anyways…I hoped that maybe it would put things back to how they were.”

Shinra hummed with thought before shrugging. “I doubt anything you could have done would have changed what had happened.”

“No harm in trying, huh?”

“Well, except for both of you to have a broken heart.”

Izaya hated how Shinra had to be right about everything. He had hurt himself in the process of hurting Shizuo. He had used sharp words to attack him, and rebounded on himself.

Why couldn’t things just be easy? When it was pure hatred that bound them together, there was no hoops to jump through. No twists and turns in their life. Just the constant chase and fighting.

Now this warmer feeling kept bubbling in his chest when he looked back on the last few weeks of their relationship before Izaya decided to cut all ties between them. He had truly enjoyed being with him on a daily basis. Never in a million years would he have believed it to be possible. Yet here he was, wanting it back.

“Izaya?”

The informant grunted in response, still deep in his thoughts.

“Do you still want him gone?” Shinra asked quietly, his voice barely louder than the constant beep of the heart monitor. Izaya shook his head, silently giving into the new emotions he felt controlled him. Shinra leaned forward, trying to get a good look at Izaya’s expression, but the brunet had his head low, his bangs masking his expression. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“It’s hard to tell someone who you’re supposed to hate that you might…not anymore.”

“Well, he told you didn’t he?”

Izaya laughed bitterly. “Ahh, but Shizuo is unpredictable and will always do things we don’t expect.”

“Like confess his love?”

“…Yeah.”

Shinra and Izaya sat in silence, watching Shizuo sleep - completely oblivious to the waking world around him and all the drama is bred. Normally, Izaya would have taken the time to calculate his plans; devise a way to get out of every possible mishap that could happen. Instead, he just watched the gentle rise and fall of Shizuo’s chest as he slept the day away.

The doctor sighed, getting up from his seat. “Well, I didn't come here for no reason. I need to check up on his recovery progress.”

Izaya watched him move over to the various machines hooked up to Shizuo, searching for a sign of Shizuo waking up. “Acting like a doctor now? That’s new."

“What's new is you starting to show signs of acting like a human being. Didn't think you had it in you,” Shinra jabbed back, grabbing Shizuo’s file to start cross-referencing numbers.

Izaya smirked bitterly. “Things change.” He huffed lightly and shook his head. “Amazing what can happen in the span of four months.”

“Yeah, one month you have all your lungs and the next it looks like someone took a big bite out of them.”

The statement made Izaya flinch. That comment was directed straight at him. “Oh, haha. Very Funny.”

Shinra was about to retort before something on the screen flickered. He frowned, glancing at his reports and back at the monitor. “That can't be right…”

Izaya perked up at that, looking up with slightly wide eyes. “What the hell do you mean, ‘this can’t be right?'”

“Calm down, calm down…” Shinra said, waving his hand to the brunet. “But…” He tapped the screen to make sure it wasn’t glitching. “If this is correct, it means Shizuo's going to wake up a little ahead of schedule.” He chuckled slightly. “Doesn't surprise me, Shizuo being Shizuo… I'm going to draw blood for… analysis.”

A shudder ran down Izaya’s spine. “And this is why I always question myself when I want to go to you for a check up.” He got up, leaving his doctors coat on the chair. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I’m going to high tail it out of here before the brute decides he's done taking his beauty nap.”

Shinra glanced over at the informant, shaking his head slightly. He knew Izaya was trying to skip out early. “I can give you a check up right now if you want.” He turned to Izaya, smiling oddly. “Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.”

Izaya hated that shit eating grin. “Like I'd let you get near me with a needle.”

“Maybe there's been a case of neurological rewiring that gave you feelings. A hands-on approach might be best.” He paused, reading Izaya’s expression. “I'm kidding, I'm booked this week.”

“Just because I'm a cruel person doesn't mean I lack emotion. I'm not a damn sociopath. I just prefer not to let emotions weaken me,” Izaya barked.

Shinra rolled his eyes, “Yeah, you did a pretty good job at that.”

“Are you still mocking me? Or trying to be endearing in some ridiculous way?” Izaya growled, narrowing his eyes at Shinra. The normally menacing glare had no affect on the young doctor.

“I'm trying to show you that it's perfectly normal, human even, to cry or throw things around once in a while when you can't deal with the shit you caused. Your emotions aren't there just so you can stuff them back down and pretend they don't exist.”

“I'm aware of every other god damn emotion. I just don't want them. The only emotion I'm welcoming to is hating that blond idiot,” he hissed, pointing at the now stirring blond in the hospital bed.

“What blond idiot...?” Shizuo murmured groggily, rolling his head slightly as he pulled himself out of a drugged sleep.

Izaya froze in his spot, retracting his hand back. “Dammit Shinra…I wanted to be out of here,” he grumbled under his breath.

“Ahh, Shizuo! Good to see you awake! How are you feeling? A bit dazed? That’s normal,” Shinra said happily, ignoring the way Izaya glared at him.

Shizuo frowned a little, looking up at Shinra with a dazed expression. “I…Izaya?” Only one person would ever call him a blond idiot…

Shinra looked up toward Izaya, whose deadly expression softened at the sound of Shizuo’s weary voice. He informant sighed. "Yeah."

Shizuo squinted his eyes a bit, trying to get a good look at the thin informant standing in the shadows of the room. “What... what are you doing here?”

Izaya slipped his hands into his pockets, walking back over to the side of the bed. “I've been harped at by many to come visit.”

“So you came…”

“Regrettably."

Shizuo’s hopeful gaze suddenly turned darker, clouded with hurt. “You came because others asked, not because you wanted to. You came because it was convenient for you. You… you didn't come because you genuinely wanted to see me.” He turned his head away, unable to look at the man standing above him.

Izaya groaned. “I was planning on it regardless... “ He stared pointedly at Shinra, glaring at him with an expression that screamed **leave.**

The doctor’s shoulders fell, and with a sigh he left. As he passed by, he whispered in Izaya’s ear. “Don’t you dare hurt him.”


	97. Three Cheers for Five Years

As Shinra left the room, Shizuo couldn’t help but chuckle weakly. “Am I supposed to believe that like all the other goddamn lies you told me?”

“It’s smart to not believe everything I say,” Izaya said as he sat back into the chair beside the bed.

“Tch. Guess I'll take a compliment when I can.”

“Might as well.” Izaya rubbed his temples, unsure of how to strike up a conversation. If this was anyone else but Shizuo, it wouldn’t be a problem. “Ahh...how are you...feeling?”

Shizuo moved to pull up the sheets to show off the tube sticking out of his side. “Wanna see?”

Izaya grimaced and covered the view with his hand. “I'll pass on that.”

Shizuo put it back and paused, frowning. “Like you care anyway.”

“You'd be surprised,” Izaya murmured, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck sticking up. He wasn’t used to feeling nervous. He sighed, glancing back up at him. “You really didn't hear a thing I said when I first came a half hour ago, did you?”

“You were here for half an hour?”

He nodded. “Yeah, spewing out all my thoughts to a dead weight.”

“Still haven't changed, have you,” Shizuo said with a sour chuckle.

“Nnn, no not really.” It was a white lie. One that Izaya wasn‘t ready to really make truthful. He had changed. Shizuo had changed him more than anyone.

But Shizuo bought his fib. “Tch. Figures.”

Izaya ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands with frustration. Why was this such a big challenge?! Shizuo turned back to face the ceiling.

“...I needed you.”

Izaya looked up with slight surprise. “Needed me?”

“Yeah. But I'm pretty sure you wouldn't know shit about that one,” Shizuo barked back. It caused a frown to form on Izaya’s face.

“Depends on what you mean, I suppose…”

“Can't get much simpler than that. Come on, it's not that complex,” Shizuo said with a nervous and pained laugh.

Izaya leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I figured that much. The idea would be that you got over it and moved on. Apparently I didn't think of the possibility that you wouldn't just get over this phase of "loving” me.”

Shizuo glared, taking offense to that. If Izaya thought that would mend any wounds, he was an idiot. “If you're going to treat what I felt for you as a fucking "phase" then I don't want you here.”

The informant glared at him, carmine and honey eyes locking in a fierce stare down. “Fine. If you're going to snap at me, I'm not going to waste my breath trying to fix this. Because for your god damn information, I never thought of it as a "phase," as much as I hoped to Valhalla that it would be.”

Shizuo fell silent, his attention caught by Izaya’s words. He waited quietly for Izaya to continue, watching as the informant struggled to form a sentence and organize his thoughts.

“I would have preferred to not have to repeat myself, so I‘ll give you the summary,” Izaya started. He paused, waiting for Shizuo to say anything. When he didn’t, he continued. “I only started helping you because I was getting a paycheck. But soon I actually started to worry about your sorry little ass. And in the end, I was actually rooting for you to get better. You became a…” he choked slightly on his words, “..friend ofsorts. And...I guess feelings were mutual…”

Shizuo listened to him, wanting to believe him. He desperately wanted to think Izaya was telling the truth. But it was hard…not when he had broken Shizuo’s heart. “That's not the whole story.” He needed it all. Every detail. Or else…nothing would be fixed.

“What details do you want to know, huh?” Izaya grunted with annoyance. He really didn’t want to repeat every embarrassing detail again.

“We all know, but you're too much of a goddamn coward to admit it! How you took my feelings up into the sky and then dropped them and how you watched them break on the fucking pavement. You can't just show up with a couple rolls of scotch tape and some staples and…” Shizuo trailed off, eyes watering. He turned away, shaking his head. “Nevermind. Forget it.”

“I know that!” Izaya groaned with exasperation, his voice getting louder as he struggled to keep calm. Talking to Shizuo was like talking to a child! “I wasn't planning on this being as simple as fixing a broken doll!” He slammed his fist on the table, gritting his teeth as he leaned forward. “know I'm a fucking coward. That's why I fled from this city to think. But at least i'm sucking it up and coming back to try and make things work!”

“You think I didn't? You think I ran after you for miles in the snow just for fun? Huh?!” Shizuo yelled, clenching his fists. Izaya heard the heart monitor go up and moved to try and tell him to calm down, but Shizuo continued to bark at him. “It's like breaking someone's legs and expecting them to get up and walk, it doesn't fucking work like that, Izaya! What, you think I haven't thought about you every goddamn day? That I haven't woken up each morning, hoping you'll be there next to me?”

Izaya fell silent, resting his outstretched hand in his lap. “Then what would you like me to do, hmm? 'Cause I'm trying to make this work…”

Shizuo took shaky breaths, trying to calm himself down. His chest hurt from his screaming, and all he wanted right now was for Izaya to leave. But he promised to the twins that he would try. So, he was gonna give it his all. “...Why did you... why did you do it?”

Why did he do it? Izaya thought the answer was obvious.

“I was afraid…”

Shizuo’s gaze fell to the floor. “So was I…”

Izaya chuckled, picking his gaze up to look at Shizuo with the smallest smile he could muster. "At least we agree on that…" He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling more awkward as Shizuo remained silent. "I'm sorry…" he whispered. Shizuo barely heard the informant speak. "I'm sorry that I had to do that to you. I was just...I'm not used to commitment. The idea of being with you...in that way...it scared the shit out of me. I felt like I had to run away. And..."

"And breaking my heart was the way to do it?"

"Yes..." Izaya sighed, clasping his hands together and bending forward to rest them against his head. "I'm sorry."

"Fine."

Izaya looked up slightly surprised, an expression Shizuo wasn't used to seeing on his face. "Fine?"

"I'll forgive you for shitting on my feelings."

Izaya felt a strange wave of relief wash over him and cracked a smile. "Tha-"

"Still doesn't make what you did right."

The informant's face fell, and he nodded with agreement. "Yeah, I know." He smirked again. "And I'll forgive you for fucking yourself up and getting stuck in this place."

Shizuo glared at Izaya. "I only did that cause you-!"

"For the years you've known me, you know I've wanted to take you down with my blade. Not as a result of your mistakes thanks to a broken heart."

"Well that's comforting…"

"You know what I mean."

Shizuo sighed. "Yeah yeah…I know. You wouldn't want me ending myself off for something stupid."

"Even more so now."

He looked up at the sound of Izaya's hushed voice, seeing the pained expression on his face that the raven couldn't hide. _"Did you really mean that? That the feelings were mutual?"_

“…I was caught up in the mo-” Izaya paused, and held himself back. His personality wanted him to cover his real emotions. But that’s not what he needed to do. Right now, he had to lay his emotions out on the table for Shizuo to see. “Yeah. Yeah, I was telling the truth. The only lie I had told you was that I hated you. In the end, I…”

“Loved me?” Shizuo whispered, voice hopeful as he moved closer to Izaya. He rolled onto his side, reaching out to brush his hand against Izaya’s.

Izaya shook his head. “I’m not ready to say that so openly…” In his mind, he knew he had already let those words slip. But Shizuo was asleep. He had managed to admit it to himself. He can’t confess to Shizuo…not yet.

Shizuo held onto Izaya’s hand tightly, squeezing as he pulled the informant closer. Their heads touched and their hands trembled. Both were scared to take this leap again - not when both had taken a hard hit from it.

“Shizu-chan…”

“Hmm?”

“I…I do care for you…” Izaya murmured, his gaze flicking up to capture Shizuo’s eyes. “Leaving you was the hardest thing for me…and when I heard you were in the hospital, I just…I regretted it…”

Shizuo ran a hand softly through Izaya’s hair. “I’m sorry I relapsed and got myself here.”

“No, you only relapsed because I left.”

“Well then, I’m sorry I worried you.”

Izaya looked up at Shizuo and smiled wearily, feeling worn down after letting go of so much inner pain. Shizuo smiled back at him, brushing Izaya’s bangs from his face.

“Promise me you’ll always be a monster. I can’t love a single human…but maybe…I can learn to love a monster,” Izaya murmured, eliciting a breathy laugh from the blond.

“I’ll try my best,” he promised. What a strange thing for Izaya to ask, but it was something he could almost expect to come from the flea. “And what about us? Do you think we have a chance?” Shizuo asked hopefully.

Izaya smiled, tenderly kissing Shizuo to silence him. “We’ll work on ‘us’ once you get better and check out. We’ll make it work.”

Shizuo took Izaya’s promise to heart, trusting that things would get better. He and Izaya would get through this.

They would heal.

And they would finally be happy.


	98. Epilogue: It's True Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The end of "Your Last Breath!" I want to thank everyone who took the time into reading this, first on fanfiction.net, and now on here. This is one of the longest pieces I've ever written, and I'm very proud of how it turned out.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading!
> 
> -VL

Rain pattered against the window, dripping down the glass and obscuring the view outside. Lying in a warm bed, safe from the April showers, a young man in his mid-twenties stared out the window.

The gray skies and cold wind did nothing but make the man laugh. He felt that mother nature was mocking his positively elated mood by making it rain. He was happy regardless of the weather. He felt more at ease, albeit slightly bored, than he had in a long time. He knew that his newfound partner would dislike this turn of events.

Rolling over onto his side, Izaya stared at the still sleeping blond that had moved in with him as soon as he was released from the hospital.

Living with the brute was only one part of their recovery plan. The first step was complete: communication and forgiveness. By some miracle, they were able to come to an understanding that night in the hospital and managed to put a small patch on their broken hearts.

They were in the midst of phase two of their healing. Izaya had invited Shizuo to stay with him while he recovered from his surgery. He claimed that it would be best if Shizuo had someone to watch over him. But both knew what the hidden motive was. Izaya truly wanted Shizuo in his home again. Shizuo happily complied.

Shinra had a small conference with Izaya and Shizuo the day before Shizuo was allowed to leave the hospital. They discussed medical bills, exercise and diet plans, and anything else that could possibly help Shizuo in the long run. Hearing that Izaya was planning on paying for most (Read: All) expenses made Shizuo upset at first. However the informant insisted, and was happy to do it.

“It’s the least I can do,” he had said with a grin.

So now a little over two months later, Shizuo was smoking free and no longer craving cigarettes. Izaya joked that he craved a new "drug," which always made Shizuo leave the room with a red face. Izaya was paying for medication, new exercise equipment, organic foods - although he already bought those to begin with. He didn’t mind all too much.

The informant cracked a small smile as he watched Shizuo’s chest rise and fall gently with each unstrained breath. He has grown fond of waking up to see that face. He reached his hand out to gently brush stray locks of blond hair from his closed eyes when the alarm rang and stirred the man.

“Ahh, rise and shine, Shizu-chan! It’s a new beautiful morning!” he chirped, like a songbird in the spring. Shizuo groaned and squinted his eyes, glaring past the informant at the window.

“It’s raining…”

“Very perceptive of you.”

“It’s not a nice day," he grumbled before rolling back over to bury his face in the pillows.

Izaya frowned, throwing the blankets off to jump on him. “Oi, wake up! You need to start your day with a delicious handful of pills, a hearty breakfast, and a 30 minute walk on the treadmill.”

Shizuo peeked up from the pillows and scowled. “First of all, starting my day off with pills isn’t the most appetizing thing. Second, food sounds really good right now. And third, I’d rather walk out in the rain than on that shitty piece of machinery.”

“Well we can’t have you catching a cold because you’re too stubborn to walk in place for a half hour, can we?”

Honey and carmine locked on each other in a fierce stare before Shizuo sighed and pushed himself up, despite the fact that the informant was sitting on his back. Izaya rolled off onto the bed, watching as Shizuo got up and headed into the kitchen.

“Good boy!”

“I AIN’T A DOG.”

Izaya laughed, hopping up out of bed and stretching as he walked into the kitchen where Shizuo was starting to fry up some eggs. “I hope you’re going to be making something else besides that.”

“Don’t worry, I’m making an omelet. It’ll have veggies and cheese and sausage in it. Is that healthy enough for you?” Shizuo mumbled as Izaya walked up behind him.

The day normally started out like this. Playful banter, which sometimes lead into a serious banter which had Shizuo throwing silverware at Izaya. Breakfast with idle chat about whatever they could think of. “How’s the weather” and “How’d you sleep?” After they had full bellies and were ready for the day, they would normally go for a walk on sunny days.

Though they never walked together. Shizuo had suggested the idea on the first warm day when he was allowed to walk outside. But Izaya refused, adamant on keeping his reputation and appearance.

“If Shizu-chan was walking beside me all buddy buddy, can you imagine the chaos that would ensue? Ikebukuro couldn’t handle it!” he exclaimed dramatically, playing with the pieces on his Go board. “People have no idea that we’re in this…relationship. It’s best they don’t find out.”

So on days when the sun was shining, Shizuo and Izaya would go for walks, though Izaya would wear some sort of disguise and follow behind a few meters. It didn’t take long for Shizuo to get bored of the silent walks, and they started talking on the phone while walking.

It was days like these, when a downpour stopped them from participating in any outdoor activities, that Shizuo hated most. No fresh air. No final destination. Just walking in place on a machine while Izaya sat back and watched.

“You know you have to,” Izaya said with a sigh as he brought their plates to the sink. Shizuo sneered and took his pills. Izaya sternly at Shizuo, eyes flicking back to the treadmill in the living room. “Go.”

“Tch, fine,” Shizuo grumbled as he walked over to the damn machine. It took him a while to figure out how to turn it on and get it set properly the first few times. Now he had no problem getting on and walking without it going too fast.

Izaya watched from his spot in the kitchen as Shizuo walked for thirty minutes. Shizuo hated the feeling of Izaya’s eyes on his back.

“Quit staring!”

“I’m sorry, Shizu-chan. I just cannot help but watch you. It‘s just so enticing the way your muscles move,” Izaya said with a coy grin.

Shizuo‘s face flushed from a mixture of embarrassment and annoyance. “Like hell you can’t help it,” he growled under his breath, turning up the speed to walk faster. He was starting to get irritated. Izaya huffed and walked to the front of the machine, leaning on the control panel lightly.

“I honestly can’t,” He tilted his head and stared at Shizuo as the blond walked perpetually towards him, never getting closer. “You know, I think you were onto something.”

“On to something? Like what?”

“With that whole ‘Psyche Tsugaru’ nonsense,” Izaya said whimsically. “Despite how angry you look right now, I can still see that calm side lurking beneath. Maybe you do have some traits that resembled your online persona.”

“Are you saying I was right?” Shizuo asked with surprise. Izaya admitting someone else was…right? That’s so out of character for him.

Izaya hummed with thought. “Yes…perhaps you are. Maybe there is some…kinder and more upbeat person hiding in my cold black hole of a heart.” He giggled icily, almost mocking the idea. Though Shizuo could tell that Izaya did mean what he said.

“Well, it’s not a complete black hole. You’re giving me a shot, right?”

“Don’t feel so special. It’s just cause you’re a monster, that’s all.”

Shizuo laughed, shaking his head. “Whatever you say, Psyche~” Izaya visibly cringed at the new pet name, causing Shizuo to laugh harder. “Pay back for all those years you called me ‘Shizu-chan.' How does it feel, Psyche?”

“This is completely different. My nickname for you is purely my way of showing affection. Whether it was love or hate, mind you.”

“Same shit.”

Izaya’s feathers were clearly ruffled at Shizuo determination to continue calling him that infernal name. “Well don’t expect me to start calling you ‘Tsu-chan!'”

The blond laughed again, earning a cold glare from Izaya. Shizuo looked at the clock and sighed; only ten minutes had passes since he started. Twenty more to go.

“When can we have a good chase again?” he asked, looking back over at Izaya who was clearing paperwork off the table.

“When your stamina is built up to actually be able to chase me through the streets without getting winded,” Izaya said stiffly, still obviously riled up over the “Psyche” pet names.

“Damn. I kinda miss screaming your name and spending all my energy to chase you down.”

“There are always other ways for you to scream my name and use all your energy.”

Shizuo quirked a brow as Izaya glanced over his shoulder with an erotic gleam in his eyes.

Izaya smirked, standing up to toss away the useless papers while Shizuo turned off the treadmill quickly and hopped off. The informant dashed off to his bedroom, an eager blond hot on his heels. He snickered with amusement as Shizuo slammed the door shut behind them, hiding their secret affair from the rest of the world.


	99. Bonus: Haven't Had Enough

“Happy Birthday.”

Shizuo glanced up at Izaya as he stood at the foot of the sofa, holding a small box in his hands. It was perfectly wrapped in navy blue paper with a silver bow on the top. Why Izaya had chosen those colors, Shizuo would never know. Perhaps he thought they suited the blond best.

“Birthday?”

Shizuo set his book down, watching with curiosity as Izaya walked over toward him. He handed Shizuo the gift, sitting on the arm of the couch as Shizuo played with the ribbon.

“It is your birthday, isn’t it? Exactly twenty-five years since you came into the world as a miniature monster.”

“Wow, thanks Izaya. That’s really nice of you to say,” Shizuo grumbled, unimpressed at being called a monster again. Izaya chuckled and shrugged.

“Were you honestly expecting me to sugar coat everything and shower you with affection?”

“No not really.”

“Good, so just open your present so we can put this day behind us, hmm?”

Shizuo rolled his eyes. “Just cause you can’t stand celebrating birthdays doesn’t mean I can’t.”

“Doesn’t the idea of turning older bother you? You’re already halfway to fifty.”

“And you’re right behind me,” Shizuo said with a grin. He watched as Izaya bristled at the idea. The flea always wanted to stay young. ‘Forever Twenty-one’ as he liked to say. The blond tore the paper easily, though he still tried not to rip it too much. Izaya watched inquisitively as Shizuo opened the box and nearly recoiled. “The fuck?!” Shizuo tipped over the box, letting the pack of cigarettes fall into his open palm. Izaya burst into laughter, hunching over as Shizuo threw the package across the room. “Damn Flea!” he growled, getting up to wrestle the brunet to the ground.

Izaya fled, laughing harder as Shizuo chased him around the room. He scooped up the box of cigarettes, tossing it back toward the blond. Instantly Shizuo stopped in his tracks, as if afraid to even touch the pack. “My God, this is too priceless!” Izaya wheezed, laughing too hard to breathe properly. “You act like it’s going to bite you!”

“Izaya! What the hell were you thinking buying that shit and giving it to me!”

Izaya walked back over, picking up the cigarette pack again and opening it. “Well first of all, I thought it’d be hilarious to see you freak out over something you used to love.”

“I never loved them, they were just the only thing that-”

“That kept you calm, I know. However, the second reason why I bought them…” Izaya pulled out one of the white sticks, slipping one into his mouth. “Is because they taste delicious.” He bit off the end, chewing it, nearly choking when Shizuo’s expression turned from one of anger, to one of confusion, ending with disgust.

“You just…!”

“It’s candy, you idiot!”

Izaya shoved one of the candy sticks into Shizuo’s mouth, surprising him. He nearly spit it out before he realized the cigarettes didn’t have a filter on them, and they had almost a chalky and sweet taste. He chewed on it experimentally before eating the rest.

“It’s candy?”

Izaya nodded, placing the pack into Shizuo’s hand. “I saw them online and thought I should buy a pack. Almost as a…‘congratulations on not smoking for almost a year’ gift, as well as a birthday gift.”

Shizuo paused for a moment, turning over the package in his hand. It looked eerily real, but the candy sticks couldn’t be harmful. Plus it would help with his growing sweet tooth. He slipped it into his back pocket. “Thanks Izaya.” He noticed the flea smile a moment before shrugging it off.

“It’s no big deal. Just thought it’d be a nice thing to do.”

“So you have the nice gene in your body?”

“Ha ha.” Izaya rolled his eyes and brushed past Shizuo to head to his bookshelf.

The blond trailed behind him, looking over his shoulder as the informant read the titles. “So that’s it? No more birthday surprises?”

“Nope, my schedule is full. That’s all the free time I had to squeeze you in.”

Shizuo smiled, wrapping his arms around the thin brunet, resting his chin on his shoulder. His thumbs brushed against Izaya’s hips, lifting his shirt slightly. “That’s too bad. I was thinking we could celebrate a bit more.”

Izaya tried to ignore the brute’s advances, reaching up to grab a book from a higher shelf. However, the movement allowed Shizuo to press closer. When he was standing flat on his feet again, his ass rubbed against Shizuo’s groin.

“You had more in mind?”

“I’m sure you have an idea.” Shizuo pulled Izaya flush against him, nuzzling his neck softly as he peppered gentle kisses on his skin.

Izaya pretended Shizuo was playing around and opened his book to flip through the pages. But it was hard to concentrate when he could feel Shizuo’s semi-hard erection against his ass. Not to mention Shizuo started leaving a mark on his pulse point. “Shizu-chan…I’m not in the mood for this.”

“I can put you in the mood.”

Izaya sighed. He really did have work to do today. Of course Shizuo would want to go at it when he had a full schedule. “Shizu-nng..”

Shizuo used on hand to still Izaya’s hips so he could grind his own against him. His other hand slipped up the front of his shirt, fingertips flitting over Izaya’s sensitive stomach gently. “Come on, it’s my birthday.” Shizuo’s tone was teasing, but also slightly needy.

Izaya groaned. “Fine.” Maybe they could make this fast and he could get back to work.

Shizuo turned him around quickly, pressing him against the bookshelf and smashed his lips against his own. Their lips melded together easily, moving to a silent rhythm.

Each had their own way of kissing. Shizuo would describe Izaya’s as seductive, perfectly performed, and teasing with the way he would sometimes bite the blond’s lower lip, or swiftly slip his tongue into his mouth for a split second. Izaya would say Shizuo was sloppy, aggressive, and mediocre - yet warm and tender at the same time.

When they kissed each other, their styles mixed and made a whole new sensation that the two became addicted to. It was hot, passionate, loving, and desperate.

In no time, they were glued together, their arms tangling around each other as they tried to get as close as possible. Izaya dropped his book to the ground, using his arms for another purpose. He clung to Shizuo as the blond lifted Izaya, cupping his ass to hold him steady. Thin legs wrapped around Shizuo‘s waist, bringing their hips together. Groaning into their reckless kisses, rubbing their erections through their jeans. Izaya used this moment to push his tongue into Shizuo’s mouth and suck on his tongue.

“Mmnn…” Shizuo groaned lowly, sliding his hands up Izaya’s sides. He lifted the shirt up to expose his stomach. He pulled away from the kiss, panting slightly from the intensity. He lifted Izaya up higher, locking his arms under Izaya’s ass to hold him steady. The sudden movement caused the informant to panic slightly from being shifted. Any remarks Izaya was going to make quickly melted away when Shizuo began to kiss and nuzzle his belly.

“Hah…hnn..”

Izaya curled over him, clinging to Shizuo’s shoulders as the blond easily carried him away toward the bedroom. He could feel Izaya shuddering from the butterfly kisses he was leaving. He loved how sensitive the brunet was when he was gentle.

Gentle. That was the key word. As he walked up to the foot of the bed, he contemplated dropping him like he normally would. He knew Izaya preferred a slightly rough night of lovemaking. He thought that half of the fun and thrill was the desperation and neediness.

However, he decided to change it up a bit. It was his birthday after all.

He carefully lowered Izaya to the bed, still kissing his stomach and chest as he did so. He crawled over Izaya, using his hands to hike up the fabric more so he could kiss his chest as it rose and fell quickly. And when he softly flicked his tongue against a pert nipple, he drank in the sounds of Izaya’s breath hitching and his hands fisting in the sheets.

“S-Shizu-chan…”

Shizuo moved up higher, slipping himself in between Izaya’s legs. He laid his body against his partner's, moving his kisses up to meet with Izaya’s parted lips. Izaya laced his fingers in Shizuo’s hair, holding him close as the blond slipped his arms around the other’s waist.

The sounds of their breathy moans and their wet kisses seemed to fill the room. Their bodies were growing hotter as they rubbed their erections together. Izaya tried to pick up the pace, but Shizuo was determined to keep the it slow.

Izaya rolled Shizuo over so he was lying on top of him. Normally Shizuo wouldn’t disagree with this change in position. It felt damn good when Izaya rode him. But if that happened, things would be quick. That wasn’t his plan today.

Shizuo rolled him back over, tangling their limbs together as he pinned him down. Izaya narrowed his eyes slightly, annoyed at the action.

“Shizuo, speed it up.”

“No.”

“No? The one time we’re having sex and I have work to do, you decide we have to go slow.”

The corners of Shizuo’s lips turned upward a bit at the statement. It was cute seeing Izaya so uptight about his work. He quickly pecked Izaya’s lips with a gentle kiss. “I’ll make it worth it, trust me.”

He pulled back, reaching for a pillow to prop under Izaya’s head. The informant quirked a brow, confused as to what Shizuo was even doing. His lover smiled down at him, running his hands along his body.

Shizuo rubbed his thumbs in small circles, coaxing Izaya to completely relax. It took a moment for Izaya’s suspiciousness to fade away. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the gentle massage.

After a few moments, Shizuo had an idea. He reached over, grabbing another pillow, and tore the corner with his teeth.

“What was that sound?” Izaya murmured as he cracked an eye open.

“Just close your eyes.”

The command made him open his eyes fully. “Why should I close my eyes?”

Shizuo huffed, sitting back so he could tear off part of the fabric on the pillow. Izaya sat up abruptly. “Oi, that’s my pillow! What are you doing?!” He reached for it, but Shizuo held Izaya away.

“I wanna try something-”

“And it involves destroying my property?!”

“Calm down, it’s just a pillow. You can sew it back up later.”

Shizuo kindly pressed Izaya back down onto his back, lifting Izaya’s shirt with his hands. Izaya helped wriggle his way out, and went to take off Shizuo’s shirt. At first, Shizuo was going to deny him the privilege, but decided against it. He nearly tossed the shirts to the corner of the room when another idea formed in his head.

“Do you trust me?”

Izaya scoffed slightly. “I would think I trust you by now after months of being in a relationship with you.”

Shizuo grinned and reached over, wrapping the shirt over Izaya’s eyes as a makeshift blindfold. Izaya smirked. “Ahh, getting kinky?”

Shizuo chuckled. “Sorta.”

He reached back toward the pillow, pulling out one of the feathers that filled the inside. He took the tip and ever so slightly ran it along Izaya’s stomach. Izaya instantly arched, breath hitching sharply at the feeling. Shizuo had to lift Izaya’s arms and pin his wrists back to hold him steady. He used his waist to press against Izaya’s, grinding against him. Izaya moaned, moving his hips up to meet Shizuo’s. Izaya’s hands clenched as Shizuo ran the feather across the expanse of his abdomen, circling the edge around his belly button. It tickled, but not in the sense that made him want to lash out. It made all the blood rush to his groin. It made him want to be touched more. Shizuo moved the feather up, soaking in the expressions on Izaya’s face as he teased his nipples with the soft quill.

“...O-ooh…”

Grinning, he let the tip trail down his stomach once more to brush against his clothed erection. He could see the outline through his jeans, and he knew Izaya must be dying to be touched. He fastened his pants and pulled them down, freeing his arousal. He dragged the feather up the base of Izaya’s cock, loving the way Izaya wantonly moaned and arched, hissing at the soft touch.

“Shit!”

Izaya was so much more vocal at the gentle ministrations. He couldn’t hold back the gasps and whines. Being blind didn’t help either. He couldn’t see what Shizuo’s expression was. He couldn’t calculate his next move. It was arousing, and almost terrifying. When Shizuo dropped the feather and wrapped his arm hand around his cock, he moaned, bucking instantly for friction. But Shizuo held him steady, and leisurely began to pump him. The pace was unbearable - too slow for Izaya to handle. His erection was already beading with precome. He whined and rocked his hips when Shizuo’s thumb swiped over the head.

Although he wanted to continue with this pace, he knew Izaya wouldn’t be able to last. Strangely enough, the loving and gentle actions made him more aroused and sensitive than the faster pace they normally did.

He pulled away, unzipping his jeans to slip out of them. Once he was fully naked, he pressed himself against Izaya to rubbed their cocks together as he kissed him. His hands now free, Izaya hooked his arms around Shizuo’s neck and held him close, desperately rocking their hips together in an attempt to reach climax faster.

Shizuo reached over, opening the drawer on the bed side table, searching blindly for the small bottle of lube that Izaya now kept for moments like this. Once his found it, he pulled away from the kiss, leaning back so he could look down at his lover’s body. He squeezed the lube onto his fingers, generously coating them so he wouldn’t hurt Izaya. Gently, he rolled his fingertips over the puckered entrance, earning a guttural moan from Izaya. He pushed on digit in, slowly pumping it and out. He felt around with his finger, pressing against the velvety walls until he came in contact with the bundle of nerves in the back.

Izaya shook, moaning like a cat in heat. His legs quivered and his cock twitched as Shizuo began to slip in a second finger to join the first. He spread his fingers apart, scissoring and stretching Izaya before adding a third finger to firmly press against his prostate.

“Hahh! S-Shi..zuo..”

Shizuo loved those delicious sounds. With his fingers, he continued to egg Izaya on, trying to draw out more of those noises. When Izaya seemed to be used to Shizuo’s fingers, he pulled them out, squirted more lube into his palm, and lathered his cock. He pressed the head against Izaya’s taut hole and slowly pushed it past the first ring of muscle.

“Aahhnngg…” Izaya arched, hands gripping the headboard as Shizuo sheathed himself inside of Izaya.

“Haah..fuck…” Shizuo groaned, hands fisting in the sheets. He hung his head as he tried to hold himself back from bucking into that tight heat that surrounded him. Slow, he had to take this slow.

He rested one hand on Izaya’s hip, the other hitching the brunet’s leg over his shoulder. The position allowed him to bury himself deeper until their hips met. It was then that he pulled himself out, only to thrust back into Izaya.

Shizuo’s hands found Izaya’s, lacing their fingers together as he began to pick up the pace. Every movement made Izaya moan, begging for more. He laced his fingers with Shizuo's and clutched tightly as the blond thrusted into him firmly. Shizuo groaned softly, leaning over Izaya as he adjusted to being inside of him. He kept his pace relatively slow, making sure that Izaya was constantly pleading him to go faster. Izaya tried to angle hips to make Shizuo go deeper, growing impatient from the tempo.

“Nngg...move..”

Shizuo chuckled slightly at the annoyed command. “Isn't it my birthday, flea? Don‘t I get to move as I please?” he purred teasingly as he shallowly thrusted into him. Izaya let out a lowly groan, tipping his head back slightly.

“Not when it cuts into my work time…” he grumbled, trying to push Shizuo’s buttons. Maybe he’d move faster if he was ticked off.

“Priorities, Izaya... Are you saying you'd rather be working than here with me?”

“Of course I'd choose you over wo-oh!” Izaya’s breath hitched as Shizuo changed his angle and thrusted deeper into him, the head of his cock brushing against the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of him.

He changed his angle slightly, thrusting a bit deeper. “Like this?”

Izaya shuddered, nodding slightly. “Hahh..y-yeah...there…”

Shizuo grinned as he picked up the pace. “I like the sound of that…” He squeezed his hands around Izaya’s, breathing heavily. “Really like the sound of that…”

“Mnn..haaah..“ Izaya’s cheeks tinged pink at the comment. Damn Shizuo for being so blatantly honest. It always made Izaya react like this…

Shizuo‘s pace continued to pick up, made Izaya‘s arousal bob with each movement. “Mmm...Shit, Izaya…” Shizuo said with a low growl, his breathing becoming labored. Izaya mewled softly at the sound, panting as small moans escaped his lips.

“Sh-Shizu-chan...aah..ann..” His fingers twitched slightly as he gripped Shizuo’s hand tighter for purchase. He was coming close…

“Kinda like it like this…” Shizuo murmured. Izaya wished he could read the look on Shizuo’s face. Or rather, that he could see at all, because he wasn’t expecting Shizuo to lean down and kiss his neck before lowering his head to flick his tongue over his nipple.

“Aah!!” Izaya moaned, shivering and writhing from the attention. He arched his back, trying to push his body closer to Shizuo. The blond loved the way Izaya bent and moved for him. He watched as Izaya tried to cover his face in the pillows.

“I like it when you're loud…” Shizuo whispered, shivering as the noises Izaya made echoed in his ears. He made the same motion again, rocking his hips against Izaya‘s as he held the brunet‘s hands fast to the bed.

“Aah! Ahhnn, Shizuo!” Izaya trembled and moaned lewdly, wrapping his legs around Shizuo’s waist to pull him closer. The simple shift allowed him to fully sheath himself with ease, firmly pressing the tip of his cock against Izaya’s prostate. Izaya groaned, his walls clenching around Shizuo’s arousal tightly.

“Fuck…”

Shizuo gauged his hips and drove in hard, slamming against Izaya’s sweet spot again, causing the flea to scream out with pleasure. “That’s it, Izaya…” he grunted as he continued to piston himself into Izaya, sucking harshly on his neck and throat.

“S-Shiz-zuo..!!” Izaya gasped, unable to stop the broken moans and choked gasps from falling from his lips. He tried to meet Shizuo’s thrusts with his own, but his legs were weak, and he was starting to see spots in front of his eyes. He was under the blond‘s mercy. The informant groaned lowly as Shizuo continued to mark his neck, pounding into him at a fast pace. “Oohh..ngg...Shizuo..”

Suddenly, Shizuo slowed his pace again, causing Izaya to mewl with desire. Shizuo could practically feel the frustrated glare through the cloth covering those carmine eyes. He brought his lips to Izaya‘s ear, ghosting his breath over the earlobe softly. “So tight, Psyche…” he whispered, nibbling the lobe gently.

Izaya whined and gasped, feeling a strange sensation overwhelm him. He wasn’t sure if he was turned on by the playful teasing on his ear, or the way Shizuo purred his pet name. “Shi-Shizuo…haaahhh…” he moaned, trying to ignore the slip of his alter ego.

“It's been so long, Psyche…” Shizuo said more pointedly. “I couldn't wait any longer…”

Izaya gave in, unable to disregard the way Shizuo’s voice swept over him. “Ts-Tsugaru…” How embarrassing, giving in so easily. Shizuo smirked, thrusting harshly again and making Izaya cry out. “S-Shit!”

“Good…” he licked the seam of Izaya’s lips, slipping his tongue in when Izaya’s mouth parted to moan. Izaya kissed back sloppily, desperate to taste and feel him. Shizuo removed one hand to slip off Izaya’s blind fold. In response the brunet squinted from the light, turning his head away as he gasped for air to clear his fuzzy head.

“Look at me, Izaya,” Shizuo commanded softly as he cupped Izaya’s cheek, forcing him to look at Shizuo. He briefly kissed him, murmuring it again. “Look at me.”

Izaya couldn’t help but mewl into that kiss, opening his heavy eyes to watch his lover stare at him with a passionate gaze. “Shizuo…”

Shizuo sat up slightly, still hovering over him, as he began to pick up a steady pace again.

“I love you, Izaya…”

Izaya shuddered at those words, closing his eyes. How dare he say that while they made love…

Made love.

He shied away, turning his head toward the pillow. “Shizu-chan…” Shizuo thread his fingers through Izaya’s hair gently, tenderly guiding him to look back at Shizuo. “Keep looking at me.”

Izaya was unable to open his eyes, too overwhelmed by the feelings that flooded through him. Shizuo intertwined his fingers with Izaya’s again as he pounded harder into him, angling his hips sharply.

Red eyes shot open at the particularly well aimed and strong thrust. Izaya gasped, choking on air as Shizuo fucked him hard. “Nnngg..!!” His eyes threatened to flutter shut again from the feeling of nearing climax. Shizuo groaned at the feeling of Izaya‘s insides tightening around him. It felt so good…it always felt good…

“Don’t look away…” he panted, resting his forehead against Izaya’s. “Don’t…”

How could Izaya resist such pleading? He forced his eyes to remain open, watching Shizuo's expression intensively as he panted heavily. He could feel his climax coming close.

“S-Shizuo..I..aahh…”

The words barely registered in Shizuo’s mind. He was completely lost in the moment, spellbound by Izaya’s gaze. Shizuo began to loosely murmur Izaya’s name over and over.

Izaya tilted his head to bring their lips together, drinking in the mantra of his name. His hands gripped tighter around Shizuo‘s, holding him there - silently begging him to not leave. Shizuo kissed him back passionately, his thrusts becoming more erratic.

He couldn’t hold himself back any longer. Izaya broke away from the kiss, moaning Shizuo’s name shakily as he reached his climax. He came messily, shooting come onto his and Shizuo’s stomach. Shizuo released Izaya’s hands to grip his quivering thighs, spreading them more as he pounded into him a few more times before he came with a groan, filling Izaya completely.

Gripping he sheets, Izaya groaned and closed his eyes. Spots filled his field of vision, and his entire body seemed to hum from the intensity. “Shizuo…Shizuo…” he murmured breathlessly, slowly coming down from his high. Shizuo pulled out carefully, both groaning from the feeling. He cupped Izaya’s cheeks again, pulling him in for a tender kiss. Izaya sighed happily, wrapping his arms around Shizuo’s back to hold him close.

Shizuo lowered himself onto the bed, laying on his side to pull Izaya close. Wrapped in the sheets, they laid together silently, kissing and basking in the afterglow. Shizuo’s arms encircled Izaya’s waist, his hands rubbing gentle circles into the small of his back. Izaya’s hands rested on Shizuo’s hips, his thumbs gently stroking his skin tenderly.

When Shizuo pulled away from the kiss, he smiled warmly down at his lover. He rested his head against Izaya’s, one hand reaching up to brush away the bangs that clung to his forehead.

“I love you, Izaya.”

Those words made Izaya’s chest flutter happily, and he found that he wanted to repeat them back. But they always got stuck in his throat. He couldn’t commit to such a thing…he was too cautious to fully give himself to Shizuo.

Old habits were hard to break.

Knowing Izaya wouldn’t say such a thing easily, Shizuo sat up, stretching a bit. “You know, I’m kinda craving a smoke after that.”

Izaya laughed, propping himself up to wrap his arms around Shizuo’s waist. He rested his head against the blond’s chest, looking up at him. “Why smoke a cigarette when you can kiss me?”

Shizuo smirked down at him, bending down to softly peck the flea’s swollen lips again. “Needy, aren’t we?”

Izaya merely grinned. He glanced over at the clock, seeing that he was already late for his appointment with Shiki. Izaya frowned, crawling over to the edge of the bed to find his pants. He pulled his cell phone from the pocket, flipping it open to check his messages. Luckily there were no missed calls. Shizuo reached over and pulled Izaya back into his lap, nuzzling his bruised neck gently.

“Are you leaving?”

Izaya sighed, turning off his phone and tossing it to the floor. “You tired me out too much.”

Shizuo beamed at the statement, laying down to pull Izaya next to him. “You wanna sleep?”

“I was thinking a nap might be good. A recharge is always best for the brain to function properly.”

Shizuo rolled his eyes slightly. “I’ll let you rest then so you can get back to work.”

Izaya blinked, confused by the statement. Shizuo bent over and kissed his forehead before getting up to pull the sheets over Izaya.

This was routine. Izaya never let Shizuo sleep in his bed. This was his room - his sanctuary to get away and have a few fun nights. At the end of the day, this was where he allowed himself to drop all his masks and rest. Shizuo was welcome to sleep on the pull out couch. He often did that.

Yet…Izaya felt like the bed was colder than usual. Empty even though Shizuo was only a standing a few feet away collecting his clothes. And he was moving farther with each passing second.

“Stay.”

Shizuo paused and turned, glancing back at Izaya. “What?”

Izaya’s gaze fell to the floor. He suddenly felt childish. Asking Shizuo to stay with him…breaking his own rules. It was risky for him.

But he felt like it was the right thing to do.

“I…I asked you to stay.”

Shizuo smiled, dropping his clothes to the floor. He returned without question, slipping back into the bed. He opened his arms, allowing Izaya to crawl into his embrace. They lay together, comforted by each other’s embrace.

“Izaya…”

“Hmm?”

“You know, you’re letting me sleep in your bed.”

“I know.”

“Does that mean you're giving in to a monster like me?”

Izaya glanced over at Shizuo, narrowing his eyes when he saw the smirk on the blond’s face.

“Perhaps…pretend it‘s another birthday gift.”

Shizuo smiled. “Good enough for me.” He pulled the covers over them, hiding them away from the rest of the world. He closed his eyes, so happy to have finally found love, to finally feel safe. It was strange that it was with Izaya, the person he hated for so long. But Izaya completed him. He was the only person who made Shizuo feel like a normal human being.

Izaya felt the same. Shizuo was the only one who couldn’t be corrupted. Even though he came so close to dying, he managed to fight through. He even gave Izaya a second chance. That in itself was something Izaya never believed would happen.

They were both truly blessed to have each other.

“Shizu-chan…”

“Nn…?”

“…I love you…”

Shizuo opened his eyes with surprise, blinking down at Izaya. The informant refused to look at him, hiding his face against his chest. But he could see the pink tinge on the edge of his ears, and he was certain that he hadn’t misheard the soft murmur that left the informant.

He smiled, holding Izaya closer. The flea sighed with relief, clinging to Shizuo tightly as the blond gently thread his fingers through his hair. Izaya found Shizuo’s hand, holding onto it firmly. Shizuo squeezed back, making a silent promise to never leave the brunet’s side.

This was paradise, and neither wanted it to end. The best they could do was live each day, do their best to not completely piss the other off, and believe that they could live together like this until they both took their last breath.


	100. AN! I Have a Novel and I Need Your Help!

Hello, readers!

It's been a long time since I posted on, and I hope you're all doing well. My life has been changing dramatically in the last few years: I've graduated college, got a full-time job, and I've written a novel.

After many years of editing I feel that it's now is the time that I start sharing it with all of you: the fans that have read, re-read, and stuck with me since I first started writing stories (especially the monster that is Your Last Breath.) I am so thankful and appreciative of every single one of you. Every favorite, follow, and comment was proof that I could make it in the world as an author.

I've now entered my novel to an online contest in the hopes of getting published. I know that this story is more than capable of being as popular as Your Last Breath and I truly think that if you enjoyed this story, you will enjoy my novel The Art of Falling.

It is a modern day romance with a fantasy twist that brings you up close and personal with the hearts of angels and demons, showing that even celestial creatures from ethereal realms have some humanity in them.

You can read it in full for FREE over at a Inkitt's Story Peak Contest: inkitt.com/storypeak

And yes, yaoi lovers, this story does feature a MxM couple; however, I did tone down the sexual scenes for a wider audience.

To help me get closer to publication, what you can do is "reserve" your online copy of my novel. There is a limited amount, so it's first come first serve! Once all of the copies are reserved, my novel will be entered into the final state of the contest, where it will be reviewed and considered for publication.

To have my novel published would be a major life accomplishment and a dream come true. To have each of you help out one more time would mean the world to me.

Here is a summary for all of those who may be interested:

"Regal is a young Incubus who has recently earned the title of Prince of Lust from Jackal, the King of Hell. Although he is different from all of the other Incubi, he has earned the title for his many successes of capturing lustful souls. That and he has the perk of being Jackal's son.

Keir is one of Gloria's archangels in training, who specializes in the Virtue of Kindness under the guidance of Michaelangelo. Despite being very powerful for his young age, he still has a lot to learn about earth and its inhabitants before he can move up in the ranks of the Angelic Hierarchy.

hese two powerful forces collide when a battle over a human's life goes awry. Keir finds himself head over heels in love with the demon, and Regal is given the rare opportunity to seize the angel as a personal servant. Regal jumps at the chance to become the first demon in history to covet an angel, but Keir is much smarter than he anticipates, and the two end up tethering their souls together in an unbreakable bond.

Keir is more than happy to have the bond between them, but Regal wants out of the deal. The only way to do that is to make the angel fall from grace and become a demon. But can Regal succeed in his plans before Keir makes him ascend into heaven and become one of Gloria's children?"

Thank you, again, for being supportive of Your Last Breath, my other short stories, and of my first ever original work.

For those who reserve a copy of my novel and leave a comment on this chapter letting me know that you did, I will draw a FREE sketch. Please check out my DeviantArt page for references of my work: danicojo.deviantart.com

Much love,

VL

**UPDATE:**

Thank you so much for all of your support! In only 10 days, we wer able to get 100 copies of my novel reserved, and it is now officially entered into the second part of the contest. This next step includes judging, where all of the eligible novels will be considered for publication. There's quite a few great books in the contest, so I'll keep everyone updated on how we do!

Thank you, again!


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